Topic : Sports and Kids

I am such an advocate of sports for kids!

I too believe its a great way for them to meet kids with things in common.  It also leaves them with less idle time, time when they can get into trouble!  I also think its an excellent way for them to stay in shape and they learn so much about themselves and their own capabilities and teamwork and stuff that will be valuable to them in their future jobs! 

We have learned this year (I have twin 13 yo boys), that if you don't put in 110% someone else will, and they will get your position-a life lesson learned early!  They have to go unless they are throwing up or sicker than a dog...not because they are tired and don't want to go...the last I checked, that is the rule at most companies out in the working world!  Don't get me wrong, my kids do complain sometimes, but I think most of it is venting because they don't push the issue much and always go.  It also teaches them to work together...I could go on and on...You get out of it, what you put into it.  I have had to hug away many tears from getting hurt both physically and mentally.  I have also gotten to stand on the sidelines and experience my child making a touchdown or goal and be star player of the day!  I can only imagine what the parents of Olympic stars feel like!  Not that I will ever know that personally!

My kids have played every sport they have wanted to try.  We will soon be trying rec basketball this winter a first for us.  Lacrosse was the new sport last year.  We dont' have alot of money, so I have only asked a few things from them, if I sign them up, they may not complain should they not like it and they finish the season cause its not fair to their team if they quit.  I have never had one of them want to quit mid-season.  I have one that played club soccer from 7 until he was 12 (a great player too I might add!)  and decided he wanted to try football (probably cause twin was playing and is a natural at it).  Even though we were sad to see him quit, we let him...we knew better than to make him play something he didn't want to play anymore. Football is hard for him (always competing with his twins bro), with lots of ups and downs, don't know at this point if he will play again, that will be up to him.  Of course his dad and I are hoping he goes back to soccer where he his natural talent lies.   I even let them try Lacrosse last spring (I was under the impression it was a real neanderthal sport).  But I let them play, and they loved it.  And I learned there is alot more than just beating each other with sticks, I believe it is a very gruling, athletic sport now!  So I have learned alot from the sports too.  And at 13, I'm finding its an excellent way for them to relieve some stress!

We have learned alot along the way...we have not made perfect decisions.  Like no double sports, and grades are still more important than sports.  But we are happy with the outcomes so far.  We don't have obese children, we don't have couch potatoes (although they do love their computer games) and I they have learned some lessons early on when we have been here to help pick up the pieces at a time when the pieces are small and we can afford to make mistakes.

I truly think when boys hit age 12 something happens both mentally and physically that makes them question and test their own characters and capabilities alot...

I have twin 13 yos.  One boy has played soccer for years and is excellent at it, all of a sudden decided he didn't want to play anymore.  His father had a harder time handling the dissappointment than I.  He seemed to be quitting everything he was good at.  Not challenging enough for him perhaps?  He wants to try all these new things all of a sudden.  This child is full of anxieties, so it rather surprised me.  I am all for trying new things because I feel it was good to challenge his anxieties.  I even signed him up for some drum lessons this summer to keep his interest in music in someway.  He did quit the lessons at the end of the summer and decided he wouldn't do band this year.  As he voiced his anxieties I just answered them by saying  "whats the worst that can happen..." to him. 

He pulled a quad muscle this year in football and he has used it I think as an excuse for him not doing as well as quickly as he expected himself to do.  This kid is very athletic, but small and on the football field some of the 7th graders (including his twin bro) outweigh him by 30-40 or more pounds!  He also is a first year player playing with many of the boys who have played since they were in 3rd grade.  Including a twin bro who football is his calling.   Big shoes to fill.  Lately, he has not complained of the injury, he is also finally first string...had to work hard to get there. 

 

This is what I did, I gave then lots of hugs when tears flowed and frustrations were voiced, gentle direction (they doesn't always think we know what we are talking about these days) , and I also talked with the coach without them knowing.  The coach was a good enough coach to take my son aside and talk with him, after that, he seemed to be motivated again and tried harder and thankfully got the reward of playing 1st string in todays game.  Now my other son was on the bubble with the max weight for carrying the ball.  He thought he was going to make it and lost 12 pounds to be under the bubble.  Then because they had enough boys clearly under the bubble and didn't want to worry about a kid who might be able to carry the ball and might not from game to game, put him in a linesman postion.  He was very dissappointed, my heart felt for him.  Here he had worked hard lost 12 pounds to find out it wasn't going to happen.  Then about 3 weeks after teams and postitions were assigned the coach came to him and asked him about his weight, by this time he had put on a couple pounds, but told him if he could take off a couple pounds that he would let him try running the ball.  This time I interferred, I didn't want to see my son do it again and then have them not let him get some reward for his hard work.  He loves to eat.  Coach told me they wanted him to do certain running plays and assured me when he wasn't running the ball, there was another position for him to  play.  He and I lost a couple pounds together and it has been good for us.  We have all lost weight together.  And he has ended up running the ball alot in each game, even made a few touchdowns.  We are not on a winning team points wise but I feel we are very fortunate to have some very good coaches making the experiences good overall for both boys.  At this age I think it is appropriate to talk to the coaches, very soon it probably won't be.

I'm surprised that your sons coach allowed him to quit at 13 on his own accord, without calling and talking to you.  I would call the coach and talk with him, see if there was an incident.  I also tell my boys they have to play one sport (I would not do this if they were not athletically inclined though) a year.  And so far have not had troubles keeping them active.  Cause one sport usually leads to another because of their friends and they want to "play' with their friends.

I have a 13 year old son who has played soccer since he was 8.  He enjoys it very much but recently he had a huge blow up at one of the referres.  I mean he went off.  It was the last 3 minutes of the game the referre is a kid maybe a little older than my son but equal in size.  The ref wasn't calling a lot of calls against the other team like tripping and elbowing but would call them on us.  This happened the last time he officiated our game with this same team.  Now we lost but in the last 3 minutes of the game my son stepped up in the ref's face he got a yellow card then a red then he stood chest to chest with the ref and pushed him.  Of course we were so upset it was beyond belief.  Of course we removed him from situation but he wanted to hit this guy.  This has never happened before.  Usually when he gets upset he walks away.  Now his natural father had a huge problem controlling his temper and I fear that this will also be my sons problem.  We are making him apologize to his team and to the referee.  He of course has been grounded and all the usuall stuff.  I just wonder should I get him counseling now or should I give him some time.  Maybe this was a one time deal. 

 

He's never lived with his father always me and when I remarried when he was 2 his step father.  Now his step dad has no where near a temper like my son has desplayed. I can have a temper but I normally walk away and calm down before doing something like this.  Tell me what you think.  I used to work for a psychologist so taking him to counseling is not a problem for me.

My son plays football at the might mite level. He is 6 yrs. old.  I have tried hard to not be the parent who pushes their child too much, but his lack of agressiveness has led me to talk pretty harshly to him. He is by far the most passive boy on the team. He gets ran over by the other kids while doing tackling drills and he continues to just take it without any type of effort to hit back on the field. It is to a point where the other kids laugh at him. I have tried every method I know how and he still is not aggressive. Does anyone have any suggestion how to bring out some athletic aggression. I want him to be a normal boy, which means lots of rough housing and most boys enjoy wrestling , fighting, etc. I thank you in advance for any responses

So why is it imporant for a boy to rough house and wrestle?  Is this a sport that he really wants to do or doing it cause his parentsw ant himt o do it? If it is one that he chooses then you need tto talk to him about the game and what it consists of and all and encourage and be there for him. If it is something that you as his parent have insisted on him doing, ask him what he thinks. and go from there. he is only 6 years old and though people believe that sports is the way to motivate, teach, to be involved, that isn't so for all kids. Is he happy with the sport, if not, then it would only be fair to find him something to do that he is happy with. I have a brother who was not agrgessive in school, he didn't wrestle, he was a an ordinary kid who had a lot of friends but wasn't into the sporty stuff, well, the guy is no wimp today, and has done very well for himself, so what exactly is "normal" for him? not in your eyes, but his?

When you have a child in sports (boy or girl) there is a certain amount of "aggression" they need to have or , like this woman's son, they can get hurt.  True, sports are not for every kid but I think every parent should at least try to enroll their children in something similar.   Kids are not sure what they like until they try it.  Sports teach MANY things and they keep children active.  Yes, playing is active but it's not the same level of cardio and stamina as in a sport.  Also, the feeling that  you are part of a team and they are counting on you to give 100% is a good lesson to learn as well.  It can help a lot when they are older with being successful in the workplace, too.  Also, for any parent, whichever gender child they have, there are certain expectations that parent has.  True, there are tomboy girls and sensitive boys but I can bet with each there are other areas where they are traditional in their behavior or personality.  I am not a Girle Girl but I am feminine.  My oldest son is not outwardly aggressive but much tougher than his younger brother in a lot of ways who is much more "rough and tumble".  All in all, kids and sports can be a great thing.  There are a ton of different sports out there to try for each gender.  I also think that before you pick a sport it needs to match your child.  For example, I would not pick baskbetball for my older son as he is short for his age. 

My oldest will be 6 in Feb. She has never shown interest ina sport but is into music and art therefore she will not be enrolled ina  sport but those things she is interested in. Who knows about my 3 year old, she is into playing with friends, showing some interest in music which of course hteya re both in the bell choir at church so we will go fromt here. When my children start taking an interest in a sport then we will go there but in the mean time it isn't happening, they are active, social, smart and loves life, and that is imporant. I did play soft ball and ran track but if it isn't for my girls, I am ok with that.  Sports can be good for some, for others, it may not be their thing, there are so many activities out there and I think kids should be aloud to explore and discover what they want and like.

"I think kids should be aloud to explore and discover what they want and like." 

 

How do they (or you) even know they do/don't like sports until they try something? Do any of her friends play?  Have you shown her anything she might look at to see whether or not they may be fun?  Again, it is your job to show her these things even exist. 

My oldest was about 6 when he started soccer and yes, he asked a couple of times but mostly becuse his friends were doing it.  Now, they are both going for baseball this spring.  They have both decided they will play soccer in the fall, baseball in spring and swim in summer.  Just as I think a lot of parents push their kids at sports I also think on the opposite side some keep their kids from sports, too.  It's very hard to see your children out there being aggressive but on the same hand it's good, too.  I cannot explain it to those who aren't there yet.  I just think children deserve to see what all is out there and just like you said explore and discover what they like.  You never know until you try it. 

 My children are not missing anything, My daughter has never shown an interest in a sport and yes, she has several friends who play soccer and in dance. Like I said, she is interested in art and music therefore that is what she is involved in. I even gave her  choices and she is sticking with the music lessons. I think a parent who is alert and knows their kids personalities and know what they enjoy and have their kids best interests at hand, then their child will be successful. My children are very social and active and I am not gonna suggest something to them that they are not interested in, I will suggest things that go right along with their personalities. It's just like with her schooling, I talked about homeschooling and though we are still considering it for the future, we put her in a private school, why? because she likes the school setting and wanted to go. I am very flexible with my kids and they are experiencing life to it's fullest, my daughter knows what she wants and just like her mommy, she goes after it and I am sure as she grows older, her interests will change as we all experience those kind of changes in life and when those times come, I am very alert and open, in the meantime, she is particiapating in art and music programs for this is where she is.

As for my three year old, who knows! Sse is too young for a sport so we are not going there, she does like music and art as well, but not sure where that is going yet, she would much rather play with friends, that's all she talks about, playing with her "best" friends and for now, that is all she needs. She is in the bell choir at church but even then, she has to be in the mood, if she doesn't want to participate, she just walks off stage,LOLLLL. So, it will be interesting where her little life takes her in the next year or so.

So inr reality, I am not keeping my kids form anything, for those on these message boards, it might look like that, but I can honestly sit here and say,that is far far from the truth, my kids are a very high prioroy in my home and their daddy and I have the desire for them to be happy and fullfilled therefore we will follow our parenting instincts to make that happen and it doesn't have to conform to anyone elses agenda or ideas, but what suits our girls personalites and desires.

There is nothing missing my girls life and for that I am thankful.

Jetta,

I do not understand where your defensiveness comes from.  I never said or implied they were missing anything.  I was trying to say you don't really know what they like until they try something.  For example,  your daughter's interest in art/music came from somewhere.  Without that exposure (wherever it came from) she may not have the interest she does now.  Seems to me you have issues and for that I'm sorry.  Yes, it does seem from these boards you are very overprotective but you've made it clear you like it that way.  That's OK but don't expect everyone to agree.  You have mentioned that is doesn't bother you but it's obvious that it does or you wouldn't lash out like you do.  I know we have different opinions on a lot of things but you don't seem to even want to listen to anyone but yourself talk about children.  Despite what you think and your schooling, you are not always right.  My children are a few years older and they are boys so my parenting experience is very different from yours.  Sports are a great tool for a lot of reasons.  Maybe you don't want your girls playing because you're scared they might get hurt.  Been there, done that.  My older son plays goalie and let me tell you I can't hardly watch sometimes!  But, HE loves it and wants to do it.  How dare you think all kids who play sports are pushed-again shows your naivete in this area!  I think for all of us are children are a high priority in the home so you statement is really obnoxious "my kids are a very high prioroy in my home and their daddy and I have the desire for them to be happy and fullfilled.."

"There is nothing missing my girls life and for that I am thankful."

Why do you get like this?  I specifically came to this board figuring I would never see you on here and guess what?  Here you are...talking about something that you are not going through.  You do this a lot and I wonder why.  Generally, when people ask advice (you have to be careful they are asking not just venting) they typically want strategies from others who have been through something similar.  They don't want to hear your life story over and over.  Most parents  who are truly confident in their styles and beliefs do not need to go into this type of forum and repeatedly talk about it to everyone.  I think it's safe to say that most of us are pretty "alert and open" to our kids wants/needs.   My kids are not missing anything either playing sports.  In fact, I think they are gaining skills they can use later in life. A lot of parents who participate in sports feel this way.  That's what THIS board is about...sports and kids.  If you are not experiencing this yet for whatever reason, that is OK, too.  You don't have to be involved and give advice on every child-related topic out there to prove you are a good parent.