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Topic : Troubled Teens

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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:31:34 pm
Author : dataimport
Is your teen headed down a path of self destruction with drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, self injury, depression, or problems with the law? Share advice and support with other parents of troubled teens.

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November 20, 2008, 12:34 pm CST

desperate for advice

My 16 year old daughter has been spiralling out of control over the last several months.  It statrted with a devistating sports injury which lead to poor self esteem, lack of self confidence, and depression.  She is now in an emotionally abusive relationship with a boy who is extremely controlling and manipulative who has his own very serious issues with poor self esteem and has been arrested recently after breaking into a friends house.  She has been an honor student her entire school career and is no getting c's, d'c and f's.  She has no respect for rules or me as a parent at this point. She will go out and then refuse to come home at night staying at a friends house and then not go to school the next day.  We have tried counselors.  She has everyone reaching out to help her teachers, other friends, family, but she refuses to let us help.  If I try to reinforce the rules she runs. Her appearance and personality have completely changed over the last month.  She has periods of rage where she is completely irrational.  I am at a loss of what to do at this point. I am hearing advice froim so many people...inpatient psych care, boarding school,  no one can help me with the day to day crisis managment.     
 
November 20, 2008, 6:41 pm CST

16 yr old spiraling ...

Quote From: jaclyn1962

My 16 year old daughter has been spiralling out of control over the last several months.  It statrted with a devistating sports injury which lead to poor self esteem, lack of self confidence, and depression.  She is now in an emotionally abusive relationship with a boy who is extremely controlling and manipulative who has his own very serious issues with poor self esteem and has been arrested recently after breaking into a friends house.  She has been an honor student her entire school career and is no getting c's, d'c and f's.  She has no respect for rules or me as a parent at this point. She will go out and then refuse to come home at night staying at a friends house and then not go to school the next day.  We have tried counselors.  She has everyone reaching out to help her teachers, other friends, family, but she refuses to let us help.  If I try to reinforce the rules she runs. Her appearance and personality have completely changed over the last month.  She has periods of rage where she is completely irrational.  I am at a loss of what to do at this point. I am hearing advice froim so many people...inpatient psych care, boarding school,  no one can help me with the day to day crisis managment.     
 

I can imagine that athletics were such a major part of your daughter's life that her life basically was built around them. Subtract the athletics due to the accident, and she didn't have the "shell" (of athletics) to keep her self-image intact. Apparently she had few or no other interests to sustain her, felt "low" enough to sucumb to the interest from the guy.


So ... loss of external “personna” >> sadness >>depression >> escape ... to the guy and what he offers. His offers, I'd bet, included drugs. And I'd bet your daughter is now using drugs. The collapse of her school grades and her other behaviors are consistent with my “bets”.


Clearly there is a psychological issue here, but at this point not one that anything quick can cure. Your inability to control her actions short-term is partly because she can't really control them.  "Day to day crisis management" is essentially impossible.  She does need to be in a controlled environment of some kind for some time - whether a week or more, I don't know, but I believe a week is a minimum.


What to do precisely depends on where you live, your resources, and what your community can and will offer (notably your local schools). Because her grade drop-off seems to have a psychological disorder at its base, that may well be a basis for the school providing education services in other than the local high school. (If drugs are seen as the cause, the local schools would be unlikely to fund special education services for her.) Together with possible appropriate mental health facilities in your area, plus good local area supporting programs, a week or two in an appropriate facility for a comprehensive assessment/diagnosis and treatment plan as well as initial detoxification might be enough. So much depends on how long she used drugs and how effective local programs and follow-up are, or can be made.


There are a number of effective residential programs that can help with her issues as well. They come in a wide range of types, duration and cost. They should be a “last choice”, but not rejected entirely. I suggest you start with an initial hospitalization in a psychiatric facility that has as a speciality dealing with teens having issues akin to your daughter's – not just a psych hospital with an adolescent ward. Then, see what you learn, and what guidance they have for you, all the while checking community resources.

 
November 24, 2008, 7:22 am CST

13 yr old daughter?Please help me!?

OK, I am looking over some things. Actually, I am worried terribly about my 13 year old. Soon to be 14 in a few months. She used to be the picture of perfection. Actually, yes, she was sweet, kind of shy, helpful but she did always have an issue with her 2 siblings. One older, the other younger. At first, I thought maybe it was a middle child issue so I went out of my way, and now some say too much, to make sure not to exclude her. I have always tried to make my time between the 3 as equal as I could. She wasn't a very hands on baby really. She was very content to be fed, bathed, changed and left alone. Though she was truly smiling at 3 weeks and was such a wonderful baby. She didn't want to be handled. She was quite content just laying on the couch beside me and was always smiling. Just so happy. The older she got, well, she just got really mischievous. Now, at 13 she is so hateful to everyone. Not sometimes. All the time. She thinks if you ask her to do a simple chose as to put her clothes up you are out to get her. She thinks everyone hates her when in fact, she lets us all know very plain, right now, that she hates her siblings and really, many other children as well. She doesn't hurt anyone physically. Mentally though she can cut into you like a knife. It's like you feel this hate and see it in her eyes. She seems to really be very self absorbed and seems to think she is beautiful which she is a very beautiful young lady. But I wonder if she really feels the opposite. I myself had the same issues as a teen. I see a lot of myself in her except the fact I could show love. She can't or won't or doesn't. I just do not know. She is a master manipulator and people outside the family really would not believe it if they saw her at home. She hides it very well. I did also think to begin with it was hormonal but that has came and she's been living with that for about a year now and has an everyday PMS. I feel so sorry for her but at the same time I can not let her treat my other 2 children as she does so I get onto her, and even in the nicest voice you could ever use you are screaming at her. She slams things, hates her life and will slam anyone in the way. But not all the time. She only in the last week got physical with her oldest sister. It has not been physical until then. I think out of fear of her own self being hurt she hasn't got that brave yet. I know that it is coming though. I see it and I just know. She is very hateful to her Grandparents, cousins, siblings, her father, me and from what I hear, many kids at school. I am planning after this to write her teacher to ask if they have noticed anything. I've been told many kids fear her at school. I do not want anyone to fear my child! I myself fear her. Not that she'll hurt me physically but that her words will cut into me as they do from the moment we get up til she does to bed. She hasn't been stealing or any of the delinquent things. She does lie so much I do not know the truth if she ever told it. so when they have disagreements I have had them write letters and notes or even hang out together until they get along. I have told them to go to their room which is fine for her but I feel like many times it is not quite fair because the few times I have overheard and caught the act, she's been the instigator. She has the best grades. She is a cheerleader. She hates it if her dad and i come to her games. Yet all the kids at school love us. My oldest is soon to be 17 and it's always been like that. The kids at school love us but I feel like my own 13 year old hates me! The shyness that you speak of. Up until the last month maybe, if that long, she would demand and pitch a hateful fit if one of us, any of us would not call people for her about, let's say her cheer leading and anything really. Now, she has a cell phone so she will text people and on slight occasions she will call but mostly she waits to be called. She used to have good days. Wonderful days where she was such a joy but now, it as though something has taken over her and she can not find the time to be nice. Not even for a moment. Only at night will she tell us sweet dreams and she loves us. She worries if one of us leaves (example-Dad) and she is demanding the other of us to call to hunt him down until we know he is OK and better yet, safe at home.Same if I leave as well. Or her sister. She worries a lot so that shows me she does care but she has a very hard time showing it.And God forbid if we think she cares. To her,that is very unacceptable.

 I know that somewhere in there is the girl that she can be. I do not know what to do. I made the mistake because i didn't know how to handle this, and asked her if maybe she were angry and needed to speak with someone other than myself because, well, she doesn't make any conversation easy, and she went off saying I was saying she was crazy and we'd be better off without her. This is a child who wakes up every morning, puts her makeup on for the day and looks the beautiful part but her attitude is not beautiful. This starts every morning until bedtime. She is screaming at us, turn the TV down yet her radio is blasting, the TV in the den is blasting so she can hear it but we should mute ours I suppose. I told her sometimes if she is angry, and she maybe wants to talk to someone other than family, it may help her get through whatever it is that is troubling her. All she got from that was she thinks I think she is crazy. I don't. I think she is in misery over something. I do not know what. I do know I am emailing her teacher and the main thing with them is they are not very discrepant with the children so I am afraid it will cause another war in the house. Her doctor is really not one who quite understands or yet, I do not feel as though he'd be the right one to speak to her about her issues because he is always in such a hurry and not one with very good beside manner so I am looking into another doctor for them right now. I know by what I say, you don't or can't really tell me what you believe it is but maybe you could give me an idea. I do not believe it's a normal situation of just being spoiled because they all have been raised the same and they are not spoiled to get whatever they want. WE have limits and especially these days with the economy as it is. I used to believe it were maybe Hypoglycemia because that is something that runs rampant in my side of the family. My Great Grandmother had it but before they figured it out they actually gave her a Lobotomy. So, I am trying to figure out if this is psychological or what?? Well, that's about it. Of course there's more but I don't even know if anyone will read this so I guess I am mainly writing for my own self. But if by chance anyone were to read this, any input would be great. Thank you.

I am sorry about the length of this. But please,  please take the time to read it. Please. I am really out of my head with worry!! Thank u again.

 

 
December 1, 2008, 7:25 am CST

Thank u so much for your advice

Quote From: jaimie1974

I think that you are correct, she acts like she thinks she is beautiful, but deep down inside she doesnt believe that. Also, she is in misery over something. She doesnt know how to deal with that pain & misery, but she knows the easiest thing to do is to take it out on the ones around her who love her, she knows that she can get away with that behavior, so she does it.
You dont mention if you give her negative consequences for her disrespectful behavior - do you? I cant stress enough to you how important it is that you are 100% consistent with your child when it comes to rules & consequences when those rules are broken. Your daughter has the capacity to be respectful and courteous when it suits her; that means she really does have control over herself - that this isnt some mystery illness that she needs special treatment or that should be ignored. The worst thing you could do is to ignore her behavior. I know that, as a mother, what we want most for our children is for them to live a happy, healthy life. For them to go out into the world and be productive citizens. For that to happen, they must know that there are consequences for negative behavior. Right now, if you allow this to continue, you are setting your child up for failure in life. She will go out into the world believing that this is how it works; she can have a temper tantrum & all will be fine. You are her parent, you only have a few years left that she is a minor under your care, only a few years left where you can truly make a difference in her life, and I urge you to take advantage of these years. If enlisting the help of a professional is what it takes, then youve got to do it. You cant allow what she may or may not think about that to stop you from helping her, you are doing this for her own good. Dont back down when she says that you think she is crazy, etc..she is crying out for help & youve got to deliver that help to her. Be strong & show confidence in yourself, even when you dont actually feel it, because she needs to see that in you. I wish you the best!

It is like you know us!! Really, No, I am not firm with following through with any punishment I try to set. She always comes up with, "I will be benched if I can't go to the games." I made her sit out one game and not even go. The coach actually told her that I was in the wrong. (The coach, herself doesn't have children. I wanted to call and discuss the situation and on top of that tell her that it was not her place to put her 2 cents in when she doesn't live with us.) Plus, her Dad, well, we do not see eye to eye. He worries that if I take one game away it will crush her where I think it will make her realize that her actions have consequences.I think so much of this would be better if he'd stand by me but he has a lot of regret. He had an affair on me 6 years ago and is always trying to make it all better. Plus, he had a few other problems. He is always trying to make things up and I believe that she really feeds on that. She uses it to her advantage. It is making all of us miserable. This past weekend I hardly spoke to her, not out of anger, but out of fear that I'd say the wrong thing. I have really got to get a backbone I guess.I think sometimes we let her go places so we do not have to deal with her anger. I know it is hurting her more than us really. Like you said. In the long wrong. I used to worry and fuss over her so much. She was a very sickly  child and on that road I think I may have had a lot to do with how she is now. I damaged her and I know I have to fix it.  I am her mom, I love her and want the best for her. I always fussed over how beautiful she was/is and I also believe as you said, she doesn't see it. She fusses about her looks all the time. She is somewhat obsessed with it really. When looks are not what makes a person. I know a lot of her issues though has been with my own problem with not showing confidence  in myself. That only happened after the affair her had. Up until then, I was very confident. My hubby has always gave me so many compliments and has shown me the same. It is a personal issues I have a hard time with. But like I said, looks are not what makes a person. I know I am a good person  on the inside. I love people, my family, and I am truly a very lovable, I am smart and I know right from wrong. But I am really intimidated with this whole situation with my child. I hurt so bad when I hear any of my kids put themselves down. Even worse, when they put anyone down. I am always one that says everyone has beauty and the only thing that makes them ugly is actions.

I am seriously thinking about some kind of professional help. I am at a loss. I don't want her to be a failure and  I need the strength to be a stronger Mother. Thank you so much for your insight and help. That you so very much. You make so much sense and I love you for that. I am tormented by this.She is very selfish and acts liek she is the only child in thsi house. I have 2 more and she is very ugly acting to them. I know that thsi shoudl soon pass but I don't want her to grow up and be a selfish, hateful young woman.I want to helpher. She has got to understand I do not think she is crazy. She just has issuses. If you can, tellme by my responce where you think I am in the wrong. My Mother says she'll grown out of it but I do not want my daughter to me in all this misery. Making everyone tiptoe around her.I want to help her. Thank you again so much!!

 
December 4, 2008, 10:33 am CST

16yr old hibitual runaway

Forgive me if this comes up for a 2nd time, as I posted then could not find it.  Okay My son is 16yr old and is a hibitual runaway.  He is currently on the run and has been gone for 3days as of today. He had just runaway a couple of weeks ago and was gone for 5 days.  He has been running away since he was 14yrs.  He has runaway so many times that I feel like a horrible mother because I believe my heart has hardened.  Don't get me wrong, I am worried as to rather or not he is okay, but I don't lose sleep over it, I don't call his friends and their parents, and I don't want to report him as a runaway to the police again, (however I will). Yes I believe drugs are involved, marijuana at minimum. When he was 14yrs, he got in trouble with the law had had overdosed on drugs.  When that happened, I immediatley put him in an in-patient drug rehab center, against the doctors recommendation (doctor recommended outpatient).  The facility was not a lock down facilty, they actually stayed in homes and were transported daily from the building to homes each night.  That was the first time he ran away.  He has continued since to runaway since then everytime I disipline him.  I have considered trying to find another facility to put him in but, after reading several message boards, I'm not so sure it will help. Plus I don't have $2500 per mth to put him in a facility.  I don't even make that kind of money. It cost me $30K already and didn't do any  good, we are right back where we started. I tried a runaway shelter but that is where he ran from and was gone for 5 days. He skips school, he is failing.  I realize that the police could knock on my door at anytime and ask me to identify my sons body.  It is a horrible thought but it is reality.  I also know that if my son continues on this path that he most likely won't make it past his 20's and I will get the same call to identify my son's body.  If he doesn't want to help himself, how can I help him? I've tried to keep communtication open, I have always since he was little told him he could speak to me about anything, no judgement.  I have tried to encourge him telling him how smart he is, trying to find the balance between tough love and showing how  much you care and want to help is tough.  I'm not sure where his rock bottom is but I have certainly hit mine. 

 

Oh to top it all off, he is not and never has been the typical teenager as far as being mouthie.  He keeps his room & bathroom clean, he takes out the garbage, and when dinner is going to be grilled, he is my grill master, he does all of this without being told! He is our compliant difiant. Which makes it even more frustrating!!!  He is only a few months away from getting his drivers license.  We have tried to motivate him with the drivers license and a car, telling him he only has to go to school and carry a B average, which he is very capable of, and even if he didn't have a B avg and we show him trying really hard we would take that into consideration.  To tell you how smart he is, he started his own lawn & pressure washing business to make money. He has so many good qualities, everyone see's it but him.  I don't want to give up on my son but I don't know how to help him. 

 

Any advice anyone??? Here is my email address just in case I can't find this again. hebert_a@bellsouth.net 

 
December 4, 2008, 6:13 pm CST

re: 16 habitual runaway

Quote From: angelashaf

Forgive me if this comes up for a 2nd time, as I posted then could not find it.  Okay My son is 16yr old and is a hibitual runaway.  He is currently on the run and has been gone for 3days as of today. He had just runaway a couple of weeks ago and was gone for 5 days.  He has been running away since he was 14yrs.  He has runaway so many times that I feel like a horrible mother because I believe my heart has hardened.  Don't get me wrong, I am worried as to rather or not he is okay, but I don't lose sleep over it, I don't call his friends and their parents, and I don't want to report him as a runaway to the police again, (however I will). Yes I believe drugs are involved, marijuana at minimum. When he was 14yrs, he got in trouble with the law had had overdosed on drugs.  When that happened, I immediatley put him in an in-patient drug rehab center, against the doctors recommendation (doctor recommended outpatient).  The facility was not a lock down facilty, they actually stayed in homes and were transported daily from the building to homes each night.  That was the first time he ran away.  He has continued since to runaway since then everytime I disipline him.  I have considered trying to find another facility to put him in but, after reading several message boards, I'm not so sure it will help. Plus I don't have $2500 per mth to put him in a facility.  I don't even make that kind of money. It cost me $30K already and didn't do any  good, we are right back where we started. I tried a runaway shelter but that is where he ran from and was gone for 5 days. He skips school, he is failing.  I realize that the police could knock on my door at anytime and ask me to identify my sons body.  It is a horrible thought but it is reality.  I also know that if my son continues on this path that he most likely won't make it past his 20's and I will get the same call to identify my son's body.  If he doesn't want to help himself, how can I help him? I've tried to keep communtication open, I have always since he was little told him he could speak to me about anything, no judgement.  I have tried to encourge him telling him how smart he is, trying to find the balance between tough love and showing how  much you care and want to help is tough.  I'm not sure where his rock bottom is but I have certainly hit mine. 

 

Oh to top it all off, he is not and never has been the typical teenager as far as being mouthie.  He keeps his room & bathroom clean, he takes out the garbage, and when dinner is going to be grilled, he is my grill master, he does all of this without being told! He is our compliant difiant. Which makes it even more frustrating!!!  He is only a few months away from getting his drivers license.  We have tried to motivate him with the drivers license and a car, telling him he only has to go to school and carry a B average, which he is very capable of, and even if he didn't have a B avg and we show him trying really hard we would take that into consideration.  To tell you how smart he is, he started his own lawn & pressure washing business to make money. He has so many good qualities, everyone see's it but him.  I don't want to give up on my son but I don't know how to help him. 

 

Any advice anyone??? Here is my email address just in case I can't find this again. hebert_a@bellsouth.net 

Well, you know about the drugs, which are likely central to his behavior. And you know where things are heading today. You can put money at low risk on a bet that he has low self-esteem, possibly depression, alll of which get "buried" by the drugs. What else, I don't know, but until the drugs are out of his system, it is tough to accurately identify and deal with anything else -- and it can take 60 days for some drugs to really clear out.

 

I believe you've gotten well-intentioned but unfortunate advice on the rehab program options. A user isn't going to completely stop unless he/she wants to. So, getting sent to a program such as he attended was unlikely to succeed -- he didn't want to go. Even if he stayed the 30 days, and even if it was in a remote (=can't walk from) area, on day 31 or 32 he'd be using again. The "trick" is getting him to see and appreciate his strengths, build his self-esteem, and getting him to not want to use drugs again. That all takes more than 30 days.

 

Look into the Outward Bound programs for at risk teens. Talk to them, and if they think he would be a good candidate, talk with your son. If he is willing to go, I believe it would be your least expensive good chance. I know money is hard to find, but they may have some help available (I don't really know); if not, I'd still urge you to try to find a way to make it happen.  The only "cheaper" alternative might be a locally-run program of weekends with the same objective, but they may not be many in number, and certainly aren't close to widespread .. and they necessarily take longer as they are only 2 - 3 days at a time. 

 

Next on the menu is a range of programs and schools, each of which costs from $5,000/month and up.

 

Also, whatever you are able to arange for him, be aware that follow-up supports at home are important to long-term outcomes. And last, do let his school know what/where he is going, and why. He may even get school credit out of the kind of experience I suggest.

 
December 8, 2008, 8:33 am CST

Thank you

Quote From: dadside

Well, you know about the drugs, which are likely central to his behavior. And you know where things are heading today. You can put money at low risk on a bet that he has low self-esteem, possibly depression, alll of which get "buried" by the drugs. What else, I don't know, but until the drugs are out of his system, it is tough to accurately identify and deal with anything else -- and it can take 60 days for some drugs to really clear out.

 

I believe you've gotten well-intentioned but unfortunate advice on the rehab program options. A user isn't going to completely stop unless he/she wants to. So, getting sent to a program such as he attended was unlikely to succeed -- he didn't want to go. Even if he stayed the 30 days, and even if it was in a remote (=can't walk from) area, on day 31 or 32 he'd be using again. The "trick" is getting him to see and appreciate his strengths, build his self-esteem, and getting him to not want to use drugs again. That all takes more than 30 days.

 

Look into the Outward Bound programs for at risk teens. Talk to them, and if they think he would be a good candidate, talk with your son. If he is willing to go, I believe it would be your least expensive good chance. I know money is hard to find, but they may have some help available (I don't really know); if not, I'd still urge you to try to find a way to make it happen.  The only "cheaper" alternative might be a locally-run program of weekends with the same objective, but they may not be many in number, and certainly aren't close to widespread .. and they necessarily take longer as they are only 2 - 3 days at a time. 

 

Next on the menu is a range of programs and schools, each of which costs from $5,000/month and up.

 

Also, whatever you are able to arange for him, be aware that follow-up supports at home are important to long-term outcomes. And last, do let his school know what/where he is going, and why. He may even get school credit out of the kind of experience I suggest.

Thanks for your advice.  After writing that,  I got a call from my husband, he had discovered that my son had stolen my sister in laws car.  Things went from bad to worse.  He had two other boys with him both only 14yrs old.  One of the boys is / was an A-B student and had never skipped class much less ran away before.  They were found 7hrs away from home when the car broke down.  My sister in law did not file a stolen car report with the police so they were returned to the parents as missing children with no charges filed against them.  They got lucky.  However you are correct my son does have low self esteem, when I ask why he continues to do this and informed him of the ramifications of stealing an automobile (possibly, 16 mths, 2, or 3yrs in state prison along with 3 yrs porbation) he said, he thinks he should be in jail.  I ask why, he says because I keep messing up.  I try to explain that he can turn his life around and tell him how much he has going for him that he needs to decide he wants to change his life and I will be here to help him when he is ready.  We have an counsler coming to the house from Boys Town, she is going to do an assment and see if my son is willing to participate and hopefully do some in home counseling.  i have advised my son of this and told him we were not going to send him away, that this is all going to be done at home.

 

He went to school today now, by the grace of God he will attend all of his classes.

 

Where do I find these Outward Bound Programs for teens at risk that you are referring to?

 

 

 
December 8, 2008, 10:31 am CST

running away .. ?BoysTown, ?OutwardBound

Quote From: angelashaf

Thanks for your advice.  After writing that,  I got a call from my husband, he had discovered that my son had stolen my sister in laws car.  Things went from bad to worse.  He had two other boys with him both only 14yrs old.  One of the boys is / was an A-B student and had never skipped class much less ran away before.  They were found 7hrs away from home when the car broke down.  My sister in law did not file a stolen car report with the police so they were returned to the parents as missing children with no charges filed against them.  They got lucky.  However you are correct my son does have low self esteem, when I ask why he continues to do this and informed him of the ramifications of stealing an automobile (possibly, 16 mths, 2, or 3yrs in state prison along with 3 yrs porbation) he said, he thinks he should be in jail.  I ask why, he says because I keep messing up.  I try to explain that he can turn his life around and tell him how much he has going for him that he needs to decide he wants to change his life and I will be here to help him when he is ready.  We have an counsler coming to the house from Boys Town, she is going to do an assment and see if my son is willing to participate and hopefully do some in home counseling.  i have advised my son of this and told him we were not going to send him away, that this is all going to be done at home.

 

He went to school today now, by the grace of God he will attend all of his classes.

 

Where do I find these Outward Bound Programs for teens at risk that you are referring to?

 

 

Well, I think the visit and assessment by the representative from Boys Town is an excellent move.  Those things aren't available everywhere (and actually I's not know of that although I do have high regard for Boys Town).  Whatever they say and can do, this is not likely to be an easy "fix" and will require continuing support even after they have done whatever.  Of course, that is the case no matter what you can do.  The good thing is that a successful intervention will turn his attitude around, and it is easier to keep it turned than turning it.

 

Outward Bound runs a 4-week program that would require his agreement.  They can be found on the web at www.outwardbound.org, then click on the relevant tab and look at their Intercept programs. 

 
December 9, 2008, 8:39 am CST

16 yr old runaway - troubled teen

For the Love of GOD.  My son has gone from bad to worse.  After gettign him home, he seems to feel no remorse and is just continuing to cause all type of havic.  Why oh why can't I just let him live on the streetsa nd find his rock bottom?  Why do they force us parents to file a runaway report to make the police pick up the child (wasting the polices time) have the parent come get them, bring them home just so we can go through the v icious cycle again and again!!!  The old saying is God doesn't give you more than you can handle, well I can't handle anymore!!! Hell I'm ready to commit sucide myself because it is the only help I feel like I am going to get is to not be here anymore.  I don't have the financial means to help this child and he needs to be in a lock down facility I can't even keep him home long enough to have the counsler come out and help us.  All of the websites for troubled teens are overwhelming plus they cost an arm and a leg with no guarantees they can or will help. 

 

I'm so frutrated right now I can't stand it.  He left again last night then showed back up at home at 9:30pm, he thinks he can do what he wants come and go as he pleases, and basically he can because there are no consequenses to his actions.  There is nothing I can implement that scares him or anything he cares about.  I wish I could say if you leave don't come back, if you can't follow my rules then you can't live here.  But that is not an option either.    I can't emancipate him, i've already asked about that, which that is what he wants. I've already received a call from the school today, he was put in ISS and then walked out of there so he will be suspended.  He is headed for a life of a deadend road and I can't help. 

 

I tried so hard to raise him right, putting him in sports, trying to find one he liked to keep him busy.  Hiring tutors when he struggled in school, sending him to YMCA residentail camp in the summer. 

 

Oh what oh what can I do???

 

Still Desperate and at my wits end!

 
December 9, 2008, 12:30 pm CST

still more ...

Quote From: angelashaf

For the Love of GOD.  My son has gone from bad to worse.  After gettign him home, he seems to feel no remorse and is just continuing to cause all type of havic.  Why oh why can't I just let him live on the streetsa nd find his rock bottom?  Why do they force us parents to file a runaway report to make the police pick up the child (wasting the polices time) have the parent come get them, bring them home just so we can go through the v icious cycle again and again!!!  The old saying is God doesn't give you more than you can handle, well I can't handle anymore!!! Hell I'm ready to commit sucide myself because it is the only help I feel like I am going to get is to not be here anymore.  I don't have the financial means to help this child and he needs to be in a lock down facility I can't even keep him home long enough to have the counsler come out and help us.  All of the websites for troubled teens are overwhelming plus they cost an arm and a leg with no guarantees they can or will help. 

 

I'm so frutrated right now I can't stand it.  He left again last night then showed back up at home at 9:30pm, he thinks he can do what he wants come and go as he pleases, and basically he can because there are no consequenses to his actions.  There is nothing I can implement that scares him or anything he cares about.  I wish I could say if you leave don't come back, if you can't follow my rules then you can't live here.  But that is not an option either.    I can't emancipate him, i've already asked about that, which that is what he wants. I've already received a call from the school today, he was put in ISS and then walked out of there so he will be suspended.  He is headed for a life of a deadend road and I can't help. 

 

I tried so hard to raise him right, putting him in sports, trying to find one he liked to keep him busy.  Hiring tutors when he struggled in school, sending him to YMCA residentail camp in the summer. 

 

Oh what oh what can I do???

 

Still Desperate and at my wits end!

I think you've got three possibilities.  One is that a discussion with the Boys Town representative leads to having your son go there (locally counseling seems unlikely to help, I guess, although they can try and it would be better than doing just nothing).  Possibility two is letting his behavior go until he is arrested and the legal system becomes forced to do something positive for him (it does happen sometimes!).  The third chance is that your son has a condition, perhaps ADD/ADHD or a pervasive mood of unhappiness/depression that hurts/has hurt his school performance. 

In the latter case, he could be eligible for services paid for by the local schools.  If his needs are found to include a residential program, even in a locked facility, the local school could be required to pay the cost.  If you think the third idea is worth pursuing, read a bit about "IDEA 2004" (the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act of 2004), and if it seems appropriate, make a written request to the school (principal) that he be evaluated for eligibility.  At the least, that should stop any long school suspension for a bit.  Your library probably has books with sample letters etc. on the matter.  There are several good web sites that can help as well, but I find books easier.

 
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