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Topic : Troubled Teens

Number of Replies: 1351
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:31:34 pm
Author : dataimport
Is your teen headed down a path of self destruction with drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, self injury, depression, or problems with the law? Share advice and support with other parents of troubled teens.

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December 9, 2008, 12:52 pm CST

Yes still

Quote From: dadside

I think you've got three possibilities.  One is that a discussion with the Boys Town representative leads to having your son go there (locally counseling seems unlikely to help, I guess, although they can try and it would be better than doing just nothing).  Possibility two is letting his behavior go until he is arrested and the legal system becomes forced to do something positive for him (it does happen sometimes!).  The third chance is that your son has a condition, perhaps ADD/ADHD or a pervasive mood of unhappiness/depression that hurts/has hurt his school performance. 

In the latter case, he could be eligible for services paid for by the local schools.  If his needs are found to include a residential program, even in a locked facility, the local school could be required to pay the cost.  If you think the third idea is worth pursuing, read a bit about "IDEA 2004" (the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act of 2004), and if it seems appropriate, make a written request to the school (principal) that he be evaluated for eligibility.  At the least, that should stop any long school suspension for a bit.  Your library probably has books with sample letters etc. on the matter.  There are several good web sites that can help as well, but I find books easier.

Yes, unfortunatley we are afraid the 2nd option is what is going to or will need happen. I just hope he doesn't do something so foolish he takes me and my husband down with him.  However with any luck if I can keep him under control (not sure how, havn't been able to yet), in the house until January 23, 2009, there is a possibility we can be accepted to the Outward Bound program through FINS (also known as CINS (Boys Town)) (thanks to your advice) but he has to be willing to go.  Shucks at this point if he will stay home he doesn't even have to go to school I will withdrawl him before he gets expelled and we can enroll him in SCC and Adult High School at the community college. The next semester for that doesn't start until March.  i'm sure there is some depression there, I know he has made comments about continuing to mess up. I don't believe it is ADD/ADHD, already been down those roads when he was younger.  I guess we will see if he comes home tonight and go from there.  Thanks for responding.  I feel like all I can do at the moment is type out my feelings.  You've been a great sounding board and have had good advice. 
 
December 21, 2008, 9:57 pm CST

my daughter is scaring me

My teenage daughter,17 has ,should i say is at the worst i have ver seen.Today she tried to jump from my moving truck,came home and grabbed a knife from the kitchen,she says she just wants to die.I need help to understand what is happening before my eyes.She will not talk to me,i have been to councellors with her,and she just seems to pull a wool over thier eyes.I also have a 9 year old daughter at home and sees all these things happening.what is this going to do to her.....My 17 year old is mossing school,late for school.Her eyes the last few times she has come home,are like there is no emotion,or love in them,just hate and so sad looking.She has two jobs,but is ready to lose them both.She just got her drivers licence,and already has drank and drove.To day i found her in the parking lot,with the smell of liqour on her breathe.,sitting in her car till she had to go to work,in an hour...Freezing cold outside,then i went to her work and told them she would not be coming in,under the sercomstatces...I am so scared of what is happening here,and I really dont know where to turn.Helpless and wanting my daughter back (,in port alberni)
 
December 30, 2008, 7:28 am CST

Troubled Teens

Quote From: star16

My teenage daughter,17 has ,should i say is at the worst i have ver seen.Today she tried to jump from my moving truck,came home and grabbed a knife from the kitchen,she says she just wants to die.I need help to understand what is happening before my eyes.She will not talk to me,i have been to councellors with her,and she just seems to pull a wool over thier eyes.I also have a 9 year old daughter at home and sees all these things happening.what is this going to do to her.....My 17 year old is mossing school,late for school.Her eyes the last few times she has come home,are like there is no emotion,or love in them,just hate and so sad looking.She has two jobs,but is ready to lose them both.She just got her drivers licence,and already has drank and drove.To day i found her in the parking lot,with the smell of liqour on her breathe.,sitting in her car till she had to go to work,in an hour...Freezing cold outside,then i went to her work and told them she would not be coming in,under the sercomstatces...I am so scared of what is happening here,and I really dont know where to turn.Helpless and wanting my daughter back (,in port alberni)

I'm sorry to hear of your troubles.  I'm not sure I can offer much advice as I have a 16yr old son whom I have had issues with since he was 14yrs, we have a few good weeks then out of the blue we have trouble. I guess I just want you to know you are not alone.  

 

It sounds as if she needs to be in a rehab center. I know they are expensive and insurance doesn't always cover it but I would recommend you look into it and see what you can find out.  Also if finance is an issue check with your state and see if there are state programs that can help.  You can check at the police station, they sometimes have pamphlets there asking; is your teen doing drugs, drinking alcohol, running away, failing in school, or skipping school, etc. I found a little help this way for my son, the pamphlet was a program for family in need of services.  There goal is preventative services,helping before the children get into trouble with the law. I'm not sure how it is where you are located but here I can revoke my sons license and if your daughter is drinking and driving, you may want to look into it, as well as taking the keys and car away. 

 

Keep checking the board, I have recieved some excellent advice from this board and it is a great place to get your feelings out. 

 

Keep your Faith!!

 
January 4, 2009, 8:09 am CST

I think my 14yo son might be gay???

My 14 yo son rec'd a laptop from his dad for christmas. (we are divorced but very amicable) He left it here when he went back to his fathers house.  I wanted to check it out and since I knew the password I did.  To my horror I found quite a few gay teen porn sites on there (by accident) Now I have no clue what to do.  There were no reg porn sites just all gay teen stuff.  It was really explicit as I imagine all porn sites are.  I just didn't imagine you could get all that for free!  OK....so what do I do?  Do I confront him?  If it was reg porn I would be right on top of it but for some reason since its this gay porn Im afraid to mess him up more if he is confused.  Does this mean he is definitely gay????

 

Any help or suggestions will be greatly appreciated!

 

Thanks

Lisa

 
January 8, 2009, 11:30 am CST

Troubled Teens

Quote From: dadside

I think you've got three possibilities.  One is that a discussion with the Boys Town representative leads to having your son go there (locally counseling seems unlikely to help, I guess, although they can try and it would be better than doing just nothing).  Possibility two is letting his behavior go until he is arrested and the legal system becomes forced to do something positive for him (it does happen sometimes!).  The third chance is that your son has a condition, perhaps ADD/ADHD or a pervasive mood of unhappiness/depression that hurts/has hurt his school performance. 

In the latter case, he could be eligible for services paid for by the local schools.  If his needs are found to include a residential program, even in a locked facility, the local school could be required to pay the cost.  If you think the third idea is worth pursuing, read a bit about "IDEA 2004" (the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act of 2004), and if it seems appropriate, make a written request to the school (principal) that he be evaluated for eligibility.  At the least, that should stop any long school suspension for a bit.  Your library probably has books with sample letters etc. on the matter.  There are several good web sites that can help as well, but I find books easier.

I have legal guardianship of my nephew after his father died of cancer. After two years of going through so much with him, we were excepted to Girls and Boys Town. Don't give up and keep trying everything you can to help your teen. I know it is hard and I remember wanting to give up many times and I only had been raising him two years. We have had so much help from Boys Town and our family is so greatiful. He has ADHD and ODD, has a heart of gold, but has so much pain from lossing his dad and his mom never even calls him. It has taken 14 years to learn bad behavior and it will take more than a year to learn good and respossible behavior. We also need to be part of that recovery and be the parents he needs. Check out their website near Omaha, NE.   
 
January 24, 2009, 1:52 pm CST

Help! My daughter is cutting.

My 14 year old daughter is cutting herself.  It saddens  me to see her in such pain, that she feels she has to hurt herself ,to feel better.   I have her in counceling to help her release her emotions, what else can I do?  She hates talking to me , her mom.  Help.
 
January 26, 2009, 12:18 pm CST

15 year old troubled Sister

I have a 15 year old sister that has been raised by her grandmother since she was was about 15 months old. My mom has no relationship with her since she was about 4 years of age. I have been involved in her live for almost the past 6 years. She is very rude and failing most classes. She has just started being rude to me the last couple visits. It is mostly aimed toward the grandmother. I don't know what to do. I love her so much but I just want her to blossom. Please help me figure out what I can say or do to make things easier for her. Thank you so much.
 
January 28, 2009, 6:21 pm CST

Been there

Quote From: sdevine369

My 14 year old daughter is cutting herself.  It saddens  me to see her in such pain, that she feels she has to hurt herself ,to feel better.   I have her in counceling to help her release her emotions, what else can I do?  She hates talking to me , her mom.  Help.

My 18 year old daughter began cutting when she was approximately 14 years old as well.  I took her to a couple of different counselors but she was not willing to open up and be honest with them.  She seemed to be very angry and secretive during this period in her life. It would probably help you if you spoke with other moms in your situation.  Believe me, there are alot of teens that do this.  I purchased a book called "Cutting" Understanding And Overcoming Self-Mutilation by Steven Levenkron.  This book is full of information that will help you understand how your daughter is feeling. 

I hope the counseling helps her.  Unfortunately, my daughter did not respond to the counseling, however, she did stop the cutting.  Since she did not deal with the underlying issues, she has turned to alcohol and most recently drugs.  She did agree to go to a detox a couple of weeks ago and I think she may be open to further counseling.  I recently started a new job and have to wait until March before my insurance covers her.  Therapy and medication, which I believe is helpful is some cases for the depression and anxiety, is extremely expensive without insurance! 

Don't give up.... I know it is stressful for parents when their teens are hurting and you can't help them.  The best thing you can do is to talk with her and try to be understanding.  Another suggestion is to not make her feel as if she is doing something shameful.  She probably already feels ashamed and doesn't understand herself why she is doing something such as cutting.  Hopefully, she is being honest in counseling and can work through the issues that are causing her to do the cutting.  I would also suggest not to ask too many questions about the cutting.  I think this causes pressure and more shame when a lot of questions are asked.

I will keep you in my prayers.  I hope your daughter gets the treatment and help she needs to overcome the hurt she feels.

 

God Bless

 
February 2, 2009, 2:49 pm CST

Good Girl /Lost Girl

My daughter turned 18 last month and she is like a different person. She has always been a good girl; this is until she turned 18. She now says we don’t have the right to tell her when to be home or whom she may hang out with. She has dropped out of school with only weeks left in her senior year, she is breaking our home rules, hanging out with a group that smokes, drinks and who know what else. We have had so many people reach out to help us/her and she shuts us all down. We have taken her off our car insurance and won’t let her drive any of our cars. The last two time she barrowed a car she came home 3 or 4 hours late. She said she will call the school district for information on how she can finish the year out; either GED or Adult ED. I hate to see her going down this road, and we feel like we have given her every opportunity to turn this around and get her back on track. She is not willing to listen. Is it time to tell her to get back on track or find another home? I guess this is the tough love approach, not sure what to do.

 
February 3, 2009, 3:50 pm CST

a different person at 18?!

Quote From: concerned2009

My daughter turned 18 last month and she is like a different person. She has always been a good girl; this is until she turned 18. She now says we dont have the right to tell her when to be home or whom she may hang out with. She has dropped out of school with only weeks left in her senior year, she is breaking our home rules, hanging out with a group that smokes, drinks and who know what else. We have had so many people reach out to help us/her and she shuts us all down. We have taken her off our car insurance and wont let her drive any of our cars. The last two time she barrowed a car she came home 3 or 4 hours late. She said she will call the school district for information on how she can finish the year out; either GED or Adult ED. I hate to see her going down this road, and we feel like we have given her every opportunity to turn this around and get her back on track. She is not willing to listen. Is it time to tell her to get back on track or find another home? I guess this is the tough love approach, not sure what to do.

Well, these things don't just happen out of thin air.  Something was building/developing before her 18th birthday.  Given that she turned 18 "last month", there have been a only a few weeks pass.  To have "so many people reach out to help us/her" in such a short time is either an unusually close community or a longer time during which things really developed.  If the community is really that close, she may feel it overbearing, and something to escape.  I also wonder how she has only "weeks left in her senior year" when most schools go until at least late May or some to late June -- unless she was to have been a January grad.

 

You say you feel you "have given her every opportunity ...", but have you given her support?  Have you been there supportive all along, or just laying down rules.  Do you really want her out of your house?  Why such a severe reaction in just a few weeks from her being such a good girl?  Take the time to listen to her.  Discuss the whole situation with a family therapist before you act.  There is a whole lot missing here that needs attention before everyone burns bridges.

 
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