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Topic : Troubled Teens

Number of Replies: 1351
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:31:34 pm
Author : dataimport
Is your teen headed down a path of self destruction with drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, self injury, depression, or problems with the law? Share advice and support with other parents of troubled teens.

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May 26, 2009, 3:12 pm CDT

16, Alabama to California??

Quote From: lostintears

I have been divorced since my 16 yr old daughter was 2 yrs old.  Her father and I maintained an amicable relationship for her sake until the last year or so.  I gave her a little too much freedom with a friend that she has known all of her life.  She took advantage of this and ended up losing her virginity to someone she hardly knew.  She and the other girl were spending the night at a boys house instead of where they were supposed to be (apparently the girls parents didn't care).  When I found out where she was, I went to the house and retrieved her.  I then had to go back to work.  She knew she had screwed up severely and quickly called her father to come and pick her up.  She quickly made up alot of accusations against me to plead her case so that he wouldn't ask real questions.  She launched a hate campaign against me and quickly became absorbed in her "new life".  She told him she wanted to live with him which was music to his ears and he immediately filed for custody.  I knew on the other hand that once the "smoke cleared" she would want to come back home.  I tried to warn him that he was just being manipulated but he wouldn't hear it.  After excessive legal costs and much heartache, she decided she wanted to come home.  Her father was furious with her and told her she had ruined his life.  He began to torment her on the phone, and told here she would not be going on a cruise that they (his wife and 16 yr old stepdaughter) had planned because he didn't want her to ruin it for everyone.  Over the last year, he has called her screaming at her for not calling him, etc.  She has seen him twice in the last year.  She has been devastated by this and we have tried to work on it in counseling.  Over the last few months, her behavior has become very erractic.  She has been clinging to any male attention she can get.  This whole situation in this small town where we have lived her whole life has become very negative.  She has gotten in with the wrong friends.  Heres the big thing.  I have been dating a great man for the last 3 1/2 years who lives in California.  We live in Alabama.  He has been an answer to prayer for all of us including my 12 yr old son who's father has never been very active.  He loves and adores both of my children as if they were his own.  After discussing it with my children and getting the "go ahead", we got engaged in Feb.  My daughter was excited and "ready to get out of this place".  Now it is May and she is saying she is not going.  That she doesn't think she will fit in out there and that its "not her". She says I should just stop caring about her and let her alone. She has become withdrawn and angry She is terrified for some reason that we will "get her out there and never let her come back".  We have both reassured her that when she finishes school, if she still wants to come back we will send her.  I know she is just insecure and scared but this is ripping my heart out.  I hate to see my daughter in so much pain.  What do I do?  She wants to go back and live with her dad even though we both know deep down it is not a good situation.  Her stepmother does not like her very much and is very jealous of her.  It was a volatile situation there.  My son is so excited about the move and looks forward to making new friends.  How do I choose?  and should I?  Should I just let her do what she wants even though I know she will be sorry for the decision?  Do I go anyway with my son knowing that its not fair to him to deny him the amazing opportunities ie: sports, education etc. and a mother who can finally be at home for him?  How do I walk away from my child?

My vote -- assuming you are sure about your "great man" -- would be for all to go to California.  Do not just let your daughter do/go where she wants.  Be prepared for initial complaint, but make the move.  That way wou aren't walking away from any member of your family.  And ... all get the good of a new home and new friends in a great place.
 
June 3, 2009, 5:16 am CDT

I'm losing my Son

Hello Dr. Phil and Robin,
     My wife has written to you before. I'm writting now. My son is out of control. I fear for his future every day. I don't sleep well, I hate myself for not being able to help him. I have been told he has ADD, ADHD, ODD, Manic Depression, Flight of Thought, OCB, and the list goes on. No Psychiatrist, Psychologist or anyone else seems to be able to understand whats going on. We took him to Philadelphia for brain scanning at the childerens hospital to no avail. Noone seems competent enough to break through to him or even properly diagnos him. I fear for my sons future. He is so bright and has had a traumatic past. Sexual abuse, raped, divorse, hospitalized, institutionalized. As his father my list of options has run it's course and I am now tortured to simply watch my child disolve before my eyes. If there is anything you can do help my son I wouls forever be in your debt sir. Though he has no clue, he would owe the life he might have to you.
     Thank you for your precious time.
                                                      Nicholas

Question Marks in his Life ???
Age 2: Asperates Crayon, Respritory Distress. Doctors don't find crayon for 27 days and only after 8 days in hospital.
Age 4-5: Distructive Child, told he has ADD.. Medicated. Riddilin, Cocerta, Amphetime tabs, ect...
nothing seems to work
Age 6 : Parents divorce
Age 6: Raped by neibor
Age 7: Sent to live with father due to out of control behavior
Age 7: After 9 months of progress and therapy mother takes child away from father.
Age 8: Attacked by 13 year old boy, skull is crushed with a small boulder, undergoes surgery, has face reatached with several metal plates.
Age 8: Sexually abuses younger brother, placed in institution and then sent back to father.
Age 9 thru 12: downward slide and countless problems in school result in behavior program placement.
Age 12 thru 13: does well in program, sent back to mainsteam school for 2008 school year.
Current: Continual slide downwards.

Note: Reacuring theme: All teachers throught his life have said he is one of the most intellegent students. Average grades range from A-F. F's increasing rapidly.

 
June 9, 2009, 7:47 am CDT

Is my son a member of a satanic cult?



I am the mother of a 17-year-old son and a 15-year-old daughter. They are great kids; both of them are very talented and have outstanding school result. A year ago trouble started, when a black metal band called Scarification influenced my son. Since I was a fan of Black Sabbath in my teen years I wasn't very alarmed at first. Even though the music sounds aggressive and the band members dress as dead Jesus’ with blood all over their faces, I saw it as a bad image they are trying to project just to get the attention from young people. I got scared when I noticed small changes in my son's behavior. He stopped hanging out with all of his old friends and refused to wear anything that was not black. Nowadays he only wears t-shirts with the Scarification logo (a big bloody knife) on it. But the worst thing is that he cuts himself and claims this to be an art form. Apparently it's a new way of making your own tattoos. I caught him doing this with one of his new friends, who is just a big a fan as well. They were collecting the blood in a mug and it looked like they were ready to drink it. It got me really worried, so I did my own research to this band. Scarification has songs about killing yourself, drinking blood, cutting yourself and is very anti religious. They claim that everyone who is a Christian is a weak sheep and you can only set yourself free by worshiping Satan. Some of the lyrics can be interpreted as racism or anti homosexual. When I talk to my son about these topics it seems like he is brainwashed. He claims he has never believed in God and says that any religion is the source of war. He thinks white and black people should live separately and is against any form of mixed weddings.
He seems to be obsessed with this band and hardly has any focus left for other things in his life. He used to play piano in a band connected to our local church for 9 years! He all of a sudden gave that up and wants to be a guitar player now. It is okay by me that he changes, but it feels like I am losing my own son altogether. It is not like him to be this aggressive about something and hate other people for their believes or origin. The worst thing now is that it is ripping of on my daughter; she started borrowing his CD's and has suspicious scratches on her arms and legs.
I am not the only parent that is worried. Since the band has moved from Norway to the Netherlands two magazines have written about them after receiving letters from concerned parents. They also talk about their children cutting themselves to make tattoos and even fights between fans of the band and religious people. On a website I found information about the band planning a tour to America. It is almost like they are planning to recruit fans all around the world for some kind of satanic cult.

 
June 11, 2009, 4:10 am CDT

troubled teens

hi dr. phil i have two children a 17 year old boy and a 12 year old girl and i just want to thank you for ur show today on salvia,sexting on children choking each other to get high i had no idea this kind of thing was going on really opened my eyes thanx again
 
July 3, 2009, 3:01 am CDT

out of ideas

my son is 17, will be 18 in a week.  We have had major issues and fights with him.  he is very sexually active, meets girls on myspace, talks to them on cell phone, texting, and then goes to meet them and have sex.  well, tonight, although my son lives with his father, he was angry with his dad, so he comes to my house, dosent like my rules, so he goes back.  he told his father that he was going to see a friend in a certain community, his father called to see where he was and a police officer answered his phone and stated that he was caught parking and having sex with this girl he just met today.  they went to the girls house with the officer and the parents told him that he had best not ever show his face again.  during this time his father calls me and lets me know what happened.  he arrived home and his father tried to discuss what happened and of course mr. its not my fault smarted off, his father popped him on the face and the fight was on, my son kicked his father in the head with a steel toe boot, and my son got a bloody nose, then went to his fathers truck, busted his taillights, kicked the door and busted a side mirror.  he went to his grandparents house which is right in front of his fathers, and called me, with the pity me, i didnt do anything and dad attacked me, and you need to take my side story.  nobody loves me...etc.  my son races on sat nights has 2 cars, a truck his father gave him, cell phone...which his father took everything away, and states that all of it will be sold to pay for repairs.  my ex husband called the police after all this amd they told him that if my son comes around trying to start something they will put him in jail.  he has a previous charged from 3 years ago, which nothing ever happened with it, but it is on his record for 5 years, cause a little 12 yr old girl says he touched her.  he was not where he said he was gonna be and was riding a 4 wheeler when this happened, if he goes to jail, the state will press charges.  my son is adhd, odd, and just plain smart mouth.  he has went after his father with a axe, knives...etc.  his father is a very good parent, and my son was welcome at my home until he lived here a few weeks ago and i caught him having sex in my backyard with a girl he had just met...he knew he was in trouble and went back to his dads house.  I am out of ideas, he is out of control.  his father told him he can not live in his house any longer and my husband will not let him live here because of the disrespect, and the fact that if he dosent get his way, he will attack, verbally and physically.  He is at his grandparents house and his grandmother enables him, so it will not change.  I dont know what to do...my mother instinct says help him, but I cannot take being abused, and can not trust him.
 
July 22, 2009, 5:52 pm CDT

out ofcontrol 17 yr old

My 17 yr old son and his dad are at it again.   Finally last night was the last straw. dad told son when he turns 18 he is throwing him out of the house.  Son baits dad, he takes the bait and yells back.   Son does not respect his dad AT ALL.  He says his dad does not deserve any.  Even hates just the sound of his voice.   causing uproar for me.   I am not choosing between them!  13 yr old daughter emotionally a wreck because of the fighting.   I am at my ends....  what to do?   They totally need a therapist.....
 
July 23, 2009, 1:58 pm CDT

I hope you're doing well.

Quote From: avalancheecho

What would you do?

 

Say you have a 16-year-old daughter. She seems like a totally normal, goal-driven, happy girl--not one to follow trends or go against her beliefs. You know she doesn't care for her body, but you don't think it really bothers her too much; after all, she doesn't seem to stress about it as much as other girls her age. You know she's way more worried about her schooling--she's advanced at least one year in every class. She always says how she's happy and she loves you and even herself.

 

And then your daughter sits you down and says, "Mom/Dad, I'm bulimic."

What do you do?

 

I ask because, well, I'm a 16-year-old bulimic. I'm trying to stop on my own, and it's hard. I'm thinking of telling my mom, but I'm scared of her reaction. So what might a parent do in that situation?

I'm new to the website, but I saw you're comment and immediately wanted to answer, even though It's such an old post.

 

If you're not ready to tell you're parents, I suggest going to an nutrition specialist, or at least a doctor, at first. That way you'll be able to talk to your parents with facts, and not the probably-exaggerared-and/or-uneducated ideas they have about people with bulimia. I also think that by learning the facts yourself, you can some strength (from knowing what's ahead of you). Plus,  You have privacy rights, so I think they wouldn't tell you're parents if you don't want to, or untilyou're ready.

 

Since this is an old post, would you mind giving me an update? Thanx ^^

 

I wish you the best of luck in the road that's ahead of you. Never give up!

 

P.S: I'm 16 too.  

 
July 28, 2009, 2:24 pm CDT

Response To Your Issue

Quote From: wendy039

my son is 17, will be 18 in a week.  We have had major issues and fights with him.  he is very sexually active, meets girls on myspace, talks to them on cell phone, texting, and then goes to meet them and have sex.  well, tonight, although my son lives with his father, he was angry with his dad, so he comes to my house, dosent like my rules, so he goes back.  he told his father that he was going to see a friend in a certain community, his father called to see where he was and a police officer answered his phone and stated that he was caught parking and having sex with this girl he just met today.  they went to the girls house with the officer and the parents told him that he had best not ever show his face again.  during this time his father calls me and lets me know what happened.  he arrived home and his father tried to discuss what happened and of course mr. its not my fault smarted off, his father popped him on the face and the fight was on, my son kicked his father in the head with a steel toe boot, and my son got a bloody nose, then went to his fathers truck, busted his taillights, kicked the door and busted a side mirror.  he went to his grandparents house which is right in front of his fathers, and called me, with the pity me, i didnt do anything and dad attacked me, and you need to take my side story.  nobody loves me...etc.  my son races on sat nights has 2 cars, a truck his father gave him, cell phone...which his father took everything away, and states that all of it will be sold to pay for repairs.  my ex husband called the police after all this amd they told him that if my son comes around trying to start something they will put him in jail.  he has a previous charged from 3 years ago, which nothing ever happened with it, but it is on his record for 5 years, cause a little 12 yr old girl says he touched her.  he was not where he said he was gonna be and was riding a 4 wheeler when this happened, if he goes to jail, the state will press charges.  my son is adhd, odd, and just plain smart mouth.  he has went after his father with a axe, knives...etc.  his father is a very good parent, and my son was welcome at my home until he lived here a few weeks ago and i caught him having sex in my backyard with a girl he had just met...he knew he was in trouble and went back to his dads house.  I am out of ideas, he is out of control.  his father told him he can not live in his house any longer and my husband will not let him live here because of the disrespect, and the fact that if he dosent get his way, he will attack, verbally and physically.  He is at his grandparents house and his grandmother enables him, so it will not change.  I dont know what to do...my mother instinct says help him, but I cannot take being abused, and can not trust him.
 I'm new on this site, but your post caught my eye.

 It might sound harsh and out-of-line for me to say this but perhaps he should be sent to boot camp or let him be arrested.

It sounds to me that he has two upstanding parents and if he can't learn respect from you then he needs to be taught respect by those who enforce it and make him understand that it isn't right to do what he's been doing.

As for meeting girls on MySpace you should go onto his computer and block MySpace and put more restrictions on him.

As for his violent behavior towards your husband and yourself I think both he needs anger managment. If he won't go to counseling on his own perhpas get a court order, because then he can't defy it without dire consequences.

 
July 30, 2009, 7:35 am CDT

There is help for you

Quote From: wendy039

my son is 17, will be 18 in a week.  We have had major issues and fights with him.  he is very sexually active, meets girls on myspace, talks to them on cell phone, texting, and then goes to meet them and have sex.  well, tonight, although my son lives with his father, he was angry with his dad, so he comes to my house, dosent like my rules, so he goes back.  he told his father that he was going to see a friend in a certain community, his father called to see where he was and a police officer answered his phone and stated that he was caught parking and having sex with this girl he just met today.  they went to the girls house with the officer and the parents told him that he had best not ever show his face again.  during this time his father calls me and lets me know what happened.  he arrived home and his father tried to discuss what happened and of course mr. its not my fault smarted off, his father popped him on the face and the fight was on, my son kicked his father in the head with a steel toe boot, and my son got a bloody nose, then went to his fathers truck, busted his taillights, kicked the door and busted a side mirror.  he went to his grandparents house which is right in front of his fathers, and called me, with the pity me, i didnt do anything and dad attacked me, and you need to take my side story.  nobody loves me...etc.  my son races on sat nights has 2 cars, a truck his father gave him, cell phone...which his father took everything away, and states that all of it will be sold to pay for repairs.  my ex husband called the police after all this amd they told him that if my son comes around trying to start something they will put him in jail.  he has a previous charged from 3 years ago, which nothing ever happened with it, but it is on his record for 5 years, cause a little 12 yr old girl says he touched her.  he was not where he said he was gonna be and was riding a 4 wheeler when this happened, if he goes to jail, the state will press charges.  my son is adhd, odd, and just plain smart mouth.  he has went after his father with a axe, knives...etc.  his father is a very good parent, and my son was welcome at my home until he lived here a few weeks ago and i caught him having sex in my backyard with a girl he had just met...he knew he was in trouble and went back to his dads house.  I am out of ideas, he is out of control.  his father told him he can not live in his house any longer and my husband will not let him live here because of the disrespect, and the fact that if he dosent get his way, he will attack, verbally and physically.  He is at his grandparents house and his grandmother enables him, so it will not change.  I dont know what to do...my mother instinct says help him, but I cannot take being abused, and can not trust him.
There are teen work programs that he can help him with his anger and at the same time he can help build homes for the needy. You can find additional info at http://www.projectme.info 
 
August 6, 2009, 8:06 pm CDT

My 17 year old boy lies all the Time

My son is 17,he lies about little things and big ones.Its getting to the point were i question in my mind every thing he says.What worries me,he finaly found a good friend,but his starting to tell this stories to him,and he called him on it.My son got real angry and left.I let him know that noone will believe him if he keeps up with hes lies.How can i help him
 
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