Topic : Troubled Teens

All the boot camps I've found thus far need the money up front.  I have been looking into private financial aid to send him but until I can find someone willing, I have to continue trying to find answers as his problems doesn't go on hold nor do they stop while I am in my search. I know that you're not trying to be judgemental and I do agree with what you say. How can I not send him? Yet, until I find a way to afford it, how can I?

I am the mother of 3 girls ages, 16,13 and 22 months. I was divorced for almost 8 years and remarried 3 years ago to a wonderful caring man. Problem is this. My oldest daughter has always been what you would call a great kid. She never got into trouble at school, never did drugs, is still a virgin, and I thought we had a great relationship. Right after my husband and I got married, we bought a home in another town. (A better school district, is what we wanted and that is the reason we moved here). The first year was tough on my two oldest because the new district was ahead by almost a year so they was playing catch up. Do to Makia (my eldest) getting very bad grades, we decided (myself, her step-dad and biological dad) to put her in an alternative school. WHAT A MISTAKE. Through out this school year she would come home and tell me about the different friends she was making how they got high or drunk, how they cut themselves, how they was all bi-sexual ect. I have always trusted Makia to make the right choices. We would talk about it and she agreed with me it was just crazy. January was her birthday and I bought her, her first concert ticket she went with a younger girl I work with close to Makia's age. About a week later Makia  told me she was having suicidal thoughts. I called and got her a therapist appointment the very same day. I thought we was on the righht track then 2 days later we got into an argument. I ordered pizza after asking the girls what they wanted for dinner, they both said they did not care. When the pizza arrived Makia got angry because it had meat on it. She said she decided to become a vegetarian. I told her if she did not want to eat she could leave the table. She went to her room and slammed the door. The rule in our home has always been you slam your door you lose your door for 30 days. I went in to remove her door and all Hell broke lose. Makia started screaming at me and got in my face and raised her fist. I slapped her across the face. (this is the first time I have ever hit her ) She then kicked me twice in the stomach. I called her biological dad to come get her and give us both some breathing room. The next day Makia told me she needed help and could I try and find her a place to go and help her. I took her to a physciatric hospital in our area and after meeting with the counselor Makia told them she had been cutting herself. They put her in for 7 days during this time Makia became angrier and angrier at me. When I or her counselor would ask why she never could tell us, just that she hated me. After she got out of that hospital, that evening she had a bad reaction to her medications. My husband and ex-husband took her to the ER they had to give her charcoal. About three days later she came home from school with cuts all up and down her arm. I asked Makia what happened she said she got mad and cut herself. I took her to a different hospital and they admitted her. Her drug screen came back positive for Benzo and pot. She denies that she has ever done drugs but she refused to give them a second urine sample. She was there for 30 days during this time. I learned Makia was compulsively lieing about everythign she could. The last straw is when I found out through my Ex's mother that Makia told her she would wake up and my husband would be sitting on her bed. This could not have happened my husband works the graveyard shift and is never home at night and Makia goes to her Biological dads home on the weekends. When I confronted Makia in therapy, she denied saying it. She had told her counselor how I never let her go to her dads house again when confronted in counseling session denied she said it. She would call me and tell me someone stole all her clothes there yet when the nurse checked all her clothes were there adn she would deny saying it. Her counselor told me she could not be left alone with my other two daughters. So now she lives with her biological dad. She refuses to talk to me. Due to her kicking me I had to have a hysterectomy she bruised my uterus. She never called when I went in for surgery. This last week when my 13 year old was over visting she kicked her in the hip and caused a huge bruise. I told Makia if she attacked anyone in the family again I will press charges. I want a relationship with her, but I dont even know how to begin since I don't even know who she is. O'yeah the latest lie is she was molested at school when she was 13 the two days later she claimed she was raped. I know that this did not happen either due to the story changing everytime she tells it. Please someone give me advise.

Is she still at the alternative school?
If possible, can she leave that school and go somewhere else?  Here in my state, we have 'school choice' meaning you can choose what ever school your kids go to, but you have to transport them. Would that be a possibility? Your daughter could go back to the school she went to before the move? (I don't even know if other states do this..)
The only advice I can give you is to keep going to counceling and keep holding her accountable like you are; don't look the other way or make excuses for her. You are doing all that you can, don't ever give up. Her living at her father's is the best for right now. With time, you will regain the relationship with her- she has to move through this terrible phase she is going through. I know it hurts. Have you considered therepy for yourself? Something to think about.. you deserve to have someone to talk to who validates your thoughts and feelings. I wish you well- keep your chin up!

Now that she lives with her dad she is going to a different school. I speak with him everyday to check on her and he says she is doing well. I am in therapy myself and it seems to be helping. I just feel like I have lost a friend as well as a daughter. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement

It seems that Makia has a severe psychological and neurological disorder. From what I have read it seems that she has severe neurotic and violent tendencies (I.E. arguing over a pizza, her kicking you, etc.) Major Depression is a huge possiblility because she is having suicidal thoughts and she cuts herself. Depression leads to self-destructive behaviours like cutting and drug use and suicidal thoughts. 

  

Psychosis from drug use is also a possibility because her lies seem to be erratic and for lack of a better term, crazy. 

  

Your daughter has a severe illness with biological and neurological roots. She needs medication and she needs to be in an in-patient rehab and care facility for her drug use and erratic and violent behaviour. AS SOON AS POSSIBLE 

  

Best of luck. 

She was for 1 week then for the 30 days, she takes an anti-depressant and an antipsycotic as well as sleeping pills.

My son is 15 (April 2006) years old and in my opinion out of control.   

   

I do partly blame myself for the long leash I put my son on. At 13 I let my son go to the skatepark all the time as it's his hobby. Every night, weekday or weekend he'd be there and I used to drive him the 15 min drive there and back.   

   

But as I have let the time go by, he now has no respect for me, my other children and my house or job. He treats his siblings as if they were strangers, swearing at them if they don't give him what they want. He does not listen to me in any way. If I tell him not to do something..he does it behind my back, especially with drugs. I do not condone the use of drugs for my children and I don't let them in my house. When I first found marijuana in my house I lost control and screamed at him until he cried, which does not work, he brang it in to my house again.   

   

I then told him to move out, but he only went to another friends house where they let their children do drugs so I made him come home. Just today, a child I look after came to me with a pipe that he found buried in the sandpit! When I asked my son he told me it wasn't his.   

   

He is becomming a compulsive liar, he's so aggressive he chased people trying to burn out my car with an axe up the street (thankfully no one was hurt) he punched out two strangers who were picking on his friend and broke the skin over his knuckles.   

   

I am mostly concerned that I will loose my job and income as if my employers were to know that my son brought drug paraphernalia into my home where I look after children I will be fired with no questiones asked.   

   

There have been many more incidents with drugs inbetween these major issues that have become like an everyday thing my son does that I can not remember them.  

   

i have tried to dicsipline him by making him stay at home, taking away his skateboard and phone, yelling at him, having him leave home but nothing has worked. I have tried everything I know of! My other two children are well behaved and have never done drugs.   

   

I need help to help my own child. Becuase I am afraid if I don't do something now....he'll be in jail by the time he is 18.   

 You need to take him to the Dr. as soon as possible. Call your son's Dr., tell them the situation; and ask for their help... Since your son is now compulsively lieing, you can only guess that he has been using drugs for quite some time and he will continue to use them unless he gets treatment. From what you describe, it sounds like that is what he needs- treatment.
As you know, many people start out with pot, and then progress to other drugs. You want to do the right thing, and although it will be difficult, you must take control of your home and  your life by getting your son into a treatment program. No parent wants to admit that their child has a drug problem; but you can't deny it, either.
Don't wait another day, I urge you to pick up the phone and start making calls right now. I wish you well!!

Hey there, 

        Well I'm sure some of you remember my story about my mom and her loser boyfriend, who's in jail.  Yesterday I found out that my mom is gonna allow her boyfriend to move into the house....again.  After she promised me she wouldn't.  He should be getting out in a couple of weeks.  And I dont trust him at all.  Not even a little bit.  I already told my mom, "If you're gonna let him back in, well I'm not gonna walk around pretending like its ok.  He's not my friend.  Him and I never will be friends.  And thats that."  She said she wouldn't force me to be nice to him, but she said that the last time this happened.  But last time, she eventually ended up calling a family meeting...and asking me if I'd give Hector another chance...and I said no...and everybody just left me in the living room by myself.  When he's around, me and mom dont talk, I avoid them like the black plague.  Well, my cousin called me today saying that Silvia's husband was in jail with Hector for awhile and that Hector was talking crap about my mom.  Saying stuff like, "Shirley is such a dumb*** and I told her I was going to work when I really wasnt.  And why would I want to work when I have someone to take care of me."  That ticked me off.  I dont know if its true, but if it is....I'm so mad and I'll give him a piece of my mind.  I wont let some man use my mother, without me saying something.  I love my mom with all my heart...and no man is gonna use and abuse her as long as I can do something about it.  Which I pretty much have no say about what goes on, but I can't believe my mom is going to go through this once again.  She tells me all the time, "Its not gonna be like it was."  I just say....yeah it will.  Just watch.  So when he gets out...I'm gonna be watching him like a hawk.  Watch every mistake...every body movement...every little thing he does...I'm gonna be watching him.  Sometimes I just wish I was old enough to leave.  I really do. 

My 12 year old grandson has been diagnosed with adhd and odd.  He has been in and out of schools since the first grade.  His behavior has gone from bad to worse, verally abusive-lying-experimenting with drugs and alcohol.  We are going to send him to a residential treatment center.  Should we try to have him tested for any brain or hormornal disorders before placement or wait until placement?  Should we try to get him on meds (they haven't worked so far) before placement?  Does anyone have any reccomendation for schools?