Topic : Troubled Teens

P;lease help.  My son is 14 and he has a girlfriend who has ADD, cuts herself and threatens suicide.  she says she cannot live without him. She calls and cries and tells him all her problems.  I never found this out until awhile ago.  Since then I have put strick rules around their visits.  She is only allowed here and I have to be in the room at all times.  My son is not allowed there.  They re only allowed one 20 min. phone call a day.  All the while I have been talking to the both of them telling them that she needs to be concentrating on getting better and my son is not a councilor.  I do not want this relationship to continue.  I wanted that decision to come from my son in hopes that he saw these facts.  I do not want her to make my son ill.  I have called the childrens aid and they are helping the girlfriend.  the mother is angry with me and wants them to stay together.  Since I cut the phone calls back,  her mom gave the girlfriend a cell phone and told my son to call her at school!!!!  I'm floored! 

I'm afraid that they will just keep uping thier anti and maybe run away or even do something more stupid if I break them up.  help 

I can understand where you are coming from, fully i really do and i may not be the best at telling what other people are feeling but i have a feeling in know what all three of you are feeling i believe that you are very upset, which in my mind is so very understandable, but on the other hand i can very much see what the girlfriend is feeling. She may have ADD but that can be controlled. i once to said to a boyfriend that i couldn't go on without him and you know where that got me...no where. 

It is very hard to get over someone that you may truly care about whether you are 14 or 40 it is still very much hard. I can see the phone calls on a limit but as for her telling him her problems.. doesn't every one need someone to talk to once and awhile?...regardless of who they are or if you like them.. And i believe the the both of you have unsettled issues to sort out in which you are putting you son in the middle of it.. i truly believe unless he does not want to be with her that he is being pulled between the one he is dating and his own mother.. he loves you...he always will and he may even care for this girl and doesn't want to see this girl go down... i to said the same thing to my boyfriend at the time like i said...and a year and a hafe after he dumped me and knowing i have been with a guy who i love for a year and a mouth now decided he wanted me back and threatened suicide..which yet again got him no where. I do not believe someone can take their own life over it.i have thought it before and I'm sure she has attempted it and as you say "she cuts herself" but she doesn't and hasn't and i believe will not cut deep enough to take her own life. You and your son need to sit down..lisen to him.. ask him what he wants...if he wants to be with her set down some basic rules...but all i can really say is the worst thing to do is say u can't see her anymore for if she is capable of committing suicide he will and always will blame himself for it...I believe you are a great mother with great intension's. talk to her mother face to face tell her your reason and ask for hers try to find a way that she can get help, get on with her life and maybe turn out to be a nice person...as for you i think you have the best of intentions and keep your foot down but worry about what your son is really feeling inside,
Tia 

to chose which parent he wants to live with.  My grandson desperately wants to live with his Dad, my son and from August to the beginning of October he did.  His mom and Dad signed a notorized paper agreeing to let my son have temporary custody but the whole time he was with his dad his mom would call and threaten to take him home because she didnt like how my son was taking care of him.  They lived in constant fear of her coming to take him away and one morning when my son was at work she did just that.  He didnt even get to say good-bye to his father.  My grandson is fourteen years old and he wants to live with his father.  He lives in California with his mother and his father lives in Arizonia.  My son has a steady job and all he wants to do is take care of his children.  My grandsons mother has been on welfare for 14 years, has only worked out of the home for 2 weeks.  My grandson has tried to commit suicide because he is unhappy living with his mother.  At his mothers house he has to share a bedroom with 3 other children and at my sons house he has his own bedroom.  Anyway I am so worried about this childs mental health and well being.  My son is taking her to court for custody and I was just wondering if anyone thought he had a chance of getting him.