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Topic : Troubled Teens

Number of Replies: 1351
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:31:34 pm
Author : dataimport
Is your teen headed down a path of self destruction with drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, self injury, depression, or problems with the law? Share advice and support with other parents of troubled teens.

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October 23, 2005, 8:57 pm CDT

Still Scared

Well It is conformed, my son is 14 and is going to be a dad 2x. I have got some information on help line but everywhere I was referred to cost anywhere from 2,500 and 6,000 amonth. That is funny when they say "Is that a problem", well what do they think! I figured out the only way my son is going to get help is if I turn him over to the state as lost hope and just give up in him. When I found out today this it was positively no question his girlfriend now is preg, I really wanted to die. I just got back from taking care of my mother who was shot by my father while she was holding this son of mine 13 yrs ago Oct 18 and knowing my mother would never feed herself again and coming home to this. I straight up told my husband and my son I don't want to be here anymore and if I didn't love them and my younger son who is only 6 I would go crazy or just die. And they ask if 2,500-6,000 amonth is "OK". I know it is not their fault but I can't even pay bills these days. I don't have a clue what to really do. Where can a person that just wants to make it to the next day that is ONLY living day by day as it is to get help. I love all of my family and want the best but can't afford it. I am going crazy!!! Please someone with realistic advice give it.
 
October 24, 2005, 9:16 am CDT

Been A Cutter for 24 years..

Quote From: mhammonds

call me crazy but I never thought i would have to deal with a 14 year old boy cutting on himself.  He has a counselor he is ADHD   He is not at the point were it is cutting himself  deep yet.  I have talk to some people and this is not uncommon.  I just do not understand it.  Can anyone help?
     I can tell you that for me until I reached college at age 20 something, I thought I was not normal. I found a book in the College library about cutting, grabbed it and read the entire thing sitting there in shock that there was others like me. Cutting from what I'm told releases endorphins in the brain which in turn helps to calm the person who is doing the cutting. It may be that because your son has add/adhd that he has to have rules and structure that seem unbearable to him and the cutting may make him feel like he is leveling out for a brief period. I know that may sound really unreasonable for some people because they don't have this problem and I'm sure there may be a solution too it but, I was in all kinds of programs and had all the counselors and still nothing changed in my life until I got older. I still fight with the urge to cut everytime a very bad problem happens in my world and sometimes I have to even stop putting silverware away when I'm feeling rejected, hurt or not in control of bad stituations in life. I don't think there is an answer for this one because I still live with it and no one really new until few years ago, thats when it slowed down because I could talk to friends about it. I think if he knows you know and you talk openly and explain that you know he does and for what reasons, maybe you both can talk about other ways to make him feel that sensation without instruments in his hand. I hope this is helpful to you and your son just know that he may not even know why he really does this yet.
 
October 25, 2005, 7:09 am CDT

alittle less scared

Quote From: ulfarmer

Well It is conformed, my son is 14 and is going to be a dad 2x. I have got some information on help line but everywhere I was referred to cost anywhere from 2,500 and 6,000 amonth. That is funny when they say "Is that a problem", well what do they think! I figured out the only way my son is going to get help is if I turn him over to the state as lost hope and just give up in him. When I found out today this it was positively no question his girlfriend now is preg, I really wanted to die. I just got back from taking care of my mother who was shot by my father while she was holding this son of mine 13 yrs ago Oct 18 and knowing my mother would never feed herself again and coming home to this. I straight up told my husband and my son I don't want to be here anymore and if I didn't love them and my younger son who is only 6 I would go crazy or just die. And they ask if 2,500-6,000 amonth is "OK". I know it is not their fault but I can't even pay bills these days. I don't have a clue what to really do. Where can a person that just wants to make it to the next day that is ONLY living day by day as it is to get help. I love all of my family and want the best but can't afford it. I am going crazy!!! Please someone with realistic advice give it.
Well things are better, as good as it can get in this situation. One baby is due November and we are not allowed anyrights to it. My son does not want to give up his rights but the girls father is making her give it up. The other is due in June and her parents have been as good as it can get, she is keeping the baby and we are going to work together as much as posibble. I don't want to send my son away, he is a good kid with good grades and just made 2 mistakes that can't be called that because of inoccent lives coming into the world. I don't know how we can do anything else to deal with this situation but we are going to try. We have been through so much we plan on making it thru this.
 
October 26, 2005, 8:19 am CDT

Oh thank goodness...........

Quote From: teri_id

I have not experienced what you are going through.  I have no idea what to suggest, yet I want you to know my prayers and thoughts are with you.  I cannot imagine what it must be like for you, yet I am sure you are doing the best you can with what tools you have.  I hope somehow you can obtain more tools.... 

Teri 

I was always so sure what to do with my kid....till now.  Hi there!  My name is Sherry, i have a daughter 16 (17 in Jan).  She doesn't have O D D , was cutting, drinking, drug, over the counter drugs, shoplifting, stole from me, setting fires, sexually active, lies, to the most recent running away (2nd time) and making false allegations to CPS saying we were neglecting her.  She dropped out of school and knows if push comes to shove I can't make her do something she doesn't want to.  I started to take away some of the less obvious priveleges.  Like make up and curling iron, taking a shower (provided her with large bowl/tub of water to wash off in...luke warm water of course) Her and I go head to head all the time now.  She says I am doing it to control her and I say no...it's called a consequence.  She has to see the juvenile judge in a few weeks.  Yesterday she dropped out of school so I told her go back or get a job. She thinks she knows it all and this time she will fall flat on her face cause I am through with all the drama and disrespect.  When she goes in front of the judge and she has no job, not in school, hanging with deliquent friends and she fails the drug test.......mommy refuses to bail her out at all.  Maybe then she will see that she is not invinsible!!!! If you guys have come up with an effective plan....please clue me in.  I too am getting fed up with the system and am tired from repeatedly hitting the brick wall.  Sherry
 
October 26, 2005, 10:26 am CDT

son and girlfriend in trouble

P;lease help.  My son is 14 and he has a girlfriend who has ADD, cuts herself and threatens suicide.  she says she cannot live without him. She calls and cries and tells him all her problems.  I never found this out until awhile ago.  Since then I have put strick rules around their visits.  She is only allowed here and I have to be in the room at all times.  My son is not allowed there.  They re only allowed one 20 min. phone call a day.  All the while I have been talking to the both of them telling them that she needs to be concentrating on getting better and my son is not a councilor.  I do not want this relationship to continue.  I wanted that decision to come from my son in hopes that he saw these facts.  I do not want her to make my son ill.  I have called the childrens aid and they are helping the girlfriend.  the mother is angry with me and wants them to stay together.  Since I cut the phone calls back,  her mom gave the girlfriend a cell phone and told my son to call her at school!!!!  I'm floored! 

I'm afraid that they will just keep uping thier anti and maybe run away or even do something more stupid if I break them up.  help 

 
October 26, 2005, 5:15 pm CDT

Troubled 14 year old

HELP!!!  My 14 year old daughter is out of control.   She is flunking in school, she is cutting classes, she is disrespectful and is starting to become violent  towards me.  She admits to drinking on occasions.  She threatens all the time with " i'm leaving I have plenty of places to go to".  What am I to do.  I'm losing it.  She yells and fights with me all the time.  She has no respect at all.   She was never like this before she was all ways  a good kid who did good in school.  This just statred last year.  I'm losing her and I'm afarid.  I've tired counseling for my self but it isn't making anything better.  She has total control because she knows I don't want to lose her.  Please help....
 
October 26, 2005, 8:04 pm CDT

THERE IS HOPE!!!

Quote From: puma01

HELP!!!  My 14 year old daughter is out of control.   She is flunking in school, she is cutting classes, she is disrespectful and is starting to become violent  towards me.  She admits to drinking on occasions.  She threatens all the time with " i'm leaving I have plenty of places to go to".  What am I to do.  I'm losing it.  She yells and fights with me all the time.  She has no respect at all.   She was never like this before she was all ways  a good kid who did good in school.  This just statred last year.  I'm losing her and I'm afarid.  I've tired counseling for my self but it isn't making anything better.  She has total control because she knows I don't want to lose her.  Please help....
I had problems with my son at that age and I helped him get into Tarheel Challenge Academy in Clinton, North Carolina. It is sponsored by the National Guard and it will help her finish High School, get back into good physical health and hopefully get her to look at her future . That was some 8 years ago, so call to see if there is a school near you. It really helped my son get back on track. Good luck and don't give up. It WILL get better.
 
October 28, 2005, 8:20 pm CDT

Troubled Teens

Quote From: pqr000

P;lease help.  My son is 14 and he has a girlfriend who has ADD, cuts herself and threatens suicide.  she says she cannot live without him. She calls and cries and tells him all her problems.  I never found this out until awhile ago.  Since then I have put strick rules around their visits.  She is only allowed here and I have to be in the room at all times.  My son is not allowed there.  They re only allowed one 20 min. phone call a day.  All the while I have been talking to the both of them telling them that she needs to be concentrating on getting better and my son is not a councilor.  I do not want this relationship to continue.  I wanted that decision to come from my son in hopes that he saw these facts.  I do not want her to make my son ill.  I have called the childrens aid and they are helping the girlfriend.  the mother is angry with me and wants them to stay together.  Since I cut the phone calls back,  her mom gave the girlfriend a cell phone and told my son to call her at school!!!!  I'm floored! 

I'm afraid that they will just keep uping thier anti and maybe run away or even do something more stupid if I break them up.  help 

I can understand where you are coming from, fully i really do and i may not be the best at telling what other people are feeling but i have a feeling in know what all three of you are feeling i believe that you are very upset, which in my mind is so very understandable, but on the other hand i can very much see what the girlfriend is feeling. She may have ADD but that can be controlled. i once to said to a boyfriend that i couldn't go on without him and you know where that got me...no where. 

It is very hard to get over someone that you may truly care about whether you are 14 or 40 it is still very much hard. I can see the phone calls on a limit but as for her telling him her problems.. doesn't every one need someone to talk to once and awhile?...regardless of who they are or if you like them.. And i believe the the both of you have unsettled issues to sort out in which you are putting you son in the middle of it.. i truly believe unless he does not want to be with her that he is being pulled between the one he is dating and his own mother.. he loves you...he always will and he may even care for this girl and doesn't want to see this girl go down... i to said the same thing to my boyfriend at the time like i said...and a year and a hafe after he dumped me and knowing i have been with a guy who i love for a year and a mouth now decided he wanted me back and threatened suicide..which yet again got him no where. I do not believe someone can take their own life over it.i have thought it before and I'm sure she has attempted it and as you say "she cuts herself" but she doesn't and hasn't and i believe will not cut deep enough to take her own life. You and your son need to sit down..lisen to him.. ask him what he wants...if he wants to be with her set down some basic rules...but all i can really say is the worst thing to do is say u can't see her anymore for if she is capable of committing suicide he will and always will blame himself for it...I believe you are a great mother with great intension's. talk to her mother face to face tell her your reason and ask for hers try to find a way that she can get help, get on with her life and maybe turn out to be a nice person...as for you i think you have the best of intentions and keep your foot down but worry about what your son is really feeling inside,
Tia 

 
October 31, 2005, 6:09 pm CST

Thank you

Quote From: twinster47

I had problems with my son at that age and I helped him get into Tarheel Challenge Academy in Clinton, North Carolina. It is sponsored by the National Guard and it will help her finish High School, get back into good physical health and hopefully get her to look at her future . That was some 8 years ago, so call to see if there is a school near you. It really helped my son get back on track. Good luck and don't give up. It WILL get better.
Thank you.  That is something I will look into.  At this point I'll try anything.  Thanks for the advice.  Thanks for listening.
 
October 31, 2005, 6:24 pm CST

At what age should a child be premitted

to chose which parent he wants to live with.  My grandson desperately wants to live with his Dad, my son and from August to the beginning of October he did.  His mom and Dad signed a notorized paper agreeing to let my son have temporary custody but the whole time he was with his dad his mom would call and threaten to take him home because she didnt like how my son was taking care of him.  They lived in constant fear of her coming to take him away and one morning when my son was at work she did just that.  He didnt even get to say good-bye to his father.  My grandson is fourteen years old and he wants to live with his father.  He lives in California with his mother and his father lives in Arizonia.  My son has a steady job and all he wants to do is take care of his children.  My grandsons mother has been on welfare for 14 years, has only worked out of the home for 2 weeks.  My grandson has tried to commit suicide because he is unhappy living with his mother.  At his mothers house he has to share a bedroom with 3 other children and at my sons house he has his own bedroom.  Anyway I am so worried about this childs mental health and well being.  My son is taking her to court for custody and I was just wondering if anyone thought he had a chance of getting him. 

 
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