Topic : Troubled Teens

My stepdaughter (17yrs old)just recently moved back in to our home after being with her mother for several years. During this time she has been through boot camps, rehabs, the state has even taken custody and she has been in and out of 7 or 8 foster homes. We are trying to provide a stable loving home for her however, she is totally defiant and is a constant disruption to our home. She has already dropped out of high school and constantly talks about turning 18. Her motto is she will not have to respect anyone when she is 18.She thinks her life is going to be so wonderful because she wil be able to do whatever she wants. Of course we have talked to her until we are blue in the face explaining how that is not true ect.. She promises she is going to behave well after her binges and then within 3 or 4 days she is back to lying about being at work, in hotel rooms with men, doing all types of drugs, sex with men and women, and the list goes on and on. She will steal and lie, whatever it takes to get what she wants when she wants it. Then when she is approached with her actions she acts as if how dare you say these things about me and the next day goes on to pretend nothing ever happened. She tries to manipulate me into believing her mother is horrible which I know is not true. I have tried to be her soft spot but she just takes advantage of me. Her Dad is about to loose it , it is killing him to see his daughter turning out this way and no regard for his rules. He is almost to the point of just  putting her out on the streets(she seems to want to be there anyway). This child has been in every facility in our state, through the door of many doctors, on all types of medications even juvenile court in our city will not take her any more, they have no where to put her. I have never seen a child more defiant and out of control. She will tell you she cannot be told no ,she wants to do what she wants and when she wants to do it. Her mother and father, including her extended family are ready to throw their hands up and let her go!!! We feel we are out of options. I am the stepparent and thrown in the middle of this fiasco, what to do?

Are there other households like ours, any help, suggestions???

My son is almost 15 and I recently found out from his MySpace page that he cuts himself.  If that wasn't enough, I found a stash of letters he wrote to his closest friends that are good bye and thank you notes for being good friends.  His father and I don't often tell him no, but recently he wanted to travel out of state with his speech team and we said no because it was the weekend of his birthday and family (his 88 year old great-grandparents) were planning to visit with him then.  He is a good student and is successful in many activities at school.  We have tried to make a loving home, we eat dinner together every night and discuss our days.  We make every effort to attend school functions, games, etc. and make sure our children feel loved.  It just seems like he is emotionally out of control and I am scared he may do something to hurt himself.  Please help me with any advice.

Have you talked with him at all about what you read from his myspace page? My 15 year old daughter also has a myspace page, but she knows that I monitor it nearly daily, and I also read the pages of her friend’s.

Cutting is a serious problem, and the letters that you found indicate that your son is really depressed, even if he doesn’t show that side to you. My advice to you is to call a therapists, preferably one specializing in teens, and tell them what is going on. They will probably make you an appt. very soon. Then, tell your son that you know he has been cutting himself and you know he is thinking of hurting himself, and that you are taking him to get help for that problem. This is the right thing to do. Your son sounds like a good kid who needs some help right now, and you are the only one who can get him that help. I wish you all well.

Last weekend was a nightmare.  My daughter ended up at her friend's house, and I use the term friend loosely, and there was a big party.  I ended up letting her spend the night because the parents cars were in the driveway and when I tried to talk to them they were "sleeping".  I trusted her and okay here's my sign....STUPID.  Although it was awful it brought everything to a head.  We seem to have talked alot about everything and she seems to want to get away from these people.  I have grounded her until further notice and she really isn't fighting me on it.   Now are you sitting down?  The dumb butt took pictures of everything with her digital camera.  I went on-line and printed the whole mess.  The parents of the kid who had the party are "disappointed" in her but not doing a damn thing..no discipline whatsoever.  I told my daughter that they just don't care and they don't want to take the time and energy to try to make her a stable adult.  She seems to agree with me and I do hope she's just not blowing smoke up my elbow. 

I had her watch this short movie clip on the internet.

www.thedashmovie.com

See if your daughter will watch it.  It really brought mine to tears and she watched it several times.

Also, another site I found was:   www.motivateus.com   If you go into the teen section, there are lots of motivational quotes from teens.

I hope she appreciated the birthday party and everything went well.  My birthday wish for her is that she find her way out of this mess and see what wonderful parents she has.  My daughter's biological Dad is in and out of the picture alot too.  He's bipolar and his input depends on where he is on his cycle.  What a shame both him and your ex have missed so much in their kids lives.

Does she have a cell phone?  The best thing I ever did was take away that privilege.  With her limited to the home phone, I can really track and sort out who is calling.  That was the smartest thing I've done so far.  AND believe it or not, she has lived...although she assured me she would shrivel up and die.  :)

I hope things get better for you.  I have broken out in hives everywhere...and I mean everywhere! 

Thanks for the website too, I will check it out.

Keep in touch!  I'm thinking about you!

 

Thank you so much for the information...I will check it out.

Hey I just went into the Florida Challenge Academy.  I was very impressed.  The only bad thing is part of the criteria is you have to be a drop out.  She still is in school with not very impressive grades.  BUT the program is very interesting and something to think about.  Thanks for the tip!

I HAVE JUST FOUND OUT MY 14 YEAR OLD SON IS SMOKING POT.WE HAVE HAD NUMEROUS TALKS ABOUT DRUGS AND ALCOHOL.I THOUGHT OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS PRETTY OPENED ,HOW WRONG WAS I .WELL, MY FIRST REACTION WAS TO KILL HIM, INSTEAD I HAVEN'T SAID ANYTHING TO HIM.HIS SISTER HAS BEEN TALKING TO HIM.I'M NOT SURE WHAT TO DO OR HOW TO GO ABOUT IT ...CAN U PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

                                                                                               I'M SO CONCERNED AND WORRIED

He needs serious help IMMEDIATELY.  He is so depressed, he may be thinking about suicide [assuming he wrote GOOD-BYE LETTERS] Depression and suicidal thoughts should be taken very very seriously, and he may be hormonally unbalanced. I'm sure he has a very loving home, and I'm sure he's a good kid, and this probably has nothing to do with you. And he has already done something to hurt himself! He has turned into a cutter. He will eventually take things to a more drastic level if you don't get him help as soon as possible.
I am 17 years old and I fell into a deep depression when I was 16. I wanted help, and when I my ability to cope outweighed my depression, I began to think about suicide.
I finally found the courage to tell my parents, but they did not respond the way I thought they would.
At first they just kept asking why why why. They would tell me I had a good home, and no reason to be depressed. They made me feel guilty and confused. I didn't want to be depressed, and I didn't want to be a burden. I didn't know why I felt as I did.
It got worse and I was completely alone and I cried and cried and cried. My parents ignored me completely because they just didn't know what to do.
They would pretend everything was okay. When I brought up my depression, they would walk away or tell me I was completely selfish, and tearing them apart inside. They would ask why I would just continue to hurt myself, and them.
Things became worse, and worse with time. I couldn't function anymore, and I would be sent home from my new school in crying fits of rage. Everything was just too much.
I was ready to give up, but my best friends wouldn't let me. They were very far, because my family and I moved recently, but they gave me the strength to seek help on my own.

Please, please I urge you to help your son find help before it is too late, and before his life and yours turns into a complete nightmare. It is very very serious! Don't leave him alone! Don't ignore him or pretend everything is OK, because it really isn't at all.

What kind of grades does your son get in school?

 

Besides the pot, is he respectful to his family?

 

Don't freak at him. Instead, try to discuss the reasons why he is smoking pot in the first place. He could be depressed or anxious or so desparate that he needs to turn to drugs as a answer.

 

I didn't start smoking pot until I was 16 and I am 19 and I still smoke pot every day.  I started doing it because I was curious and wanted to see what it felt like.  I continued to smoke pot (and later, hashish - a more powerful, concentrated form of cannabis) to cope with stresses of school, work, and trouble with girls was a big one. I had depression since I was about 14 and I didn't know what it was until I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist when I was 18. By this point, I was heavily into pot and hash and the isolation of university life (not living in residence and living at home) was eating me up.

 

I do not condone the use of marijuana or illegal drugs. But I do use them as a coping mechanism and as something to help me slug through my studies. I am not saying I'm right in doing this, I'm giving you an example of my own use and why I use it. Your son may use pot for different reasons than mine.

 

Get to the bottom of the issue. find out WHY he is smoking. Also.

How does he get the money to buy pot? It's pretty expensive if you are in the US, so if you are giving him a lot of spending money, you might want to monitor that or stop all together.