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Topic : Troubled Teens

Number of Replies: 1351
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:31:34 pm
Author : dataimport
Is your teen headed down a path of self destruction with drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, self injury, depression, or problems with the law? Share advice and support with other parents of troubled teens.

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October 11, 2005, 5:15 pm CDT

To both scared parents

If you have mental health insurance I would recommend calling them and asking what intensive programs are available to you. Usually they are short term, 7-10 days to get the child stable enough to function while going to outpatient therapy. 

  

State facilities are bound by state laws so if that is your only option it is better than nothing. Also call your county mental health department if you do not have insurance. They work on fee schedules according to income. They have in home programs, intensive programs, and out patient programs. 

  

These are disturbing symptoms for you to try and handle alone. 

  

My daughter has bipolar and has been hospitalized 4 times since 2003; it is not fun but by all means sometimes very necessary to make sure they do not hurt themselves or others.  

  

If you need help finding additional places for help please let me know I wouldn't mind helping look for something. 

  

I hope you find the help you and your families need. 

Take care 

Tammy 

 
October 11, 2005, 9:20 pm CDT

mother of 13-yr old boy

Quote From: bvilla02

I am a mom of a 13 year old girl who is on the wrong road.  She lies, shows no remorse, defiant and very disrespectful.  She recently left a location with a boy who is almost 16 - she was at the with her friend and her friends mother - no one knew where she was so you can image the whirlwind that took place!!  Not a good scene at all.  When she was confronted by her actions she said that she doesn't believe she did anything wrong, what's the big deal, who cares, (I am sure you have all heard these statements before if you are on this site) -   If anyone has any recommendations on what I can do to help her - I don't think she knows who she is anymore, as she has lost all of her personal interests as well.  We live in the New England area.
  i logged onto this message board because my son seems as if he's starting to not care about his grades, but then compared to everyone's messages, this seems like such a small problem.  i would just like to comment about the teens that are having behavioral problems and being disrespectful to their parents, and you are losing control of them.  You need to really think about if this is the way that you've allowed them to act growing up.  Children need to be taught respect and need to be aware that you are in charge at a very young age.  I have 3 boys, ages 9,11, and 13 and am a single parent.  It has always been very clear to them what type of behavior will not tolerated.  They have always been taught to respect their elders and me, as their mother.  I can't say that they've been perfect angels, but they have never been disrespectful to me or questioned my authority.  I believe children have to be molded from the day they are born---as many are finding out , it is very difficult to try to reverse bad behavior.  You must be very clear about your expectations of them from the beginning.            
 
October 11, 2005, 9:49 pm CDT

Don't want to be preached to

Quote From: ratatat

I'm just looking for advice from the perspective of a parent. See, I have just turned 18 and feel that my parents are not treating me like a young adult. I am a senior in high school, earn a B average and take advanced classes. Though I am not at the top of my class, I do assume responsibilities in school. Yet I am not allowed out past ten on weekends, 8 on school nights, and can only drive my car to and from school. As soon as I get to school I have to call my mom to tell her I made it there ok. Their over protection has cost me a relationship with a boy I really liked, and because I am currently grounded, I don't get to see my friends. It's starting to take a toll on my emotional health and I'm losing my appetite. I can't concentrate in class. I have had plans to go out of state for a weekend next month but I am not allowed to because they believe the friend I am going with is "a bad influence". This friend does not do drugs, does not force me to cave into peer pressure. She has been with me through the difficult times of high school and we are really considering moving in together when we go to college locally next year. 

  

I will probably not go away next month just because I am determined to fix the deteriorating relationship with my parents. But I know it will just cause me more unhappiness because I am not doing and expierencing things my age people should get to. I have tried talking calmly but they don't take into consideration much of what I have to say. If things are not patched up soon I will make the difficult decision of moving into my friend's house until we can financially afford an apartment in the spring. 

  

I know this was long and a load of words that don't seem worth listening to, but I am hanging by my last thread and just want to be happy without jeopardizing my relationship with my parents. 

Perhaps you could share this message you posted.  

Too bad they are not listening to what you are saying. They are very fortunate to have a mature 18 yr. old willing to patch things with them. 

Your emotional health is very important, I beleive you'll make the right choices! God bless! 

 
October 17, 2005, 3:29 pm CDT

Hope I can help.

Quote From: mhammonds

call me crazy but I never thought i would have to deal with a 14 year old boy cutting on himself.  He has a counselor he is ADHD   He is not at the point were it is cutting himself  deep yet.  I have talk to some people and this is not uncommon.  I just do not understand it.  Can anyone help?

Hey. I was hoping I could add a bit of light to this situation. I'm sixteen, I've been dealing with depression, mild OCD and anxiety problems and turned to cutting about five years ago. The reason I did it was because it was something I could control. God bless my family, but it was something that they couldn't touch (they've always been extremely over-protective). I remember times getting so angry, and knowing I couldn't express it because 'you can't make waves' and all that, that I took it out on myself rather than speaking up for myself.  

  

Not to say you do, but don't treat your son like he's crazy or a freak. I understand how painful this is for parents, but I know at the time I felt like my actions were only affecting me. It's my body, my time, you know. I still have the urge to cut and cause other harm to myself (I leaned towards burning a lot of the time) and have relapsed. It's like any other addiction. Good luck, and I'll keep you two in my thoughts.  

 
October 17, 2005, 3:38 pm CDT

I can relate.

Quote From: mushu8

Quote From: hurtingurl

My name is Kristin..im 16sometimes I feel like I have no one to talk to & I get real depressed & I just dont know what to doI feel like talking to someone but I dont know how to approach the personSome times i will just go up to my room and cry for about an hour, mostly because my parents fight..i hate it& sometimes i'll go out with my friends have a lot of fun & then come home & cry for a whileyou see all these other people with "perfect" lives..why cant mine be like that?I just desperatley need help& someone to talk toI just feel that im all alone & theres no one there to comfort me or to love meI also get motion sickness I would probably say about 6-7 times a monthi’ve been getting sick like this ever since i was about 6 & I keep going to doctors and I’ve had so many MRI’s & they cant find anything, I just feel that we’re waisting our money on something no one can cure(probably over 2,000 dollars)..my moms mom had it my mom had it and my oldest brother had it and they all got treatment cuz my mom had a hysterectomy and my brother and grandma take pills..i just don’t understand why im left alone & cant get some pills to help or anythingwhen I hang out with friends and I get sick they support me all the way but a lot of people think im faking it all the time and it hurts to know that some people just don’t care& because of me getting sick all the time my grades are dropping because im missing a lot of school, sometimes 3 days a weekiat this point i really dont know what to do please give me advice!       

   Hi hurtingirl, i'm 14 and i have some what the same problem. I mean my parents sometimes do fight, but its mainly because either me, my sis or my bro. Also my parents keep talking about leaving or something and then I get real sad and angry inside. I want my life to be "perfect" but no one can take on that role, its just not the way that we live. I understand how you get depressed, I moved from Saudi Arabia a year ago to the States, and i don't have much anyone to talk too. My dad worked there for quite some time, but then it got bad that we had to move for the welfare of our safety. Though i don't know what it feels like to feel sick everyday, I think it would be cool if we chatted with one another. I mean I could really use a friend right now myself too. Send me a message if you feel like exchanging emails. From, Michelle

Hey hon.  

  

I know what you're saying, I live with my grandparents. I think they fight more than my actual parents did... they've just got a lot of unresolved issues, things that have happened before I was even born. I can't talk to my grandparents about depression or anything else, because it only puts an added burden on them. My mom basically thinks I'm faking everything or it's just 'growing pains'. I think she's just tired of dealing with me. My dad's not in the picture, he's got issues I don't even want to think about it. I've moved a lot, I've got some good friends here finally but then again I always feel like I've got to be happy for them, because they worry immensely. I'm sorry about what you're going through, my email is rosecolormyworld@hotmail.com if you ever want to get in touch and talk.  

 
October 17, 2005, 3:49 pm CDT

Troubled Teens

Quote From: mhammonds

call me crazy but I never thought i would have to deal with a 14 year old boy cutting on himself.  He has a counselor he is ADHD   He is not at the point were it is cutting himself  deep yet.  I have talk to some people and this is not uncommon.  I just do not understand it.  Can anyone help?

With some teens, it's become a trend...which is sad that it might start out that way, and then they might get addicted.  Because I know from past experience that is addicting, and it's really hard to get out of once you've started.  If you're the boy's parent(which I assume you are), consider yourself somewhat fortunate that you know about your son...especially if he had the courage to tell you himself.  It's a very secretive thing, and most cutters don't want anyone to know at all...even their best friends.  I would talk to him about it, and there's a lot of ways that you can help...suggest outlets, such as if he enjoys art or some kind of sport.  Maybe suggest writing in a notebook, even though it might seem stupid to him.  If he's gotten himself out of past activities that he used to enjoy, that might be a big part of it.  Try and get him back into it.  It's what helped me! 

  

Hope I could help. 

Lots of hugs. 

 
October 17, 2005, 6:06 pm CDT

hope this will help

Quote From: reneed

Perhaps you could share this message you posted.  

Too bad they are not listening to what you are saying. They are very fortunate to have a mature 18 yr. old willing to patch things with them. 

Your emotional health is very important, I beleive you'll make the right choices! God bless! 

You know what... 

most teens your age do not have as much patience as you do. And what i did,was packed my things and left.YOur parents seem to be really overprotected.If they dont listen to you,thats their fault.I moved out when i was 17.I know my advice isn't the best,and YES its very hard to just pack up and leave.But you seem you know what you want,so don't let anybody in your path!! 

 
October 18, 2005, 9:05 am CDT

Looking for camp/school for drug teen

I have a 15 year old grandson who is drug dependent (matijuana) becuase it's the only way he feels happy (suffers from depression). I am looking for a treatment center, camp and/or school that can wean him off of the drugs while treating him for his depression (medically and through counseling) so that he can be happy without drugs. If you know of any such places, or can recommend anything, please email me at heaslip@encode.com
 
October 18, 2005, 4:09 pm CDT

Cousin headed downhill...

I've wanted to write to Dr Phil for a while now for help, but the rest of the family isn't too keen on the decision.  I have a cousin who will soon be 19 years old and has been on a downward spiral for the past year or so.  It started approx. 6 months before graduating high school in June.  It came on suddently - she became defiant and suddenly wanted nothing to do with her mother and step father, who she has been raised by since 7 years of age.  She would go out and not come home and last January she chose not to come home at all and has been living wherever she can find a place - friends homes, boyfriends, people she met off the street and most recently with a boyfriend. 

  

She makes the poorest of decisions and can't keep down a job.  She had told my sister, who she use to divulge everything to, that she can't get a job because she is unable to produce a clean UA, drinks, and smokes marijuana.  She has become familiar to the law enforcement of her town given her choice in friends, jailbird boyfriend, and most recent criminal activity - just two nights ago she got together with several others and did damage to a persons vehicle for something she never even saw happen. 

  

Her mom, dad and step dad have tried everything.  They have not helped her with bills in hopes she will mature and see they need paid; they have taken away her car as the agreement was she'd pay insurance (which she doesnt do); etc.  My sister has offered to get her into college classes and we have offered her a free place to live and transportation as long as she's in college.  She refuses.  She tells people one thing and turns around and does the opposite.  This is draining on everyone involved, including the rest of the family watching this happen to someone with great potential! 

  

Any and all advice would be MUCH appreciated!!! 

 
October 18, 2005, 8:08 pm CDT

teen with attitude

 I have a 16 1/2 year old daughter who has a become very disrepectful over the last 8 months about. l tell her she needs to talk to her elders with respect and she tells me that she is not going to respect them if they don't respect her first. When I am following through with a consequence because of something she did or didn't do then the attitude kicks in. She yells in my face and then looks away, crosses her arms and won't reply when asked a question. We made an agreement about what would happen if she didn't do her chores and when I follow through with the plan all hell breaks lose. She acts like a 2 year old throwing a tantrum and she thinks crying will get her her way even though it doesn't she still just does give up.  She is very bullheaded .She always has an excuse why it isn't her fault, it is always someone elses fault. How do I get her to be respectful and to own what she does or doesn't do?
 
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