Topic : Troubled Teens

I have been divorced since my 16 yr old daughter was 2 yrs old.  Her father and I maintained an amicable relationship for her sake until the last year or so.  I gave her a little too much freedom with a friend that she has known all of her life.  She took advantage of this and ended up losing her virginity to someone she hardly knew.  She and the other girl were spending the night at a boys house instead of where they were supposed to be (apparently the girls parents didn't care).  When I found out where she was, I went to the house and retrieved her.  I then had to go back to work.  She knew she had screwed up severely and quickly called her father to come and pick her up.  She quickly made up alot of accusations against me to plead her case so that he wouldn't ask real questions.  She launched a hate campaign against me and quickly became absorbed in her "new life".  She told him she wanted to live with him which was music to his ears and he immediately filed for custody.  I knew on the other hand that once the "smoke cleared" she would want to come back home.  I tried to warn him that he was just being manipulated but he wouldn't hear it.  After excessive legal costs and much heartache, she decided she wanted to come home.  Her father was furious with her and told her she had ruined his life.  He began to torment her on the phone, and told here she would not be going on a cruise that they (his wife and 16 yr old stepdaughter) had planned because he didn't want her to ruin it for everyone.  Over the last year, he has called her screaming at her for not calling him, etc.  She has seen him twice in the last year.  She has been devastated by this and we have tried to work on it in counseling.  Over the last few months, her behavior has become very erractic.  She has been clinging to any male attention she can get.  This whole situation in this small town where we have lived her whole life has become very negative.  She has gotten in with the wrong friends.  Heres the big thing.  I have been dating a great man for the last 3 1/2 years who lives in California.  We live in Alabama.  He has been an answer to prayer for all of us including my 12 yr old son who's father has never been very active.  He loves and adores both of my children as if they were his own.  After discussing it with my children and getting the "go ahead", we got engaged in Feb.  My daughter was excited and "ready to get out of this place".  Now it is May and she is saying she is not going.  That she doesn't think she will fit in out there and that its "not her". She says I should just stop caring about her and let her alone. She has become withdrawn and angry She is terrified for some reason that we will "get her out there and never let her come back".  We have both reassured her that when she finishes school, if she still wants to come back we will send her.  I know she is just insecure and scared but this is ripping my heart out.  I hate to see my daughter in so much pain.  What do I do?  She wants to go back and live with her dad even though we both know deep down it is not a good situation.  Her stepmother does not like her very much and is very jealous of her.  It was a volatile situation there.  My son is so excited about the move and looks forward to making new friends.  How do I choose?  and should I?  Should I just let her do what she wants even though I know she will be sorry for the decision?  Do I go anyway with my son knowing that its not fair to him to deny him the amazing opportunities ie: sports, education etc. and a mother who can finally be at home for him?  How do I walk away from my child?

What would you do?

Say you have a 16-year-old daughter. She seems like a totally normal, goal-driven, happy girl--not one to follow trends or go against her beliefs. You know she doesn't care for her body, but you don't think it really bothers her too much; after all, she doesn't seem to stress about it as much as other girls her age. You know she's way more worried about her schooling--she's advanced at least one year in every class. She always says how she's happy and she loves you and even herself.

And then your daughter sits you down and says, "Mom/Dad, I'm bulimic."

What do you do?

I ask because, well, I'm a 16-year-old bulimic. I'm trying to stop on my own, and it's hard. I'm thinking of telling my mom, but I'm scared of her reaction. So what might a parent do in that situation?