Dr. Phil.com - Messageboards

User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote

December 14, 2005, 5:45 pm PST

Thank You

Quote From: pettlex

hi im a 19 year old from ireland and i made a profile on d dr phil site because i had to email you. i myself have a 16 year old sister which i could never image someting like this happen. im mature for my age and am known as d advice giver to everyone i know. this is an unfortunate ting to happen but i can only offer advice. i myself am also so close to my mother and could talk to her about everyting always would have but at d age of 16 and pregnant i would not have been able to talk to her if dat haapened to me. i gaurentee the way it came out i can relate to the way your daughter was tinking. the last ting in d world she ever wanted was to disappoint you. and i know your saying she never would maybe has but uncondistional love. but not in her mind she has disappointed herself and she you to. so d easy ting to do was blurt it out and run not having to deal with the diappointed looks or tears because it would have made it worse for her. my advice to you is to go to her tell her how much you love her ,how much you need her, how much your there for her ,her child. what you need to do in your mind for one minute forget her as a child talk to her as an adult talk from the bottom of your heart. you want her in your life so start to be excited your going to be a granmother tell her dats wat you want have d bigest heart to heart,one youve never had before with your daughter and let her in let her see who you are not just as a mother who you are as a person. your daughter left home perfect home like mine and the only reason i see why is because its easier to hear what you want to hear and in her mind she was gonig to hear d oppisite. and i for one couldnt deal with disappointing my mother either can she. shock brings out words without tinking she imagined every word you would say when she told her secret and didnt want to see d disappointment on your face.she can still acheive everyting she wants to you need her to know dat. but not without your help. in her mind it was the end of the world reasure her its not.

Thank you for your advice. Last night I had a good talk with my daughter. I listened more than I talked. But I did like you said...I talked to her like she was an adult and she responded MUCH better than if I went on the defense and tried to tell her what to do all of the time. She already knows how I feel about this whole thing...so there is no need in reminder her of that every time we talk. That just cuts things off right away. You were right...she talked to me more when I just talked with her like adults and no lectures.

Your point of view that she ran away because she couldn't face dissapointing me helped me a lot. I asked her about that and she said that is exactly why she ran away. She didn't want me reminding me that she dissapointed me every other second of the day. (That's what she said.) Your post gave me a lot to think about and I thank you for that. Thanks for taking time out to help. We had a good talk last night and it is a good step in the right direction!

Chatchie

Read Replies to this Message

Yupi

User Mood
Good

Message Emote

December 14, 2005, 7:15 pm PST

Hey I feel you girl

Quote From: thuggie_16

well i agree parents do have it hard but im a lil deff case my sis is comeing back 4 the holadays and im pressured to grow up fast but im not aloud to date ( to dangerouse her moms way over pertetive) well i understand it but umm how long do i get to be a kid and i already have to be nice

to my septdad and his a grouch but besides anyways i need a life my moms not leting me go to public should because i got in to 2 fight in 7th grade wow well anyways im not alowed to go to should to dangerous cause we kinda live on the badside of of town new mexico bad side of amarica but anyways im not aloud to date to dangerous they will kill you not aloud on the com to chat rooms i got send porn 2 times so not my falt i dont realy like porn espacail the stuff i got sent it was of old ppl and to young to see i go a pic of a realy old guy and of a realy young girl so so not my falt i didnt assk 4 them and i onece as a joke gave a guy my number i didnt think he would call but yet still not aloud on diablo a vidio game chatroom im stuck doing nothing i live in a dead life

and if i sneeck ona chatroom i get in more troble than anything or if i call a guy(i called a guy my mom almost killed me) he called her because i called him left a message

and my moms like its me or him i picked my mom i dought he would let me live with him plus im only 15 so i duno how to get the message throught my mom cause we r not moveing untill at least may bye than ill be dead of bordem and 16 so im so cunfused how do we love and respect our parents if they dont care about what we need and whant

I think parents do care thuggie. They are just like protecting us because we don't understand everything yet. We may think we do but we have a f*cking whole lot to learn.

And you keep saying that you would get in trouble if you go on chat room and that you are not allowed to go anywhere? well you also pointed out that you live on "the bad side of town", that might just tell you something about why ur parents are so protective?

I personally dont think we should date yet cuz there's no point. A small percent of people end up having a "happily ever after" with their high school sweet heart. Besides theres plenty more sweets to being single, I swear! If you're in a relationship it might be "pleasuring"(im not talking about sex dont think that way) lol but it also means more stress cuz you are wondering how to keep it together because it does gets tougher as couples stay longer together.

Ya just look for things that you should be glad of. If you like art then focus on that more or use it as your outlet. Or if you like music listen to it more(some music send wrong messages though).

I dont go on a chat room because its really a way to socialize in a cowardly way. You can say anything through internet and have a lot of fun but whoa re you really? I think chat room is kinda dishonest dont you think? Friends are real when you can actually talk ot them face to face and be yourself when talking to them... You might be honest on the internet but other's aren't and I don't like the idea of training someone else to lie by beleiving it on the internet...

Well, I guess if you can start talking like an adult(im not saying that you have to use like big words) and reason things out that shows your parents that you "can" think. They might be stubborn at first since you guys are probably used to arguing or stuff like that, but later on they will start to see you in a new way and respect that what you think and say are reasonable, and they should respect and consider them... If not then I dunno but u gotta try. (remember im no doctor that i might say wrong stuff sometimes, but usually im right lol)

I just think you need to stop thinking that you live a dead life and stuff because there are way worse stuff going on around the worlld and I dont have to tell you what they are... Stop feeling pity for yourself because it will get you no where I KNOW it so.

I hope you find what you want in life and being a teenager.

Jenny

Read Replies to this Message

thuggie_16

User Mood
Mellow

Message Emote

December 15, 2005, 7:46 am PST

Troubled Teens

Quote From: Yupi

I think parents do care thuggie. They are just like protecting us because we don't understand everything yet. We may think we do but we have a f*cking whole lot to learn.

And you keep saying that you would get in trouble if you go on chat room and that you are not allowed to go anywhere? well you also pointed out that you live on "the bad side of town", that might just tell you something about why ur parents are so protective?

I personally dont think we should date yet cuz there's no point. A small percent of people end up having a "happily ever after" with their high school sweet heart. Besides theres plenty more sweets to being single, I swear! If you're in a relationship it might be "pleasuring"(im not talking about sex dont think that way) lol but it also means more stress cuz you are wondering how to keep it together because it does gets tougher as couples stay longer together.

Ya just look for things that you should be glad of. If you like art then focus on that more or use it as your outlet. Or if you like music listen to it more(some music send wrong messages though).

I dont go on a chat room because its really a way to socialize in a cowardly way. You can say anything through internet and have a lot of fun but whoa re you really? I think chat room is kinda dishonest dont you think? Friends are real when you can actually talk ot them face to face and be yourself when talking to them... You might be honest on the internet but other's aren't and I don't like the idea of training someone else to lie by beleiving it on the internet...

Well, I guess if you can start talking like an adult(im not saying that you have to use like big words) and reason things out that shows your parents that you "can" think. They might be stubborn at first since you guys are probably used to arguing or stuff like that, but later on they will start to see you in a new way and respect that what you think and say are reasonable, and they should respect and consider them... If not then I dunno but u gotta try. (remember im no doctor that i might say wrong stuff sometimes, but usually im right lol)

I just think you need to stop thinking that you live a dead life and stuff because there are way worse stuff going on around the worlld and I dont have to tell you what they are... Stop feeling pity for yourself because it will get you no where I KNOW it so.

I hope you find what you want in life and being a teenager.

Jenny

yo i no they care im just saying they need to think about when they were kids and think if they would wont what there giveing u feel me

Read Replies to this Message

sahm123456

User Mood
Happy

Message Emote

December 21, 2005, 1:06 pm PST

Troubled teen camp???

Dr. Phil has often mentioned a place to send kids. It's located in TX. Does anyone remember the name of it? Thanks!

MM

Read Replies to this Message

addy_girl

User Mood
Happy

Message Emote

December 21, 2005, 2:41 pm PST

Option of last resort

Quote From: sahm123456

Dr. Phil has often mentioned a place to send kids. It's located in TX. Does anyone remember the name of it? Thanks!

MM

I don't recall Phil making a referral to a specific camp/inpatient facility. There are so many nationwide - many specialize in a specific problem (e.g. substance abuse, violence, sexual abuse, etc.) You'll want to be careful to find the place that is most appropriate for your unique circumstances/challenges. Also, and this is my opinion, sending child away should probably be one of the last options considered. Let me explain. Problems that warrant residential intervention (such as inpatient hospitalization, therapeutic camps, intervention programs, etc.) tend to arise as a result of many, many interdependent and interrelated variables. Rarely are there one or two reasons why a child is doing what he or she is doing. The problems did not occur in the absence of the family and the problems certainly impacted every member of the family. My fear of sending the child with the problem away for treatment is that the variables contributing to the problems will be ignored or at best minimized. More often than not the problematic behaviors that we see as parents are symptoms of several underlying issues rather than mere aberrant behaviors (“he’s just a bad kid”.) This connection is easily lost if you’re not careful. Now, if it is necessary for the child to be sent to a camp or residential treatment facility the parent(s) and family should not stop there. The immediate relief of having one less problem to deal with might provide the opportunity to explore the bigger picture of how things got to that point - what variables contributed to the behaviors. This is hard work but will certainly be helpful for everybody in the long run. You might want to talk to a skilled and experienced family therapist in your area before spending the $$ for a residential program. If speaking to somebody is not an option I would suggest that you pick up one of the many books that are written to support parents struggling in this manner. Systemic Parenting by Mark Gaskill comes to my mind right now but there are several on the market. Best of luck!!!

Read Replies to this Message

alyssa_

User Mood
Cheerful

Message Emote

December 21, 2005, 5:20 pm PST

a 15 year old girl self injurer

Quote From: stormysmom

My daughter turned 17 in June and a month before my husband and I found out she had been cutting herself. I knew there was something troubling her and I kept looking for signs for others things but never did I think this was the problem. We had a series of events that rattled things. My mom passed away and she was very close with my daughter and then about a year later we moved from a larger city to a small town in another state.( this was prior to finding out about the cutting) She had a difficult time fitting in. She's not very outgoing. We took her to a therapist and she was given antidepression meds. She fights about taking them. She has had a lot of problems with PMS and this makes the situation worse. She seems to fly off the handle at the least little thing. She then broke up with her boyfriend of a few months and now is dreading school since she believes all the kids will shun her again. She did work at a good job in the summer and made new friends who live in the area. I've taken her to school and worked out a schedule so she can graduate in January. (She is a straight A student). I'm at my wits end since I feel she blames me for everything that has gone wrong in her life. I've always encouraged her to do her best and to follow her dreams but I seem to have done something wrong. I have a 12 year old son and worry about him being exposed to all this anger and hositility. It's like walking on eggshells when she's home and always worrying about not upsetting her. My husband is very supportive but isn't sure what he should do to help. Does anyone have any idea what my next step should be. I want to help her but she doesn't seem to want to help herself get better. Does that make sense to anyone? Thanks for listening.

Hello, i understand completly, not in your view but through your daughters view. I started cutting in grade 9 because of being depressed over boys and things. It just felt so good to cut. All of my pain was just gone . But then the next day it would all be back so id have to cut again. My parents eventually found out and i never got any help. It began to get worse. They thought i could jsut stop. You cant. If you cut u cant just stop u have to want to stop for yourself not fpr anyone else even if u love the person who wants u to stop. I then started doing drugs.. and beggining to cut every single day. And it then got wors like trying to commite suiside taking pills being the hospital twice, with needles in my arms and tests, and i didnt care i just kept doing it. I then finally asked for help. And i never got any..i got counceling but i bleieve there should be more help for self injurers it is an addiction and u dont really know what it is untill u actually go through it. Nobody can stop themselves. U need to get help. I tried but noone would ge tm e help. I still cut todauy and cant stop. I dont even know what to do myself. But i know what ur daughters going through. Dont let it get worse. She will regret it like i do. all the scars and memories jsut make me wanna do it more.

Read Replies to this Message

tammyo1973

User Mood
Weird

Message Emote

December 21, 2005, 7:19 pm PST

I am not sure but maybe

Quote From: sahm123456

Dr. Phil has often mentioned a place to send kids. It's located in TX. Does anyone remember the name of it? Thanks!

MM

La Hacenda or something like that

Read Replies to this Message

orangutan3

User Mood
Happy

Message Emote

December 21, 2005, 7:26 pm PST

Therapeutic camp in Texas

Quote From: addy_girl

I don't recall Phil making a referral to a specific camp/inpatient facility. There are so many nationwide - many specialize in a specific problem (e.g. substance abuse, violence, sexual abuse, etc.) You'll want to be careful to find the place that is most appropriate for your unique circumstances/challenges. Also, and this is my opinion, sending child away should probably be one of the last options considered. Let me explain. Problems that warrant residential intervention (such as inpatient hospitalization, therapeutic camps, intervention programs, etc.) tend to arise as a result of many, many interdependent and interrelated variables. Rarely are there one or two reasons why a child is doing what he or she is doing. The problems did not occur in the absence of the family and the problems certainly impacted every member of the family. My fear of sending the child with the problem away for treatment is that the variables contributing to the problems will be ignored or at best minimized. More often than not the problematic behaviors that we see as parents are symptoms of several underlying issues rather than mere aberrant behaviors (“he’s just a bad kid”.) This connection is easily lost if you’re not careful. Now, if it is necessary for the child to be sent to a camp or residential treatment facility the parent(s) and family should not stop there. The immediate relief of having one less problem to deal with might provide the opportunity to explore the bigger picture of how things got to that point - what variables contributed to the behaviors. This is hard work but will certainly be helpful for everybody in the long run. You might want to talk to a skilled and experienced family therapist in your area before spending the $$ for a residential program. If speaking to somebody is not an option I would suggest that you pick up one of the many books that are written to support parents struggling in this manner. Systemic Parenting by Mark Gaskill comes to my mind right now but there are several on the market. Best of luck!!!

I believe the name of the camp is Happy Hills. I always wondered what happened to Michael(?) from one of the Dr. Phil families. I need help finding a way to get my grandson(age 15) into one of these places that does not cost $45,000/ per 12-18 month program. Part of his problem is his mother and he definitely needs to get out of that house and get into a therapeutic environment before it's too late. And we might be at that point right now. Tonight he was arrested for attempting to rob someone or some place with a gun.(a BB gun) He is back at home right now and his Mom is having an emergency meeting tomorrow am to get him placed into a state camp. Please help with any information as soon as possible. We are desperate.

Read Replies to this Message

DrPhilBoard2

User Mood
Good

Message Emote

December 21, 2005, 7:29 pm PST

RE: La Hacienda

Quote From: sahm123456

Dr. Phil has often mentioned a place to send kids. It's located in TX. Does anyone remember the name of it? Thanks!

MM

If you go to this link you can see a full list of resources from Dr. Phil, including La Hacienda which is located in Hunt, Texas. http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/216

Read Replies to this Message

problem247

User Mood
Depressed

Message Emote

December 22, 2005, 11:21 am PST

im a 16 year old

Quote From: alyssa_

Hello, i understand completly, not in your view but through your daughters view. I started cutting in grade 9 because of being depressed over boys and things. It just felt so good to cut. All of my pain was just gone . But then the next day it would all be back so id have to cut again. My parents eventually found out and i never got any help. It began to get worse. They thought i could jsut stop. You cant. If you cut u cant just stop u have to want to stop for yourself not fpr anyone else even if u love the person who wants u to stop. I then started doing drugs.. and beggining to cut every single day. And it then got wors like trying to commite suiside taking pills being the hospital twice, with needles in my arms and tests, and i didnt care i just kept doing it. I then finally asked for help. And i never got any..i got counceling but i bleieve there should be more help for self injurers it is an addiction and u dont really know what it is untill u actually go through it. Nobody can stop themselves. U need to get help. I tried but noone would ge tm e help. I still cut todauy and cant stop. I dont even know what to do myself. But i know what ur daughters going through. Dont let it get worse. She will regret it like i do. all the scars and memories jsut make me wanna do it more.

im a 16 year old girl....one of my x bfs always cut.....because of anger....but then hes call me and tell me whats wrong then hes telll me and i always ended making it worse casue id tell him its not worth it...soo by tellin the kids its not worth it or stop can make it worse......I KNOW OYU MIGHT NOT THINK THIS IS GOOD ADVICE COMMING FROM A 16 YEAR OLD... BUT GET IT FROM SOMEONE WHO WENT THROUGH ITS PERSPECTIVE....soo if you katch it before it gets too bad you can always try to stop it......i know they have medicne for it....casue i used to do it.....its a very disturbing thing to your child when they get older...

lis

Read Replies to this Message

Message Boards

Topic : Troubled Teens

Thank You

Hey I feel you girl

Troubled Teens

Troubled teen camp???

Option of last resort

a 15 year old girl self injurer

I am not sure but maybe

Therapeutic camp in Texas

RE: La Hacienda

im a 16 year old