Topic : Troubled Teens

about a year ago today my x bf justin died! and i get very mad around this time and me and my mom get into arguments and she says "jus because justin died a year ago u need  to get over it! and we never had a chance to break up!!! because he didnt want to but he told me hed only b happy if i was happy when he was gone! so i got a new bf for the past year!! justin died newyears eve last year!! and she gets me soo mad how do i tell her to stop!>?!?!?!? or how do i talk to her!?!?! my bf now gets me and he comforts me through it!! she wont though!! and she was right there when he passed and i was right next to him!!  

help  

 lis 

hello all.   I have a 17 year old daughter.  She is a troubled teen and she carries alot of anger toward me for past mistakes.  There is a long history,but i will give the short version. I raised her by myself since she was a baby. When she was 12 i started dating. She was out doing preteen activities. I was at home by myself alot. Anyway, when she was 13 i started dating someone, became pregnant and am still with this man,  we have 2 children together.  She and him did not get along from the start, They were indifferent to eachother, could not communicate, and eventually became physically violent with eachother.  This went on for 3 years until she finally decided to live with my mother where she is now.  She has been there for 6 months.   She's angry, and rightfully so  BUT, The way she has been treating me is so unacceptable, and I Dont have any fight in and don't know what to do about it.  She verbally abuses me on a daily basis.  I have been called the B word, The C word, A,hole, slut, Stupid, retarded, annoying.  She only calls for money and rides, if i can't deliver, she says "I don't want to hear your voice if you can't give me money" she makes almost impossible demands on me,  When i can't deliver, She gets irrate and tells me to learn how to be a mom.   the list goes on.  We have tried Counseling, medication,  family therapy. nothing is working...........HELP 

ive been thru everything your daughter wnet thru. 

trust me, it's painful for her. but shell get thru it 

i did. i still have scars. talk to her. cry with her 

dear swissms -- i feel for you.  it sounds as if your whole family is in pain.  i have to ask if he has been diagnosed with some sort of developmental disorder.  he is 13 or 14, yes?  has he had problems with anger control when younger? how is he doing in his classes, in attendence. 

it scares me that you are all living with a wonderful son who is, however, potentially dangerous.  there just must be an illness ongoing -- i would wager that he is equally unhappy and embarrassed by his acting out.  i am sorry for the loss of your daughter -- is her name still alive in conversations?  do you have pictures here and there?  i have no idea why that might matter. 

okay, that was a lie.  my older brother ran away at age 14.  i was told to never speak his name again.  never, ever and you won't holdand i didn't.  considerably older now, i even cringe inside when i do tell his story now, at 46.   now i say his name every day 

do you have a good internist of pediatrician who could help and also refer you onward to appropriate? 

Hi! First I want to let you know, reguardless of you past mistakes, you raised her the best you could. You did not fail her in anyway. I have learned this from counseling due to my past mistakes and raising my daughter on my own and being married again. Your daughters behavior towards you is very unacceptable. You need to set some boundaries on her reguarding her abusive language towards you and do not tolerate it no more and let her know you will talk to her but if she starts in on you with the "negativity" you will hang up. Do not let your daughter control you and make you feel sorry for her due to your past. I learned this as well. She is trying to manipulate you into doing what she wants and only what she wants. What about what you want? She is playing your past against you. Your past in  none of her bussiness and she needs to know that. I had to tell my teenager that because she, like your daughter, tries to hold it over my head to get her way. I have also learned that we allow people to treat us the way they do. It is time to take a stand for yourslef to her and let her know she cannot and willnot treat you the way she has anymore. You deserve happiness in your life as well and so do your other children. If you allow her to do this to you and get away with it, trust me, your other kids will do it to you too. Why? Because they see her doing it and getting away with it and they think they can too. I know this because my other kids "were" doing me the same as my first daughter. I had to take control back and let them know, reguardless of what I did in my past life, I am the mother and you are the child and you will obey! I am reading a book that will help you deal with your daughters attitude. It is called "Emotional Blackmail" by Susan Forward. I would get this book if you can and read it and apply those tools. It works! You, like me, are a good person and we deserve our happiness too reguardless of what we did in our past. We did the best we could with our childrens upbringing. (my counselor told me this and I am telling you). Do not cave in to her demands. Only she can make herself happy and accept the way things are. You cant do it for her. The book I mentioned above called "Emotional Blackmail" is about when the people in your life use fear, obligation, and guilt to manipulate you. This book is helping me.  I think it may help you as well. Be strong mom! One day your daughter will grow out of this. That day will come, when you no longer tolerate her behavior and let her know it. I wish you the best and let me know if this helps any. Good Luck! 

I don't know what state you live in, but I know here in my state, it is appropriate to stop visitation only if you file a motion with probate court ASAP stating your concerns, you can also request a drug test. You need to keep in mind that you could be compromising her safety by allowing the visits to continue. Is it possible that you can talk to him, tell him you know he has a drug problem and that you are going to give him 30 days to clean up and if he doesn't you will go through the court system? (SOme people can talk to their ex's, some people cant!) 

My advice where your daughter is concerned is to not wait another day to find a therepist who specializes in teen/pre-teen issues. You won't ever regret it!! Since she is "only" 12, it is possible for you to prevent bigger issues before they even happen, such as eating disorders or self harming (cutting) which are two of the very common things that young girls fall into when they seek attention from their absent fathers. Your daughter deserves to be given the chance to save herself from those things!! You will be giving her a gift, she won't know it until she is a grown woman, but you can save her from so much heartache. You also should meet with the councelor to talk about what you can do to be a more effective parent to a pre-teen, because as I know first hand, your role as mom will be changing very fast very soon. I wish you the best!! 

MY almost 16 yrs. old daughter is going through an episode of depression as a result of finding out the high number of children being neglected,rejected,abused,and being dumped to places where they can become somebody else problem,and while in those places the adult people in charge of taking care their well being,they are hypocrits,liars,and are putting up with this children only because they are getting paid for it. I'm very frustrated because I can not explain my daughter why some grownups are such of hypocrits(fake) My daughter as your daughters has been a very happy child most of her life until she became a teenager.For the past five years while attending  different  christian schools from the same religion,and from different states ,she has been exposed to see children being sexually molested,verbally,and mentally abused,and when the school higher members including pastors become aware of the situation,all they do is come up with an excuse,and hide the problem under the rug,look the other way,and go on with the program.Most of the times the victimized children are taking out of the schools as a result of the parents being ashamed of what took place,and the children become troubled teenagers.Nothing has never been done to the perpetrators,and the adults responsible for the abuse that takes place under their noses,the school board just transfered them to another school.At this point she attends a very repudible christian boarding academy,that has problems with promiscuiity,drug  abuse,gay teenagers confussing other teenagers about their sexuality,practically brainwashing them to become sexually immoral,and my daughter believe as a waste of money sending her to a christian where sexual immorality,rape,mentally,and verbally abused is taking place. As I quote from her "WHY ARE YOU SENDING ME TO A CHRISTIAN SCHOOL  WHERE SUCH OF HORRIBLE THINGS ARE TAKING PLACE,AND I HAVE BEEN EXPOSED TO SUCH OF IMMORALITY THAT I NEVER EXPERIENCE WHEN I ATTENDEDTHE PUBLIS SCHOOLS ? THE CHRISTIANS ARE HIPOCRITES,AND THEY DON'T PRACTICE WHAT THEY PREACH,AND I DON'T EVER WANT TO GO TO A CHRISTIAN SCHOOL,AND I WANT YOU TO TAKE ME OUT OF THE SCHOOL,AND PUT ME IN A PUBLIC SCHOOL.YOU ARE FORCING ME TO GO TO A SCHOOL I DON'T WANT TO GO,AND ALL THEY DOING IS CONFUSSING TO THE POINT THAT I 'M PULLING AWAY FROM GOD" This particular christian school has boarding,and village students,and my daughter is a village student.Today  my husband ,and I have to forced her to go to school because of an incident that took place sunday evening.The teenagers who dorm have made their on sexual clubs,and make obscene sex phone calls to othe teenagers from the academy,that some of the parents are now being aware of it including myself.My daughter several phone calls from girls trying to encourage her to masturbate,and join in phone sexual activities with other girls.I founded sunday night 8 phone calls that lasted about 3 hours from an unknown teenager girl from her school which it was vey sickening ,and obscene.Then I checked the receiving phone calls for the last month ,and found out enough of the "unknown  calls" that i believe can  be very damaging to a teenage child going through puberty.The school staff refused to admit that it's a problem in the school.Usually,they blame the child involved in the abused, the partents,or satan. All I can say is that society needs to wake up,and stop all this hypocrites from destroying our children.And for us parents continue loving our children unconditional,and don't give up on them.As long as they are alive we need to continue talking,and talking to them,and let them know how much we love them.Sometime i have to bring my daughter into my bedroom an hugger all night long until she feels secured enough to go through  the next day.My husband ,and i take turns for the whole night.it is frustrated at times but we don't want to loose her into a horrible life in the streets.Peer presure,drugs,sexual immorality,permisive adults,and parents who don't care are corrupting our innocent children,and we need to fight back.My last words please do not give up on your child!!! You be surprised how important it is to continue showing your child that you will always love the even when they tell you that they hate you,i know they don't mean it.Thank you for letting me give my personal oppinion,and please forgive me if i offended anyone.God Bless You All.