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April 6, 2006, 8:39 pm PDT

Getting hair pulling under control

I have a13 yo daughter who started to pull 2 1/2 years ago. she seems to be getting it under control. But I am wondering if it is something that she can deal with on her own or should there be meds involved? We have tried everything from chastising to reward programs. We have been to a general child counsellor who helped with anxiety issues. But she had not many ideas on trichotillomania and most of what I have learned was from the internet. Just looking for some feedback about where to go right now. Should I continue to let her go without medication if it is something she is not going to be able to kick on her own?

newfgal

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ebeadit1

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April 6, 2006, 10:35 pm PDT

Anxiety meds

Quote From: newfgal11

I have a13 yo daughter who started to pull 2 1/2 years ago. she seems to be getting it under control. But I am wondering if it is something that she can deal with on her own or should there be meds involved? We have tried everything from chastising to reward programs. We have been to a general child counsellor who helped with anxiety issues. But she had not many ideas on trichotillomania and most of what I have learned was from the internet. Just looking for some feedback about where to go right now. Should I continue to let her go without medication if it is something she is not going to be able to kick on her own?

newfgal

Have you taken her to a psychiatrist? I think there are antianxiety meds she can take to alleviate her symptoms. I know a little about trichotillomania and it is in response to boredom or anxiety. So I think talking with a psychiatrist will be helpful. I think chastising her will create more anxiety and will perpetuate the problem. So try to be understanding and when you are noticing her pulling hair out try to redirect her anxiety by being able to talk about her anxiety. Try not to be judgemental because what you are trying to do is to alleviate this behavior and redirect her into dealing with the anxiety with talking, writing or being artistic. Try to catch her as much as possible and redirect her behavior. I think this over time will help.

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ebeadit1

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April 6, 2006, 10:37 pm PDT

Tell me your story

Quote From: hrdtimelvn

thank you so much i dont know whats going to happen from here but i did throw out my razors among other things last night i have always said that i would be a good mom and how can i if i am not totally there i also never new i would be 14 raising 3-4 kids all under 7.

you are a really great person and your kids are soo blessed to have some one so great i n their lives even if they do think your historic

I have not been able to read why it is you have the awsome responsiblity of raising 4 kids. You are 14. What has happened?

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ebeadit1

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April 6, 2006, 10:49 pm PDT

cutting

Quote From: bam2468

Hello. I am a mother of four children. Daughters 18,15,11 and son 7. My first daughter was a breeze. I had no crazy teenage daughter stuff to go through. My second daughter whom is 15 which I know every child is different and I really never expected it to go so easy with her. Well my dilemma right now is that my daughter has cut herself a couple of years ago one time. And just recently my neice has informed me and her father that she had did it again alot worst then she had last time. She was angry because she was grounded for a week (no friends, no calls and no computer) of course her lawyer mode kicked in and she had to defend on how stupid it was how stupid her parents were and how much she hated us. Well after all argumenting was done she was given a month groundment and that would be when we found out she cut herself again. We are now in the process of trying to find a doctor outside of this small town that I live in. Where I have spoke to other parents whom have tooken there children to doctors regarding the same issue and as some of the children whom have posted messages say just a couple of visits and it is ruled out that they are teenagers. Me and my daughter have had good communication and she tells me just about everything more than what I need to know sometimes and she reminds me of how hard it is to be a teenage girl. She knows that I am here for her. Any advice regarding the cutting would be helpful. I guess the topic of cutting has gotten so bad my daughter tells me about how many girls do it at school and how they show it off as if they have gotten a new tattoo.

Self mutilation is very common. But just because it is common does not mean it is any less a pathological way of dealing with her problems. I know a lot about cutting. I have 32 master's units in Marriage and family therapy and have studied the subject quite well. I am sensing your daughter is using cutting as a response to a mood disorder or to manipulate and deal with her internalized rage. I would not feel guilt when you discipline her. Don't believe that she is cutting because you are disciplining her. She is cutting because she is extremely angry and is coping with her rage by cutting. Please buy the book "Cutting". It is a great book to help you understand her behavior and explain why she is doing it. Also when you ground her I would not get into this arguing. She is winning when she gets you to argue with her. When you ground her keep your conversations to 2-3 minutes. Also I would also rule out a mood disorder with regard to when she cutts. I would make an appointment to a psychiatrist with regard to her possible depression and her self mutilation. I would write daily about her moods and how she is behaving each day for about 1-2 weeks. Take this journal to the psychiatrist and go over it with him or her. This is very helpful for proper assessment. I hope this helps.

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ebeadit1

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April 6, 2006, 11:01 pm PDT

OK

Quote From: jkstoned

Maybe a little jail time wouldnt be so bad for the kid. He sounds like a real handfull and a pain to deal with. If he spent a little time in jail with other down-and-out criminals, he'll see where his life is going and it will scare him and encourage him to think about his life and where is and if he doesn't like jail, he'll do his best to avoid him.

My philosophy is, you've gotta give bad people a taste of hell if you want them to avoid it.

I hear your desperation. Why are you not trusting this boy around your daughters? This to me is a big red flag. Just because he was molested does not mean he will molest your daughters. But obviously you feel cautious for a reason. Why is that? Unfortunately you stepson has endured serious abuse and neglect from his mother and a male authoritative figure in his life. Trust is a huge issue with him. Therapy does not always help with abandonment issues and attachment issues. Have you take him to a psychiatrist to rule out depression? I really think that a treatment facility can help him if he is that out of control. Your psychiatrist can help refer him if he or she feels it is needed. If he is stealing, lying, and you can't trust him with your daughters I think safety is an issue right now. Is he violent? Does he harm animals? Has he started fires? These are really helpful to know. If the answers are yes get him into a treatment facility right away. I hope this helps. Have your spoken with his therapist about your concerns?

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newfgal11

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April 7, 2006, 5:04 am PDT

Troubled Teens

Quote From: ebeadit1

Have you taken her to a psychiatrist? I think there are antianxiety meds she can take to alleviate her symptoms. I know a little about trichotillomania and it is in response to boredom or anxiety. So I think talking with a psychiatrist will be helpful. I think chastising her will create more anxiety and will perpetuate the problem. So try to be understanding and when you are noticing her pulling hair out try to redirect her anxiety by being able to talk about her anxiety. Try not to be judgemental because what you are trying to do is to alleviate this behavior and redirect her into dealing with the anxiety with talking, writing or being artistic. Try to catch her as much as possible and redirect her behavior. I think this over time will help.

We have taken her to a psychiatrist and she recommended behavioural mod therapy but to me that is what we have been doing. She is already very artistic and seems to have difficulty in school with the basics which is part of what led to the anxiety in the first place. She may be dyslexic but doesn't want to call any more attention by modifying her program . She has enough trouble with kids picking on her, she says. this will only give them something more. I understand about the meds but was hoping to not have to go that route. She has learned some great coping strategies that will help her throughout life from these experiences but only if the symptoms don't get worse over time. She loves to draw and this helps when she is watching TV but if she reads, it is a mindless habit. Again not very much but it still is a habit that could get worse if she is not careful.

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jb7ctx

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April 7, 2006, 5:36 am PDT

I am sooooo PROUD of you!!

Quote From: hrdtimelvn

thank you so much i dont know whats going to happen from here but i did throw out my razors among other things last night i have always said that i would be a good mom and how can i if i am not totally there i also never new i would be 14 raising 3-4 kids all under 7.

you are a really great person and your kids are soo blessed to have some one so great i n their lives even if they do think your historic

I am soooo PROUD of you for doing that! You took another step to reclaiming your life back. IF you ever feel down and out just come to these boards and we will all help you try to get back on your feet. That is why we are here. To try to help others in need and share our own experiences and what has worked and didnt work. You are on the right path child! Keep up the good work and keep in touch! I liked your last comment, it gave me a good laugh this mourning!

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hrdtimelvn

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April 7, 2006, 3:23 pm PDT

TO EBEADIT1

Quote From: hrdtimelvn

hi i am 14 years old.in september i was expelled from school for being drunk and possesion,distribution,and consumption of a controlled substance thats what it said on my referral but also when they caught me they saw the cuts on my wrist and i was sent to a stress hospital.please dont think that i am a horrible person even tho i no i am but my situation although cant be blamed was hell my step dad was extremely abusive physically and emotionally to my mother .emotionally to all of us.i have two brothers 5 and 6 and a 15 month old sister.i was always scared and shaking all the yelling and drinking and drugs just hurt me so much i turned to cutting and drinking i also had stopped eating i felt fat and worthless not never good enough ever not even better or more important than the drugs they were doing.i was passing out alot from not eating im 5'4 and was 98 pounds it wouldnt have been bad but i went from 130 to 99 in three months.my life wass is horrible.now things are better i guess in some ways but my mom has a different bf now and she is there most every night from like 4p.m to 6 am she goes there as soon as she gets off work and if she doesnt go over there then she stays home and gets drunk every single time!!! my cutting has gotten a lot worse and for me to express all the feling and emotions hurt rage anger it would take me hours.i just need help and i kno it.lately i have been watching all three of the kids all the time plus my cousin who lives with us and definately having suicidal thoughts.my mom i love her but i cant help her in the house after she has driven hom drunk and crashed the car any more or feel worthless any longer .... not if im going to live please somebody help me write am i over reacting whats wrong with me? help

this is part of my story but you already responded remember?

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hrdtimelvn

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April 7, 2006, 3:24 pm PDT

TO EBEADIT

Quote From: hrdtimelvn

i would like to thank you (2) for responding to my post the 14 year old.i dont really feel that i can talk to any one about my problems i dont want to burden any one with my problems i feel that i should just suck it up and deal with it its no ones problem but mine right? my mom wouldnt care any way. my grammy wants me to open up to her so desperately but i honestly have very low self esteem and have a very bad fear of rejection and when i first got out of the stress hospital she said barely two words to me.i kno she loves me but she adds to my stress because i would be the only one cleaning the whole house of nine people and when she got home at night she would always find something wrong and critisizing even though most of the time she was playing it would still hurt me sometimes i would pretend like i was asleep so i wouldnt have to speak to her at night. there is also my aunt i love her to death and always will i am the closest with her than anyone else but she is only twenty and pregnant with her second baby and has a lot to deal with ahe cant have me adding to her stress i call her sometimes hysterical and i hate myself later because i nevr tell her whats wrong i can never bring myself to do it to burden her i guess im trying so hard not ot do that but i dont think she kno how many times she has saved my life just speaking to me on the phone. yes i do believe my mom is an alcholic i try to say its not that bad and the more time that goes by i start to believe it and then i just think to myself more like yelling i guess i say im stupid for stressing about this your an idiot what the hell is wrong with you!? but i guess i somewhat feel that i have been victimized in my life my whole life i was raised around drugs and alcohol and abuse (you asked about my father he locked my mom out of the house wen he was drunk once i was about 4mnths old and i wouldnt stop crying so he hit me across the room i had to have surgery so that i wouldnt have lazy eye for the rest of my life,a little later we moved in with alan oh before that my mom got marrried wen i was about 2 but anyways alan was really great i never once herd him raise his voice they were together for a while but my mom had two miscarriages and it didnt work out so then we moved to panama city and started living with andrew not her new bf but the one that was so abusive and is the other childrens dad my mom was pregnant in a couple of weeks(shes not a slut really she had known him her whole life he is actually my real dads brotherbut he isnt related to her at all so its not insest or any thing) after my first brother was born he was about 8 months i guess she tried to kill her self i remember it like yesterday i remember the razor in her hand and the sound of the empty bottle against th table andrew wrestled the razor away from her and calmed her down but that day she made me goto my real dads but when they came to get me that night my dad was really drunk my grandpa had tried to stop him and tell him that it was time for me to go i also remember them fighting in the door wayand him knocking down my grampa i remember him telling me to get over the fence andd hearing my mom scream for me and being to scared to say anything and then he told me to go i dont no why but he did and im glad,in fifth grade my aunt was murdered if any one lives in phoenix alabama they might have heard about it her ex husband killed her thats why we have my cousin patrick.well please write i just need someone to talk to

this is the other part of my post you wanted to read it?

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ebeadit1

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April 7, 2006, 6:52 pm PDT

Oh Dear!!!

Quote From: hrdtimelvn

this is the other part of my post you wanted to read it?

Have you thought about calling social services? YOu are enduring a lot of abuse and neglect. Do you realize that? This is why you are cutting. I think you are dealing with you stress and abuse by cutting. I also think the drinking is a way for you to escape your situation. Remember alcohol is a drug and your mother is an alcoholic. This is an inherited trait so please keep yourself away from substance that you can become addicted. If you want to I am here at anytime to help. I really think you need to talk to your sister about your cutting. Do you think you can go live with her for a while? Maybe you can help her with her children and get yourself living in an environment. that is much safer for right now. I am sorry about your abuse from your father. Cutting is often a common way for victims of severe abuse to deal with the anger and anxiety that they experience from the abuse. I really think if your bioloigical father is that violent and abused you that severly stay away from him.

Please I encourage you to talk with your sister about your problems. Confide in her. I am sure she would want to know what is happening to you. She is your sister and I am sure at some point felt the same way you are feeling now. So please go to her. Please email me back so I know you are ok. What I want you to do is to email me eveytime you feel the urge to cut. Please when you feel the urge to cut come to the computer and start to write an email. I am always looking on the board and I will email you back asap. Thanks!! Take care Michelle

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Topic : Troubled Teens

Getting hair pulling under control

Anxiety meds

Tell me your story

cutting

OK

Troubled Teens

I am sooooo PROUD of you!!

TO EBEADIT1

TO EBEADIT

Oh Dear!!!