Quote From: jenoc99Where are these children's father, and why isn't he paying child support?
You are right when you say that you have enabled Kathy. The best thing you could do at this point is to make a resolution with your wife to stop enabling Kathy and the children, otherwise they will be doomed to repeat their mother's behavior.
All of these issues must create stress within your marriage, have you and your wife gone to counceling? If not, I encourage you to give yourself that gift- you can't put a price tag on your emotional well being or your peace of mind! Its important that your wife and you stick together, also, say what you mean and mean what you say. The first thing you've got to do is require more of Kathy and the children, for example, do the children have chores? Even small tasks, such as making their beds, putting shoes in the closet- whatever it may be- will give them a sense of accomplishment and build self esteem. Its never too late!! Yes, the older child will give you a hard time with chores/rules, but don't back down. She is testing her limits and trying to stretch the boundaries. The best thing you could do for her is to set and be consistant with rules/boundaries. I wish you the best, you don't deserve to be living in such a stressful environment!!
The childrens father is gone and has been gone for over 13 years. He is one of those men? that like to make babies but doesn't want the responsibility for caring and supporting them. He is a wanted man in several states and one of those that use an assumed name and bogus S.S. #'s. He is gone and good riddance to him. I have stopped enabling Kathy but not so much my wife. She feels very guilty about not being there for her children because her former husband (now divorced from him) is an alcoholic and used to beat her and the kids (Kathy and Joe). She had to work several jobs to keep a roof over her and the kids head as well as put food on the table. Consequenly, she wasn't there when Kathy needed her. Kathy also had to watch her brother, Joe, and she is very very resentful over it. The grandchildren do have chores to do every day and boy, do we have to pay dearly for this. Ashley gives backtalk every day to her mother for having to do chores and boy what a mouth she has. Would make the proverdial truck driver blush. Ashley goes to a
psychiatrist every week and if he doesn't have gray hair he will have. Gives the Dr. a lot of grief but to his credit he isn't giving up considers her a challenge.
My wife and I have several health problems over the years from the stress, Pat has stress related fibromyalgia and RSD as well as IBS (Irregular Bowel Syndrome), I have IBS as well now as well as a constant annoying pain from a failed right shoulder torn rotator cuff operation I had several years ago and degenerative disk disease in my neck. I don't know how much longer my wife and I can last as we have had several arguments over the kids and grandkids to the point that I had to remove myself from the house. My wife and I have been married for 23 years now and we have never had arguments like we are having now. I don't know what to do as things are not getting better and with the prospect of Justin coming back to our house in the next 6 to 12 months not knowing if he has had counseling or if he has learned to control himself (He really is not getting any help from any health care provider just getting Abilify which is supposed to help calm him down). If you think that Justin's condition will get better just do a web search for Intermittant Explosive Disorder and Conduct Disorder and you will find that this condition is a lifelong condition without a cure. At this moment we are not getting any help from the state or county at all just a lot of grief from them. Since I am out of work and going to school there is no medical insurance for me just my wife since she is permanently disabled and getting SS disability. I am reaching the end of my rope and as advised I have tied a knot at the end of that rope and hanging for dear life.
Thanks for the reply but it is really rough here
Jerry
