Topic : Troubled Teens

So what you're saying is that they haven't done any disorders since he was like between 6-7 yrs old?  What have they been doing in trying to help your grandson inbetween?  If he's placed in an RTC, don't they have the say in his education, ect?

 Okay this is my latest problem, my 16 year daughter recently got into a fist fight with another girl and right after that I caught her skipping school.  I punished her and decided to take a walk with her to discuss whats going on in her head.  She explained to me that she thinks that I'm making a huge deal out of nothing, I told her that she's headed down the wrong road and she tells me that going down the wrong road would be for to be drinking, doing drugs, getting pregnant, quitting school.  She also told me that the punishment is not working either, she states that "oh well than I just don't see my friends for a couple of weeks, no biggie, okay you took my t.v away, so, it's not effecting me.  I've tried explaining to her that even though they may not seem to be a big deal to her, that if I would have the same attitude and think nothing of it, she would only get worse and start doing other things. She said she understands that I want the best for her but, I'm making things way to big.  But yet her grades are falling, she seems to lost interest in swimming (competitve).  So now my questions is what other way can I discipline her to make her understand the damage that she is doing?  By the way I didn't not return her t.v. nor is she off punishment.  I thought about having us draw up a contract on what is expected from the both of us and have us both sign it , but if the contract is broken what would the conquences be.  I feel stuck!!!   I feel like my daughter is not growing thru her problems, just going thru them.   I need help.

Again, and still, I don't know what to do or even how to go about making a decision on this. I feel so incredibly alone with these parenting decisions, and each decision seems so critically important.  My 16 year old daughter is oppositional, rejects all authority (especially mine), has no father or father figure in her life (her dad was bipolar and committed suicide in '01), she may also be bipolar, has learning disabilities, is lacking in some basic life skills (i.e., problem solving), is unmotivated, is connecting with the wrong peer group, is angry and mean, swears profusely, and is clinically depressed.   

   

I spoke to an educational consulting firm (hugely expensive) and they're suggesting that eventually (if not immediately) she'll need to be entered into some kind of residential school/program. Wow, scary. Sure, I'm scared that she'll feel like she's being kidnapped and that I've abandoned her. And, I honestly don't know if it's the right thing to do. How does one know? How does one know where to send your child? Do they work? Her hatred for me will certainly increase...is it possible for such a troubled teen, possibly bipolar, with such a negative view of the world, to eventually see and find some happiness?  

   

Any thoughts? Any really great residential programs? Any success stories? What should I be wary of? And how do I ultimately make these decisions??  

   

Thank you.  

deb  

I have a 13 almost 14 year old daughter who is very rebellious.  She has been arrested several times and she doesn't care.  She is sexually active and doesn't do good in school.  She doesn't respect the rules of the house.  She also thinks that she can run and do whatever she wants and then gets mad at me when I tell her no.  Then she will starts yelling at me and hitting me, leaving bruises on my body for the things that she does do to me.  I have tried almost everything I can think of but I am running out of options.  I have thought about sending her away to a camp for troubled teens but I don't have the money to do that.  I need some advice or help.

Contact your local social service agency and see what they recommend would be the best to modify her behaviors.  They should have information as to what programs they have to offer as well as different nonprofit organizations that may be able to assist.  Many of these programs are based on sliding fee scales, so it wouldn't hurt to check them out and see what they have to say.  While many of her behaviors can be dealt with at home, you need to draw the line when she continuously abuses you. 

Another thought may be to place her into foster care where she will learn that foster care may be even more restrictive (as it normally is) than living at home.  You should also speak with her guideance counselor to see if they have some insight as to what's going on with her.  Is this something that's recently happened or has it progressively gotten worse through the years?  Is this how her peers are as well?  Have you had her in counseling?  Have you tested her for drugs?

I have contacted local services and they tell me the best thing to do is put her on probation.  I have also tried contacting places to send her for help but she has to be willing to go and she is not.  I have also looked into foster care and I was told that their has to be something wrong with me for her to be in it.  They said I have to be on drugs, addicted to alcohol or whatever.  I am none of the above.  This is something that has been going on but just has gotten worse through the years.  All her friends seem polite to me on the phone or in person.  Yes she is in counseling at her school but that doesn't seem to help either.  She actually will be going to the doctor in about 2 weeks for a check up.  So hopefully everything comes out fine and she is healthy.

If councelling doesn't work, there is probably something biologically wrong with her and she may need to be looked at by a psychiatrist (not a psychologist or a councellor). Psychiatrist can perscribe medication and are familiar with both mental and biological problems. At that age, she is going through puberty and there could be hormonal imbalance in the brain.

Hi.  I have also posted a message in a different category regarding my stepson(23) who steals, has a record for it and just can't seem to keep a job.  He has left for Alberta, Canada for another attempt at working, so we shall see how long it lasts.  I wish him all the best, but I am livid because just before he left, my 19 year old daughters ring was stolen. This ring was given to her at Christmas from her grandmother.   Everytime we have the family together at our home, something is stolen.   I am at my wits end with it.  My fiance  just doesn't know what to do about it anymore.  He is on probations right now.  He had called last week from Alberta and he swears that he didn't take it.  I am positive he did.  He had broke up with his girlfriend a few months ago.  He had allowed my daughter to wear the ring he took back from his girlfriend.  She had been out on the weekend at her friends, and had left all of her rings on a shelf.  When she returned that night,  after my stepsons had left, to come home to two of the rings gone.  He admitted to taking the ring he had let her borrow, but he said he didn't touch her ring.   It seems pretty strange to me, because I know he was in need of money because he borrowed some from his father.  He also has a history of stealing to sell things at the "hock shops".   I am fed up with this.  Any advice?? 

Another thought is to test her for drugs.  The combined symptoms that you have described also may point to drug usage.  Speak with her doctor about this to ensure she's clean.  If she's not, I would suggest getting her into treatment immediately.

I am rather surprised that your local services does not provide foster care to remove children who are abusive towards their parents.  I know in our county, the parent can elect to admit them into foster care provided there's good cause and it is based on a sliding fee.  My guess is that the agency doesn't have the state funds to help support the parents in these circumstances.  My prayers are with you that you're able to find out the core of her issue and that you're able to provide her with all the support she needs.

Hey there.  Well there's been a change of plans.  My mom's boyfriend got out of jail today.  They're at a hotel tonight.  My mom said its so I can get used to the idea of him moving back in.  Yeah right, I'm not that naive.  I can't believe he's moving back in.  By tomorrow he'll be here, living with us.  Not cool!  My mom she's gonna make sure that he gets the help he needs.  I said...well then I'm gonna need a shrink too.  She just said..oh stop.  But I was actually being serious.  I miss my therapist...and I'm seriously going to need one again when hector moves in.  I do not like him at all.  I dont trust him, not even a little bit.  And just seeing him again is gonna bring back all those bad memories.  I know I can handle myself ok.  But everytime he's around, my mom and I dont talk.  the only time we ever talk, is if they're having a fight.  I'm gonna miss my mom and being able to talk to her.  Thats the part I'm worried about.  And plus, I really dont want to see my mom hurt again.  She really doesn't need that anymore.  I have this bat that I keep in my room, in case I ever have to use to it, I'll have it with me.  I'm not afraid of him at all.  I just want my mom to be ok....thats all I want.  And I know that she's not gonna be ok, if she's with him.