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Topic : Troubled Teens

Number of Replies: 1351
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:31:34 pm
Author : dataimport
Is your teen headed down a path of self destruction with drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, self injury, depression, or problems with the law? Share advice and support with other parents of troubled teens.

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August 27, 2005, 6:19 pm CDT

Hi

Quote From: candycvky

My daughter has been suffering depression since early teens.  She has been seeing a therapist since she was 16.  She is now 17.  Everytime it is time to start school, she starts making bad decisions.  She starts being sick, migraines.  She recently went off her birth control stating she just missed a few, was having unprotected sex with boyfriend, then thought she was pregnant.  I try to explain how her choices are making her physical symptoms and how they are really bad decisions, but then she starts blaming me, I have never been there for her, that I have no right giving her advice now.  I know it is because she doesn't want to face herself, but I am at the end of my rope.  So is her granny.  I have her staying with her granny to have allergy shots to help with the migraines and she was fine with it because her granny would let her get away with things me and her step-father wouldn't.  Now her granny doesn't and she isn't liking it and saying I have abandoned her.  I am the one paying the bills still, and taking her to many of her appointments, but she says I never have time for her.  I have tried to tell the therapist this, but I am not sure how far that is going.  I keep trying to help myself to help her, but helping her takes alot of time and money.  Any suggestions.

I am sorry you are going through this. I am too. 

  

I have a 14 year old daughter with Bipolar. 

Has anyone ever talked to you abou tthe symptoms of bipolar? 

  

The reaosn I ask is you say she goes off her BCP and tried to get pregnant. That can actually be a sign of mania. It is called hypersexuality and often girls do just what you describe. 

  

Also you speak of things happening before/during school. I am wondering if you have ever had her tested for a special education IEP. She may be having difficulty in school and need extra support or even different classes. The main reason I felt I needed to reach out to you is because you mentioned that your daughter gets "migraines and is sick". My daughter did this too and when I pushed her to go to school she actually saw her headaches, throwing up and being sick as a failed attempt to accomplish one goal, TO NOT have to go to school. She threw herself down 16 stairs in my home. Luckily she broke no bones and was only bruised but my point in telling you this is one. Be careful for every failed attempt these kids will raise the stakes. 

  

If she has moods swings, that go from depressed to angry, violent, "giddy" or silly you may want to talk to someone who specializes in pediatric or early on-set bipolar disorder. 

If she is taking an anti-depressant and doe sin fact have bipolar, the medication can actually be making her symptoms worse. 

  

I do not want to scare I just want you to know many kids are diagnosed incorrectly, my daughter was one of them. They told me she was depressed when really she was bipolar and needed to be treated with different medications to control the cycling. 

  

If you want to ask me any questions you can email me at  

mommaoof2@yahoo.com 

  

tammy 

 
August 29, 2005, 12:30 pm CDT

Don't know

I kinda question her depression.  My daughter was spoiled severely as a child and now the consequences of that are showing.  She cannot get it through her head that other people have other lives.  She is suppose to be the center of the universe and now that she isn't she can't accept it.  I was always the one to try to put reality into her world, (her granny is who spoiled her) so I am the enemy.  Now I am just an ATM.  Her respect for me is low especially now that granny is not spoiling her anymore and laying down the law.  This is all my fault.  I am trying so hard not to give up and competly lose my temper.  Her therapist only focuses on what Courtney is telling her.  Candy
 
September 1, 2005, 9:14 pm CDT

mirror, mirror

when i was younger my mom constantly put me in ridiculous beauty pageants and always told me i was the most beautiful little girl in the whole world. beauty became an obsession of mine since i was 4 years old. now, im about to turn 19 and im obsessed with how i look. its really pathetic. i wont leave the house unless i look "perfect". i always compare myself with other people and i absolutley hate it because i see myself turning into this vain, self obsessed person. it even affects my relationships because i get extremely jealous over absolutley nothing. sometimes i go out and if i dont feel like i look "perfect", i have a horrible time and feel like im constantly being judged by other people. others tell me i look great.. but i never believe it. when i look in the mirror, i see myself as ugly the way an underweight anorexic girl would see herself as fat. when i was younger, i thought it was just a phase i was going through. now i think it might be a bigger problem as i keep getting harder and harder on myself. it makes me really depressed, jealous, and i feel like such a shallow person for being so self absorbed. i know its a good thing that i realize i have a problem but what do i do about it? is there some kind of weird diagnosis for this? if anyone has any advice on this subject id really appreciate it.
 
September 2, 2005, 6:53 am CDT

Hmmm

Quote From: bl0ndi_x0x

when i was younger my mom constantly put me in ridiculous beauty pageants and always told me i was the most beautiful little girl in the whole world. beauty became an obsession of mine since i was 4 years old. now, im about to turn 19 and im obsessed with how i look. its really pathetic. i wont leave the house unless i look "perfect". i always compare myself with other people and i absolutley hate it because i see myself turning into this vain, self obsessed person. it even affects my relationships because i get extremely jealous over absolutley nothing. sometimes i go out and if i dont feel like i look "perfect", i have a horrible time and feel like im constantly being judged by other people. others tell me i look great.. but i never believe it. when i look in the mirror, i see myself as ugly the way an underweight anorexic girl would see herself as fat. when i was younger, i thought it was just a phase i was going through. now i think it might be a bigger problem as i keep getting harder and harder on myself. it makes me really depressed, jealous, and i feel like such a shallow person for being so self absorbed. i know its a good thing that i realize i have a problem but what do i do about it? is there some kind of weird diagnosis for this? if anyone has any advice on this subject id really appreciate it.

First of all, you feel like a shallow person, yet because you recognize this in yourself, I don't believe you are very shallow at all.   

  

I was never the pretty girl, the "perfect" looking one, yet I held attention wherever I went because of my hair color.  People did look at me, I could never blend into the crowd as I so often wanted to.   

  

You have a distorted self image, and because of this you feel jealousy.  I did some research on jealousy a while back and learned that it is fear of loss.  We get jealous because we feel possessive over someone or something.  We don't want to lose what we perceive to be ours.  What are you afraid of losing?  Is it attention?  You may need to work on your "inner tapes" and tell yourself that you would be better served by receiving attention from something you did rather than the way you look.   

  

As far as feeling as if you have to be perfect, you recognize this, so challenge it.  Maybe doing the "Self Matters" book Dr. Phil has out would be a good thing for you.  I would suggest going out one day without any makeup.  Maybe doing this in a town that nobody knows you, just to see what people's reactions would be.  I can almost guarantee that you will not be ridiculed, stoned, or yelled at...what may happen you may blend into the crowd and not receive a lot of attention.  Once we experience what we have been fearing, then maybe we find the fear of it was much worse than the reality of it....does that make sense? 

  

I strongly suspect you are a deeply caring person with much to offer this world than just your looks.  Sounds like you suspect it, too.  Maybe facing what it is you are afraid of and embracing it would be a way to get through this.  Just a suggestion.  Good luck! 

Teri 

 
September 2, 2005, 3:54 pm CDT

help needed..fast!...

My name is Kristin..im 16~sometimes I feel like I have no one to talk to & I get real depressed & I just dont know what to do~I feel like talking to someone but I dont know how to approach the person~Some times i will just go up to my room and cry for about an hour, mostly because my parents fight..i hate it~& sometimes i'll go out with my friends have a lot of fun & then come home & cry for a while~you see all these other people with "perfect" lives..why cant mine be like that?~I just desperatley need help~& someone to talk to~I just feel that im all alone & theres no one there to comfort me or to love me~I also get motion sickness I would probably say about 6-7 times a month~i’ve been getting sick like this ever since i was about 6 & I keep going to doctors and I’ve had so many MRI’s & they cant find anything, I just feel that we’re waisting our money on something no one can cure(probably over 2,000 dollars)..my moms mom had it my mom had it and my oldest brother had it and they all got treatment cuz my mom had a hysterectomy and my brother and grandma take pills..i just don’t understand why im left alone & cant get some pills to help or anything~when I hang out with friends and I get sick they support me all the way but a lot of people think im faking it all the time and it hurts to know that some people just don’t care~& because of me getting sick all the time my grades are dropping because im missing a lot of school, sometimes 3 days a week~iat this point i really dont know what to do~please give me advice! 

 
September 3, 2005, 6:55 pm CDT

am i dumb?¿?¿

ok..im 16 & havent gotten my license yet & 2 top it all of im depressed all the time & its makin' it worse cuz i dont have my license & all my friends do..i've takin the stinkin' test 3 times & failed & the last time i took it i had sooooo much confidence cuz i thought i past but i did like 2-3 things wrong...i just think they get more stricter if u've failed a lot of times before~how many times have ur kids taken it??...do u think im dumb for not passing...cuz i believe i am..well thats all..ttyl  

   

 
September 5, 2005, 4:13 pm CDT

Jelousy.......

Quote From: bl0ndi_x0x

when i was younger my mom constantly put me in ridiculous beauty pageants and always told me i was the most beautiful little girl in the whole world. beauty became an obsession of mine since i was 4 years old. now, im about to turn 19 and im obsessed with how i look. its really pathetic. i wont leave the house unless i look "perfect". i always compare myself with other people and i absolutley hate it because i see myself turning into this vain, self obsessed person. it even affects my relationships because i get extremely jealous over absolutley nothing. sometimes i go out and if i dont feel like i look "perfect", i have a horrible time and feel like im constantly being judged by other people. others tell me i look great.. but i never believe it. when i look in the mirror, i see myself as ugly the way an underweight anorexic girl would see herself as fat. when i was younger, i thought it was just a phase i was going through. now i think it might be a bigger problem as i keep getting harder and harder on myself. it makes me really depressed, jealous, and i feel like such a shallow person for being so self absorbed. i know its a good thing that i realize i have a problem but what do i do about it? is there some kind of weird diagnosis for this? if anyone has any advice on this subject id really appreciate it.
The diagnosis isn't "weird".... I think that many people feel the way that you do. You are right, it is a good thing that you can admit this about yourself, and its good that you want to do something to make it better. Some things that I suggest are setting goals for yourself, such as making a conscious effort every day when you wake up to tell yourself that you are beautiful just the way you are. Reading Dr. Phil's book, "Self Matters" really helped my daughter alot, I read it first and passed in along to her. Its a great book that could help you very much, so check out your library and see if they have it. Right now, you are on "auto pilot"... meaning you don't even think about your internal dialogue with yourself, you are harder on yourself then you would be on other people, and you've got to make the effort to think about what you say to yourself before you say it. Sounds weird, I know- but it definatly helps!
 
September 10, 2005, 8:59 pm CDT

Soon to be 15 year old stealing and lying

I am a single mother of two girls ages 5 and 3 and am dating a wonderful man who is a single father of a soon to be 15 year old boy. My problem is that his son is a theif and a liar and although I love them both I cannot stand his son's behavior. My boyfriend and I broke up for about 5 months and have been back together for 3 the majority of our issues have to deal with his son. He stole some money from his dads best friend and stole a toy bike from my home.  I am so at a loss of what to do. I have looked up information on military school and alternative schools, but is it my place to bring it up? The boy has not seen his mother in about 10 years and last time she called was on his 13th birthday. My boyfriends method of disapline is ground him for a few days and then give in when his son throws a fit about stuff. Anyyyy type of advice would be so appreciated.  We have tried counseling he has been going to therapy once a week for the past year and half and still this behavior is going on.  His mother lost custody becasue her boyfriend at the time was accused of molesting him, I DO NOT leave him alone with my girls and I feel bad for feeling the way I do about him. I know it puts his father in an bad situation becasue I can't stand to be around his son more than an hour without wanting to ship him off to boot camp or jail. I am afraid that once he turns 16 then the problems are goin to get worse and my biggest fear is that one night we will get a call saying he is either dead or in Jail. 
 
September 11, 2005, 5:59 pm CDT

I have a 14 year old son like this

Quote From: lostinar

I am a 39 year old parent of 3. Our oldest is 19 and was recently married. Our youngest is 12 and loves school. Our son is 15, and has been diagnosed with O.D.D., and has been in 4 inpatient facilities, and also has gone thru outpatient tx. He is very defiant when it comes to any kind of authority, regardless of who you are. He has ran away from home 2 times in 2004, and also walked off school campus when he was suppose to be there for after school detention. We had a fins petition filed against us because he had missed so many days of school due to suspension. He spent Thanksgiving and Christmas of 2004 in juvenile detention, until he went to inpatient tx. We brought him home on June 30th 2005, and now we are dealing with the side effects of the meds they were giving him for his behavior. Today was his first day back to school, with him being enrolled in a home bound program, where he only goes for 2 hours a day, until the side effects are gone. So I had gotten some spelling and language books to help him to try and get caught up, I got the same response that I always get, "I am not going to do it." and then he has been threating us with I will just walk out. How can I avoid all of this confirntation? And why is it that I always seem to be the one that is always on the phone with drs., schools, and I am the one that is getting treated so poorly. Everyone always says that he is so goodlooking, and so sweet, that they can not imagine that all of this is going on. I am at my wits end. And I am also at the verge of saying to heck with it, and letting him know how it feels to be treated like a door mat. If anyone has any advice I would love to chat with you about this, I know that I am not the only parent who is going through this...  

I don't know that I have any helpful advice.  But its nice to know I am not alone.  I have tried everything I can think of and nothing really works for very long.  NObody seems to want to help me.  Most people don't believe me.  He looks really innocent and helpful and all.  But at home he is something else.  I have actually thought about taping him because nobody believes that he can talk to me like he does and act the way he does.    Can we chat on here?  I am new to this board.  

   

 
September 11, 2005, 7:47 pm CDT

Troubled Teens

Quote From: hurtingurl

My name is Kristin..im 16sometimes I feel like I have no one to talk to & I get real depressed & I just dont know what to doI feel like talking to someone but I dont know how to approach the personSome times i will just go up to my room and cry for about an hour, mostly because my parents fight..i hate it& sometimes i'll go out with my friends have a lot of fun & then come home & cry for a whileyou see all these other people with "perfect" lives..why cant mine be like that?I just desperatley need help& someone to talk toI just feel that im all alone & theres no one there to comfort me or to love meI also get motion sickness I would probably say about 6-7 times a monthi’ve been getting sick like this ever since i was about 6 & I keep going to doctors and I’ve had so many MRI’s & they cant find anything, I just feel that we’re waisting our money on something no one can cure(probably over 2,000 dollars)..my moms mom had it my mom had it and my oldest brother had it and they all got treatment cuz my mom had a hysterectomy and my brother and grandma take pills..i just don’t understand why im left alone & cant get some pills to help or anythingwhen I hang out with friends and I get sick they support me all the way but a lot of people think im faking it all the time and it hurts to know that some people just don’t care& because of me getting sick all the time my grades are dropping because im missing a lot of school, sometimes 3 days a weekiat this point i really dont know what to doplease give me advice! 

Kristen, My name is April, and 15.  You can talk to me if you want.  I can relate somewhat tohow you feel.  First, nobodies life is perfect.  Mine wasn't paerfect, or anything close.  I have alot in common with you.   Ifr you want to, you can talk to me.  Just don't give up.  THings will eventually get better.    

 
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