Topic : Troubled Teens

  I can identify with the 17 yr-old stepdaughter. Only mine is 14. She is the only child out of 5 that is living with us. Her mother recently moved the other 4 in with her.

  Her father thinks the reason she is living with us is because she lost her dad once and doesn't want to lose him again. I know that's what he thinks cause I heard him tell his sister and they are very close.

  I can see where she feels a strong bond with her dad because he's told me how she sat with him through the nights when he was recovering from cocaine addiction. He feels a very strong bond with her too because of that.

  Her dad and I met almost 19 months ago and have been married little over 9 months. He is black, I am white and the kids are mixed.  This girl has never liked me. Her dad feeds it because he gets upset and yells at me in front of them.

  Before my husband moved up here. It will be 2 years in January, her mother had her picked up by the police for being unruly and she was put on probation and counseling. Her dad had her in counseling this spring and summer for basically the same reason because she was yelling and cussing at me. He even called the police over here one night to talk to her. Well that worked for a couple weeks. Then she went off again. She has a very volatile temper and knows exadtly how to push my buttons.  Now, since the other kids are with their mother, her dad blames me for that. For not being a 'mother' to them. Anyway, he's told me that if anything happens that he loses his 'cherished' daughter, our marriage is over. She has heard him say this. So if I try to remind her of what dad has told her to do or rules he has set, she tells him that I am being mean to her.

  Our sex life has suffered greatly since the mother took the other kids cause he blames me. I know It's not everything but it was a very strong bond between us.

   PLEASE!!!!  I NEED HELP ON HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS GIRL AND HER FATHER!!!

I went through the same thing with my son when he was that age.  We lived outside the city and he had to go to school in the city.  He never came home, wouldn't call and basically lived at friends homes and on the street for weeks at a time until I found him and brought him home. He went for help but nothing worked.  I took him out of the school he was in and put him in a different school for children with emotional problems.  He did well for awhile then it started over and over again.  I remember feeling just like you and I did so many things at the time to try and help him but he continued to make bad choices.  He is 20 now and an alcoholic.  At first I thought he was just a teenager and kids do party.  He has a driving under the influence charge in which he totalled a car with 4 people inside. He also took out a glass bus shack.  Thank goodness no-one was hurt or killed.  He has been taken by ambulance to hospital 4 times with alcohol poisening and I only found out 3 of the times because an ambulance bill came in the mail.  He has been beaten up badly when he was drunk and had to go to hospital, smashed his teeth out another time and told me he was mugged, and recently he breached his court order from his DUI charge.  He was to abstain from alcohol for 11/2 years. The police called me at 6am to ask me if I could pick my son up as they wanted someone to get him.  He was lying passed out on the freezing cold grass, soaking wet as it was raining most of the night and temp around 8 degrees.  Now he has to go back to court.  PLEASE CONTINUE TO DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN so that your son can talk with professionals and get the help he needs. My son's father has bipolar and I am terrified that my son may as well. Recently my son told me he would speak to a psychiatrist but it takes about a year to get in to see one as there are so few in this area.  I don't know how to get immediate help and I'm terrified his time is running out.  I am scared if he takes anti-depresents and then he drinks that he will really hurt himself.  My son needs to learn coping skills and learn to communicate his feelings. Unfortunately, he won't communicate with me and I made several appointments with doctors and specialists in the past and when the time came he wouldn't go. My son also stole from his family and sold the items for cash when he was 16 or 17.  He doesn't steal now, but he is killing himself with an addiction.  Being on the street and running around doing his own thing prevented him from growing in a positive way as a person and now he is an adult paying dearly for his past choices.  Now he is an alcoholic who has trouble holding a job, must pay $7500. for the car that he wrote off, court fines, and ambulance bills. Now he has to go back to court on breaching his court order, still has very little coping skills and I am terrified ever time the phone rings and everytime he goes out. Do everything you can to help your son now - I tried so many things and I couldn't get through to him but I will continue to research and try to get help for him.  If anyone can help please advise as this can't go on much longer. Please get help from counseling or a doctor for yourself as you need support through this. 

Good Luck with Your Son

I have read your posts and have to say my 15 year old daughter recently discovered sneaking out of the house at night.  I removed her bedroom door, put alarms on doors and windows, I have slept on her bedroom floor, have had her sleep on my floor on and on  Well on Tuesday October 24, 2006 she went out our downstairs window (while I was upstairs in my room) and has disappeared.  I have tracked her cell phone records until her last activity of Thursday October 26, 2006 I suppose her phone died as her charger is in her room.  I have called all numbers listed, have spoken with friends, gone to her school and waited to see if she would show up, have spent the night time driving around to her friends to see if I can see her  I am working with Nevada Child Seekers who have  made flyers that I have posted all around the area where we live.  Today she is stil gone, no one knows where she is  She is just gone.  My daughter and I had the closest relationship that this is killing me   I dont sleep or eat  as I am so afraid for her   This is my worst nightmare coming true.  The police are little help and sure I could hire a private team to find her for a very large sum of money.  As a single parent this is not a possiblity  so I do the driving and searching for her on my own.   So what I am saying is I hope this is not the path your daughter choses to take  They have no idea what impact their actions have on the entire family and on their future  My daughter is an honor student with a 3.8 GPA and wants to go to college  Now  I just want my daughter home and in my arms  Anyone who reads this please pray for her safe return and I hope and pray that this doesnt happen to you

I was there.  I was lucky to find my daughter within 6 weeks.  She contacted her friends through her myspace account.  She now lives with her Dad.  I know sending her to her fathers was going to be the hardest choice I had to make, but I really didn't have a choice.  This was her 6th run away, she was so out of control.  I haven't see or spoken with her in months.  She is so angry at me, that I sent her away, but I am now the reason she did all the things she did.  She and I were so close, the moment she start using drugs and running away, I became the evil of all evil.  Good luck.  If she had a myspace, that might be a place to start.

 I have a rule about spending the night at someone's house....arrangements must be made at least one day in advance and I need to speak to the parent first.  There were a couple times I didn't follow my own rule only to find out she slept over at a boy's house.  I confronted the mother of this 18 year old boy (who is now her boyfriend) and she completely misunderstood my point, but I did what I had to do.  Now since that has happened, every weekend I go through a battle with her when it's time for me to pick her up she argues with me about spending the night.  She says they have no sexual relationship because he is 18 and she is 16, but I find that hard to believe.

I looked at the movie and sent the link to my daughter's email.  This may sound crude, but it will not affect her at all.  She is a cold-hearted girl.  It may, in terms of the fact that one of her best friends died at the end of September at the railroad tracks.  He was drunk, of course and was messing around, got hit by the train and died.  Last year at this time another boy died while under the influence at a party by the river.  He fell in and drowned.  My daughter is pretty good about not partying, although she did admit to me that she does smoke pot occasionally.  Her counselor says he cannot help her unless she is "clean".  We are working on that.

I got some bad news from my daughter's father last week.  His mother is on her death bed, dying from cancer that started in her lungs and continued through her body.  He left today for a week to be with her in Florida.  I sent him some pictures of our daughter's birthday party to take to his mother and talked to him about the boy....he actually met and spent time with him.  I asked him what he thought of this whole spending the night issue and he agrees with me, which is the fact that it is not appropriate.  I asked him kindly if he would join us in counseling when he is through with crisis with his mother and he agreed.  That's one thing I have to look forward to.  Even though we have never gotten along and he made a lot of mistakes, I believe he is willing to become a part of the solution.  I am happy about that. 

The birthday party was a blast!  We took a limo ride to Milwaukee to a comedy club and my daughter got to go on stage and participate in a skit.  Then we had a bunch of her friends sleep over at a motel where there was an indoor pool and we went moonlight bowling.  One mistake I made was allowing boys to sleep over, but they were up till 4 am and my room was next door and I checked on them frequently.  It was ok.

I am happy for you that you can keep that grounding in effect.  Any time I try to ground my daughter she leaves anyway.  Report cards come soon and she doesn't know it but she will be grounded for a week for any F or D on it.  And I am also shortening her curfew a half hour for each of those grades.  I told her last night that she might want to consider how much she disliked summer school this year before she lets her grades go too far.  I put her in Sylvan tutoing from Feburary to June this year and it brough her reading level from 7th grade to 10th grade.  Now she just has to press on and stop being lazy.  I swear, all she thinks about is the present and never wants to put forth the effort....

Keep in touch. 

Best Wishes,

Theresia

I am not sure what you are saying..."1.not a mother" ?  What does that mean?????  I am assuming you are speaking of the authorities that the previous mother is working with.  I know it is hard to get the police to do what you need them to do.