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Topic : Troubled Teens

Number of Replies: 1338
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:31:34 pm
Author : dataimport

Is your teen headed down a path of self destruction with drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, self injury, depression, or problems with the law? Share advice and support with other parents of troubled teens.



 
pbellr
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worried
May 6, 2007, 4:24 pm PDT

Scared, and not understanding whats going on

I'm not even sure where to begin, or how...

My husband is an alcoholic, he has been sober for 3 months.  (this is the longest time ever)  When the kids were younger I thought I could handle it.  I could cover things up make things ok.  I actually remember thinking two parents were better then one.  Oh what I have learned in the last 6 months...a little help from serenity lanes, Al-anon and alot of reading.   I won't lie, things were pretty ugly around the house, the fighting was bad....Things are all roses now, but with counseling and AA and al-anon its one day at a time.  

     Our oldest, who is 22, is finishing her last term for her BA degree.  She admitts to having issues but she is working on them.  She major is family and human services along with getting certificates in CADC, alcohol and drug treatment. 

    Our youngest, 16 isn't doing so good.  I'm not sure if the smoke has cleared with my husband so now I can finally see what is going on with my son, or if this is all new stuff.  Our son admits that he has changed over the last year...He has pulled away from the better friends and has chosen friendships that are doing nothing but getting him in trouble.  (friends that smoke pot and drink).  This is a kid who was going to go to college and play football or wrestle and had decent grades.  This year it's all I can do to get him to go to school.  I have even transferred him into another school.  He cries and says he wants to graduate and go to college but high school is really depressing for him.  This is a good looking very athletic kid who is feeling like an outcast and for some reason is having trouble connecting to kids.  The lastest and most horrific event that happened is I noticed that there was $120 missing from my bank account.  Oh he denied denied and denied, but finally admitted it.  He claimed it was to help a friend who owed someone some money and was getting into big trouble.  We explained that that was no excuse.  I took his phone and read some text messages between his friend and himself and it does seem to have some truth in it, but the facts are the same.  He stole from me.  Not in my wildest dreams would I ever think one of my kids could do that.  I'm so horrified by the actual event that I don't know what to do.. I never ever thought this could happenI.   have an appt set up with counselor this week, but i'm going crazy in the mean time.  I want to scream at him, I want to hold him, I want to shake him....I want my baby boy back......
 
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carolon
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worried
May 7, 2007, 8:52 am PDT

tween stealing

I have an eleven year old daughter who does wonderful in school, sports and has alot of friends. A few months ago she took money from my purse. I discovered it and she finally came clean after a while. She was grounded and things taken away. My husband and I after this situation came up with an allowance system to make her more aware of handling money and so she would have money. It worked wonderfully and she was being responsible to make purchases, pay for school lunches and other things she did. She was budgeting her money. Well after a sleepover this weekend we found she took money from her friend while sleeping over. The friends mother called to let me know and I checked my daughters money and sure enough she had extra. She denied for a while and then came clean. She had to go over her friends house and return the money and appoligize to her friend and parents. She now has many restrictions for a while. I just don't know where to go from here. Any advice would be wonderful.
 
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dmmom23
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May 7, 2007, 3:47 pm PDT

Troubled Teens

Quote From: pbellr

I'm not even sure where to begin, or how...

My husband is an alcoholic, he has been sober for 3 months.  (this is the longest time ever)  When the kids were younger I thought I could handle it.  I could cover things up make things ok.  I actually remember thinking two parents were better then one.  Oh what I have learned in the last 6 months...a little help from serenity lanes, Al-anon and alot of reading.   I won't lie, things were pretty ugly around the house, the fighting was bad....Things are all roses now, but with counseling and AA and al-anon its one day at a time.  

     Our oldest, who is 22, is finishing her last term for her BA degree.  She admitts to having issues but she is working on them.  She major is family and human services along with getting certificates in CADC, alcohol and drug treatment. 

    Our youngest, 16 isn't doing so good.  I'm not sure if the smoke has cleared with my husband so now I can finally see what is going on with my son, or if this is all new stuff.  Our son admits that he has changed over the last year...He has pulled away from the better friends and has chosen friendships that are doing nothing but getting him in trouble.  (friends that smoke pot and drink).  This is a kid who was going to go to college and play football or wrestle and had decent grades.  This year it's all I can do to get him to go to school.  I have even transferred him into another school.  He cries and says he wants to graduate and go to college but high school is really depressing for him.  This is a good looking very athletic kid who is feeling like an outcast and for some reason is having trouble connecting to kids.  The lastest and most horrific event that happened is I noticed that there was $120 missing from my bank account.  Oh he denied denied and denied, but finally admitted it.  He claimed it was to help a friend who owed someone some money and was getting into big trouble.  We explained that that was no excuse.  I took his phone and read some text messages between his friend and himself and it does seem to have some truth in it, but the facts are the same.  He stole from me.  Not in my wildest dreams would I ever think one of my kids could do that.  I'm so horrified by the actual event that I don't know what to do.. I never ever thought this could happenI.   have an appt set up with counselor this week, but i'm going crazy in the mean time.  I want to scream at him, I want to hold him, I want to shake him....I want my baby boy back......

I would be worried about the money...what it was really for.  I know what you mean though, it is all I can do to get mine to go to school too!  Thought about home schooling, but don't think he is motivated enough.  I wonder why he says high school is depressing.  Maybe he needs anti-depressants.  If I could go back more than 3 years and have my baby back too, I didn't know how good I had it!
 
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cosmocher
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May 9, 2007, 2:36 pm PDT

Troubled Teens

I have a teenage daughter she is 16,she has left home weeks ago her report card was sent home she is failing a class,I wanted her to get her grade back up and  she was to hand in a paper that was alreadt due a week ago ,then her teacher would put her grade up to a passsing mark. She wants to hang put with a boy that does drugs now Im hearing he does hard drugs.
My daughter is in a interval house we have no control over the situation ,her school counseller told her about it,she went there telling people she is scared in her home because her Dad yelled at her one night after a week of terrible behaviuur and threats of leaving.
I have called A LAWYER THEY TELL ME WE CANT DO MUCH,UNBELIVABLE ,SHE IS NOT GOING TO SCHOOL i CALLED THE SCHOLL HER CURFEW IS EVERY NIGHT UNTIL MIDNIGHT.
I am not sure what to do from here but Im not giving up please does anyone have any ideas ,and also she has been in counselling for 3 months ,she had a botfriend who treated her bad.please help anyone,I feel so helpless and scared that something bad is goung to happen.Cheryl
 
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rockthebeat789
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May 11, 2007, 8:28 am PDT

Troubled Teen.

We have a 15 year old daughter who lies all the time does not care about school and when we discipline her she just tries to out smart us and is very disrespectful.We are at our wits end most people learn from there  mistakes but she just does not get it. what can we do we have taken all of her privileges away and we do reward her with extra privileges but their short lived.

 

and we do praise her but is does not matter to her. We  need help trying to reach her  can you offer any advice.
 
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eluishia
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May 11, 2007, 5:40 pm PDT

sounds like me

Quote From: rockthebeat789

We have a 15 year old daughter who lies all the time does not care about school and when we discipline her she just tries to out smart us and is very disrespectful.We are at our wits end most people learn from there  mistakes but she just does not get it. what can we do we have taken all of her privileges away and we do reward her with extra privileges but their short lived.

 

and we do praise her but is does not matter to her. We  need help trying to reach her  can you offer any advice.

wow this sounds EXACTLY the same as what i used to be like when i was that age and it wasnt long ago!

 

im yrs old, almost 22, and from the ages of 14 - 17 i waslike this. i got arrested for shoplifting, breaking and entering, and i was a compulsive liar. i was grounded for 7 months straight and it did absolutely nothing to me. my parents even took me off my grounding after a while because they wanted to start fresh and what do i do? break into the gym and huff petrol with my friends.

 

i eventually left home at 16 living in and out of friends houses and getting caught shoplifting for the 3rd time two weeks before i turned 17. it just hit me and i thought i can get in serious trouble once i turn 17. and i just stoped.

 

to be honest i basically pulled myself out of it. i told myself i am not going anywhere with my life if i carry on like this. i didnt care back then but i got a little older. i think i matured. at 15 you dont care but i think she will come to realise this herself when she sees what the world is like out there when she has to survive on her own.

 

she has to do it herself. all u can do is tell her she is valued and u luv her. my parents did that and we get along better than ever.

now im of to law school and i have a 4 month old son and wonderful partner. i did it all on my own. hopefully she will to.

 

xxx
 
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dhlastala
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May 11, 2007, 9:45 pm PDT

What can I do

 My son is chronologically 18, socially and emotionally he is 14.  But with the laws as his mother I have no say so in anything now.  The apartments where I live denied him residency when he turned 18 this past December.  They did not tell me he was not allowed on the property.  He came here and the manager had him arrested for trespassing and told me if he is found here again I would be evicted.  Well that is just the top of the iceberg.  The child has Aspbergers, Bipolar, ADHD, OCD, all diagnosed.  He need to get SSI, he currenly has food stamps as he lives on the street.  I as a Mother can not help her son.  He keeps putting off going to SSI and I know it is because he side tracks easily with the disabilities.  I offer help but he only calls when he can't take the streets anymore.  I have snuck him in to the apartments a couple of times, but then I stress I will get caught.  If I get evicted it will be hard to get another apartment.  But the sad part is I too can't live with him.  He wants friends so badly that he will do anything to get them which includes stealing my car with them. taking drugs and almost dying.  He has been in many facilities, but now that he is 18 he has to want to and he doesn't have the capability to make the wise decision.  I cry every night worrying about.  I just know I will either end up visiting him in jail or going to his funeral.  His father is no help, he wouldn't even pay child support.  He is emotional and verbally abusive and favors his daughter which has added fuel to the fire.  I am at a loss, I'm going to loose him in some way I know.  I love him so much but every one tells me tough love, but it is so hard knowing he is not really as old as he appears.  You wouldn't know he has disabilities unless you talk to him for awhile or know his past.  He first appears very smart.  He can talk the talk but not walk the walk.  He can't bring it out and connect it.  Everyday starts new, previous things are forgotten.  Please help me....I'm at the end of my rope,   I worry so much it is not only hard for him but it is ruining my healt.h with all the worrying.  I can't afford to move so he can live with me and I'm not sure I can take him living with me.  Is there any resources that we can have to get him off the street.  I tried job core and he is will to go but he owes over 1,000 in restitution for crashing my car and I can't pay that and he can't get a job, and they won't take anyone owing over 500.00.  Everywhere I turn your damned becuase he can't get a job and you ca'n't get a job because your damned.  I've tried many things, he won't go to shelters because of chid molesters.  Are their homes that take in these kids?  HELP!!  Don't know what to do!!
 
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caholloway
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May 13, 2007, 10:28 am PDT

10 y.o. son doing drugs , being a bully and getting trouble in school

My son has been getting into trouble at school over last few months.  First he is a bully and likes it. He told a teacher in school....he likes to be a bully because it gives him power and makes him feel big.  He calls other kids names...even right in the middle of class.  He has pushed a kid down and took a ball on the playground.  Kid sustained bruises.  He has picked on another little boy over a girl he liked but she did not like him.  They are in the third grade mind you.  Yesterday, I received a phone call from a neighbor down the street,  how my son was doing weed with an older boy who lives next door to us.  My understanding was my 7 y.o. son and friend walked into the area and found them smoking weed.  The boys went and told an adult and thats how I got a call.  The older boy is about 16 or 17 y.o. and understood has a wrap sheet already.  Our houses are very close and no restaining order will fit due to how close.  My husband (Step-dad) went to our other neighbor who is a state police officer for advise (off duty of course).   He started investigating and found my 10 y.o. high and then to his friends house across the street.  14 y.o. boy also high.  My 7 y.o. was found clean.  Officer also investigated his daughter who is 13 y.o. and spends alot of time playing with all the kids too.  She was found clean.  Now since the whole street knows....we feel pegged now.  My son doesn't seem to care.  We have taken everything away......anything that runs on electric or batteries, except his alarm clock to get up for school. He is not allowed outside or with the other kids.  He has been writing sentences since.  Or should I say paragraph.  It doesn't bother him.  I have even made him dig my 6x12 garden area by hand as punishment.  No sweat!   The killer of this whole thing is....he advises he tried it once and didn't like it but pressured his 7 y.o. brother to get his money to buy a $10.00 bag of weed.  The 7 y.o. did not obtain that money.  I have looked into military schools even just for the summer 3 to 6 weeks.  But you have to be rich to do that.  $3000 and up.  I understand he is just starting in the drugs scene....I don't think there is an addiction yet...but how do I stop this now.  What do I do to change this situation.  We have vacations planned for this summer...camping a week in Virginia, flying to Florida for 10 days, Six Flags and a few weekenders.  What do I do then...I don't think he deserves it and I really don't want a druggie going. NOW WHAT TO DO???
 
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projectme1
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May 14, 2007, 9:17 am PDT

lets talk

Quote From: lostinar

I am a 39 year old parent of 3. Our oldest is 19 and was recently married. Our youngest is 12 and loves school. Our son is 15, and has been diagnosed with O.D.D., and has been in 4 inpatient facilities, and also has gone thru outpatient tx. He is very defiant when it comes to any kind of authority, regardless of who you are. He has ran away from home 2 times in 2004, and also walked off school campus when he was suppose to be there for after school detention. We had a fins petition filed against us because he had missed so many days of school due to suspension. He spent Thanksgiving and Christmas of 2004 in juvenile detention, until he went to inpatient tx. We brought him home on June 30th 2005, and now we are dealing with the side effects of the meds they were giving him for his behavior. Today was his first day back to school, with him being enrolled in a home bound program, where he only goes for 2 hours a day, until the side effects are gone. So I had gotten some spelling and language books to help him to try and get caught up, I got the same response that I always get, "I am not going to do it." and then he has been threating us with I will just walk out. How can I avoid all of this confirntation? And why is it that I always seem to be the one that is always on the phone with drs., schools, and I am the one that is getting treated so poorly. Everyone always says that he is so goodlooking, and so sweet, that they can not imagine that all of this is going on. I am at my wits end. And I am also at the verge of saying to heck with it, and letting him know how it feels to be treated like a door mat. If anyone has any advice I would love to chat with you about this, I know that I am not the only parent who is going through this...  

Never say the heck with it. And never give up. You can email me at daniel@projectmeinfo.com Maybe I have a solution for you...........Daniel
 
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projectme1
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May 14, 2007, 9:24 am PDT

Troubled Teens

Quote From: dmmom23

I would be worried about the money...what it was really for.  I know what you mean though, it is all I can do to get mine to go to school too!  Thought about home schooling, but don't think he is motivated enough.  I wonder why he says high school is depressing.  Maybe he needs anti-depressants.  If I could go back more than 3 years and have my baby back too, I didn't know how good I had it!
The money was probably for drugs and dont be shocked at your son for stealing from you. Its easier to steal from you than from others. Have you considered putting him into a work program for the summer. Contact me if this sounds like a good thing for him and we can talk. daniel@projectmeinfo.com ............daniel
 
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