Topic : Troubled Teens

If he's smoking pot, THAT could be what's causing the depression. And I KNOW the pot will keep him undermotivated to do anything productive with his life. Been there, done that.

Maybe it's time to let him seek alternative living. There's no reason why a 19yo should be living at home and letting parents foot all the bills while he continues a leisurely lifestyle. It would be one thing if he were working, going to school (college or vo-tech), and doing something productive with his life. Since he's not...it might be time to tell him how the cow ate the cabbage, so to speak.

Let him know he's got "x" number of months (or weeks) to get his rear in gear..and get out there and either further his education, or get a job and ultimately become independent.

Good luck...

Ed, you will never get rid of him until you actually throw him out of the house. Tough love, but needs to be done. Smoking pot, getting up at noon and a girlfriend is his world to him and he knows no other. Or another option is; I have a program here in the Philippines that will motivate any unmotivated, or problematic teen. They will work for the local Habitat for Humanity buiding houses without all the creature comforts of home. Email me through my profile and lets see what we can do to motivate your son and add structure into his non productive life.... Daniel

how cruel. and that actually works ?

I guess the definition of "cruel" belongs in the eye of the beholder. I consider it cruel to lay around all day, doing what you want to do and expect someone else to foot your bills.

What is your solution to the poster's problem?

It is very tough when you are going to a situation like this, especially with a child whom you love and do not want to see him get hurt.  I wouldn't know about this yet because my son is only 12 years old.  I do not know the whole story about how you raised your teen, or what the past is.. There is always a reason why teens act the way they act.  I was a teen before, and, with my not so wonderful past, I was rebellious, I started to drink since I was 15, and I was very depressed, I am blessed that I was able to get past this.  I am not trying to judge because I do not know your lifestyle, however, there are two reasons why kids act the way they act:  Either the parents are extremely strict (like micromanaging, expecting too much of them, beating them for any little thing, or just being smothering), or they are too lenient (not disciplining the  child when needed, letting them do whatever they want, letting the child take complete control, the parent not being around).  There needs to be a balance.  Parents need to show kids who's boss the moment they are born.  Teens will always be teens, but, when they go to the extreme, there is definitely a problem.  In my oppinion, he needs a swift kick in the butt. He is grown and he should know what's right and what's wrong.  Anyway, my only suggestion is therapy, if you are not doing so yet.   it's up to you on how you want to handle the situation. I can tell you one thing:  The more you allow this to happen, the more it's going to hurt you and this child. 

We have an 18 yr old son living with me who has been somewhat of a challenge since 7th grade. He was into drugs, running with the wrong crowd etc.,  I sent him away to Midwest Academy a High School for troubled teens for help for up to 1 yr.  When he came back things were better.  He managed to make it through HS just barley.  He tried College but withdrew.

Now that he is out of High School he does not have a job and really does not try to find one.  He gets up about 12:00 Noon has lunch hangs out with his girl friend, plays his guitar and stays out late just to get up and do it all over again.

I have tried to be tough by taking away his car, cell phone etc,... I tried to ignore the problem, I tried talking with his girl friend nothing has worked.  I think he is still smoking pot and depressed.  He is almost 19 yrs old and I want just to kick him out of my house.  What can I do to get this kid motivated to work or start college or both?

Need advice.in Omaha.

Please reply.

Ed

I am concermed about my 19yr old, i think he may have a drinking problem, or maybe he is exploring with the stuff. this chikd of mine hads always been focused and he speakes against drugs and alchol. yet twice i have found empty containers......... i don't know how to handle this it is so out of character for him, or maybe I don't know my own child as well as i think...

i need help right now...somebody help me......................

it is called tough love. Get a job young man., if a man doesn't work he doesn't get to eat "that is bible." when you leave home going to work he need to be leaving with you looking for work and you should give him  a deadline. he needs to also enjoy public transpotrtation doesn't sound like he can afford gas;and consider using pay phones.

i know it ain't easy but it works........my dad did it with 12 children we learned the hard way. my heart really goes out to you and you will be in my prayers as well as your son. It is up to you when this madness stops you will surely be helping your child and he will appriciate you for it later.

carefully submited

LT