I have an 18 year old son that has always struggled in school. It didn't start out that way. He started out as a B/C student in elementary until about 4th or 5th grade. He would lie about tests quizes etc, and get away with it initially but we would always find out. He would be disciplined by being grounded and or certain privilages taken away.
We struggled through middle school, barely passing, and it continued into HS. The same story from his teachers everytimg. "he is a bright kid, he just doesn't want to work." So when it was obvious he wasn't going to be able to graduate on time (we held him back voluntarily when we moved to another state, summer baby anyway) we decided to take advantage of the "early exit option" at the HS where you take your GED and get to graduate w/ a diploma.
He was skipping classes to hang out in the TV production studio and work on projects and on the sound boards etc. He wants to be an audio recording engineer. So come summer he moves out across the city and practically starves having to take a bus to work at a sub shop. He "learns his lesson" and moves back home with the understanding that he would get a FT job over the summer to save for a car. I offered to match penny to penny what he saved. Guess what? No job. I finally got him a pt job with my other son a at country club restaurant. There was an incident about a month 1/2 later where my older son quit (he was working two jobs at the time) so my 18 y/o quits too!
We had already co signed a student loan for him to go to an Audio Recording school in Oct. which looked like the perfect fit for him. He needed a car so we let him use his older brother's old car (he bought a newer car) and agreed he would get a pt job to make payments to his brother and have it paid by the end of school (May). He would then graduate from this school and they place them in jobs. Sounds like the perfect plan right?
October he did fantastic. He goes from 12-4 most days and two to three nights he is there until 7. It is a 30 minute drive with about $3 in tolls for a round trip. I gave him my toll transponder to help with the toll fees. In October he came home every day - I saw him doing homework and studying - he showed me all the notes he was taking - and he brought home a progress report with a "B" grade.
November comes and all of a sudden he is hanging out at this kids house in town and not coming home until 1 or 2 in the morning and not coming home for dinner. He has a job working for the kids' dad's landscaping business do whatever jobs didnt' get done during the week on the weekend. It is not enough money to make any payments to his brother.
Then Thanksgiving week on Sunday he doesn't come home at all. I go by this kids house and he comes out stating he has off of school. I told him no he doesn't and so he I THOUGHT was going to go to school from there. Come to find out from the President of the school he did not show up for school the entire week. Then he presented a bogus dr's note to get excused. They called me and told me they were expelling him. He was actually suffering from some allergy problems so I took him to the dr and the president told me that if he brought in the dr's note stating it was an on going problem they would allow him back on a probationary basis only.
When this first happened he had the attitude that "what can I do, I'm screwed?" And " I've been screwing up since 4th grade". So I told him that we tried it his way we will do it mine, so I told him he had to come home every night that was a school night by 12 midnight and he had to eat dinner with us when he was out of school by 4. This week was the first week back and he didn't come home night before last or last night. Yesterday he was here for 30 min to change clothes. He is pissed off because he discovered that I inspected his car and found a pipe and some other pot paraphnelia (Sp). This after he told me that he didn't understand why I was treating him this way while since he doesn't do drugs and doesn't drink, claims he is playing Halo at this kids house.
I'm afraid he is doing much more then smoking pot and he is going to get kicked out of this school while we are also liable for the loan. I want him to be successful and this looked like the perfect opportunity. I dont' know what to do other then to take the car away then he has no way to get back and forth to this school. My husband didn't want to co sign the loan just yet and I should have listened to him.
One last and very important point is he is gay (although you would never know) and I think he is not happy with himself and just wants to be like his brother and his friends. We had him with a counselor when he first came out and we thought he might be abusing. We supported him as we believe you don't choose your sexuality. She talked to him for two session and deemed him cured of any drug abuse. He has issues and I want to help him, but I'm at a loss right now as what to do.
And yet another note is his older brother was an honors student and a gifted athlete, his younger brother is doing OK in school and is also a gifted athlete while my 18 year old struggled in both departments. We also had he tested for learning disabilities when he was in 5th grade and he doesn't have any.
I also know right now he is mad because I searched his car and didn't come home last night and didn't text me to let me know. School is in 2 hours and I dont' know where he is!
Sorry so long, but if it weren' t a problem it would be simple and I wouldn't need to post it here