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Topic : Stay At Home Moms

Number of Replies: 913
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:39:02 pm
Author : dataimport
Being able to stay home with your child can be very rewarding, but do you sometimes crave adult interaction? Chat with other SAHMs, share advice, support, tips, ideas, and enjoy a little break from the kids.

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May 7, 2007, 2:53 am CDT

wrong choice of words

Quote From: westmoneypit

First of all, I do not like the "he is just a man" statement.  Since I know that is not the point of your letter, I will keep it to a minimum.  I found that a man, a real man, when faced with taking care of their family, will step up and take it, IF he is a man.

If, as a family, you need to take a job for the better of the family, he will step up, IF he is a man.  Sometimes it takes some learning, sometimes it takes making a few mistakes, but he will do good, IF he is a man.

You will need to understand that you have some experiences that he does not have, being that you are there, that he has not had to deal with everything, he has not ran into some problems you have had to deal with.  He will learn, he will make mistakes, he will run into and deal with problems, IF he is a man.

You need to prioritize what is important for the family.  If you can make more money than him with supplemental income, then do it.  He will have to pick up the slack for the family and do the best he can for the family, IF he is a man

If he does not, then he is not a man, he is some one that is not proud of taking care of his family, not proud of taking care of his kids, not willing to suck it up, take a hit to his pride for the family, step up and support his wife, learn from his mistakes and do something about it, etc...  Someone who does all of these things, IS A MAN.

 

Do what is best for the family.  If that is him taking another job, OK.  If that is you taking a job, OK.  Figure it out.  If you really married him for better of worse, then this is one of those times that is testing this.  Work it out, with a plan, with some brainstorming, with some willingness to help, with some understanding that he is not going to do as good as you.  I would suggest that you refrain from making statements during your discussions that mention anything other than positives or willingness to help.  His ego is probably destroyed already, due to losing the job in the first place.  You can be supportive or your punitive.  You pick. 

 

Oh yeah, Men need to step up and be Men!  If this is the image woman have, then things are not right in this world.  I take offense to your statement, so I guess I would call myself other than the "just a man" you are referring to.  Good luck.

You know I thought this message board was were you could come to vent and to get advice not to be attack for a statement! i did not mean it the way it sounded I was just frustrated and made the wrong choice of words. I am sorry you took  offense, I will not bother you again  
 
May 15, 2007, 7:04 pm CDT

Stay At Home Moms

Quote From: lowrytwinsmama

I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND! Although, I only have two, and I don't babysit.. I understand. Well, we have three.. I have a 7 year old stepson and my 6 month old twin boys. Every Monday and Tuesday and EVERY OTHER weekend we have his son, and every day I have my boys.. it's so stressful. I can only imagine what you go through. I only have two all day. But I never get out.. unless WE run to the store or WE go do something.. meaning KIDS and all.. We do get time alone at night when the kids are sleeping, but all day it's just me and the kids. I tell him the same thing you do.. he gets adult interaction. He says "It's just guys at work" .. and I'm like SO WHAT! It's interaction with people other than me!!!

 

I'm definetly in your boat. I definetly know what you mean with needing adult conversation and friends.

I'm here :)

  I am with you.My husband does not get it either.I have a14 year old boy,6 year old boy,and a 3 year old girl.My husband and I have never been without children cause my oldest son was 3 yrs old when we got  together.Our 3yr old daughter had open heart surgery 1and half yrs ago . She had post tramatic stress from the surgery and would wakescreaming if we were not with her which began an aweful habit to break.She sleeps in our bed.We are working oin breaking that one since she don't scream at night anymore.I love to go on drives in the country when able to.My husband knows when I'm snapping when I start saying time for a road trip.My parents also will only take my kids one at a time and never take the 3 yr old girl cause she's meaner then both boys even with a heart condition.They say she is too energetic for them.I'm here for ya.
 
May 15, 2007, 7:23 pm CDT

Stay At Home Moms

Quote From: kschmittz

I only have two boys and I felt compelled to respond.  My oldest is ADHD. .that stands for Attention Deficit HYPERACTIVITY Disorder.....who diagnosed him with ADHD if he is not hyper?  That is the first red flag I see.  This may have caused them to prescribe the wrong medication and therefore the wrong things are happening.  My son does take Adderrall and it works well.   Yes, there are side effects but none like you mentioned.  Maybe he has a learning disorder?  That is something that is misdiagnosed as well a lot of times.  There are also a lot of student tutors at many schools....maybe they can help him focus and get better study habits.  Good luck!

Consistency is the key.My family we have a contact written down hanging on refrigerator with what is expected of my kids including my son that has trouble staying focused. On this contract list the consequences for each item so they can refer to it at anytime.Stick to the consequences do not let the child get away with somnething or that child will run all over you.My house was chaois and my child would almost like wonder in his mind until Iwrote everything down and stuck with it.It was very difficult at first now it is routine and he knows what is expected it also helped with my other children.
 
May 20, 2007, 8:15 pm CDT

I don't know how to understand my Son

 
June 11, 2007, 8:05 pm CDT

what to do in todays $$$ world

I have been a stay at home mum, I think that it is important to be there for your kids, but what do you do, money makes the world go round (and puts food on the table).  Consiquently I have to work,my kids miss me and i find that their behavour suffers for this, also i am expected (as a mum and wife to still do all of the things that needs to be done.  I am exhused.
 
June 14, 2007, 8:27 am CDT

I Have No Idea How to get through to my son

I recently became a stay at home mom to my 3 children.  I have a 5year old boy and 3 year old boy and a 2 year old girl.  It's so hard for me to admit but I am completely clueless when it comes to making my oldest listen to me.  I know I go about everything wrong I use things like "wait until your dad comes home" and I often get frustrated to the point of saying "just do whatever you want".  It's easier for me to do the timeouts with the younger children and they are usually pretty good with it.  My oldest, though, is just a real smart alec and just very hard to control.  Almost "too smart for his own good".  He is actually scheduled to start school in September and he's never been to preK or anything so I'm just really worried that if I don't learn how to control his behavior now, he won't know how to listen in school.  Can anyone relate to this?

 

 
June 15, 2007, 10:50 am CDT

Also a stay at home mom

Quote From: familysupermom

I recently became a stay at home mom to my 3 children.  I have a 5year old boy and 3 year old boy and a 2 year old girl.  It's so hard for me to admit but I am completely clueless when it comes to making my oldest listen to me.  I know I go about everything wrong I use things like "wait until your dad comes home" and I often get frustrated to the point of saying "just do whatever you want".  It's easier for me to do the timeouts with the younger children and they are usually pretty good with it.  My oldest, though, is just a real smart alec and just very hard to control.  Almost "too smart for his own good".  He is actually scheduled to start school in September and he's never been to preK or anything so I'm just really worried that if I don't learn how to control his behavior now, he won't know how to listen in school.  Can anyone relate to this?

 

Hello.  I do understand what you are going through.  I am a stay at home mom with 2 boys, 9 and 7...and I also babysit, a girl 6 and boy 4.  My children know and understand my rules for our house...no running, no lying, no cursing, no fighting.....ect.  The children I babysit for don't know how to follow these rules.  They come in everyday and the first thing I tell them are the rules....EVERYDAY!  If a rule is broken, then you go in the corner...and you won't get out till there is no talking, no moving, and they listen.  As soon as their time is up then they are allowed out and their attitude is readjusted.  These kids' mom is my friend and she even lets me discipline them when she is here too because they don't listen to her...I guess it is my stern voice! ha ha!  If you stick with your choice of punishment...then he will learn that you are serious! 

Brandie

 
June 16, 2007, 3:03 pm CDT

We're preparing for school, too

Quote From: familysupermom

I recently became a stay at home mom to my 3 children.  I have a 5year old boy and 3 year old boy and a 2 year old girl.  It's so hard for me to admit but I am completely clueless when it comes to making my oldest listen to me.  I know I go about everything wrong I use things like "wait until your dad comes home" and I often get frustrated to the point of saying "just do whatever you want".  It's easier for me to do the timeouts with the younger children and they are usually pretty good with it.  My oldest, though, is just a real smart alec and just very hard to control.  Almost "too smart for his own good".  He is actually scheduled to start school in September and he's never been to preK or anything so I'm just really worried that if I don't learn how to control his behavior now, he won't know how to listen in school.  Can anyone relate to this?

 

Hi, my oldest will soon be 5 and start K in a few months, too.  We did not do preschool, but we found some other ways to practice for school.   We did a 1x week (30 minute) swim class at YMCA.  The parents had to stay poolside for it, so we were in sight.  Then we did some 1-hour classes at the zoo for preschoolers; where parents did not have to stay.  We watched through the window closely for the first one of these.     I really felt like these little things helped him get used to the idea of a teacher, focusing & listening to a teacher, etc.  BUT, he's pretty agreeable by nature.

I have almost 3yo twin boys & one of them is very physical and more rowdy, I've having to really work on him w/ this.  It's exhausting!   I wonder how he'll be as he gets older.

One thing to consider, many kids act VERY different when another adult is in charge & when parents aren't around.  He may listen great if you arent' around, LOL!  See if you can get him into a class where you can watch from afar w/o him knowing (if he's too nervous, do one together first). 

Also, I don't know what your childcare arrangements were before; but maybe he's playing you a little just to 'test' you to see if you can hack it as a SAHM.  Maybe it's just his way of adjusting to and dealing w/ the change.   Also, I swear kids are like animals - they smell fear!  LOL!  Just trust yourself.

Hang in there, you'll get your groove.  (and if you're like me, you'll loose it & re-find it over & over!  LOL).   

 
June 17, 2007, 5:49 am CDT

Stay At Home Moms

Quote From: familysupermom

I recently became a stay at home mom to my 3 children.  I have a 5year old boy and 3 year old boy and a 2 year old girl.  It's so hard for me to admit but I am completely clueless when it comes to making my oldest listen to me.  I know I go about everything wrong I use things like "wait until your dad comes home" and I often get frustrated to the point of saying "just do whatever you want".  It's easier for me to do the timeouts with the younger children and they are usually pretty good with it.  My oldest, though, is just a real smart alec and just very hard to control.  Almost "too smart for his own good".  He is actually scheduled to start school in September and he's never been to preK or anything so I'm just really worried that if I don't learn how to control his behavior now, he won't know how to listen in school.  Can anyone relate to this?

 

he might be testing you, or he might really think/know, that he won't have to listen tom mom anyway. if you want to get him to listen, just tell him some clear rules, that he will have to stick to, and keep to them, and if he breaks them, don't go talk nicely like, sweety mommy doesn't like you to hit you brother. just be clear, and say, you can't hit your brother, and because you did you will have to stand in the corner. and say it in a voice, that will make it clear to him that there will be no discussion. you don't have to yell, but kids here it in your voice. for example, my six year old step daughter sometimes says, when she's being put to bed, i won't go to sleep. and then i say, then you will lie awake in your bed. and then it's end of discussion, and she'll sleep within 10 minutes. if you get to frustrated, just count to ten, or close your eyes and focus, or whatever helps you, just to stay calm for the moment, and when he's standing in the corner, you can unload somewhere.
 
June 17, 2007, 6:36 pm CDT

Just a Quick Thanks

I really am going to try some of the things you guys wrote.  The summer programs sound great... I'm not sure exactly what's available in my area but I can easily find out.  I agree, while he does know my rules maybe my tone hasn't been enforcing enough.  LOL and yes I also think that the smart alec part of the whole thing is just a HUGE test lol.  I'm sure he will probably end up fine but we all want to make sure we do whatever we can to help our children grow up to their full potential.  Anyway this was my first time asking for advice I am a newley registered user and I just wanted to thank all of you for the help.  I think it's really great to have a place where mothers can help each other out like this.
 
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