Dr. Phil.com - Messageboards - Stay At Home Moms

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July 16, 2007, 11:32 am PDT

Going back to college

I have been a stay at home Mom for the past 19 yrs. and still am one. My husband and I have 5 kids total: he has 3, I have 1 and we have 1. Our youngest is 16 and is a special needs child. She is my angel and thankfully I have been financially able to be at home when she gets out of school. I have been a "domestic engineer" for all these years. I'm seriously considering going back to college and getting a diploma in Medical Coding and Billing. This is something I can do from home so that I'm here with her and sounds interesting to me. However, I'm nervous! It's been soooo long since I've had to study or take tests. I guess in reality I'm afraid of failure. You know, the "what if's"... what if I don't pass, or what if I'm not good enough. I know this is a huge investment and one that can benefit not only me, but help out financially. I have found a school that offers classes online in this exact subject, but how do you know who to trust? I've been contacted by a few schools and I want the best one for what I need and to help me get started in a career. This is very important to me since the cost is so high. Does anyone know of any scholarships that I should try for? Financially, on paper, I don't qualify for financial aid. But we can't afford to be out of pocket 10K either.

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sunnyar

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July 17, 2007, 1:15 pm PDT

Bored and Lonely!!!

I fully understand about how you get bored and lonely being home with your youngsters. I'm 45 and did that for alot of years. Like I said before, we have 5 kids combined... 3 girls and 2 boys. The 3 girls lived with us. My husband's boys lived with their mother; his daughter chose to live with us. When our kids where in the 11th, 5th and 1st grades we moved from Texas to California for my husband's job. We knew no one! You talk about being alone!! But I loved being able to go to my kids' schools to have lunch with them, going to school plays or functions they were involved in, etc. I would get so bored and depressed while they were at school because most of my friends my age worked outside the home. So I had no one to hang out with or talk to during the day. I got involved with Meals on Wheels and really enjoyed doing that. It made me feel good to know I was helping people. I also volunteered at the schools when needed. Of course, with you having young ones that aren't school age yet, you can't relate. But maybe a church in your town/city has play days for the kids so you can have some "ME" time. Churches usually don't cost much, if at all. It's worth looking into. It saved me! Like I mentioned before, my youngest, now 16 has special needs (cerebral palsy and mild mentally retarded) so I am very cautious about who I leave her with... even now! She has never stayed with anyone other than a family member. She is in a self-contained class in school and I've had wonderful teachers offer to babysit so that my husband and I can have a 'date' night. Fortunately, both my older daughters (27 & 21) live in the same town so I rely on them. Not alot, but some. I just want to tell you that your feelings are well understood and I empathize with you. But I'm living proof that being able to stay at home and be there for my kids for whatever, whenever has groomed them into successful, loving, compationate young adults. Good luck and hang in there!

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erickarowlan

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July 18, 2007, 4:48 pm PDT

About to pull my hair out!

Okay I'm a young mother to began with and this is the actual first time that i am able to stay at home w/ my daughter. After I gave birth w/ her I immediately had to go back to school and back to work. Well now thanks to my wonderful husband i am able to stay home now and she is driving me nuts!!! Is there anything that can make my stay at home experience easier? please HELP!!!!

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miekje

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July 22, 2007, 1:13 pm PDT

Stay At Home Moms

Quote From: erickarowlan

Okay I'm a young mother to began with and this is the actual first time that i am able to stay at home w/ my daughter. After I gave birth w/ her I immediately had to go back to school and back to work. Well now thanks to my wonderful husband i am able to stay home now and she is driving me nuts!!! Is there anything that can make my stay at home experience easier? please HELP!!!!

i might be able to give you some advice, if you can tell me what exactly it is that's driving you nuts, and it would be usefull to know her age,

annemiek

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ladybug30

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July 25, 2007, 8:50 pm PDT

Going back to College

Quote From: sunnyar

I have been a stay at home Mom for the past 19 yrs. and still am one. My husband and I have 5 kids total: he has 3, I have 1 and we have 1. Our youngest is 16 and is a special needs child. She is my angel and thankfully I have been financially able to be at home when she gets out of school. I have been a "domestic engineer" for all these years. I'm seriously considering going back to college and getting a diploma in Medical Coding and Billing. This is something I can do from home so that I'm here with her and sounds interesting to me. However, I'm nervous! It's been soooo long since I've had to study or take tests. I guess in reality I'm afraid of failure. You know, the "what if's"... what if I don't pass, or what if I'm not good enough. I know this is a huge investment and one that can benefit not only me, but help out financially. I have found a school that offers classes online in this exact subject, but how do you know who to trust? I've been contacted by a few schools and I want the best one for what I need and to help me get started in a career. This is very important to me since the cost is so high. Does anyone know of any scholarships that I should try for? Financially, on paper, I don't qualify for financial aid. But we can't afford to be out of pocket 10K either.

You could try a school loan. There are loans that you do not have to pay back until you finish and start getting a paycheck. I am glad I read your message. I have been a stay at home mom for 13 years and am needing to go back to school because one pay check just isnt enough any more. My husband thinks I should be a nurse but our youngest is 5 and I really do not want to leave him at night. He is used to me being here to put him in bed.

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librashelly

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August 27, 2007, 5:32 am PDT

frustrated, undersexed, and underpaid!!!

OK- I am losing my mind- nearly literally! I have THREE kids, and I too am a stay at home mom. My two boys are 8 & 7(stepbrothers) and they fight all the time! My third is a baby girl, who is 19 months old. Since she has been born, I have had MAYBE, 3 whole days to myself (woopty do dah). Having to deal with the boys' squabbles everyday is energy consuming in itself...but my daughter- whew...she is hard core- STILL! She has to be entertained or held. I just quit nursing her- so that has helped A LITTLE through the nights- but I have to read her books constantly or be right by her side to keep her content. My husband throws that ' what do you do all day....nothing' crap EVERY TIME we have this conversation/argument. He is a real shallow jerk about it sometimes... I feel like those mothers in a situation like mine, well we are the defenseless breed (lol) and its so aggravating. I am in need of not only 'time to myself', but 'time with adults'..FUNNY ADULTS, you know, those people we can talk to about things other than kids?

And sex???? YEA, I CAN FORGET ABOUT IT PAL! We went as long as 8 months until recently and it seems like here we are back on that path again....ugh

OK- so here is my theory- Dr Phil needs to make a show where the husbands stay at home with their kids for a whole MONTH, while the mothers are in Fiji getting rub downs, working out like a maniac when WE want and getting pampered by HOT people to our liking (j/k).

Really though- 'why a month' you ask- simple- our husbands would make sure they pulled it off for a few days to a week- with flying colors for the simple fact that they would be 'proving a point on national TV ,(by the way, its recorded..lol) that it is NOT as hard as we make it... but I feel that after a week, they WILL crack!!! Oh, and they will!!! 'What about the bills getting paid' you ask? Well, I will just switch places (after my trip to Fiji) and I will do his job. Sure I know how to do electrical (HA)!

So please Dr. Phil- I have just one request....

that you give our husbands that work sooooooooooo hard (and whom are so dedicated to their families and job) a break! Yea, they should be at home and not be working! Wouldn't that be a lovely treat...... .>)

Sarcastically, yet truly yours-

Michelle

Melbourne, Florida

by the way: I really do LOVE and APPRECIATE what my husband does for this family..REALLY! :)

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chelle412

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October 26, 2007, 3:46 pm PDT

i don't know what to do

I am a stay at home mom of 2 kids-3 and 1. My father in law also lives with us and does the complete and total opposite of what i tell my kids mostly my three year old. I've told him that I don't want any help, I can handle things on my own. Or when I correct my daughter he jumps in. He doesn't listen to anything I say when it comes to what I want with my kids. I've talked to my husband about this but he doesn't think it's a big deal. I try to explain to him that I have a schedule I would like the kids to be on but I seem to be the only who thinks a schedule is a good idea. If anyone has any ideas at what I can do please help me I feel I've tried everything and no one listens.

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jayz23

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November 22, 2007, 5:16 pm PST

Best Job In The World

I'am a 45 year old Navy Veteran with five beautiful children who is now a stay at home mom. I'am very fortunate that I can stay home with my children and provide them with quality time. I never get bored with my life. I have a four year old at home now and I love preschooling him myself. The only thing he might be missing is being around children not his siblings. I guess you can say that I'm selfish for wanting him to myself. Tommorrow is never promised and I just rather he be with his mom than anyone else. Well thanks for letting me share.

Jayz23

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jayz23

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November 22, 2007, 5:34 pm PST

Undersexed Stay At Home Mom

Quote From: librashelly

OK- I am losing my mind- nearly literally! I have THREE kids, and I too am a stay at home mom. My two boys are 8 & 7(stepbrothers) and they fight all the time! My third is a baby girl, who is 19 months old. Since she has been born, I have had MAYBE, 3 whole days to myself (woopty do dah). Having to deal with the boys' squabbles everyday is energy consuming in itself...but my daughter- whew...she is hard core- STILL! She has to be entertained or held. I just quit nursing her- so that has helped A LITTLE through the nights- but I have to read her books constantly or be right by her side to keep her content. My husband throws that ' what do you do all day....nothing' crap EVERY TIME we have this conversation/argument. He is a real shallow jerk about it sometimes... I feel like those mothers in a situation like mine, well we are the defenseless breed (lol) and its so aggravating. I am in need of not only 'time to myself', but 'time with adults'..FUNNY ADULTS, you know, those people we can talk to about things other than kids?

And sex???? YEA, I CAN FORGET ABOUT IT PAL! We went as long as 8 months until recently and it seems like here we are back on that path again....ugh

OK- so here is my theory- Dr Phil needs to make a show where the husbands stay at home with their kids for a whole MONTH, while the mothers are in Fiji getting rub downs, working out like a maniac when WE want and getting pampered by HOT people to our liking (j/k).

Really though- 'why a month' you ask- simple- our husbands would make sure they pulled it off for a few days to a week- with flying colors for the simple fact that they would be 'proving a point on national TV ,(by the way, its recorded..lol) that it is NOT as hard as we make it... but I feel that after a week, they WILL crack!!! Oh, and they will!!! 'What about the bills getting paid' you ask? Well, I will just switch places (after my trip to Fiji) and I will do his job. Sure I know how to do electrical (HA)!

So please Dr. Phil- I have just one request....

that you give our husbands that work sooooooooooo hard (and whom are so dedicated to their families and job) a break! Yea, they should be at home and not be working! Wouldn't that be a lovely treat...... .>)

Sarcastically, yet truly yours-

Michelle

Melbourne, Florida

by the way: I really do LOVE and APPRECIATE what my husband does for this family..REALLY! :)

Dear Librashelly,

I wish I had your problem of being undersexed. I have five children: Ages 16, 15, 12, 7 and 4. I wish I could lead a life with no sex at all. I'm not frigid, I just don't care about it anymore. Don't feel sorry for me because my lifei s fullfilled and I've found my passion. My passion is writing and I'm working on a book called, "Diamond In The Rough". It's a true testimony of my journey through life. Although I only have a high school education, I assure you I have a PHD in life. Please don't think the reason I don't care about sex is because of my children or that I'm bored with my husband because this is not the case. Well I'm gonna stop right here because I just wanted to give my feelings about sex. Thanks for letting me share.

Jayz23

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amandaj1

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December 2, 2007, 12:48 pm PST

And My Rubberband Snapped!

OK so here it is.... I am 27 years old with 4 boys. I have an 11 year old, 8 year old who has passed, a 3 year old and a 5 month old. I have always been a working Mom until June of this year, when I gave birth to my youngest son 2 months early. My boyfriend had been a stay at home Dad and I supported us. I was a waitress and as many of you I am sure know that being a waitress you always have cash on hand. Accoeding to Doctors one of us needed to stay at home with our premature son, I volenteered because he scared my boyfriend being so tiny and all. I have come to realize that being a stay at home mom and the family being supportrd by one income is not all it has cracked up to be. The uniform for this job I have found leaves something to be desired, House shoes of course or socks that never seem to match though they are a lovely shade of white. Sweat pants and one of my boyfriends holy T-shirts draped with baby spit, dog drool and juice boxes. My hair a lovely shade of dirty brown and falling out is always pulled back into a ponytail, thus leading to this morning when my rubberband snaped and poped me in the finger I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. How do you do it? I love my children, my dog and boyfriend, though somedays I would love to be in a QUIET place I could not imagine it with out them. Do you know how hard it is to pee while being asked questions through the door? My boyfriend lucked out, when he stayed a thome he got the cute years, I get the potty training, new baby, 11 year old who thinks he is 25. Fantastic. I also did not realize how many phone calls in one day you could actually get from your mother in law, who is probly calling to make sure you did not raid the liqour cabnet. What she does not realize the only time I need a drink, and I mean a very very strong one is after I hang up with her. I did find help for that one on the internet though, a disconnet message to put on you phone, it is absoluty amazing how many more phone calls I got when they thought my phone was disconnected, are you kidding me?! They thoguht that I would somehow decide to turn it on in the next 20 seconds, then when I did answer they said "oh I thought you phone was disconnected" thus leading me to standing in front of a mirror wondering, actually the only thing I was wondering if my face really looks like that when I run into a person that just makes you want to say... wow. The finance side of things is bad, I hear of moms being penny pinchers on one income but how do you do that when there are no pennys to be pinched? Christmas is a whole nother issue.... how do you do it? I completly have been stressed out, there are like 23 days of shopping left with no money and a whole lott of kids what do you do? Explain the meaning of Christmas, ok.... but that is easy to say but would you want to do that to your children? I mean really come on... that is a cop-out. Toys mean something or they would not have toy for tots or other organizations like that. ok now to the kids, where is the balance? How do you really have a minute to just be? I feel like I am going insaine. Screaming. yelling, crying, whining, slamming doors, I never knew that people under 3 feet could be soooooooooo draining. If you have any advice for me please please let me know. Or if anyone has a vacation home in cabo witha nanny that would be fantastic!!! :) Teasing, unless you really have one.... just some advice. PLEASE!! and by the way though moms are Gormet Chefs, Proffessional Cleaners, Assistants, Coaches ( Soccar... thats another thing, who would have thought that seasons last that long) Stylest, Barbers, Shouffers and Designers, you can not put that on a resume! I mean come on, Ok well I hope you all enjoy my self profile. This is my life and I do love it, just if there is anything that would make me love it more, my ears are open.
Thanks, Amanda daltonco@sbcglobal.net

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Message Boards

Topic : Stay At Home Moms

Going back to college

Bored and Lonely!!!

About to pull my hair out!

Stay At Home Moms

Going back to College

frustrated, undersexed, and underpaid!!!

i don't know what to do

Best Job In The World

Undersexed Stay At Home Mom

And My Rubberband Snapped!