Topic : Stay At Home Moms

Hi Beaches, I only have a minute so here goes. it sounds like you know what the problem is, "you are not consistent and always on the go." You have to set the boundaries and stick to the rules. your daughter is still young and some of this behavior I am sure is normal but if you don't get with the program, it will get worse, whether you put her in preschool or not. So the first thing is to set the boundaries and stick with them. I personally would never put my little one in a school setting but if this is the route you are taking then you need to observe the school and know all details about it. There are good child care workers out there but remember, none of them are perfect and when they work with groups of children, it can get a little hectic and nerve wrecking so communication is very imporant between you and teachers. Keep those communication lines open and work with the teachers. if you love, respect and discipline and are being consistent with your child, then she will over come this behavior but you as the parent must take control.

  I know what I have to do, I just can't seem to do it.  I have worked with children for 11 yrs., 5 of those years with toddlers, I know the importance of school and how it prepares even the youngest of children, helping teach social skills, ect. .  I know what school I want to put her in, I used to work there, they're great, but like you said, even the best can become irritated, believe me I've seen it all.  I don't know if I can part with her, I don't know if after all these years under my belt I can stand up to my baby, lay the law down, take control.  I hate, hate, hate, to see any of my 3 children cry, but my 2 older children are well manored, and very respectful.  I did well with them, but I just can't figure out what works.  If she hits me or her siblings what should I do?  What would you do?  If she follows me around crying to be picked up what should I do?  If she throws her toy or Sip Sip at me what should I do?  What is it you think works the best, anything you have done that worked for your children?

16 months, they're still learning to communicate and either don't know the words they want to use or can't readily say what they feel so they use physical actions.  But with your 11 years of working with kids, you already know this. 

  

Timeouts at this age can work well.  Use only 1 minute of timeout per age.  She's hitting, she goes into time out.  She's following you around crying, stop and go thru the checklist to see why she is crying.  Is she hurt, sick, lonely or tired, then attend to her accordingly.  However, if she is following you around screaming and crying, time out in a place that she cannot  not move from like a crib or playpen.  When mine got a little older, I would tell them I do not understand whine-ese and when they can tell me properly what's wrong then I would help them. 

  

Throwing toys and other objects (especial if they're a favored toy or object) got put into a "Throw-away" box with me saying, 'oh, you want to throw this away?' and I put it in the box.  If they protest, I tell them if they hadn't intended to throw it away they shouldn't have thrown it in the first place.  The item would reappear months later but they got the message. 

  

don't know if this was of any help to you. 

You as her mother, need to take control and follow through, I know it can be hard but you will be better off in the end. Remember, she is 16 months and children learn by repitition and consistency, If my children hit, they are automatically taken away from that area and sat in time out and of course I talk to them about it and what should have been done instead of the hitting but of course you have to consider the age and communication level, with your daughter, get down on her level and say something like, "we don't hurt our friends, brother...", then take her by the hand and time out and of course reminding her that hitting hurts........and also I encourage my children to apologize and since mine are a bit older they can tell me why they shouldn't hit, be mean, whatever......Of course with the crying, there are many reasons for that so I agree you must figure out what the reason is and work with that, If there really isn't a reason for it, maybe some redirection, an activity that she hasn't done for a while, one thing that works for my youngest is putting her in a tub full of bubbles and she is content, coloring and play dough works with her as well. It will calm her down. Of course a little hug and kisses may not hurt in the process of getting her settled down at her activity. :) Temper tantrums is something that I ignore as long as no one is getting hurt in the process, my children hate being ignored so their tantrums do not last long,once my oldest threw a tantrum in the store, I put my cart in a corner and put both girls in a different cart and we headed out the door on home. once we were in a restaurante, (luckily we were done eating), I just got up, picked up my youngest, looked at my oldest and said, "let's go", Thankfully that has only happened those two times but have come close several times since,LOL. throwing toys and such is not acceptable of course and it would get taken away and put up and talked about why. Your daughter is still learning, so patience I believe is a key as well. :)

I live here in Finland where the government pays the mum maternity leave up till the baby reaches ten months old, then because the daycare centres are full they pay home care help till the baby reaches the age of three. Extras we might receive is if you have more than one child under the age of three you recive 84euros and over the age of three 50euros up till the child goes to school, in this case 7 years of age. In certain towns you can receive extra help on top of this home care help depending on how much the husband brings in only If you worked before getting pregnant.  

The father gets 18 days paternity leave which he can take within the first 10 months after the baby has been  born.  

If the wife returns to work after 10 months, the husband can get another 12 days paternity leave. 

There is so much that is unfair if you are a stay at home mum, you do not recieve the extra money just to stay at home with the children and the husband doesn't get the extra 12 days paternity leave. 

I do not understand women that have children and then dump them in these daycare centres. Do they have children just for show, that  on the outside they are happy families. Its not right. Children need their parents around them, to care for them. They need quality and quantity time from their parents, not gifts and lots of money. As you quite often see kids rather play with the boxes than the presents inside the box. 

I am a stay at home mum and proud of it, tired because I have four daughters ages 9, 7, 3 and 9mnths but still happy that I am taking care of them. I just this week witnessed my youngest beginning to take her first steps and got it all on video. If she was in daycare I would certainly have missed this event.  

For all of you out there that want to stay at home and take care of your baby, my advice to you would be STAY AT HOME at all costs because you will be missing your baby's first smile, first tooth, turning over, sitting up, crawling, standing, first sep and so much more. Dont miss it, it goes by so quickly and you can never get it back. 

Most women do not get a choice as to whether or not they go back to work or stay home with their children.  Most moms have to go back to work even though they wish they didn't have to and they would love to be home with their children.  It is not fair for you to say that parents "drop" their kids off at daycare.  I agree that children do need their parents and their parents should support and take care of them, but don't you see that when parents drop their kids off at daycare they are going to work to support their children.  American moms are not fortunate enough to get paid to stay home and take care of their family.  Most fathers are lucky enough to even get time off when their child is born.  I'm sure that if American moms did get paid to stay home, a lot more would.  I am one of the lucky ones who do get to stay home with my children.  My mom was not.  She didn't have a choice, she needed to work to get the things that her children needed.  No, not toys, but clothes and food. I did wish that she could stay home with me, but now I understand.  I think that even though she worked I turned out to be a very respectful, knowledgable, independent woman.  Try to remember that not every woman has a choice. 

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It would be wonderful if we American moms could stay home with our children, but the reality is that most of us just can't do it. 

I think it is extremely judgemental of you to say that women "dump" their children at daycare. Sure, many women work because they WANT to work, its their passion, they love to work, however many women work because they have no choice. Who will pay the bills, keep a roof over their heads, and their children's heads? Who will heat the home and feed the children? Bringing children to childcare is a neccessary thing. You are not someone who should be making judgements against women who have to work. My advice to you is to consider where other people are coming from when they make the decisions that they make. You can't impose your personal feelings/beliefs onto someone else's life and judge them. Just because you are a stay at home mother doesn't mean you are a better mother. 

being a stay at home parent, I believe is and can be a great asset to the family but it takes committment, desire and respect from both parents, even from the one who is working. When these things are there and the parents are working together, (yes it is possible for a stay at home parent to contribute to the house hold and to society)" The household can function very well and every one can be happy and fullfilled. I personally love staying home with my kids, and have no desire to make any changes, especially while they are as young as they are therefore I am missing out on absolutely nothing. My husband is a hard worker and has no desire to put his children in child care centers and loves the fact that I love being home, he is very supportive and does his part in the parenting roles, and understands that it is a 24/7 day job and with out his support, I would never get a break which in all reality is unfair since he does get breaks and can call off of work when he is sick and can sleep all day where the stay at home parent does not get those options but it certainly is a great benefit when both parents can help one another out and yes, I do help with finances at times, I do odd jobs for people, not only am I helping others but I am also helping us a s a family. my kids are with me and enjoys the interaction of others and are very happy children. They are not deprived of anything as we are an active, fun family and enjoy the out doors and friends and family. I believe all of us, can do anything that we set our minds to do if we really want it but of course it takes others to respect and encourage us which I believe is a great asset, Parenting certainly is team work which I personally have the honor of having in my home, for those who have the opportunity, and the desire to be home with the kids and with supporting spouses, I would encourage you to go for it, A good stay at home parent does not just sit around all day, they play and interact with their children as well as take care of the needs of the home and family and at the same time there are things out there in the out side wold that one can do to interact with other adults and even help make ends meet, My life is very fullfilling as a stay at home mom, we don't have a lot of money but our needs are met as well as even some wants at times, We own our home and everything in it, no vehicle payments as we refuse to go into debt for a vehicle, We try to use common sense and save when we can, I love being a stay at home mom........................................................................................................................................................Now, there is no reason for any one to get upset over my post so please don't, I am only posting my thoughts and experience as a stay at home mom and want to encourage those who are in the same boat as I am, It is possible and well worth the time to be home with your kids. I realize that it is not always an easy task, (but what is?), But an experience that I personally will never trade in...............