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Topic : Stay At Home Moms

Number of Replies: 913
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:39:02 pm
Author : dataimport
Being able to stay home with your child can be very rewarding, but do you sometimes crave adult interaction? Chat with other SAHMs, share advice, support, tips, ideas, and enjoy a little break from the kids.

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October 8, 2005, 1:57 pm CDT

Stay At Home Moms

Quote From: trismac

I've just joined the site too. I recently decided to stay home with my daughter who is 3 months old. I wasn't going to but but I got laid off the day after I went back to work from maternity leave. Although I was very upset at first it was a blessing in disguise. I really did not want to leave my daughter just yet.   

  

It has been a huge financial adjustment for us to live on just one income, but so far we are making it just fine.  We buy store brand foods, clip coupons and stopped eating out.  

  

Have anyone else had to learn on one income? 

I can relate to living on one income or no income in my case. 

  

I was laid off from my job 2 months before my maternity leave.  Than the company closed just after my leave was up.  So I had no job to return to.  Than my sons father kicked us out of the house a few months later.  I was left with no choice but to apply for social assistance.  Which I'll tell you , you can barely live on it.  Sometimes its a choice to eat or pay bills..(I choose to eat!!)So I know all about the struggle.  But like you, you find a way to manage like clipping coupon and I can remember the last time I ate out.  Fortunately, my son is a very picky eater so eating out for him isn't an option.  So before my son starts school I'm finishing my college education from home so I can get a good paying job when he goes to school, and create a good future for the both of us. 

  

I guess I just want to say when the going gets tough, the tough get stronger!!!!!!(and more thirfty..HAHA) 

 
October 8, 2005, 9:47 pm CDT

Stay At Home Moms

Quote From: jettav

I also have a college degree and I do actually use my degree (in my church ministry) but staying home is the best choice I have ever made. I have two good natured girls and very easy to please (most of the time), I decided along time ago that I wanted to see my little ones grow and watch them mature into who they are to become and I wasn't about to miss all the firsts and the great opportunities that I would be led to, to spend with my children. I believe parents are the best teachers and role models for their children and it is a great privelege and blessing to be a stay at home mom. My oldest is in preschool now and she loves it, she is very well behaved and ahead of her class LOL. which is becasue of the qaulity time and effort that I was able to put into my children, my youngest isn't as far advanced as my oldest was at 2 but she isn't far behind. I believe children need to be raised in the home and that we as a society have a dependency on daycare, which I am not saying daycare is a bad thing but I do believe some children spend too much in them. I believe our children are worth us taking time out of our careers and concentrating on them is well worth everything. it may not always be easy but it certainly is a blessing to be home with them. As far as homeschooling, I believe it is a great idea as we are thinking about doing it. I believe it can be a great adventure for the kids as well as the parents, It certainly takes planning and committment on the parents part but I also believe it would be well worth it, I am sure you would be great at it, just gotta be creative and have the desire to do it. but I also understand that all of us are different with different personalities, and I think as long as we are prioritizing our time and investments then we will make the right choices, especially when it comes to our children.

Oh, yes, there are some excellent day cares out there for sure but I think many many of them are just 'warehousing' kids until Mom and Dad are ready to go home. 

  

I did choose some form of limited day care for my kids at different points and times in their lives but it  was more because we live way out in the country and they had limited social interaction.  Around the age of 3, I would try to get them into some form of preschool for about 2 or 3 hours twice a week.  They got to go some place 'fun' (but educational) and I got my shopping done in less time and stress  free as I didn't spend my time chasing an active toddler around or wrestling them into the car because they just weren't ready to go from the store yet!  LOL!  This going to 'school' really did help to prepare my kids for taking instruction from someone else other than mommy or daddy. 

  

I guess with my friend, what behooved me the most about one of her comments was even though her kids were in day care from about 6am in the morning until 6pm in the evening (12 hours in someone else's care!), she claimed not to have missed any of her children's 'firsts'.  I am sorry, a day care will see your child's first anything before you do with that type of schedule, I doubt that they'd tie your child down just so they won't have their firsts until you are ready.  Although I do know of some daycares  that would leave infants and toddlers in carseats and highchairs for lengthy times and these poor kids had no activity at all! 

  

Does anyone miss their babies?  I mean, mine have grown to the point of independance and can dress, toilet, get snacks and drinks on their own.  I do miss having a baby baby around but really do enjoy my 'freedom' of not having to change diapies, clothes and a constant serving of snacks.  With 4 kids, it gets taxing.  This year, its a freedom of about 4 hours a day, 5 days a week while they're all in school.  We won't be having anymore babies.  4 is my limit, or atleast for now.  If we should desire more babies, it'll be thru fostering or adoption and hopefully in about 20 years some grandbabies but that is a long long way off. 

  

gdh, Wisconsin 

 
October 8, 2005, 10:19 pm CDT

Stay At Home Moms

Quote From: txs_wis

Oh, yes, there are some excellent day cares out there for sure but I think many many of them are just 'warehousing' kids until Mom and Dad are ready to go home. 

  

I did choose some form of limited day care for my kids at different points and times in their lives but it  was more because we live way out in the country and they had limited social interaction.  Around the age of 3, I would try to get them into some form of preschool for about 2 or 3 hours twice a week.  They got to go some place 'fun' (but educational) and I got my shopping done in less time and stress  free as I didn't spend my time chasing an active toddler around or wrestling them into the car because they just weren't ready to go from the store yet!  LOL!  This going to 'school' really did help to prepare my kids for taking instruction from someone else other than mommy or daddy. 

  

I guess with my friend, what behooved me the most about one of her comments was even though her kids were in day care from about 6am in the morning until 6pm in the evening (12 hours in someone else's care!), she claimed not to have missed any of her children's 'firsts'.  I am sorry, a day care will see your child's first anything before you do with that type of schedule, I doubt that they'd tie your child down just so they won't have their firsts until you are ready.  Although I do know of some daycares  that would leave infants and toddlers in carseats and highchairs for lengthy times and these poor kids had no activity at all! 

  

Does anyone miss their babies?  I mean, mine have grown to the point of independance and can dress, toilet, get snacks and drinks on their own.  I do miss having a baby baby around but really do enjoy my 'freedom' of not having to change diapies, clothes and a constant serving of snacks.  With 4 kids, it gets taxing.  This year, its a freedom of about 4 hours a day, 5 days a week while they're all in school.  We won't be having anymore babies.  4 is my limit, or atleast for now.  If we should desire more babies, it'll be thru fostering or adoption and hopefully in about 20 years some grandbabies but that is a long long way off. 

  

gdh, Wisconsin 

Man, I would be heart broken if I had to put my babies in daycare. I worked in the childcare business before being married and having children and I worked in 5 daycares all together. And I did see many firsts when I worked with the babies, I was always sure to document it for the parents but sad at the same time that the mommies and daddies were missing alot. No way was I willing to miss that. And day care starts at 6 weeks in a lot day cares, When my oldest turned 6 weeks, I looked at my husabnd and said, "do yuo realize that she could go to day care", He looked at me and said, "are you nuts"? LOL. My husabnd would work three jobs if he had to, to keep our girls at home (and those were words from his own mouth). The main thing that always bothered me about daycare was the fact that parents were suppose to have back up babysitters or be willing to take off to be with their sick kids or whatever, but it wasn't unusal for a parent to complain or heaven forbid if the center was closed for the holidays or they got charged for being 30 minutes late picking their children up. I guess child care providers are ALWAYS suppose to be available and not have a life beyond other peoples children. Any way, life is good in my home and I would never change my thoughts on being a stay at home mom, I actually believe it is the best choice a paretn can make for their children assuming of course that they are properly cared for at home, if not then I suppose daycare would be the best option for some kids. More kids? Who knows? I have moxed feelings about it as I am an older mom but what does it matter, my youngest isn't even completely potty trained so what's another one in diapers, right? :)
 
October 9, 2005, 2:39 pm CDT

Stay At Home Moms

Quote From: jettav

Man, I would be heart broken if I had to put my babies in daycare. I worked in the childcare business before being married and having children and I worked in 5 daycares all together. And I did see many firsts when I worked with the babies, I was always sure to document it for the parents but sad at the same time that the mommies and daddies were missing alot. No way was I willing to miss that. And day care starts at 6 weeks in a lot day cares, When my oldest turned 6 weeks, I looked at my husabnd and said, "do yuo realize that she could go to day care", He looked at me and said, "are you nuts"? LOL. My husabnd would work three jobs if he had to, to keep our girls at home (and those were words from his own mouth). The main thing that always bothered me about daycare was the fact that parents were suppose to have back up babysitters or be willing to take off to be with their sick kids or whatever, but it wasn't unusal for a parent to complain or heaven forbid if the center was closed for the holidays or they got charged for being 30 minutes late picking their children up. I guess child care providers are ALWAYS suppose to be available and not have a life beyond other peoples children. Any way, life is good in my home and I would never change my thoughts on being a stay at home mom, I actually believe it is the best choice a paretn can make for their children assuming of course that they are properly cared for at home, if not then I suppose daycare would be the best option for some kids. More kids? Who knows? I have moxed feelings about it as I am an older mom but what does it matter, my youngest isn't even completely potty trained so what's another one in diapers, right? :)

I have to giggle over the comment "So what's another one in diapers, right?"  I've been thru having one in potty training, one on the verge of transition from diapers to potty training and one in diapers all at once.  My sister has 5 kids and all very close in age and I have many Dutch friends who would have as many as 3 or 4 in diapers, on the verge of transition of diapers to potty and so on.  It can be soooo much fun *see me rolling my eyes?!*.  LOL!  It can be quiet the comedy when on an outting and you've got one dancing to pee, one waffling on whether or not they need to go and the baby is needing a diapie change because they just exploded out of their diaper even though you've just changed them not two minutes ago!  Of course while it was going on, you didn't think it was funny but now, it must have looked commical somewhat. 

  

Velma9, so sorry you've found yourself in your position.  Glad though you have your goal of getting that higher education.  It can come in handy one day.  Lots of luck to you and your child.  Do you have any family network behind you to help out in childcare?  Be sure to check out grants and scholarships (grants you won't have to pay back). 

  

gdh, Wisconsin 

 
October 9, 2005, 3:41 pm CDT

Help a new mom

Maybe there is another mom out there who can help me.  I gave birth to my first son three months   ago and my husband and I agreed that I should stay home and care for him.  My husband gets really mad because the house isn't spotless and he does always have big fancy dinners.  He says that all I have to do is take care of the baby, clean the house, cook dinner, do the laundry, do the shoping, pack his lunches and lay out his clothes.  He said that isn't all that much and I am doing a terrible job at it.  He works full time and goes to school (college) full time.  I feel like I am drowning.  I get done as much as I can when I can.  Am I a bad house wife?  Why do I feel like a slave instead of a wife and mother?
 
October 9, 2005, 4:48 pm CDT

Feel like a slave.

Quote From: km7574

Maybe there is another mom out there who can help me.  I gave birth to my first son three months   ago and my husband and I agreed that I should stay home and care for him.  My husband gets really mad because the house isn't spotless and he does always have big fancy dinners.  He says that all I have to do is take care of the baby, clean the house, cook dinner, do the laundry, do the shoping, pack his lunches and lay out his clothes.  He said that isn't all that much and I am doing a terrible job at it.  He works full time and goes to school (college) full time.  I feel like I am drowning.  I get done as much as I can when I can.  Am I a bad house wife?  Why do I feel like a slave instead of a wife and mother?

OMG!  I really feel for you.  No, you are not a bad house wife.  Kids, even if it is only one, can really take a lot out of you and even at 3 months after the birth, you are still recovering.  Harmones are still changing, you body is still changing and baby demands a lot of your time. Baby care does take a huge chunk of time.   If hubby wants a cleaner home, he can lay out his own clothes and get some of the shopping on his way home from work. 

  

Some hubby's have their 'clean' area focus.  For my hubby, its the table.  As long as the table is cleared of clutter and after meal dishes, he is ok with it.  I know I am not the worlds best house keeper and I definitely know I am not superMOM but I keep up with the laundry and I always make sure my family has a home cooked meal 6 days out of the week, the one day I don't cook it is take out or we eat out. 

  

We have 4 kids and they're just now getting to where I am not taxed to my limits.  I need my 'down' time and most often a nap still but as my kids have grown a bit more independent, I am getting more done in the house again. 

  

gdh, Wisconsin 

 
October 9, 2005, 7:34 pm CDT

Feel like a slave

Quote From: km7574

Maybe there is another mom out there who can help me.  I gave birth to my first son three months   ago and my husband and I agreed that I should stay home and care for him.  My husband gets really mad because the house isn't spotless and he does always have big fancy dinners.  He says that all I have to do is take care of the baby, clean the house, cook dinner, do the laundry, do the shoping, pack his lunches and lay out his clothes.  He said that isn't all that much and I am doing a terrible job at it.  He works full time and goes to school (college) full time.  I feel like I am drowning.  I get done as much as I can when I can.  Am I a bad house wife?  Why do I feel like a slave instead of a wife and mother?

You know, I have given more thought to what you have posted.  I don't know what type of work your hubby does or how many/what courses he is taking but he DOES get to leave the house daily (I am assuming at least 5 days a week possibly 6 if he works on Saturdays) and he gets to interact with different people daily.  You on the other had live at your work place.  yes, you read right, STAY AT HOME MOM is a real job and it is not just one job but LOTS of jobs.  YOu are on call 24 hours a day for 7 days a week. 

  

This is a conversation my husband and I had back when our second child was born.  I'd be almost crazy by the time he came in (he works farming and that in itself a hard job).  He just couldn't understand why the house looked like a disaster zone, the kids were all over and supper was getting later and later each day.  I finally told him I understood the need for him to relax when he came home but he had the luxury of leaving home and doing different things in a different environment.  If work became demanding or stressful, he could at least leave it at the end of the day and come home.  I on the other had was at work 24/7 and NO days off.  Our kids are his kids too and if he could just play, read or do something with the kids before and after supper maybe things could get cleaner and quieter faster.  He went as far as to bath our youngsters and dress them for bed while I cleaned up after supper and did a few extra chores.  Things went much better then.  I was lucky that my hubby saw that yes what I did was a REAL job and I wasn't getting any breaks. 

  

We've kind of have hit a rough patch again recently because of on going annoying health problems on my part but after several doctors appointments (gosh as I get older I swear I am falling apart!  LOL!), he realized that yes I was in pain and that some simple tasks like mopping or carrying the clothes baskets aggrivated the condition.  He helped me assign the kids certain household tasks to help out weekly and gets after them for not doing expected chores like picking up after themselves.  

  

Maybe your husband can do some baby duty in the evening while you catch up on some chores and on weekends when he isn't working or in class take baby out for a stroll or even watch baby for a few hours while you goto market for the bulk of household items that he couldn't shop for during the week after work. 

  

Point is it is his baby too and he has a responsibility towards his child and his household and that includes more than just bringing home a paycheck. 

 
October 9, 2005, 8:44 pm CDT

Stay At Home Moms

Quote From: txs_wis

I have to giggle over the comment "So what's another one in diapers, right?"  I've been thru having one in potty training, one on the verge of transition from diapers to potty training and one in diapers all at once.  My sister has 5 kids and all very close in age and I have many Dutch friends who would have as many as 3 or 4 in diapers, on the verge of transition of diapers to potty and so on.  It can be soooo much fun *see me rolling my eyes?!*.  LOL!  It can be quiet the comedy when on an outting and you've got one dancing to pee, one waffling on whether or not they need to go and the baby is needing a diapie change because they just exploded out of their diaper even though you've just changed them not two minutes ago!  Of course while it was going on, you didn't think it was funny but now, it must have looked commical somewhat. 

  

Velma9, so sorry you've found yourself in your position.  Glad though you have your goal of getting that higher education.  It can come in handy one day.  Lots of luck to you and your child.  Do you have any family network behind you to help out in childcare?  Be sure to check out grants and scholarships (grants you won't have to pay back). 

  

gdh, Wisconsin 

LOL, I have two kids and my oldest was 23 months old when my youngest was born, Amy was actually potty trained during the day and not during the night. When my youngest was born, of course my oldest regressed (as I expected) and wanted to wear diapers so of course I let her, not worth stressing out about! Yes, it certainly had it's moments but I wouldn't change a thing. Even now, it can be interesting, my youngest refuses to potty (2 1/2) and of course my oldest (1/2) wears panties but I hate the times when she is fidgety in the car casue she has to potty then my youngest has the worst "blow out' on accasions of course, but why is it that it seems like tehy are pondering against me, they decide to do this together. LOL
 
October 9, 2005, 9:31 pm CDT

oops!

Quote From: jettav

LOL, I have two kids and my oldest was 23 months old when my youngest was born, Amy was actually potty trained during the day and not during the night. When my youngest was born, of course my oldest regressed (as I expected) and wanted to wear diapers so of course I let her, not worth stressing out about! Yes, it certainly had it's moments but I wouldn't change a thing. Even now, it can be interesting, my youngest refuses to potty (2 1/2) and of course my oldest (1/2) wears panties but I hate the times when she is fidgety in the car casue she has to potty then my youngest has the worst "blow out' on accasions of course, but why is it that it seems like tehy are pondering against me, they decide to do this together. LOL
meant to type in (4 1/2) for my oldest child. LOL
 
October 10, 2005, 4:20 am CDT

this is for the newbies who might not have read the story!!!

This is a story about my SIL and how great of a mom she is .this just touches on some of what she goes through daily. 

   

  

Hi i saw this and right away wanted to post here.my sister in law has to be the strongest woman live today.her and her husband have ten kids .they all have gone through school except for two.she has had it hard also .one of her kids almost dies from menigitis and wass left a little slower to progress .now she looks after everything at home her husband is no help whats soever but wants the glory of the way his kids are raised not his doing for dam sure.It was all her after she had her second last bably ,her dr. told her not to have anymore because she was at risk of dying or the child not being born without anyhandy cap.well what does she do gets pregnant and not her fault either he does not believe in birth control so they were just cautious ,huh !not cautious enough.well her last baby was born with downs first off.then when she was 8 months old had open heart surgury new this when she was born with a heart defect.then if that was not enough she (the baby)gets a bacteria ecoli poisoning not much older maybe a year or so now her husband takes her to hospital baby was airlifted to hospital out of province ,he takes her there waits for some of us to get there and he leaves and comes home.Now his child is fighting for her life and the docs said because she had downs thats what saved her they fight harder than any normal child would so she my SIL is there herself at hospital and hes home working .can leave when he wants has no excuse not to be there the other 9 kids at home were all well looked after and he stays home.anyhow she escaped that one by the skin  of her teeth.but thats not all than because she was so sick from ecoli she is now a diabetic inssulin 4times daily maybe a little less now that she is older.M y SIL has to learn how to give her needles and manage her diet and look after the house and other kids he comes home from work go to bedroom and watches tv.now this little walking miracle has just the fight to live ans she wasn't going out without a fight either.now she's in grade1 almost can talk quite a few words thaanks to my SIL goes to school knowing her ABC'S THANKS TO MY SIL, KNOWS NO#UP TO TWENTY THANKS TO GUESS WHO AND LOOKS AFTER ALL THE REST IN BETWEEN.BOY WOULD I EVER LOVE TO OWN HIM FOR A DAY HE'D LAY IN BED AND WATCH TV ALRIGHT.BUT YET IF THERE IS ANY FUSS MADE TOWARDS THEIR LITTLE MIRACLE HE IS RIGHT THERE TO GRAB THE GLORY.NOW THATS A MOTHER.   

Since i last wrote this my little niece now has a desease called Cielac i believe it is how its spelled .She can't eat anything with wheat or flour so she has to eat gluton free products try shopping for that along with cheching her diabetes as well.I tell ya this kid has been through it all.Now all the family got test because it is genic .And who do you think is the first to show positive THE FATHER good for him now let him have a taste of what she goes through everyday.Some of the other kids tested positive too but are managing well with a proper diet .Thats the update on them. 

  

   

 
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