I am a mother of two, 10yr old son and 8yr old daughter. My husband and I work full-time. I work 12 hour shifts at a hospital and attend nursing school. I feel guilty about being a horrible mother. I use to be the one that was home all the time taking care of everything, even felt jealous that my husband got to do things I couldn't (without the children). However, our roles have changed. He is now me! Because of this, my children do not listen to me anymore. They still ask me to do all of the things for them (get them a drink, run the bath water, etc...) I know they are old enough to do it themselves, but because I think they are doing it just to get me to be involved with them....I do it. Anyway, I see changes in them. My son whom was very close to me is no longer. He comes home does his homework, then goes to a friends (next door) or goes to his room. I see him to eat or to ask me for something. My daughter lies. She is hardly in trouble but when she is she will lie through her teeth no matter what the consequence. I cry so many times because I feel like I am a horrible mother. I am so tired some days that when they attack me at the door asking questions such as....will you get me a drink , will you help me with my homework, can you play this or that, mom can I do this, can I do that, here let me show you this...and this is before I even set my purse down. I get frustrated. I of course say, let me at least put my stuff down. Then I need to discuss things with my husband (things that we need to share about the kids, house, work, etc...) I lose my temper more often than not anymore over the silliest things. My son (who thinks he knows everything) wants to wear shorts to school when it is 32'F. So I say...NO, when you pay your doctor bills you can wear whatever you want, until then....it's what I say. But it turns into an argument because he smarts off, says he gets hot at school, he's not cold, blah blah blah. He is very disrespectful. He called me at work one afternoon after getting off the bus and asked me where I was. I told him, it's Tuesday after class in the morning I work...so I'm at work. He began to yell at me over the phone (at work) "Work, why are you at work" I again said I work every Tuesday after class. He again started yelling now with the crying fit "UH, you didn't tell me, why didn't you tell me" I said I did tell you last night, I'm sorry if you weren't listening to me, but it is no different today than any other Tuesday. Is this why you called me, he then says no he was calling to tell me they were home. I said good you're home. Goodbye. Well, when hanging up....I was in tears. My son didn't even ask me how my day was going, I didn't get to ask him how his went or anything because he was screaming at me.......He's 10!!!!! And I know it only gets worse. My daughter was sent to the principals office for the first time in her life for "stealing" the other day. I wasn't notified until she told me in tears getting off the bus. So immediately I was furious, not having been notified. She tells me her story...a little girl put a game of the teachers under her shirt and placed it in my daughters backpack. The teacher saw this and asked her what she was doing, the little girl told her that my daughter told her to do it, so they were sent to the principals office. My daughter of course said she didn't tell the other little girl this, but because of her history I kinda knew that probably wasn't true. However, I asked are you sure? You didn't say anything that could have made the girl think you wanted her to? my daughter said no, I promise. I asked again, are you sure you didn't tell her to? Maybe just to see if she would? No mommy, I swear. I told her I was going to call her principal and stand behind her as long as she was telling me the truth because I didn't want her to be considered a thief. And to let him know I was to be contacted immediately when this happens. However, when he returned my call he told me that she was very honest with him in admitting that she told the little girl to do this and that when he asked her what she was going to do with it she said "take it home and keep it"....I knew then that she indeed was guilty...I know her statements like that. So when I asked her after getting off the phone with him, You aren't fibbing to me at all are you, like the last situation? I am giving you one last opportunity to come clean. She said no, I didn't do it I promise. I said OK, because if I find out you're lying to me the consequence is going to be much much worse for that than the stealing........she said I promise. I said well I have a problem, the principal said you told him the truth and admitted it. So did you lie to him or me? She paused....a dead give-a-way. I of course blew up because this is not the first time this has happened (lying) and I gave her multiple chances to come clean. I told her I would never believe a word she said again, and that I could not stand someone to lie to me. I have told both of them, come clean and it won't be as bad as if I find out you've lied. She would go to her grave instead of telling the truth. But I continue to believe her and make a fool of myself because I aggressively contact the school and defend her......I can't anymore. So I feel like I am destroying my children....I talk to them all the time about why I am in school and that it will be over pretty soon, but I still feel like they think I don't want to be around them anymore.....and that is so not true. I love them more than anything and I can't get them to understand that. I don't even think my son cares. I just feel so guilty about everything. Raising my voice to them, not getting to see there activities, not being able to attend school functions, not eating lunch with them, not being home when they come home, Fussing at them all the time about not cleaning their rooms, etc.....I just hate it! I feel like when they get older they won't be able to say one good thing about me. And it hurts.
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