Topic : Working Moms

Hey there.  I have never been on any of Dr Phils message boards although I have been on Oprahs from time to time.  Just had my third baby.... he is now 10 weeks old.  I have been married for 9 years and have another two sons, one who is 8 and one who is 4.  I just want to connect with other mums out there who also juggle working outside the home aswell.  I go back to work after Xmas and am dreading the thought as it was hard enough when I had two children.  If anyone out there has any good advice I would really appreciate it.  It will make the next few months easier to relax with my new baby instead of worrying!!!  I am mailing all the way from Scotland.... but if there is one thing every mum out there has in common, it is that it is the hardest job in the world.  Right? 

Hi 

Grats on the new baby.  I miss having a baby around.  Mine are getting older, seems to go by so fast.  I too am trying to get back to work.  I worked a part time job last year, which worked out well because I didn't need a babysitter.  I just hate trusting anyone with my kids.  Anyway, a few suggestions that I found helpful are to make sure everything you can do ahead of time is done the day before.  For example, lay out all the days clothing, make sure backpacks are put together for school and all paperwork signed etc.  If you make lunches for them, have those done as well.  Also if you get your clothing ready and everything you need too, briefcase or whatnot.  It may be annoying to do sometimes, but it does save sooo much time and it makes the mornings run smoother.  Also if your child's school serves breakfast, by all means take advantage of that.  It will save time too.  My kids eat breakfast at their schools, and when I come home at the end of it all there won't be any dirty dishes from the morning.   

Also planning for meal times is a good time saver.  I usually write out what we are going to have for an entire week and then when I shop it's all written down.  Then when I go to make it I have everything I need.  This also helps me to cut down on junk food spending.   

This also may be borring, but it is good to have a schedule for homelife.  Dinner at the same time, do dishes right after, homework same time every night.  Kids do like the sence of security it brings, and if it's all planned out there is less time wasted and more quiet time at night, which translates into time for yourself, which all mothers need desperately. 

If I think of anything else I'll write again.  Good luck. 

  

~Cenobia 

Hi there, friend.  

Many, many thanks for the message you left me on the board.  I think your advice sounds just right and you sound like you know what you are talking about.  I do some of these things but just hearing it from someone else makes me want to try a bit harder to get it all down to a fine art!  Your idea of planning out meals etc and then only buying what you need - and then having it when you need it is not something I do already, but next shopping day, I`m going to give it a go.  I will let you know how it goes....  Maybe some of my problem is that when I get everything for myself and my three kids ready the night before (which takes preparation and time), I suppose I get a bit annoyed that I am doing it to help myself in the morning get them ready and me ready for work...  but WHY am I doing it all when I have a husband who has a pair of hands also.  He leaves earlier in the morning than us...  so I suppose he thinks he doesn`t have to think about all that needs done for everyone else.  Well, I think that might be another problem, eh!  However, I sure do appreciate your help and advice and please, if you think of any other wee ideas... don`t hesitate to write them here.  All ideas greatly appreciated.  Thanks again...  

   

* Judy  

   

LOL Hi Judy,  

I know what you are saying about your husband, mine is the same way.  Although sometimes he will help.  But that's far and few in between.  I don't agree with how woman are always the ones, and this will sound like a bad thing, that are stuck taking care of all the children's stuff.  It is a total injustice to me.  But that's the way life is I guess.  Men figure since we are the ones that carry the baby for 9 months that it must mean we will do it for 18 more years.  Then they want to mess around with our reproductive systems, making it so we can't get the morning after pill and all that...but that's another issue.  LOL, anyway, it doesn't hurt to ask your husband for help.  And with you going back to work, he should be able to help out more.  Divide the housework, make a list for you and him and see how that goes.  I plan on trying that myself when I find a job.  Your hubby could put on coffee for you, or wake you up in the am, or even through in a load of clothes into the washer in the morning.  May seem like little things, but those things help.    

   

I found a weekly menu planner online, I used a different one but I didn't have luck finding the original site for that.  This one looks good though ...   

   

http://www.moneymanagement.org/Education/Budgeting/Grocery/MenuPlanner.pdf  

   

It does take some time to set out all the kids clothes and everything the day before, but they do have those nifty closet orginizers that have shelves for every day of the week, and it lets you set out the clothes for the whole week.  Maybe that would be something for you?  Would take longer every week, but you'd only have to do it that once.    

   

Let me know how things go...good luck too...  

   

~Ceno =}  

   

Here is one of those organizers so you can see what i was talking about... 

  

http://www.lillianvernon.com/catalog/product_display.jsp?pdId=2414&name=School+Days+Closet+Organizer&parentCatId=3&catId=32 

  

~Ceno 

Hey there....    

   

Well, what can I say... I looked at the organisers on the site you told me about, and I have these in my sons wardrobes.  So I emptied them and sorted them into days of the week and there, I am sorted from Monday to Friday with their clothes.  Only thing I could think of that would be a hinderance would be that here.... in bonny Scotland, the weather is so changeable the kids could be wearing shorts and t-shirts one day and heavy clothes for rain and hail the next.  But, apart from that..... I just love using these organisers like this.  Such a simple idea - but sometimes its the simple things that you think of last.  At least I do.  With the three kids, hubby and house and just `life in general` you can miss the simple things when life moves at such a speed.....  Hope you are doing ok `Cenobia`.  Write again when and if you can.....  Thanks again!  Judy   

Hi, I'am new on this messageboard but it is nice too see how  you manage a family as a working mom.  

Since 3 months I am working again, I started with a few hours a week but since last week I got a contract for 20 hours a week.  

I made a dayplanner for dinner, shopping etc, my husband and kids help out, and it works.  

My girls are 15 and 17 so that isn't a problem.  

I think dinner is important for a family so when  I have to work a last shift I prepare dinner and they only have to cook it.  

  

My only problem is to get a little bit time for myself.....so if anybody can help???...Thank you from Holland :-)  

Hey there, Holland Mum, from Scotland Mum.....  

   

You sound like you have things worked out pretty well... and the fact that your husband and kids help out is fantastic...  not everyone is as blessed with that help.  However, congratulations on getting back into the workplace and I hope the added hours are what you wanted.    

   

As for finding time for yourself...  perhaps if you sat and listed the sort of things you would like to do in your free time.... then you can start to work out how to obtain that precious time.  I find it hard at the moment to find the time - but I have made a start as I know what I would do with it if I had it!!!!  I want to do a bit of drawing, write letters to friends, go for walks (alone) and visit friends I have not visited for a good while.  I list the things I want to do and strive to tick them off my list as I do them, even if it takes me a hundred or so years to do them all.  Everytime I get one thing done, it keeps me going..... the list will never end as I keep adding things as they come up.  I suppose good time management is the key, and help from the family...... they have to understand it is important for you to have your `alone` time to get your head around life, etc!  Of course, I don`t have the magic answer that will get you loads of time alone, but maybe someone out there has a better suggestion.  I hope you find what works for you...... let us know on this message board.  I think every mum in the world would love the answer to this one!!!!  Good luck friend!!!!  

   

Judy :-)  

Hi Judy, 

Glad I was able to help.  I'm starting to get ready here for school.  We start on Wednesday.  Finally!  All is well here.  I tend to think of these things last too.  The first year my son was in school, we were almost always late.  LOL!  But now I'm getting the hang of it I think.  It just takes planning things more.  Hope all is great with you! 

  

~Ceno =) 

Hi Dutchkaren, 

  

I steal little moments for myself throughout my day.  For instance, watching Dr. Phil is my time, and I send the kids off to their rooms to play.  And I'm not just sitting there watching it either, I'm cross stitching or knitting, whatever, sometimes even reading a book.  Then after bedtime, I usually do the cleaning, then after that I'm free for at least an hour for whatever I want.  I feel lucky though, because I know many mothers who can't find time, even at night when the kids are asleep.  I also stay up late if I feel I need extra time to myself.  I can't go to bed right after the kids, because even though I'm sleeping, I feel I haven't had the quiet time I need.  Sounds funny, but if I do go to bed right after the kids, there is usually a great chance I'll be cranky in the morning.   

Another thing I have noticed from my friends, and something that was pointed out to me in a parenting class,   was that mom's always feel that the housework needs to be done on time etc.  Well it doesn't.  The dishes can wait, the folding can wait, the ironing can wait etc.  It doesn't need to be done right away.The end of the world won't appear if dishes are in the sink.  I used to clean all day long and when we discussed it in the parenting class it took a while for me to realize that they were right.  So now I don't do the laundry as soon as the dryer bell goes off, I don't do the dishes right after dinner.  They can sit there for a while.  Why should I miss time with my kids, or time to myself, or cuddle time with my husband because of a few silly chores?  My house is still clean, I just learned that it's not the most important thing I have to do.  LOL!  Hope that makes sense... 

  

~Ceno =)