Topic : I Want to Adopt

Hi Dr. Phil and Robin,

My husband and I are looking to adopt.  I am 26 and was diagnosed in Aug. 2006 with Endometrial(uterine) cancer.  We do not have any children and had to have a hysterectomy after my diagnosis.  I completed Chemotherapy in Feb. 2007 and I am getting ready to go through radiation therapy.  Its hard to believe that at 26 I will not be able to have my children biologically, but we are optimistic about adoption.  We have had so much turmoil this year and we are desperately looking forward to focusing our time and energy into the adoption process.  We are so excited to start this new chapter in our life and we are just looking  for a place to share our story, connect with other young adults in our same position, and hopefully gain useful tips and knowledge about the adoption process.  We would love to share our cancer story and experiences and triumphs as well as hopefully share some adoption triumphs!   Please help connect us with the right information and people!  Thank you ! 

Wow, I totally forgot about posting my message on here and just read what you wrote.

I probably would not have considered you or your daughter either seeing as to how close minded you all seem.  I guess your teenagers were angels and never got into any trouble.  My husband "Did his time" and then some and I don't feel he should be punished for the rest of his life.  He was a teenager and it was over half a lifetime ago. God forbid your children or grandchildren ever do anything to get them into trouble, we see how forgiving you are.  When I married my husband, I didn't know that I couldn't have children.  And just because he was a felon, doesn't mean I loved him any less.

hey i totally agree with you. although i hate drunk drivers, i dont believe people should pay for their entire lives for the mistakes that they commited in the foolish years of youth. and i mean it's not like you molested someone or something cuz that's different.

im sure mommie_angie has had a perfect life never doing anything bad right.

    It seems that almost every person I read about wanting to adopt, want to adopt a BABY. What about all the children sitting in foster care, that obviously have unfit or uncaring/abusive parents. Don't they deserve the love of a good home too?       They all seem to come with a Poor Pittiful Me message, because they can not have their own. (My/Our infertility, My need to be a Mommy/Daddy) Don't get me wrong, I understand that it is very disheartening. But these adoptors don't seem to give much thought to the repercousions of their desperate need/s to be a parent. They don't think about the Natural Mother's and what they are and will be feeling for years to come.

    With that said, let me tell you about me (a Natural Mother) 

I am a First Mother who lost her only daughter to Adoption in 1978....I was told I was being selfish for wanting to keep my daughter.... That being unwed I was unfit to raise her.  Ask "us"(The First Mothers) what its like to have to live day to day with the shame of the mistake we made..like falling in love and having sex before marriage...( Is this a crime? ) Well we were treated as criminals, there were no choices  given to us and we were forced into the choice of adoption and to live with our secret shame....until one day that child needs to know who they are...their roots.
Adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.....It has affected every aspect of my life, from very low self esteem, (because I was told I was not fit to raise my own child) Got involved in abusive relationships due to low self worth. Developed anxiety and panic attacks when I felt I was loosing control of things that are happening to me (because I had no control then when my daughter was TAKEN from me) The list is endless as to how this has affected me my whole life. Not to mention the emotional scars this leaves on the child, and all the unanswered questions they have while growing up. Feeling different, not fitting into this faux family.    Just wanted to let you see the other side of the adoption coin, and see that adoption is not just all about you and your needs. There are more lives affected in the deepest ways when you take away a child from their natural mother. Sincerely,
Rhonda Mother to: Carey 29- DOB(03/22/1978) (reunited 01/2007) & Bryan26, J.J. 22, and Kevin 19 & Meena to: Lil Kevin 3 & Kaleb 10 MOS. & Nevaeh (granddaughter due end of April) & New Menna to:   Marissa 10 & Mariah 5   

i read the post again and im just like ur almost 20 and uve been trying to have a baby or 3 years? im doing the math here and something's not right...