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Topic : I Want to Adopt

Number of Replies: 474
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 12:23:45 pm
Author : dataimport
Has infertility struggling left you ready to bring a child into your home through adoption? Are you finished having kids but feel the need to share your home with one more child? Share your reasons for wanting to adopt and love for children with us.

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December 5, 2005, 6:04 pm CST

I Want to Adopt

Quote From: dbennett29

People like you make me mad!!!  My husband and I could not have any children of our own so we had a CHOICE of either not having any children or adopting.  (Yes, we could have done the IVF route but that is a different story.)  And yes, adoption is a choice that every couple makes -- just like people who can conceive having a choice of conceiving and having children or not conceiving and not having children.  My daughter is still my daughter no matter what happens.  And, to top it off, she is the lucky one -- she has two sets of parents, the set who gave her life and the set that is living her life with her.  It sure beats the rest of us who only have one set of parents!!
I totally get what you are saying, but I'd have to agree with the other poster.  As an adoptee, it really bothers me when people adopt as a last resort to have a child.  Adoption is NOT supposed to be a way to have a child, it's supposed to be a way to provide a child with a home.  Sadly, this is not the case many times.

My mom decided before she got married that she was going to adopt.  She planned to adopt 2 children, and have 2 biological children.  When she found out she couldn't have biological children, she decided to adopt all 4.  Her reason for adopting was that she wanted to give 4 children a chance to have a better life than being in foster care.  All of us were in foster care before being adopted, and we were 3 months, 18 months, 5 1/2 and almost 6 when we were adopted.  My 3 siblings all have special needs, and I was considered "hard to place" because I am multiracial.

Of course, anyone who adopts wants to have kids.  Otherwise they wouldn't be adopting!  But, I think the main focus needs to be finding a home for a child, not finding a child for a childless couple.
 
December 5, 2005, 6:13 pm CST

I Want to Adopt

Quote From: smoke73

I agree, they say baby selling is illegal, but isn't that what some of these adoption agencies are doing???  Selling babies.......I just don't get it, my hubby and I can't afford all the costs it takes to adopt, but we can afford to care for a child, how is some one w/ limited means suppose to come up w/ 10 to 40 thousand dollars............aggravates me to no end!!!

i guess it depends on how bad you want it and letting go of some of your dreams. like for me, i havent adopted yet but i know it'll cost me so i've let go of a lot of my dreams because i want it bad enough. i totally agree with you but there's really nothing much we can do...although i think domestic adoptions are generally cheaper than international but adoptable newborns have unforunately become a commodity and is set to the laws of the market...very sad 

  

i wish you and your hubby luck. 

 
December 5, 2005, 6:15 pm CST

I Want to Adopt

Quote From: smoke73

Foster care is not out of the question, but they say that people that have the conditions that my hubby and I have are also not eligible for foster care of adoption....... I just don't know where to turn, or if I should just give up.
never give up...think of the joy you'll have. think of the difference you'll be making. you only live once, so don't regret not doing something later when it's really too late.
 
December 9, 2005, 10:30 am CST

Unable to bear children, My Story

Hello!  this is the first time I have been here!  Here is part of my story.  I was adopted myself and raised in a very loving home.  I have always known that I would be unable to have children.  I asked my mom when she told me, cause it seemed like I always new.  She said I was around 9 or 10.  i was born with no uterus.  I also found out that my birth mom tried to abort me, well oops!! obviously didn;t work.  Some seem to think that my developing uterus was damaged when it occured.  Fast forward into my life..  Met my husband Stan in '95 we were discussing birth-control of course he needed to use a condom, but there was no need for birth-control for me.  We had gotten pretty close in a short amount of time and I knew that he wanted children....  So I told him of my circumstances.  he held me and told me I was "all the more special"  Fast forward a few more years.  Got married moved to CO where i worked at the Community Health Center.  i was director of outreach and I loved it.  I had the chance to meet a wonderful young girl "Stacy".  She had an 18 month old and was currently 6-7months pregnant.  She asked as I was playing with her child how many children I had.  I just out and told her my story!!  She said she had an adoption plan, but hadn't found the "right parents" yet.  To fast forward yet again...  Joshua was born June 11, 2000.  She wanted Stan and I in the delivery room to cut the umbilical cord.  Wow!!  what a feeling...  We had Joshua for 5 days when i got a call from the Social Worker, she wanted the baby back and there was nothing we could do.  i colapsed!  I even tried calling her  nothing worked.  My husband rushed home from work after my phone call, running all the red lights.  He told the Socail Worker that we would have to meet her somewhere since she was not taking "our child" from us out of our home.  We met in a parking lot.  I couldn't physically hand Joshua over.  My husband gently took him from my arms with tears running down his face.  She turned and put him in the car.  It was heart-renching.  My husband, not a very emotional guy (cept at our wedding and the birth of Joshua) walked a few feet away, dropped to his knees and sobbed.  People when you see the love of your life in such pain (he thought big guys dont show emotion he's 6'2 230 lbs) Your life wants to end.  Fast Forward yet again (thank goodness!)  We found out about Jakob who was born at 23 weeks gesatation and had severe medical needs.  He was currently in foster care with virtually no hope for being adopted.  I though for sure that my husband who was an x-athlete and who qualified for the Olympic Trials wouldn't want this child.  Boy was I wrong!!  We met jakob at he is foster-mothers home.  he was pre-surgical (for cleft-lip and palate) He had the most amazing smile!!!  We fell in love instantly!  We spent all the time we could with him!  I was able to be there with him when he went through his cleft-palate repair.  He was only 10 months old and that was when we bonded!!  We got Jakob in our home when he was 11months he was 9lbs and 23 inches long.  He is now 6 yrs old, one woiuld never guess how early he was born.  He is a happy, and active, outgoing kindergardner now.  He has such a zest for life and I learn new things from him on a daily basis.  Nopw the time has come when Stan and I are looking to adopt again course, Jakob wants a little "brodder" or "tister" doen't matter to him.  To all, when things look their bleakest, there is always a ray of hope around the corner, if you choose to keep your heart and mind open.... 

Jenn 

 
December 9, 2005, 10:32 am CST

I Want to Adopt

Quote From: feng456

i guess it depends on how bad you want it and letting go of some of your dreams. like for me, i havent adopted yet but i know it'll cost me so i've let go of a lot of my dreams because i want it bad enough. i totally agree with you but there's really nothing much we can do...although i think domestic adoptions are generally cheaper than international but adoptable newborns have unforunately become a commodity and is set to the laws of the market...very sad 

  

i wish you and your hubby luck. 

Have you and your hubby looked into Social Services?  There are at times many infant's (if that is what you are looking for) available...  A lot of times there is no cost, only the home-study fee. 

Jenn 

 
December 9, 2005, 1:14 pm CST

I Want to Adopt

Quote From: jakobsma

Have you and your hubby looked into Social Services?  There are at times many infant's (if that is what you are looking for) available...  A lot of times there is no cost, only the home-study fee. 

Jenn 

thanks for the info. i didn't know that was the case at all. 

 
December 9, 2005, 1:18 pm CST

I Want to Adopt

Quote From: jakobsma

Hello!  this is the first time I have been here!  Here is part of my story.  I was adopted myself and raised in a very loving home.  I have always known that I would be unable to have children.  I asked my mom when she told me, cause it seemed like I always new.  She said I was around 9 or 10.  i was born with no uterus.  I also found out that my birth mom tried to abort me, well oops!! obviously didn;t work.  Some seem to think that my developing uterus was damaged when it occured.  Fast forward into my life..  Met my husband Stan in '95 we were discussing birth-control of course he needed to use a condom, but there was no need for birth-control for me.  We had gotten pretty close in a short amount of time and I knew that he wanted children....  So I told him of my circumstances.  he held me and told me I was "all the more special"  Fast forward a few more years.  Got married moved to CO where i worked at the Community Health Center.  i was director of outreach and I loved it.  I had the chance to meet a wonderful young girl "Stacy".  She had an 18 month old and was currently 6-7months pregnant.  She asked as I was playing with her child how many children I had.  I just out and told her my story!!  She said she had an adoption plan, but hadn't found the "right parents" yet.  To fast forward yet again...  Joshua was born June 11, 2000.  She wanted Stan and I in the delivery room to cut the umbilical cord.  Wow!!  what a feeling...  We had Joshua for 5 days when i got a call from the Social Worker, she wanted the baby back and there was nothing we could do.  i colapsed!  I even tried calling her  nothing worked.  My husband rushed home from work after my phone call, running all the red lights.  He told the Socail Worker that we would have to meet her somewhere since she was not taking "our child" from us out of our home.  We met in a parking lot.  I couldn't physically hand Joshua over.  My husband gently took him from my arms with tears running down his face.  She turned and put him in the car.  It was heart-renching.  My husband, not a very emotional guy (cept at our wedding and the birth of Joshua) walked a few feet away, dropped to his knees and sobbed.  People when you see the love of your life in such pain (he thought big guys dont show emotion he's 6'2 230 lbs) Your life wants to end.  Fast Forward yet again (thank goodness!)  We found out about Jakob who was born at 23 weeks gesatation and had severe medical needs.  He was currently in foster care with virtually no hope for being adopted.  I though for sure that my husband who was an x-athlete and who qualified for the Olympic Trials wouldn't want this child.  Boy was I wrong!!  We met jakob at he is foster-mothers home.  he was pre-surgical (for cleft-lip and palate) He had the most amazing smile!!!  We fell in love instantly!  We spent all the time we could with him!  I was able to be there with him when he went through his cleft-palate repair.  He was only 10 months old and that was when we bonded!!  We got Jakob in our home when he was 11months he was 9lbs and 23 inches long.  He is now 6 yrs old, one woiuld never guess how early he was born.  He is a happy, and active, outgoing kindergardner now.  He has such a zest for life and I learn new things from him on a daily basis.  Nopw the time has come when Stan and I are looking to adopt again course, Jakob wants a little "brodder" or "tister" doen't matter to him.  To all, when things look their bleakest, there is always a ray of hope around the corner, if you choose to keep your heart and mind open.... 

Jenn 

wonderful...thanks for sharing!
 
December 11, 2005, 3:06 pm CST

I want to adopt!

I wouldvery much want to adopt a child when I feel that I'm ready for parenthood. Especially since there are so many children out there who need a parent, and so many mothers who can't take care of their children and still want to give them the best possible start in life. 

As I see it, I want to help take care of the children who are already in this world before I give birth to any myself. Now, that is never going to happen in my lifetime, never can we take care of all the children in need, but if I can provide a good life for a child who needs in so badly, then I really want to do that! 

 
December 11, 2005, 5:10 pm CST

I'm A BIRTHMOTHER

Quote From: smoke73

I agree, they say baby selling is illegal, but isn't that what some of these adoption agencies are doing???  Selling babies.......I just don't get it, my hubby and I can't afford all the costs it takes to adopt, but we can afford to care for a child, how is some one w/ limited means suppose to come up w/ 10 to 40 thousand dollars............aggravates me to no end!!!
From a BIRTHMOTHER"S standpoint....   I chose to place my daughter for adoption four yrs ago, and I chose the parents, and I don't regret it at all. But, now that I'm married to a man who cannot have children due to a vasectomy thirteen years ago, we have no choice but to adopt if we want to ever have a child of our own. But I asked the adoptive parents what it cost them to adopt my daughter,(we had a totally open adoption) and it was a jaw-dropping $ 20,000.00!!!!!! Keep in mind that I only received a mere $1000 for my wage loss while on maternity leave from the adoption agency...the rest went straight into the agency's pockets!! Now that we can't have children I see the frustration of the money obstacle for parents wanting to adopt! It's crazy and it infuriates me!!!
 
December 11, 2005, 5:15 pm CST

I Want to Adopt

Quote From: dbennett29

People like you make me mad!!!  My husband and I could not have any children of our own so we had a CHOICE of either not having any children or adopting.  (Yes, we could have done the IVF route but that is a different story.)  And yes, adoption is a choice that every couple makes -- just like people who can conceive having a choice of conceiving and having children or not conceiving and not having children.  My daughter is still my daughter no matter what happens.  And, to top it off, she is the lucky one -- she has two sets of parents, the set who gave her life and the set that is living her life with her.  It sure beats the rest of us who only have one set of parents!!

GOD BLESS YOU FOR THE CHOICE YOU HAVE MADE!!!  Birthmothers like me are the ones who look for people exactly like you to  place our children with to love, care for and raise as their own.  

 May God Bless your family, 

Jennifer Wallace in Missouri 

 
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