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Topic : I Want to Adopt

Number of Replies: 474
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Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 12:23:45 pm
Author : dataimport
Has infertility struggling left you ready to bring a child into your home through adoption? Are you finished having kids but feel the need to share your home with one more child? Share your reasons for wanting to adopt and love for children with us.

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December 11, 2005, 5:23 pm CST

I AM A BIRTHMOTHER WHO FOUND HELP

  hELLO ALL! 

    I'VE READ THESE BORADS, AND CAME ACROSS A LOT OF PEOPLE WANTING TO ADOPT WHO DIDN'T KNOW WHICH WAY TO TURN... WELL, I PLACED MY DAUGHTER FOR ADOPTION FOUR YEARS AGO WITH A WONDERFUL AGENCY WHO I; AM GOING TO RECOMMEND TO EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU NOW. THEY ARE TRULY KIND HEARTED PEOPLE WITH ADOPTEES ON THEIR STAFF AND THEY TRULY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ALL ARE GOING THROUGH AND THEY HELPED ME SO MUCH!! I EVEN HAD THE PAGER # OF MY CASEWORKER WHO CALLED ME AT ANY TIME DAY OR NIGHT IF I NEEDED HER. THE NUMBER IS  

1-800-ADOPTION  AND IT IS FOR AMERICAN ADOPTIONS LOCATED IN OVERLAND PARK KANSAS. THEIR WEBSITE IS WWW.AMERICANADOPTIONS.COM 

 

HOPE THIS HELPS YOU ALL 

JENNIFER IN MO 

 

 
December 13, 2005, 9:11 pm CST

Why adoption cost so much!

Quote From: ladydivva

From a BIRTHMOTHER"S standpoint....   I chose to place my daughter for adoption four yrs ago, and I chose the parents, and I don't regret it at all. But, now that I'm married to a man who cannot have children due to a vasectomy thirteen years ago, we have no choice but to adopt if we want to ever have a child of our own. But I asked the adoptive parents what it cost them to adopt my daughter,(we had a totally open adoption) and it was a jaw-dropping $ 20,000.00!!!!!! Keep in mind that I only received a mere $1000 for my wage loss while on maternity leave from the adoption agency...the rest went straight into the agency's pockets!! Now that we can't have children I see the frustration of the money obstacle for parents wanting to adopt! It's crazy and it infuriates me!!!

I thought I would share why adoption cost so much money.  First if an adoptive parent want to find an agency or lawyer they might look in the phone book or search on line, which cost them money.  Second if a birth family is looking to place their baby they would look in the phone book and online, again costing the agency money.  Every time a web banner is clicked it cost the agency money.  When we call to request info packets that costs money.  The consoling that the families get cost money.  They employee's that we will call every time we have a question has a family to feed and deserves to be paid.  If you are looking for a low cost adoption find one that is non-for-profit.  We are in the process and our baby will be born in March.  Our total expense is $15,000 (actually a little less then this).  But every situation is different.  If you adopt out side of your state there is an Interstate Compact for the Placement of Children fee (which varies per state).  Which is included in my $15,000 and my travel is as well).  They best thing is when you file taxes we get $10,000 credit and when you have a baby in that year it also get a credit plus having a dependent get a crdit.  So you can have made more money then you spent on adoption.  Good luck to all in your journey to parenthood 

 
December 13, 2005, 9:44 pm CST

I Don't know were I am supposed to be fetility/adoption

Hi my name is Danielle. Just to give you some insite on were I am. I am 22yrs. old and have just lossed my job due to fertility treatments and pursing multiple adoption oppertunities. I have had 2 miscarraiges and two adoption go wrong. I have PCOS and Endometriosis. I can not have children of my own. My husband and I started looking into adoption agencys, but the cost I can not swing. One company told me starting was 10k and another said 30k. My husband and I also tried looking into the foster/adopt program and that did not go well. They basiclly told us that there are no young children avalible and that because I was so young that taking on an older child would no go well because I was not going to appeare to these children as an adult. My husband is 26 so his age was not a concern. I have taken everything from glucophage, clomid, avandament, follostim,gonagal-f. I have had IUI and all that was left for me to try was IVF I didn't have 10,000 dollars left after all of that. Moving forward my husband and I were approached about a baby that was going to be born on Nov.4,2005. We were informed that the only reason there wasn't an abortion was because it cost to much. My husband and I contacted and attorney and agread that we would take the baby. It was a Girl and as soon as they found out the sex the lady changed her mind. About a month after that I recieved a phone call from a girl who had heard about us through some friends and wanted to know would we take they baby. Once again we said yes. We invested 4 months into this girl and her boyfriend. They were homeless and we decided that we would rent them and apartment as long as the boyfriend held a job. Also they already had a son and he wasn't even a year old. The mother was 14 yrs. old and the father was 19 yrs. old. One week later they rob our house. I lost about 36,000 dollars worth of money and belongings. The father went to jail. They contacted us and asked if we would still adopt the baby and we talked and said yes. That was about a month ago. Now the baby is due and they are telling us that they changed there minds. I have done everything to prepair for this baby and now I can't  hardly walk thru my own home because I have this room that is ready for this child that I will not be getting. We named this little girl and everyting. I can't sleep at night and don't know were else to turn. My husband is trying to let it go but every day when he comes home he says has anyone called and I tell him no. We want to have children and we would love to adopted but we have lost so much now that it seems like we will never have to money.  

  

  

 
December 15, 2005, 4:01 am CST

Dont give up

Quote From: todanielle

Hi my name is Danielle. Just to give you some insite on were I am. I am 22yrs. old and have just lossed my job due to fertility treatments and pursing multiple adoption oppertunities. I have had 2 miscarraiges and two adoption go wrong. I have PCOS and Endometriosis. I can not have children of my own. My husband and I started looking into adoption agencys, but the cost I can not swing. One company told me starting was 10k and another said 30k. My husband and I also tried looking into the foster/adopt program and that did not go well. They basiclly told us that there are no young children avalible and that because I was so young that taking on an older child would no go well because I was not going to appeare to these children as an adult. My husband is 26 so his age was not a concern. I have taken everything from glucophage, clomid, avandament, follostim,gonagal-f. I have had IUI and all that was left for me to try was IVF I didn't have 10,000 dollars left after all of that. Moving forward my husband and I were approached about a baby that was going to be born on Nov.4,2005. We were informed that the only reason there wasn't an abortion was because it cost to much. My husband and I contacted and attorney and agread that we would take the baby. It was a Girl and as soon as they found out the sex the lady changed her mind. About a month after that I recieved a phone call from a girl who had heard about us through some friends and wanted to know would we take they baby. Once again we said yes. We invested 4 months into this girl and her boyfriend. They were homeless and we decided that we would rent them and apartment as long as the boyfriend held a job. Also they already had a son and he wasn't even a year old. The mother was 14 yrs. old and the father was 19 yrs. old. One week later they rob our house. I lost about 36,000 dollars worth of money and belongings. The father went to jail. They contacted us and asked if we would still adopt the baby and we talked and said yes. That was about a month ago. Now the baby is due and they are telling us that they changed there minds. I have done everything to prepair for this baby and now I can't  hardly walk thru my own home because I have this room that is ready for this child that I will not be getting. We named this little girl and everyting. I can't sleep at night and don't know were else to turn. My husband is trying to let it go but every day when he comes home he says has anyone called and I tell him no. We want to have children and we would love to adopted but we have lost so much now that it seems like we will never have to money.  

  

  

Dear Danielle, 

  

I wanted to tell you that even though times are stress full and it seems that your dream of having a child is never going to happen.  Please dont give up.  I can relate to your story in many ways.  I am 24 years old. At the age of 16 I found out I had uterine cancer.  I was lucky however in many ways.  I beat the odds.  I decided to receive a donation and undergo in-vetro.  After several tries I was pregnant with my son, who at 7 months came into this word and made it.  Today he is six and healthy as a horse.  I had a hysterectomy within 2 years after my son.  I tried chemo, radiation and everything imaginable.  I married when I was 21, in the beginning it was okay to not have children the one we had was good enough.  My husband left me in 2003 for another woman because I could not have children and we were not able to adopt.  My husband and I made an attempt 3 times, became prepared in every way and each attempt was failed.  This year I re-married my high school sweet heart. My current husband basically picked up the pieces of what my ex did to me.  We have been down that same road.  We have tried adoption 2 times and again it has failed.  My husband is currently overseas and we have not given up.  When he comes home we hope to try to make our dreams come true still.  From my heart to yours, a child is out there somewhere for you and your husband. Unfortunately it takes time and you will feel like you are loosing everything.  Just keep focused and never put your love aside and in time your dream will come true.  I dont know how inspirational my story is for you.  But please know that there are people out there who understand and people who read your story and share theirs with yours.   I personally will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, as your journey through life continues.  I have every hope for my family as I do yours.   

 
December 16, 2005, 4:58 am CST

Thank You

Quote From: tinyrides

Dear Danielle, 

  

I wanted to tell you that even though times are stress full and it seems that your dream of having a child is never going to happen.  Please dont give up.  I can relate to your story in many ways.  I am 24 years old. At the age of 16 I found out I had uterine cancer.  I was lucky however in many ways.  I beat the odds.  I decided to receive a donation and undergo in-vetro.  After several tries I was pregnant with my son, who at 7 months came into this word and made it.  Today he is six and healthy as a horse.  I had a hysterectomy within 2 years after my son.  I tried chemo, radiation and everything imaginable.  I married when I was 21, in the beginning it was okay to not have children the one we had was good enough.  My husband left me in 2003 for another woman because I could not have children and we were not able to adopt.  My husband and I made an attempt 3 times, became prepared in every way and each attempt was failed.  This year I re-married my high school sweet heart. My current husband basically picked up the pieces of what my ex did to me.  We have been down that same road.  We have tried adoption 2 times and again it has failed.  My husband is currently overseas and we have not given up.  When he comes home we hope to try to make our dreams come true still.  From my heart to yours, a child is out there somewhere for you and your husband. Unfortunately it takes time and you will feel like you are loosing everything.  Just keep focused and never put your love aside and in time your dream will come true.  I dont know how inspirational my story is for you.  But please know that there are people out there who understand and people who read your story and share theirs with yours.   I personally will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, as your journey through life continues.  I have every hope for my family as I do yours.   

I am so happy to hear that you were able to have a child after all of that. One of the biggest parts in this whole thing is that it feels like if I don't do something now then it will never happen. I am 22 yrs old and when most people hear my situation they want to tell me that I am too young and that I shouldn't be worrying about this yet and so on. I don't really know young people in my situation so I always feel that I am alone. I know that there are people out there that have been trying for 10 and 15yrs. and I am very sad for them also. I know how this can consume your whole life. I don't feel good enough for my husband anymore, I get jelouse everytime I hear someone is pregnant, and I don't attend functions like baby showers and so forth. My husband and I have been married for 4yrs. I have known him for 12 yrs. I always worry that he will leave me. He knows that he can have children and that it could be very easy for him. (We had him tested.) He says he understands but everytime something goes wrong I see the let down in his eyes. One day maybe things will change and just knowing your story gives me hope. Thank you for responding to my letter.  

I will keep your family in my Prayers also and maybe one day all our hopes and dreams will come true. I hope that all the familys that want children will one day have the family of their dreams. Thank you so much. 

 
December 16, 2005, 9:37 pm CST

why is it the second option?

  An earlier message touched on this - though without any tact.
It is frustrating to hear so many people decide to adopt only after they learn they can't birth a child.  There are so many children out there in need of a family and home.  Why create a new child when there are already so many that need parents?  It seems that if a couple desires to love and raise a child; to give to a child, that they would take in any child who needs this.  Rather, so many couples want: they want to see themselves in a child, they want to experience childbirth, they want "have one of their own", etc.  This is a selfish stance because it is about them, not another.
If it is really about loving a child, rather than having a child, why not consider adoption from the beginning?
 
December 16, 2005, 9:43 pm CST

you go!

Quote From: ivan_ho

I wouldvery much want to adopt a child when I feel that I'm ready for parenthood. Especially since there are so many children out there who need a parent, and so many mothers who can't take care of their children and still want to give them the best possible start in life. 

As I see it, I want to help take care of the children who are already in this world before I give birth to any myself. Now, that is never going to happen in my lifetime, never can we take care of all the children in need, but if I can provide a good life for a child who needs in so badly, then I really want to do that! 

You sure seems to be one in a million.  i could not agree with you more!  Some one with your heart should be blessed with parenthood.  Your future is in my prayers. 

 
December 17, 2005, 3:53 am CST

I Want to Adopt

Quote From: todanielle

I am so happy to hear that you were able to have a child after all of that. One of the biggest parts in this whole thing is that it feels like if I don't do something now then it will never happen. I am 22 yrs old and when most people hear my situation they want to tell me that I am too young and that I shouldn't be worrying about this yet and so on. I don't really know young people in my situation so I always feel that I am alone. I know that there are people out there that have been trying for 10 and 15yrs. and I am very sad for them also. I know how this can consume your whole life. I don't feel good enough for my husband anymore, I get jelouse everytime I hear someone is pregnant, and I don't attend functions like baby showers and so forth. My husband and I have been married for 4yrs. I have known him for 12 yrs. I always worry that he will leave me. He knows that he can have children and that it could be very easy for him. (We had him tested.) He says he understands but everytime something goes wrong I see the let down in his eyes. One day maybe things will change and just knowing your story gives me hope. Thank you for responding to my letter.  

I will keep your family in my Prayers also and maybe one day all our hopes and dreams will come true. I hope that all the familys that want children will one day have the family of their dreams. Thank you so much. 

Danielle, 

  

Thanks for responding back.  Again I truly understand how you feel.. Let me just say that no matter how young you are, in my opinion people have no right to judge.  As far as the feelings for your husband I want to tell you to please trust him.  I do however understand the worry, as my first husband left me.  I would actually love to speak with you more and maybe keep in touch.  My email address is tinyrides@yahoo.com.  If you respond back and you are interested.  Maybe send me an email, we can exchange additional information.  I would love to know how things are going for you. 

 
December 18, 2005, 8:00 am CST

Adoption can seem so far out of reach for some people

Quote From: eew_bugs

  An earlier message touched on this - though without any tact.
It is frustrating to hear so many people decide to adopt only after they learn they can't birth a child.  There are so many children out there in need of a family and home.  Why create a new child when there are already so many that need parents?  It seems that if a couple desires to love and raise a child; to give to a child, that they would take in any child who needs this.  Rather, so many couples want: they want to see themselves in a child, they want to experience childbirth, they want "have one of their own", etc.  This is a selfish stance because it is about them, not another.
If it is really about loving a child, rather than having a child, why not consider adoption from the beginning?

When you are just learning about everything and you hear the prices that are wanted for adoption you feel that the cost is to great so instead you decide to start taking meds and so forth but in the end you realize that you have spent more than an adoption would have costed you. When I came to this conclusion I relized that I made a mistake because had I spent the money on an adoption I may have already had a child. It was not that adoption was a second choice but for me it seemed undo able. Adoption has always been a big part of my familys life my husbands mother was adopted and so was my aunt. It was not that it was the second choice at the time it seemed like I would never be able to afford it. Treatments start at 100. and slowly work there way up. But if my doctor had asked me for 10,000. at once I would have never gave it a second glance I would have felt the same about the treatment and adoption. If  I had the money and I had to make a choice between a treatment which has no real garantee and an adoption you can bet I would pick adoption. I stopped my treatments because the next one was 10,000. and if I come up with the money then I will be adopting. I don't  feel that it is selfish to want to have a child by the person you love. It is selfish to be closed minded about adoption but not to consider having and loving a child of your own.  

This was my situation I can not speak for others but I do hope that you understand what I am trying to say 

  

 
December 18, 2005, 8:42 pm CST

Wanting to Adopt

I'm a 32 year old women that has been married for 14 years to a wonderful guy and i found out i can't have children do to a bad childhood and my husband only makes $634.00 a month and we can't seem to find anyone to help us with such low income and i feel that it is a punishment to familys like mine that want a child and would love and care for them with everything they have.I just wanted to see if anybody out there would have some advice for us and to please keep us in there prayers and in there hearts.
 
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