Topic : I Want to Adopt

i adopted an african girl shes now ten and ever day she says mum wheres my biological mother and father and i too arecaucasian

i adopted an african girl shes now ten and ever day she says mum wheres my biological mother and father and i too arecaucasian

My husband and I want to adopt a child, but we also would love to be able to have our own biological child.  I don't think it's wrong to want what is natural to want.  It's how I grew up and how most everyone else in the world as well--with biological parents. There are many reasons why people would prefer to have their biological child rather than adopt. Just read the stories of how much money and how much heartache it can cost through both adoption and IVF.  Plus, creating a life is a very mysterious thing that is also full of wonder and most of us would like to experience it and there's no shame in wanting that.  I admit that there are things that I want in life but for whatever reason I can't have them.  So, I decide to take another road that I wouldn't have chosen if the other path had not been closed to me.  What will happen down this new road is also a mystery and an adventure and we are excited about it as well, but we would not have chosen it.  It's not because we don't have a heart for children, but because it wasn't something we were familiar with.
It's not our job to save the world.  Even when we adopt, we aren't trying to save the world or even a child's life, we are building our family and offering our love and resources to a tiny soul that we didn't create together but that we accept as a gift from God to fulfill our dreams to be parents and have a family.  We have a lot to offer a child but that isn't the point--the point is that we desire to be parents and some people do not.  For those people that don't want to be parents for whatever reason, we are a gift to them and they are a gift to us. We can help each other mutually and in the end we all will benefit though there will always be a feeling of loss for each party.  That's okay because even with biological childreen there can be losses.  Life is pretty much about losses and how we deal with them and how we find peace again and make the best out of what we've been given.  There are no promises in life.  At any time some dream or something you love can be taken from you.  Mourn the loss and then get on with your life.  Find another dream, find something else to love, just learn to accept that you have limited control over your life in certain areas and it's not your fault.  It's only your fault if you continue to feel sorry for yourself and stop trying to find a way to meet the needs that you have.  Someday we will adopt a baby and we'll have happy moments and disappointing moments, just like any other family has.  It's love and commitment, and sharing your life and resources together that makes a family, not genes.  No matter whether adoption is a first or second choice, it's just another way to create a family.  People who adopt older children should know that it will be more difficult to bond with them the older they are, but it isn't impossible.  It just takes more effort and more time and the bond may never be as it would be if you had adopted a baby.  Any person deciding to become a parent whether through getting pregnant or adopting should understand that there will be difficulties and you don't know what they are yet but you need to decide that you'll do whatever it takes to meet the needs of your children, your spouse and yourself.  You have to let yourself be emotionally vulnerable and give to the people you love in order to build that bond.   Do whatever it takes (within reason) to make yourself a loving, bonded family.
If you're infertile, start with thinking about adoption.  Research your options and make sure it's an option that you can live with.  If you can't, then you could always stay childfree.  Nowadays some people don't need children to have a full life.  Maybe you're one of those people.  My husband and I have lived a full life without children are now 40 and we believe that the last half of our life will be more meaningful living as parents.  We are prepared for the sacrifices it will take but we know it will be worth it even though the child will not be our biological child.  We have looked reality in the face and we are ready to accept whatever comes our way.  We pray that God is preparing the way for the child he means for us to love.

I'm glad that race is unimportant to you but there are special
considerations to ponder when you adopt outside of your race.
For one, it will always bring up the subject of adoption.  Your child
will constantly be reminded that they are adopted by other curious
people who will butt into your life and pose the question of why they look
so different from their parents.  Even though adoption can be a very positive
thing, there can be the question of why didn't my biological parents love me
enough to keep me?  This is the dilemma of adoption.  How do we build the
self esteem of our adopted children, if they're always to be reminded that their
biological parents, from whom they got many of their physical traits, chose
not to keep them.  Even though your child may love you as their parent, they
still know that someone who gave them life decided not to raise and love them.

Otherwise, I don't think race should matter in our world although it seems to be human
nature to stick with people that are similar to you, that you feel you can trust because
you have things in common, like skin color, religion, nationality, career, education,
economic class, hobbies, values.  We look for things that are similar to other people because we believe that we will be able to relate and trust them because they are similar to us.  That isn't always the case but it's what we are initially thinking.  It's kind of like narrowing the odds in our favor that we will get along with someone.  People are afraid of what they don't know.  Adopting interracially is one way of being able to stop prejudices and show that skin color and race don't make the person.  However, fear of the unknown and broad generalizations about different races, ethnicities, religions and nationalities perpetuate differences and mistrust and you'll have to learn to deal with people who won't be as comfortable with your interracial family as you seem to be.
What you don't know, you fear.   Because of ignorance and lack of familiarity, people will not feel the same way about other races, religions, etc, as you do.  Many people are unable to accept what they don't understand and especially what they don't know and are unable to trust because of lack of spending time with people who are different, that includes special needs children, sick children,
or anything out of the "norm."  Teach your child that it's normal for people to be afraid of what they don't know or understand so that when they tease them or say ignorant things, your child will realize it's because of that person's own fear and not because of who they are.
I would not choose for myself to mix both interracial issues and adoption.  It's hard enough for the child to be adopted.  But if the only other option is for the child to be an orphan, then I think it's okay to adopt interracially.  It's not about being prejudice, it's about the difficulty on the child.  It would be best for any adopted child to be with a family that they resemble.  It would cause less anxiety for them and feel more natural, which is  a lot easier on the child.

 My family is multiethnic.  All 4 kids are adopted, and we are all different races.  None of us are the same colour.

We got lots of looks when we went out, but it never bothered me.  My mom was always very open with us about adoption, and I always felt fine with explaining that I was adopted.

An adopted person is, and always will be, different from non-adopted people, and that's fine, as long as it's handled properly.  None of this "as if born to" nonsense.  If the lines are communication are open, and the needs and feelings of the child are acknowledged, then adoption, whether transracial or not, can work.

My husband and i are in the process of becoming foster parents. but w/ our medical histories I'm not sure we will be accepted....I pray every night that  god will bring a child of my own into my home.  We are almost done w/ our paper work, and start classes at the end of the month.  Does anyone out there know why we wouldn't be accepted???  It seems to me that there are biological families out there that are worse than we are, and they are able to keep their children, why shouldn't we be able to offer a child or 2 a forever family.  but that is just my opinion!

Hi, 

  

My husband and I also wanted to adopt the waiting children in foster care.  We went through the homestudy process and all the classes and got licensed.  We were willing to take sibling groups and couldn't wait to become parents.  I too have 2 beautiful step children and my husband and I can't have children due to his vesectomy that he had 13 1/2 years ago.  We've been married for 4 1/2 years and our children lives with their mother and we want despretly to feel like parents and having children in our house 24/7.  We couldn't wait to be a good role model for these kids and to give them the love they deserve.  During our process we had 8 failed concurent adoptions placements.  The first family of 5 children never came into our house as they had family that adopted them.  And the second family of 3 never entered our house either.  It was still a loss but God knows who belongs and who doesn't.  Both families were coming until the placement was interupted with court hearings and the judges final decision.  So again we started to wait for our placement when my husband was hospitalized due to a virus that attacked his heart.  With the added stress that foster care can put on lives the foster care system didn't want to place any children in our house.  So we had to give up on our dream to adopt the waiting children and now looking into domestic infant adoption.  My husband wants despretly for me to have an infant and go through all the stages...he doesn't want me to be left out in the most precious years of our child's life.  My husband is 42 and I'm 37.  Our health history was not bad but it could've been better when we started our process.  Then out of the blue my husbands health got worse just 4 months after turning 41.  Good luck in your journey...This job of becoming foster parents is a calling from God.  As He wants us to open up our home to the parentless children out there.  Of course they do have parents but they can't be parents due to circumstances in their lives.  I will be keeping you in prayer.  I don't see why you wouldn't be accepted unless your medical history says to stay away of to much stress.  But if you already have gone through the paperwork and are working on going to classes then you should be ok.  Keep us posted.