Topic : I Want to Adopt

The first thing that I notice is that the two of you don't appear to be together in this decision yet.  That is the first thing you need to conquer! 

We made sure we both wanted to do this before taking the first step..REALLY wanted to.  We are in the process right now and in my opinion, adoption is a very stressful, emotional and difficult process to go through.  You will be on a rollercoaster ride like no other.  You will be thoroughly excited one minute, disappointed, confused or scared the next.  If you are not going through this process with the same enthusiasm, support and goals, then it could tear you apart. 

In addition to the 'ride' that I mentioned, you have to realize that you are going through all this, emotionally and financially with absolutely NO guarantees.  Once you are 'accepted' for a placement, you will want to paint the nursery and get it prepared, tell all your friends and family, go shopping, dream of holding this baby in your arms and tucking them in at night...and, in most cases, spend a great deal of money.  All of this could be in vain if the placement falls through...and they can and do, even at the last minute. 

Your partner is right, you DON'T know what is going to happen.  You are relying on strangers to be telling you the complete truth about their history, including medical.  There are no guarantees that if the bmom says there has been no drug abuse, or that there aren't any health and/or generic worries, that she is being honest.  I sincerely don't want to sound negative about the adoption process and especially about the bmom's who so unselfishly go through this and do what's best for the child, but you HAVE to look at this decision with a very clear view of reality and be prepared for anything.  You have to be ready to accept this child who may or may not have inherited 'issues'.  You have no guarantees when you have a child biologically either, but at least you know your own history.  If you aren't willing to accept and risk the possibility of someone not being honest about theirs, then it's not the right thing for you to do. 

Again, if you don't have the proper support from your partner, this could tear you up and ruin your relationship.  Make sure you both REALLY wants to do this before you get too emotionally wrapped up in the idea. 

By the way, a lot of agencies require that you are married...not all, but many do. 

Good luck in whatever decision you make! 

 Hi 

 My husband and I have 3 wonderful children ages 16,14,& 11. We thought we were finished but as the years progressed we realized we wanted to add to our family. We decided to pursue adoption. We don't make a ton of money but we make enough to live quite comfortably. We thought about overseas adoption but it is just so-o-o expensive we didn't want to put ourselves into that kind of financial bind. Besides which we were not sure we wanted to do the newborn thing again. We decided to adopt a child(  or sibling group of 2) over the age of 3 or 4 but under 9. (we want to keep the birth order of our bio children so they don't feel their position in our family is threatened.) We have a completed and approved homestudy done and now we are just waiting to find the right child. It has been almost 2 years since we began the process. Sometimes it is hard to wait but I'm thankful for the children we already have. We have declined a couple of children already because their needs were just too much for our family. We are also wanting to add a little girl to our family since we already have a girl and 2 boys. Sometimes I feel we are being too picky but our social worker is great. She ensures us we have to be because we are building our family and it has to fit. I have to mention we are going through children's services because here in our home province in Canada there are no real expenses if you go that route. We haven't had to pay for anything except gas to go to several meetings. I want to encourage those of you who may not be able to have biological children to check this avenue. There are so many children out there. I often check the photolistings of various states and it breaks my heart to see their little faces. Sometimes these sites say they offer adoption subsidies. There are ways to find the right child for your family if you are willing to try different options and be aware of the difficulties. 

It is great that you want to adopt - but take it from someone that has adopted - it is great, but don't get to greedy.  My husband and i adopted because we can't have children and we know what it is like to play the waiting game - and it is even harder when we where  waiting to adopt our fist child and someone that already has children is also adopting and take available children away from those that are waiting to adopt with no children, and unable to have children.