Topic : I Want to Adopt

I just want to tell you that before getting involved in adoption I would think twice,  

because the child that would be adopted has already lived a great lost, don’t forget those children come from somewhere else, they did not just appear out of the bleu like that, they have a past AND EVEN IF IT'S A YOUNG BABY it live a trauma to be separate from the birth mother. so those children need love and care  

and most importantly they only know the one parents they have and even if the parent are the worst parent on earth, even if they took drugs even if they raped or try to kill them, to those children THEY ARE THE ONLY PARENT THEY HAD  

and since they are the only parents they have they don’t even have the knowledge that how he/ she lived (even a baby) was the most horrible way, 

for them they tough that how they lived was normal everyday life.  

even the worst neglected child that is taken away from is parent lives pain and hurt and misses them and good parenting is scary for them and love is new from them and to a neglected child for him love can be invasion and feel suffocated 

         (I’m not saying don’t love them NO its just you have to give a child time to adjust),  

for a child like that watching him for his safety can be intrusive....  

So you must realised and think if you should make a child go trough separation again and all the anxiety you could cause and the risk of causing a child an attachment problem, because you could be the third family that child moves in or in some case the 4th or 5th.

                        I'm not saying don’t adopt you are bad if you do.

I'm saying and suggesting to you; both get a divorce first put your life in order and then adopt . 

not until because you'll cause that child grief if you ever separate later.  

Even if you are the best parent in the word and have the greatest of intension your divorce could cause great stress, pain, anxiety, grief to a child.

just think about the consequence the child you both have will live, 

 your child will survived because you are both is parents, but do you realised that the new child the consequence of a separation what it will do? 

 if your child will hurt can your realise the other new one what it will be. He has to live an adaptation period and it can take time and then, when he'll trust your family you get a divorce!  

How would you like to live that? the consequence  

You have the best of intention and I’m sure if you read this you will think it trough, you probably already know since your a military wife that we are away from home and our family,  

you should know (unless you never were transferred or separated)  

the grief that can be lived when we lose someone for a period of time, and the anxiety of being all alone whit no one close to you that you really truly know.  

The new child lives all that but intensify because he don’t have the knowledge that we do have as adult.

If you have to, get a career and separate, then live your separation and loss, and them maybe it will be more convenable to adopt.

so it is possible to adopt only with one parent in the house??   

my little daydream i have for adoption is to adopt an older child cuz i know they r the ones that need homes like a 12 yr old of course further down life cuz i am only 25 yrs old lol 

but i just would rather be single in the process but my husband would be apart of the childs life  

also my husband and i have talked about our future and would love to just live next door to each other  lol sounds odd but we both dont have much of a desire to have a live in companion but still be together if not romantically then best friends and neighbors 

I am 37 years old, I was married the first time at 14 yrs. old, he was 21 yrs. old. we had our first child when I was 16, next at 18 then my last at 21. I was married to my first husband for 15 yrs. I am remarried now to a wonderful , loving, caring man, we have been married for 5 1/2 yrs. my new husband is 10 yrs. younger than me. we have been trying to have a baby for 5 1/2 yrs. now, my husband has no children of his own. he has hypogonadism, it causes erection problems and viagra don't help him because he has no desire to have sex. his testosterone level is the same as an 90 yr. old man, it causes no sexual desire, tired all the time. we have tried everything to have a baby,4 ivf's, iui's, many ,many ,many ,infertility drugs shots, shots and more shots .a couple of miscarriages. we have no money left to have our dream come true, to have our baby. we would love to adopt a newborn baby but after all the money we have lost trying to have a baby we can't afford to adopt. it cost so much to adopt a healthy white newborn, and the wait is so long. I would give anything to find a birth mother that needs a good home for her baby and it don't cost 35,000 to 50,000. my husband is the best man I have ever met , he is loving, caring, and has provided my children with a loving home. I would love for him to get to experience having a newborn baby and watching them grow, knowing the feeling of being called DADDY. he has been a daddy in every sense of the word to my children, but my children were already half grown when we met. he was only 19 when we met, but he stepped up to the plate and took on the responsibility of a woman and her 3 children. it really takes a man, a DADDY! to do that. my husband has had a rough time the last few years, he lost his little brother (only brother) because of a drunk driver in a car accident, he had just turned 21 yrs. old a couple of months before. they were very close, they truly knew what it meant to be brothers. my husband always looked out for his little brother, it was very hard for him to deal with the fact he was not there to help his little brother the day of the wreck. the only thing that has ever come close to that pain is the day he found out he couldn’t have a baby. it about killed him to find out now that he can never have a baby. that is the one thing he has always wanted, to have a baby, to be a DADDY! he is the most caring, loving man I know he deserves to be a DADDY! if there is any way anyone can help please let us know. thank you so much, God bless you. 

 Yes you can adopt even if your were single, you can adopt if your were homosexual too. you could be on welfare an adopt a child, I’m not joking, anyone can adopt, but in order to adopt you need to have order in your life, this mean you have to be independent of no one, in Canada even if you get married you have to wait 2 years to adopt, or if you separate you have to wait 2 years, why? Because you have to get your life straight first and live you separation, and accept your separation so then you have full strength to adopt a child.

 Adopting a child can be rewarding but it's like everything else in life you don’t get nothing by sitting there doing nothing,

 in order to say you had a successful adoption  you have to go trough involvement and sacrifices and responsibility ( it easier when you adopt new born) because the older adopted child come to your home whit a past, and ignoring is or her past would be like ignoring a big giant pink elephant in a living room. But these children survive all the time whit good loving caring discipline and loving attention. You have to be involved 24 hour a day, 7 days a week...

And you must remember this thing adopting a child is totally not at all like babysitting a niece or friend s child. Hooooooooooo noooooooo it’s so different.

First because you niece or friend child know you.

Second when we baby sit we tend to be less strict and do everything to make the child comfortable but the child and you both know he'll be going home later, so everyone feel safe and secure.

But when you adopt you still behave all nice and try to make the child comfortable but

First he know why he/ she there for always and the end of the days he wont see his parents or foster parents

Second after a few days (after about 2 months) the honeymoon is over the child start acting out to test you if you really love him 

third he realise he's never going back and get angry and can do a depression because he can blame himself for everything he'll blame himself for is parent neglect, this his all part of adoption that his what we learn in adoption classes, because in order to adopt you don’t just gave you name and one days they give you a call to offer you a child. Hooooooooooo noooooooo

They’ll make you take a course in children adoption they explain why a child can be taken always; you’ll have class on child behaviour, child discipline.

You both have to be present that is not negotiable.

Then they’ll do a home study, hat mean they will go into your home visit you,

If you have children they will check everything whit them to, they’ll make sure your children are capable of accepting another child.

They will ask you reference and contact your friends to check your liability, and they can even go to your neighbourhood in your neighbourhood, in some cases.

They will find everything they want on your family and if they fond out your are to be separated they will refuse you.

but if you are single whit no man in your life and are stable and after all the adoption course and class if you pass the classes they will do a home study check you life style your expectation as if you were whit a husband and they'll check whit your children even if separated for the same reason.

So I hope this will help you to make a decision.

I'm still not saying don’t adopt but get your life on tract first.

And you know what I also think,

I think that you are truly unhappy in your marriage it maybe doesn’t means your husband his BAD hubby but the fact that your are searching for another child in this timing in your life for me it really looks as if you have a big void in your life (like you said) hubby is not filing the missing hole of your life, and maybe he don’t take you seriously, and that’s why he would agree to adoption to keep you from leaving him,

 Because why else would he choose you living close to him? (I know your answer; the children).

Do you really have to have him next door, what will happen when he brings someone over or when you do.

as long as he will have no one in is life he'll be living next door, but the day one of you moves in whit someone I’m sure and I guaranty you, that you wont be neighbours any more, Do you think that is new woman will accept that, because I don’t think so me, I know of anyone that would live next door to someone EX. that would be like living whit them and someone is going to end up really miserable. And can you think of children the involved. Reba the TV show (the show is not for real ,and even if someone lives that way on this planet I’m sure there life is not funny like in the Reba TV show).

So I hope this help you it’s only My advice, I’m no professional and I  surely don’t think I’m better then anyone else but I can think of the consequences and the involvement involved.

If I were you, if you really don’t know what to do. Call the adoption agency and ask them tell them the truth then you would really know for sure.

Until then you’ll just be wondering. 

And you are right a lot of kids need a good familly and please don't think you are a bad family it's the timing  is not right for now .  

and I know what it is to wish for a child. 

 I have none and I wish one would fall out of the sky for us, and our familly (parent sisiters) wish we had one too and so does our freinds, but something terrible  happend to us  

we did try adoption  

we had a 12 hours old little girl and they took her away when she was 18 months old,thats a long long story and we still want to adopt but we got hurt so much and we are afraid and scared it will happen again because she was adopted by someone else at the end.  

my husband was going on tour in bosnia and we lost her 4 weeks before he left like robers in the middle of the night, they lied to us and we LOVED THAT CHILS SO MUCH  .  

this is why I realy know you both have to be there and the consequence of separation is a big isue and your hubby too being military can realy affect and you could lose someone you love if he has to go on tour before the child is adopted, 

They told us No it would never happen but IT DID TO US. so we wish now for private adoption because its all done faster .there is no wait period time before they even start the process,but we dont know were to go we have to let people know to mothers we want to adopt. BUT WE DONT KNOW NO MOTHER  

and we got transfered last year in this new province we dont know anyone around here,and we are moving  for sure next posting season in 2006 because he's promoted he is even as we speak on his promotion course. I told my new doctor and she his doing all she can to get us pregnate  before we move again but time is against us for now.  friday this week i'm going to the fertility clinic to have a dye liquid injected in my uterus to see if my tube are tied or blocked again .and I'm not optimist on this one.and I have blood testing too , 

 I wish this time it will work ,but if it does'nt I'm going to be so disapointed. I' m realy in a pickle for now because I dont know on witch door to knock for a child ,but I take it one day a t a time and i leave it some days on the hands of GOD and tell him I leave everything up to him and I hope he must be knowing what he's doing. but my faith is beeing tested ,I beleive in him so much before and got so much disapointed. 

We never regret taking that child and never will we even all the hurt it cause because we truly know we are good. and we made a difrence for the better in another child.  

all children have a right to love and a familly. 

I understand when you say it expensive to adopt a child, I still don’t understand why in this world why do we have to pay so much for when we want to adopt in foreign country. We saw a TV show the other days and all that money don’t even goes to the orphanage its manage by private companies and they buy babies form poor mother in exchange for money because those people are so poor and are forced to sell there children. They are searching for a woman that supposedly is hiding in Hawaii she was scamming peoples and mothers in Asia.

 I think of all the tsunami children left parentless last winter, we here want to adopt, but if we do adopt a child for 35 thousand dollars then we would not be able to raise the child the way we wish. my hubby makes 52 thousand dollars a year and take away the taxes and income taxes we pay in Canada there no much less left  ,I know I'm complaining on a full stomach because we have Medicare here in Canada and me and my hubby have medical, dental.... insurances so 80% of all cost are paid, if we were to loan 35 thousand dollars for a baby we would be in a little bit of a pickle. We have choices we can make, but I think it’s not fair that on this planet other children are orphaned and parentless and we have to be rich to adopt.

why can there be whit Canadian or usa embassy around the world organisation everywhere ,why cant they take care of that, they have people there for translation and aren't they there for us when we go in those country? Why cant they have someone who takes care of adoption and why don’t they bring the children here in America? They have plane flying everyday for government  that are more then half empty don’t they have places for a few children, if those plane are for the government why don’t they do a few flights for those children? And those countries if they really want the children to be adopted and don’t want to take care of them why won’t they let the children be adopted? (That one I think I know; it’s because for every head the country holds they can have a bigger country loan) so this is all about money.

If I were rich I would go there and have my own people, I would hire from theses country, have my own orphanages to take care of those children until they are ready to leave for papers and medical work. And I would bring the children to America or were ever country. A lots of air line charge free for children less than 2 years of age.

I would bring more then one child and give them to be adopted by people that social services judge fit.

It is supposed to be this way,

 I don’t get that it cost 100 time less to visit these country and stay for 2 week there, for less then 35 thousand dollars.

I don’t get why medical examination don’t cost a lot less too but we still have to pay 35000$

I don’t get why we have to give thousand of dollars in donation and that these place are not so much well kept if you calculate the amount of adoption in one year and the total $$$ of donation they paid well over the expanse for caring for a child. Because those children don’t stay there for many years they are adopted.

I don’t care what origins a child is as long as it’s healthy and you can live a normal live that's all I'm asking.

I have a Vietnamese friend that was adopted trough international fostering in Canada it cost her adoptive parent nothing to have her it was the government that took care of it. she was on an island in Indonesia for 1 year in waiting to have a foster home, she is one the children that we heard that was put in boats for days on a secret island, she tried to get info for me to get a child like she got here but we cant find nothing similar. For her she was adopted a few years after she was here. Her mother his in Canada too and her sibling too.

Hi there.  I am not sure if anyone here can answer this question, but I've been doing a lot of adoption research just to get the answer, but I can't seem to find it- so I thought I'd give this board a shot.   

I'm a college student in my early twenties right now, but I know that sometime in the next few years I am going to want to adopt a baby.  The problem is, I am not sure that I will be allowed to adopt.  See, I was born with a form of Muscular Dystrophy called Spinal Muscular Atrophy and I'm in a wheelchair.  I live a normal life like everyone else, I just do it sitting down.  This disorder only effects my muscles- I am very weak and  I depend on others to help me get through my daily life(such as showering, dressing, cooking, and cleaning).  I would also not be able to take care of a baby on my own, but I know that I will have the money to hire a "nanny" or someone like a nanny to help me with those things.  I'll also have a husband who is healthy and will be able to do these things.  So my question is, will my disability keep us from being able to adopt a child? 

My family says that I am thinking too far into the future and shouldn't worry about this right now, but I have my reasons.  When I was growing up there were things that I had planned on doing- like driving, and when I turned 15 and wanted to start to learn I was told "You'll never be able to do that." because of this disorder.  I am now able to drive, but it took me years to find a way to get here.  The same thing happened when I was about to graduate high school and I wanted to go off to college- I was told I would always need to live with my parents.  It took me two years to get around that too, but I'm now living in my own apartment with two paid attendants to help me with my needs.  The reason that I am looking into adoption now is because I don't want to get my hopes up again and then when it's time to start the process be told no again.   

I have always wanted a family and one day I'll have one, I am able to have my own baby, buy I'd rather adopt.  I feel like there are so many babies and children out there that need a loving home and I can provide them that.  Anyway- does anyone know if having a disability will get in the way of my adopting a child? 

I have a hard time understanding people that throw being adopted in someone's face.  I can't stand when people say, "I am adopted."  I wish they would say, "I was adopted."  Adoption is the way a child comes into a family.  To me it makes no difference if a baby was placed in a family by natural birth or adoption, it is just the way they found their family.  Adoption can be a beautiful thing.  I know many a biological children that have rebelled against their parents and gone off the depend, but for some reason when a child rebels that was adopted, everyone says, "Well, you know, he was adopted."  Give me a break!  It has nothing to do with it.   I know many friends and children that had been adopted that do not have the desire to meet their birthparents because they feel they already have parents.  Did you know that only 10% of children that had been adopted want to meet their birthparents?  We only see the stories on TV because they are different than the norm.  Anyway, my point is that we have two girls, one by natural birth and the other  through adoption.  I know that people that have not gone through it themselves have a hard time understanding, but there is absolutely  no difference in our minds between the two.  They just came into our family two different ways.  There spirits were meant to be in our home.  We are so blessed to have them apart of our lives.  I could never pick one over the other and it drives me crazy when there is a difference in other people's minds between the two.  The adoption process, in my experience, has been nothing but a wonderful miracle.    

i really never looked at it this way-"I WAS adopted" instead of "I am adopted"...interesting. and thank you for the enlightenment. it's awesome that you treat the children as they should be. good job 

have fun parenting!