Topic : I Want to Adopt

My husband and i adopted his niece and nephew when his brother called us and told us about them they were in the custody of the state....Things worked out for us.....Please dont let this oppurinty pass you by u wont know till you talk to your friend she may not even know what you are thinking and it may make her decision alot easier knowing her baby will go to a loving caring home and someone that really wants the baby.....take care and good luck

kim

We are looking into adoption. In 2 yrs from now we want to adopt a baby girl. That is why I am looking for some more information about adoption now! I am Dutch and my partner is French, we live in Spain and are not married. We have been together for 3,5 yrs now. I am 22 yrs old and my partner is 49 yrs old.

Could someone tell me more.....

I will be blunt here - your husbands lifestyle choices when he was younger were not "foolish" -they were criminal.  Anyone with several DUI's and drug convictions should never be an adoptive parent.  I don't care that it was when he was 18.  If all of that happened in his 18th year, he should still be locked up.

I am a little offended that  you seem to be feeling wronged. I am also angry that you are minimizing the crimes your husband comitted.   Even if your husband is living his life right now, he drove drunk, more that once, and for that, he should never be a parent. 

I recently became the mother to my new born grandson and my young daughter and I would have never considered you and your husband for adoption of our baby, had we gone that route.

Your husbands actions could have ended they very lives of babies and children you claim others don't appreciate.  I'm sorry you can't be a mom, but maybe doing "anything" to be a mom should have included not being married to a felon. 

Maybe your story would inspire young people to not drink and drive.  Please keep telling it. 

There are several “odd” things in your post!

First, your best friend is 7 months pregnant, giving the child up for adoption, and you haven’t even mentioned to her that you are interested in raising this child? If you truly are ready for this, you better get going, because adoption is a process! It doesn’t just happen all on its own. Your friend will be choosing parents very soon, if she hasn’t already chosen them. (If she has already chosen a couple, please do not interfere!)

The other odd thing is that you have been trying to get pregnant for 2 years and haven’t told your Dr. this yet? I can understand the reasoning “if it was meant to be…” however, when a couple desires a child so strongly; you don’t simply sit back and wait. There is so much that your Dr. can do to help you! When you tell your Dr. that you have been trying for 2 years, you will have some very, very simple tests conducted; from there, you might simply need a very small dose of medication or something very easy; do not dwell on what may or may not be until you have taken ACTION for yourselves!

Adopting this baby could be a wonderful blessing for you, but you could very well have your own biological baby, too, and allow another infertile couple have the joy of raising this precious child. Either way, I urge you to get going- because this baby is coming!

I have 2 daughters of my own.  There is a little boy that is in my class who is foster care now and  will be up for adoption coming up this year.  My husband wants to adopt him but I do not.  This little boy has been sexually abused and I worried about my own two girls.  I need to protect them.  He also has 2 younger sisters of his own.  I cannot take all of them and I feel he needs to be with his sisters.  My husband says that I am being selfish and we should take him in. I see problem children everyday in my class and this little boy is already in therapy (and has some other delays) and probably will be for the rest of his life.  I don't know if I am strong enough to handle all of that.  I am still getting over losing a child 3 years ago.  I don't what to replace my baby with another child from off the street.  Am I being selfish?  If not, how can I make my husband understand how I feel?  I have told him all this but he still thinks it is because I am being so selfish.  I applaud him for being so caring towards a child like this but I can't get him to understand and it is causing serious problems with our marriage.  Please help.

wow what a predicament.

here are my two cents...

i dont think a child should have parents who dont fully want him/her. this isnt about how selfish u are. it's about the boy. if he is to be adopted, he needs very caring loving parents who will have the energy, devotion, love, and financial resources to help him heal from his sufferings so he can grow up to be a healthy adult (which can happen!). explain to ur husband (if u decide u really dont wanna do this) that it would not be good for the child if only one parent wants him and no child deserves to be unwanted by their parent(s). also explain to him that there are many other loving people out there who will take him if you do not. just look at this board...so many loving people who want to open their homes to kids.

regarding his siblings: if u cannot take all 3 kids in, there will be many opportunities for them to visit each other as long as they dont move to another city or state. im not very knowledgeable about adoptions but i dont think it's very likely (not impossible) that someone will adopt all 3 at the same time.

and please dont adopt this boy unless both of u really want to. it's a decision for life.

I think it seems everyone is trying to adopt only because they cannot have children of their own.  The problem here is there are so many children in the foster care system who need homes.  My husband and I did try for a little while without success.  But, we always wanted to have children both ways, by birth and by adoption.  We adopted out of the foster care system, we adopted two older children, when we received them, which I consider a gift from God, they were 10 and 11, and had a history of abuse of all kinds, and neglect, and had been shuffled from foster home to foster home.  They had many problems mentally, as far as the abuse goes, and some other problems too.  But, we looked past that, and took them in, and loved them.  They are now 17, and 18.  We wouldn't change a thing. 

But, the point is, adoption is a wonderful thing.  And, if you go through the foster care system, it is not an expensive procedure, and you can really get wonderful children, who really deserve good loving homes, as all of you have said you want to give to a child.  So, please consider this option, for you may be surprised at what you will find.  You may not get a baby, but you will get a child who deserves the same amount of love a baby does.

We are looking into possibly trying to have a baby again, or adopting again, whichever works out, or whichever God has in store for us.  There are benefits either way.  I just had surgery, a laparoscopy done last week to check for endometrosis, and I don't even know if we'll try to go that route again, it was so upsetting and painful.  Maybe we are just meant to be adoptive parents, which is truly a blessing in itself.

Please consider adoption, to the birthmother, and to anyone wanting a child, or even an infant, they are out there, you may have to wait longer, or pay more, if you go outside the foster care system.

Good Luck to all!

Cheryl

I hate to be nosey, but how much did it cost to have a surrogate?  I've always been curious.  If you don't want to post the answer email me at blondee68@verizon.net.

Thanks,

Cheryl

Please know that this is NOT intended to be cruel or slam you in anyway, but...

If you are referring to your daughters, as 'of my own', you probably are no where near ready to adopt.  So, I would hope that you don't give in to your husband's desire, until and IF you ever get to the point where you realize how saying 'of my own' sounds and feels to anyone involved in adoption, whether be an adoptive parent, or an adopted child.  If you give in and are not ready, there's a chance that this child will always feel 'not of your own' and that is not fair to him.

Again, not trying to offend, but point out a glaring red flag to me.