Topic : I Want to Adopt

Quote From: frosado

I have a 12 year old son from a previous marriage.  I am now remarried, and my current husband has known my child since he was 2 yrs old.  My ex is hardly involved in anything when it comes to our son.  He keeps popping in and out whenever he wants and always has the excuse that "a lot of things have been happening", it sounds like a broken record.  The state garnished his wages for child support  until he kept jumping from job to job, then, he would work and get paid under the table.  He does not contribute at all, except for buying our son toys and games (which is unimportant).

 

My son calls my current husband "dad" and sees his father more like a buddy than a dad.. I never kept my ex from seeing his child and never bad mouthed him in front of the boy, but, he cannot be trusted with being with our son  by himself due to his irresponsibility and instability.  Now, the last time I saw him was almost a month ago and have not heard from him ever since.  His ex (we keep in touch, and she also has a child from him) says that he may have up and left the state.  He is nowhere to be found.  If he did leave, this would make me upset because he left without saying goodbye to his children (I am like an auntie to his daughter).  For me, this is my last straw. .My current husband has been wanting to adopt my son as his own, but I always thought that it wouldn't be right because his dad is still alive, and he does show up every now and then.  Now, I am thinking more towards my husband adopting the boy. 

 

My husband and I have always been good friends to my ex and always give him advice on how to turn his life around.  As a friend, I still care for the man, but, If I hear from him again, I am wanting to give him an ultimatum; either get more involved in our son's life and pay child support, or give up his parental rights.. I feel that I have been nice enough for allowing my ex  to see our son (even though he does nothing for him)  and crazy enough not to pursue child support (the man has no money to bury himself in).  Now,  I am to the point that he should not have any legal rights to our son. God forbid if something would happen to me, I want my son to be in good hands.  I trust my husband more than anyone else because he loves my son like his own (I don't trust my family to care for my son).  He's christian, and a great father.  My son is a very happy, wonderful, kind, and well mannered kid, and he loves my husband very much.  I would like for him to continue to have a good and fruitful life. 

 

 Okay.. with my long, long story, here is my question.  Would it be mean to give him that ultimatum?  Does anyone know what the procedure is for adoption if I do not hear from my ex? 

 

Quote From: aussietd

Hi 

  

I have a teenager daughter but after having her was unable to have any more.  So my husband and i decided to adopt.  Here is Australia it is govt. run and yes, very expensive and time consuming.  The paperwork is horrific.  But after 3 years we were blessed with a beautiful son.  Then two years ago we were blessed with a chance of getting another son, but this time through 'permanent care".  Basically, we are his legal guardians but his birth name remains.  Adoption, both in Australia or from overseas is very expensive, not just because of paperwork fees but also travel fees.  Whereas permanent care doesn't cost at all!!!   something to think about for you fellow Aussies! 

  

But all i can say, is it sooooo worth it.  I adore my three kids - equally.  And my heart breaks for not only the parents who want kids but for the kids who are left behind. 

  

Cheers 

Tess 

Quote From: jenfromoz

Here in Australia, it is sooooooo hard to adopt children.  Besides the fact that there are so few babies available and so many infertile couples waiting, the bureaucrats just stand in the way to loving families adopting children.  There are many children removed from their families every year due to neglect and abuse due to drug use, mental illness, domestic abuse etc etc etc, and they just keep giving the kids back to the mothers if they think they are "all better now" etc.  It is like the bio mother's rights is more important than the children's rights.  Those poor children go from foster home to foster home, and end up so tarnished that they often can't be productive in later life.   

  

Also, it is so bureaucratic here, that we can't make private arrangements, like they can in the USA.  We MUST go through the Department of Community Services, whether it be domestic or international adoption.  I can't, for example, go to Russia and adopt and take home one of those poor babies in orphanedges and give him/her a loving home.  We don't have a connection with Russia, so that is not possible.  There are only a few countries we have connections with, and it all must go through the same department.  Not only that, it is soooooo expensive!!  We were thinking of adopting a little girl from China, but we can't because we can't afford it.  Altogether it would cost between $25,000 and $30,000, and we just don't have this money.  It is more than alot of people earn in a year.   

  

So, here we are, a loving family of 4, who would love to add a precious child to our family to love, but the bureaucrates have stood between us and those children who desperately need a loving home.  So sad, isn't it. 

Quote From: lonalea200

Just because you can't have children, isn't the reason to adopt.  But when you do, the reward can be good and bad.  I was adopted when I was 4 months old  and my life is soooo much better off. The life I would have grown up in would have been tramatic. but you must also keep in mind that everything is not going to be hunky-dory. We come with many challeneges as being adopted. Like, " Did you pick me or Was I the first baby to come along?" Or " Why didn't my biological parents want me?'.  And of course the big one..".Who would I have been, had I not been adopted ?" Our self-esteem is challenged.  Our love is greater, but at the same time you question others love. You never really know. But....like I said, it can go both ways. I am very much better off, I was raised good and had many things given to me.  I'd like to think that this includes my parents love.   If you want another adopton story, email me or respond to this post.

Quote From: barberlady

  Hello!  I hope i am where I should be, and that I don't offend anyone here, but it seems the situation I'm about to reviel is of lesser importantce than that of what i've read here, but if there is anyone out there that can help, it would sure make a dad, and a 15 year old girl who's been made to feel unimportant, important. 

  My boyfriend today, married 10 years ago, a woman who got pregnant when she was 16.  When he married her, the baby was 18 mo, old.  The "baby" is now 15 yrs old.  Last year, the only dad she's known, and her mom divorced.  My b/f got custody of their mutual son,at the time 9 yrs.  This summer, the birth father she was never allowed to meet, died in his early 30's.  She was told about him, and got to go to his funeral and meet the family she's been denied all along.  For whatever reason, I feel I have to believe the mom had a good reason to do so.... anyway, today, the mom has given my boyfriend custody of her 15 yr old daughter, and shes moving in with her boyfriend she acquired before the breakup and divorce.  How does my boyfriend go about legally adopting the 15 yr old girl now that her mom gave her to him?  He wanted to years ago, but didn't think it was necessary since her mom and he were married.  He wants to do this right this time.  He's a great dad,and I think she's lucky, and so does she!lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

Quote From: feng456

this is something u hire a lawyer for

Quote From: mama2faith

Hi Dr. Phil and friends,
We are Bill, Nicole and Faith and we are a fun loving Christian family living in San Diego, Ca.
After years of infertility treatments and surgeries we choose to parent rather than give birth to our daughter. One day in 2000 Nicole decided to build an adoption website geared to a courageous and unselfish woman looking for an OPEN adoption plan.
Well the rest is history as we were blessed by a wonderful birth family with the birth of our daughter Faith who will be five next month.
We are wishing and hoping to OPENLY adopt another baby into our home so we can forever love him or her. It is so hard these days out here in the adoption world when you are networking and doing everything possible to make that connection. We have come across quite a few scammers that thankfully we never financially helped but emotionally it has drained us. Can you give us some tips on how to keep our chins up when things look down. The power of prayer is a great thing in our lives and we try to let go and LET GOD all the time but sometimes being human gets the better of us!
Sincerely you favorite family of viewers!
Bill, Nicole & Faith
http://www.adoptionprayer.com
WE LOVE YOU ALL AT THE DR. PHIL SHOW!! If only the world could be made up of more people like you and Robin we would be living in a wonderful world!!

Quote From: butts77

If they have soo many babies/kids that need homes then why charge so much??thats the only thing that is stopping us from adopting.we have 3 kids already,but we know we have the love,room in our hearts and the money to raise him or her.but the money it takes to adopt would be taking away from our kids at home plus what ever money it takes to get he adoptive child stuff they would need here.they want over a thouand dollar jso approe ur house and stuff (homestudy) It just kll me that there is only on thinstopping us (MONEY) ad u cant find too much help with it???if any one knows the cheapest way to go please let me know:)