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Topic : I Want to Adopt

Number of Replies: 474
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 12:23:45 pm
Author : dataimport
Has infertility struggling left you ready to bring a child into your home through adoption? Are you finished having kids but feel the need to share your home with one more child? Share your reasons for wanting to adopt and love for children with us.

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May 8, 2008, 3:35 pm CDT

I Want to Adopt

Quote From: bluesflute

Graham, first let me say that I'm sorry about what happened to you -- along with any and all who have been hurt in life. Nevertheless, what was commonplace in the 50's isn't the norm anymore. Your story andthose like it have served to change adoption laws all over the world,but that doesn't mean that there aren't still many children out therewho have no one.There are many, many reasons for adoption.

What about the children whose parents have died, who have no relatives willing or able to care for them? How about the babies left in dumpsters by their mothers -- who hid their pregnancies from those around them?  You seem to believe that all mothers want their children, and couldonly be separated from them by an outside force. That's just not thecase. Every story is different, because every person is different. The idea that the maternal instinct is automatic and universal is, I'm afraid, as much a myth as tabula rasa. I have unofficially fostered too many children whose mothers had no use for them. These children had no one, so they came to me -- or were dumped on me by parents whose priorities lay elsewhere. I never tried to take the parents' place, and always "gave the children back," after doing my level best to help them understand, accept, and love their parents in spite of the abuse and neglect they'd suffered. 

Nevertheless, everyone needs a family; and for that reason, I would like to adopt. You see, I have plenty of relatives, but no family -- and know there are plenty of children out there who need a family too.  It's not about replacing anyone's parent(s), or being a substitute mother.  It's about the need for belonging and unconditional love. A sibling group of orphans would suit me fine -- or children who have been abandoned to their fate, and who understand that their parents aren't, and never will be, their family.  Unfortunately that probably won't happen for me, just as biological motherhood didn't happen for me. (Incidentally, my lifelong dream was to have a large family comprised of children both borne and adopted -- along with a husband who wanted the same.) Even more unfortunately, it won't be happening for those children who need me just as much as I need them.

Good luck to you, Graham. Hopefully you will find healing, hope, and peace.

Graham, first let me say that I'm sorry about what happened to you -- along with any and all who have been hurt in life. Nevertheless, what was commonplace in the 50's isn't the norm anymore. Your story andthose like it have served to change adoption laws all over the world,but that doesn't mean that there aren't still many children out therewho have no one.There are many, many reasons for adoption

 

 

there are NO reasons for adoption..long term fostering or family preservation units but not adoption...im going to say this once again, you show no facts that this isnt comon place today...i show facts that this year alone over 36 thousand children have been taken from there mothers , 36 thousand...not 3 or 4, but a vast number of stolen children...Where is your proof kids have been left in dumpsters...youve been told by agencys that this is so...they will tell you lot anything so you have that child which is making them a vast amount of money...where is your proof things have moved on...if anything things have become easier for you sad lot to adopt and harder for our mothers and us adoptees to find our loved ones...take things to court these days and you sick lot will get support, take us the adoptee or mother to court and we have NO RIGHTS ...

 

money talks after all...

 

im sorry but no one heals from adoption EVER , thats a myth..we are damaged goods from the time of

 

 

seperation to the time we die....i dont expect any of you to understand this, your not adopted how would any of you know what it actualy feels like....

 

 

come spend some time in my shoes and then tell me adoption is good...

 

All ive seen on this board is about YOUR NEEDS and Wants...not one of you has showed any interest in mothers, our mothers or how the adopted child is mentaly...its albout looking good with society in my eyes and thats certainly not a christian value i would want or desire...

 

Come up with facts and i might listen...but your all spouting utter rubbish...

 
May 9, 2008, 4:49 am CDT

I Want to Adopt

Quote From: uk_macman1

Graham, first let me say that I'm sorry about what happened to you -- along with any and all who have been hurt in life. Nevertheless, what was commonplace in the 50's isn't the norm anymore. Your story andthose like it have served to change adoption laws all over the world,but that doesn't mean that there aren't still many children out therewho have no one.There are many, many reasons for adoption

 

 

there are NO reasons for adoption..long term fostering or family preservation units but not adoption...im going to say this once again, you show no facts that this isnt comon place today...i show facts that this year alone over 36 thousand children have been taken from there mothers , 36 thousand...not 3 or 4, but a vast number of stolen children...Where is your proof kids have been left in dumpsters...youve been told by agencys that this is so...they will tell you lot anything so you have that child which is making them a vast amount of money...where is your proof things have moved on...if anything things have become easier for you sad lot to adopt and harder for our mothers and us adoptees to find our loved ones...take things to court these days and you sick lot will get support, take us the adoptee or mother to court and we have NO RIGHTS ...

 

money talks after all...

 

im sorry but no one heals from adoption EVER , thats a myth..we are damaged goods from the time of

 

 

seperation to the time we die....i dont expect any of you to understand this, your not adopted how would any of you know what it actualy feels like....

 

 

come spend some time in my shoes and then tell me adoption is good...

 

All ive seen on this board is about YOUR NEEDS and Wants...not one of you has showed any interest in mothers, our mothers or how the adopted child is mentaly...its albout looking good with society in my eyes and thats certainly not a christian value i would want or desire...

 

Come up with facts and i might listen...but your all spouting utter rubbish...

You say there are no reason for adoption.  I can respect that is YOUR opinion.  But, there are many, many kids who want to belong to a family and not just have guardians...or, long term foster as you say, without having a permanent sense of belonging.

 

And, where's the proof that kids are left in dumpsters, you asked?  Do you watch the news or read the papers?  It's not an epidemic by any means, but isn't one, one too many?  Doesn't every child deserve a chance to belong to a family and be loved and nutured?

 

Nobody heals from adoption?  You're wrong.  Maybe YOU haven't. Maybe a few of your friends haven't, but the world is filled with adopted people who are grateful to be adopted and don't give it much thought beyond that, or, at the very least, have accepted it as just part of the hand they were dealt.  I am sorry for your bad experience with it, but your experience isn't everyone elses.

 
May 9, 2008, 5:02 am CDT

I Want to Adopt

Quote From: uk_macman1

 

couldnt care less about any of yours situation, my concerne is towards the REAL mothers who gave birth to us and the adopted people who have been stolen by you selfish, greedy self centred so called christian do gooders who dont care about anyone but themselfs and how they will look in society with there STOLEN  children.

 

INFERTILITY IS NOT AN EXCUSE TO STEAL ANOTHER WOMANS CHILD , IF YOU CANT HAVE KIDS, GET OVER IT AND LEAVE OTHER PEOPLES CHILDREN ALONE......

You couldn't care less about anyone elses situations?  Caring about other situations would be that you have an open mind.  Open minds are those who learn and really know all sides, which is the only way to be taken seriously when trying to get your side told.

 

Not all babies are stolen.  Some, are given away, either voluntarily, or unvoluntarily by foolish choices by the 'real' parents.  What do you suggest happens to the child who is literally left behind by their 'real' parents?  How about the child who has physical and emotional scars from the abuse by their 'real' parents? 

 

Just because you don't feel the need to permanently belong to a family, doesn't mean nobody else does.

 

 

 
May 9, 2008, 6:26 pm CDT

I Want to Adopt

Quote From: uk_macman1

Graham, first let me say that I'm sorry about what happened to you -- along with any and all who have been hurt in life. Nevertheless, what was commonplace in the 50's isn't the norm anymore. Your story andthose like it have served to change adoption laws all over the world,but that doesn't mean that there aren't still many children out therewho have no one.There are many, many reasons for adoption

 

 

there are NO reasons for adoption..long term fostering or family preservation units but not adoption...im going to say this once again, you show no facts that this isnt comon place today...i show facts that this year alone over 36 thousand children have been taken from there mothers , 36 thousand...not 3 or 4, but a vast number of stolen children...Where is your proof kids have been left in dumpsters...youve been told by agencys that this is so...they will tell you lot anything so you have that child which is making them a vast amount of money...where is your proof things have moved on...if anything things have become easier for you sad lot to adopt and harder for our mothers and us adoptees to find our loved ones...take things to court these days and you sick lot will get support, take us the adoptee or mother to court and we have NO RIGHTS ...

 

money talks after all...

 

im sorry but no one heals from adoption EVER , thats a myth..we are damaged goods from the time of

 

 

seperation to the time we die....i dont expect any of you to understand this, your not adopted how would any of you know what it actualy feels like....

 

 

come spend some time in my shoes and then tell me adoption is good...

 

All ive seen on this board is about YOUR NEEDS and Wants...not one of you has showed any interest in mothers, our mothers or how the adopted child is mentaly...its albout looking good with society in my eyes and thats certainly not a christian value i would want or desire...

 

Come up with facts and i might listen...but your all spouting utter rubbish...

You are the one spouting utter rubbish. 

 

I have spent time in your shoes.  I'm an adopted child.  And I think adoption is good.  And so does my brother who is an adopted child.  I know exactly what it feels like.  My birth mother cheated on her husband and got pregnant with me.  She then decided to go back to her husband and chose him instead of me -- she didn't want to keep me.  No one stole me from her -- she said she didn't want me.  So I got parents who did want me and who love me very much.  Better than going to an orphanage.

 

You are so wrong and I think you really, really need therapy desperately.  How do you know your birth mother wanted you?  She might have been glad to give you for adoption.  She could have aborted you instead, you know.

 

I have an adopted son.  His birth mother had no intention of keeping him and raising him.  She didn't want to.  She was raped and she wanted nothing to do with the baby.  She was going to get an abortion at first and then changed her mind and decided to give us the baby instead.  Would you prefer she had aborted him?  She didn't want him.  Why is that so hard for you to understand?   Every time she thought about the baby, she remembered the rape.  She would have resented him for the rest of his life.  She said she had no plans to keep him.  We met her.  We send her pictures and a letter about him once a month.  He will know all about her and he will have the opportunity to meet her if she wants when he's older.

 
May 9, 2008, 6:40 pm CDT

I Want to Adopt

Quote From: dannastaff

Iam 20 years old, with a 4 1/2 old son. I am my son birth mother. I am 19 weeks pregnant.  I am considering adoption, but I am wanting an open adoption. One of my closest friends was going to adopted the baby I am carrying, but I am not sure if it is going to be good for our friendship. Would that be good for a friendship? Honestly, I would perfer to do adoption than have an abortion. (Even though you can have an abortion in the state I live in until you are 24weeks or 6months.)

 

 I am not sure how my family is going to react to my choice or how to tell them my decision. The biggest problem I am going have is with the father of the baby Iam having. I am not sure if he would sign over his rights even though it is in our best interest.  And I really don't want to go through the long process of the whole adoption thing.

 

I need someone advice on how to tell my family I decide to put the baby up for adoption!!! Can someone please help me out on how to tell them?

I would suggest you call 1-800-ADOPTION.  American Adoptions is a wonderful, wonderful agency.  They will talk to you, give you suggestions and guidance and be there for you if you do make the choice to select adoption for your child.  They can connect  you with an adoptive family, get you assistance with living expenses, legal advice, etc.  They are there to listen to you and to help you.  Best wishes to you.
 
May 11, 2008, 6:37 am CDT

I Want to Adopt

Quote From: smittty0099

You couldn't care less about anyone elses situations?  Caring about other situations would be that you have an open mind.  Open minds are those who learn and really know all sides, which is the only way to be taken seriously when trying to get your side told.

 

Not all babies are stolen.  Some, are given away, either voluntarily, or unvoluntarily by foolish choices by the 'real' parents.  What do you suggest happens to the child who is literally left behind by their 'real' parents?  How about the child who has physical and emotional scars from the abuse by their 'real' parents? 

 

Just because you don't feel the need to permanently belong to a family, doesn't mean nobody else does.

 

 

REAL PARENTS???

 

WHATS UNREAL ABOUT OUR MOTHERS??? THEY ARE MOTHERS, NOT BIRTH MOTHERS OR BIOLOGICAL PARENTS BUT MOTHERS...

 

permanantly belonging to A family????

 

again your talking like the child is a possession...disgraceful

 

 
May 11, 2008, 10:05 am CDT

I Want to Adopt

Quote From: uk_macman1

REAL PARENTS???

 

WHATS UNREAL ABOUT OUR MOTHERS??? THEY ARE MOTHERS, NOT BIRTH MOTHERS OR BIOLOGICAL PARENTS BUT MOTHERS...

 

permanantly belonging to A family????

 

again your talking like the child is a possession...disgraceful

 

I guess it depends on how you define 'real parent'.  I define 'real parent' as someone who is there to nuture and raise the child with love and compassion.  A mother, or father is one who DOESN'T leave it up to someone else and just walks away. A person who gives DNA to a child, but decides they want to no longer be in their life is NOT a parent, by my definition.  Or, someone who won't give up something that gets in the way of parenting, such as a partner, drugs, career etc, is NOT a parent.

 

I have no idea about your mom, but there are many birth mothers, or biological parents who are just that, and nothing more.  I know that some women are coerced and don't have enough knowledge or funds to fight for what they want.  But, it DOESN'T happen that way for every adoption.  We adopted, and she may have given birth to our child, but not wanting any more to do with the child afterward was NOT our choice. Do I consider this person a parent, or mother?  No, I don't.  A mother would not completely walk away from their child by choice, like she did.

 

Yes, BELONGING to a family...not a new concept.  Why are you assuming that I meant the child belongs to me?  I meant that typically a child WANTS to belong to a family.  I was referring to what the CHILD wants, not what the parents feel they are entitled to.  Your jumping to the conclusion that I meant they are a possession, instead of what the child yearns for is indictative of not seeing beyond your own world and assuming that every adoptee feels as you do.

 
May 11, 2008, 10:20 am CDT

uk_macman1

I can respect your opinion that this is how YOU feel and this was YOUR experience...even that this is the experience for SOME adoptees.  Can you do the same?  Can you respect that not all adoptees feel as you do and when they don't, that it's not denial, just a different experience?
 
May 26, 2008, 4:15 pm CDT

Broken Heart of a sweet Angel!!

I am in desperate need of Dr Phil  advice, I want to adopted my niece of now 12 yrs.old, she was adopted at age 8 with Children, Aid Society in our City, the moved to another City with her 2 younger brothers, then decided they could not take care of her due to her emotional and behaviour problem, and I was told she was asking to see me, I have raised her for 8ys ,but did not have the right to contact me.She was then given to an uncle to adopter her, that didn,t work so they gave her back to C.A.Society in there country and the family moved back here in town with her 2 yonger brothers who she must missed dearly. I simply need some support in being able to provice my lawyer with the fee she needs, she has gave me so much hope this week,  with good advice , it,s just a period of time and money that we now are waiting for. Words cannot express the broken heart of a missing child. We miss her so much, but now  we have taken out all her pictures, hoping she will walk through our front door some day soon!!

Nicole (Ottawa)

 
June 15, 2008, 7:21 pm CDT

I Want to Adopt

Quote From: joniwise24

Hello Dr. Phil!
My husband and I have been blessed with 3 beautiful children and we want to share our love with more children.  Over the past year we have tried to adopt through the State agencies.  Because of our location in Alaska, we have been unable to welcome a child into our home.  We have experienced the baby stage and would like to adopt older children (4-10), so that people who haven't experienced a newborn could have that opportunity.  We understand there are people who have no children and we can only imagine what agony they must go through.  We have also looked into the private adoption, but who can afford that?  It outrages me that kids are being "sold" for $30,000 or more.  This financial strain would not benefit the family or the child.  Only rich people can adopt, I feel that is unfair and a disservice to our children.  I have talked in lenght to my husband and we are trying to come up with a way to help people adopt.  Some how we want to start a program that helps couple with the cost of adoption if they make under a certain amount.  I am not sure how I am going to fund this initially seeing as I am a stay at home mom and we are bearly scraping buy as it is.  I am hoping and praying God is going to help me see my dream come true at some point in my life.  I know there are so many families out there yearning for a child and I hope one day to help them.  I have been blessed and would like to see that kindness from Jesus flow down.  Adoption is an expensive and frustrating event and people need help.  Cost of living is raising rapidly and incomes are not.  I would give up my dream of adopting if I could help even one person without children be able to become mommy and daddy.  There is truly NOTHING more rewarding in life.

Hi, your story seems so close to mine, I have raised 3 wonderful boys, but lost contact with my niece who was adopted 5yrs ago with her 2 younger brothers.The adopted parent moved to Newfoundland to raised them then after 5 yrs of raising her due to behaviour problem they decided they could not take care of her any longer, so they gave her back to Children, Aid Society in Newfoundland and they moved back to Ottawa with her brothers, I have raised this little Angel for 8 yrs, in my home she was a happy child with no worries watesover, we had a special bond togerther, and Children,s Aid Society alway supported us as a loving family, but now I have a lawyer who could not believe this story, I am working 2 jobs to pay my lawyer on bi-weekly basis but we are trying to adopted  her but it seems because she is in another city, it is vey complicted since we do not have  the funds to even make phone calls to them. I am praying and hoping every day to see my little girl now (12yrs old) walk through my front door. She has lost her mom and dad, she lost visitation or contact with us her aunt, uncle and her cousins, lost her adopted mom, now lost her 2 brothers how more can a child go throuh, she has been asking to see me since she was adopted and now one has gave her permission to, now finally they gave me an update picture of her but  hopefuly my lawyer will bring some positive news in the next couple of weeks.

 
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