Topic : I Want to Adopt

Graham, first let me say that I'm sorry about what happened to you -- along with any and all who have been hurt in life. Nevertheless, what was commonplace in the 50's isn't the norm anymore. Your story andthose like it have served to change adoption laws all over the world,but that doesn't mean that there aren't still many children out therewho have no one.There are many, many reasons for adoption

there are NO reasons for adoption..long term fostering or family preservation units but not adoption...im going to say this once again, you show no facts that this isnt comon place today...i show facts that this year alone over 36 thousand children have been taken from there mothers , 36 thousand...not 3 or 4, but a vast number of stolen children...Where is your proof kids have been left in dumpsters...youve been told by agencys that this is so...they will tell you lot anything so you have that child which is making them a vast amount of money...where is your proof things have moved on...if anything things have become easier for you sad lot to adopt and harder for our mothers and us adoptees to find our loved ones...take things to court these days and you sick lot will get support, take us the adoptee or mother to court and we have NO RIGHTS ...

money talks after all...

im sorry but no one heals from adoption EVER , thats a myth..we are damaged goods from the time of

seperation to the time we die....i dont expect any of you to understand this, your not adopted how would any of you know what it actualy feels like....

come spend some time in my shoes and then tell me adoption is good...

All ive seen on this board is about YOUR NEEDS and Wants...not one of you has showed any interest in mothers, our mothers or how the adopted child is mentaly...its albout looking good with society in my eyes and thats certainly not a christian value i would want or desire...

Come up with facts and i might listen...but your all spouting utter rubbish...

You say there are no reason for adoption.  I can respect that is YOUR opinion.  But, there are many, many kids who want to belong to a family and not just have guardians...or, long term foster as you say, without having a permanent sense of belonging.

And, where's the proof that kids are left in dumpsters, you asked?  Do you watch the news or read the papers?  It's not an epidemic by any means, but isn't one, one too many?  Doesn't every child deserve a chance to belong to a family and be loved and nutured?

Nobody heals from adoption?  You're wrong.  Maybe YOU haven't. Maybe a few of your friends haven't, but the world is filled with adopted people who are grateful to be adopted and don't give it much thought beyond that, or, at the very least, have accepted it as just part of the hand they were dealt.  I am sorry for your bad experience with it, but your experience isn't everyone elses.

You couldn't care less about anyone elses situations?  Caring about other situations would be that you have an open mind.  Open minds are those who learn and really know all sides, which is the only way to be taken seriously when trying to get your side told.

Not all babies are stolen.  Some, are given away, either voluntarily, or unvoluntarily by foolish choices by the 'real' parents.  What do you suggest happens to the child who is literally left behind by their 'real' parents?  How about the child who has physical and emotional scars from the abuse by their 'real' parents? 

Just because you don't feel the need to permanently belong to a family, doesn't mean nobody else does.

You are the one spouting utter rubbish. 

I have spent time in your shoes.  I'm an adopted child.  And I think adoption is good.  And so does my brother who is an adopted child.  I know exactly what it feels like.  My birth mother cheated on her husband and got pregnant with me.  She then decided to go back to her husband and chose him instead of me -- she didn't want to keep me.  No one stole me from her -- she said she didn't want me.  So I got parents who did want me and who love me very much.  Better than going to an orphanage.

You are so wrong and I think you really, really need therapy desperately.  How do you know your birth mother wanted you?  She might have been glad to give you for adoption.  She could have aborted you instead, you know.

I have an adopted son.  His birth mother had no intention of keeping him and raising him.  She didn't want to.  She was raped and she wanted nothing to do with the baby.  She was going to get an abortion at first and then changed her mind and decided to give us the baby instead.  Would you prefer she had aborted him?  She didn't want him.  Why is that so hard for you to understand?   Every time she thought about the baby, she remembered the rape.  She would have resented him for the rest of his life.  She said she had no plans to keep him.  We met her.  We send her pictures and a letter about him once a month.  He will know all about her and he will have the opportunity to meet her if she wants when he's older.

REAL PARENTS???

WHATS UNREAL ABOUT OUR MOTHERS??? THEY ARE MOTHERS, NOT BIRTH MOTHERS OR BIOLOGICAL PARENTS BUT MOTHERS...

permanantly belonging to A family????

again your talking like the child is a possession...disgraceful

I guess it depends on how you define 'real parent'.  I define 'real parent' as someone who is there to nuture and raise the child with love and compassion.  A mother, or father is one who DOESN'T leave it up to someone else and just walks away. A person who gives DNA to a child, but decides they want to no longer be in their life is NOT a parent, by my definition.  Or, someone who won't give up something that gets in the way of parenting, such as a partner, drugs, career etc, is NOT a parent.

I have no idea about your mom, but there are many birth mothers, or biological parents who are just that, and nothing more.  I know that some women are coerced and don't have enough knowledge or funds to fight for what they want.  But, it DOESN'T happen that way for every adoption.  We adopted, and she may have given birth to our child, but not wanting any more to do with the child afterward was NOT our choice. Do I consider this person a parent, or mother?  No, I don't.  A mother would not completely walk away from their child by choice, like she did.

Yes, BELONGING to a family...not a new concept.  Why are you assuming that I meant the child belongs to me?  I meant that typically a child WANTS to belong to a family.  I was referring to what the CHILD wants, not what the parents feel they are entitled to.  Your jumping to the conclusion that I meant they are a possession, instead of what the child yearns for is indictative of not seeing beyond your own world and assuming that every adoptee feels as you do.

I am in desperate need of Dr Phil  advice, I want to adopted my niece of now 12 yrs.old, she was adopted at age 8 with Children, Aid Society in our City, the moved to another City with her 2 younger brothers, then decided they could not take care of her due to her emotional and behaviour problem, and I was told she was asking to see me, I have raised her for 8ys ,but did not have the right to contact me.She was then given to an uncle to adopter her, that didn,t work so they gave her back to C.A.Society in there country and the family moved back here in town with her 2 yonger brothers who she must missed dearly. I simply need some support in being able to provice my lawyer with the fee she needs, she has gave me so much hope this week,  with good advice , it,s just a period of time and money that we now are waiting for. Words cannot express the broken heart of a missing child. We miss her so much, but now  we have taken out all her pictures, hoping she will walk through our front door some day soon!!

Nicole (Ottawa)

Hi, your story seems so close to mine, I have raised 3 wonderful boys, but lost contact with my niece who was adopted 5yrs ago with her 2 younger brothers.The adopted parent moved to Newfoundland to raised them then after 5 yrs of raising her due to behaviour problem they decided they could not take care of her any longer, so they gave her back to Children, Aid Society in Newfoundland and they moved back to Ottawa with her brothers, I have raised this little Angel for 8 yrs, in my home she was a happy child with no worries watesover, we had a special bond togerther, and Children,s Aid Society alway supported us as a loving family, but now I have a lawyer who could not believe this story, I am working 2 jobs to pay my lawyer on bi-weekly basis but we are trying to adopted  her but it seems because she is in another city, it is vey complicted since we do not have  the funds to even make phone calls to them. I am praying and hoping every day to see my little girl now (12yrs old) walk through my front door. She has lost her mom and dad, she lost visitation or contact with us her aunt, uncle and her cousins, lost her adopted mom, now lost her 2 brothers how more can a child go throuh, she has been asking to see me since she was adopted and now one has gave her permission to, now finally they gave me an update picture of her but  hopefuly my lawyer will bring some positive news in the next couple of weeks.