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Topic : I Want to Adopt

Number of Replies: 474
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 12:23:45 pm
Author : dataimport
Has infertility struggling left you ready to bring a child into your home through adoption? Are you finished having kids but feel the need to share your home with one more child? Share your reasons for wanting to adopt and love for children with us.

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September 19, 2005, 8:47 am CDT

Adoption can go both ways.

Just because you can't have children, isn't the reason to adopt.  But when you do, the reward can be good and bad.  I was adopted when I was 4 months old  and my life is soooo much better off. The life I would have grown up in would have been tramatic. but you must also keep in mind that everything is not going to be hunky-dory. We come with many challeneges as being adopted. Like, " Did you pick me or Was I the first baby to come along?" Or " Why didn't my biological parents want me?'.  And of course the big one..".Who would I have been, had I not been adopted ?" Our self-esteem is challenged.  Our love is greater, but at the same time you question others love. You never really know. But....like I said, it can go both ways. I am very much better off, I was raised good and had many things given to me.  I'd like to think that this includes my parents love.   If you want another adopton story, email me or respond to this post.
 
September 19, 2005, 3:25 pm CDT

Dear BirthMother..we are here to help you, please read

Hello. My husband and I live in Ohio and we are the parents of three teens and we would love to open our home and our hearts to another child/children. 

  

We are in the last phase of the home study, but like other hopefuls who have posted, it is a very timely and expensive process. My husband is an Attorney and owns his own Law practice and has now for over 10 years. Financially we are ok, but more importantly, we have the love, patience and understanding to give a child/children a peaceful and loving upbringing. We value our family more than anything and it doesn't matter to us how the adoption is set up, we are open to an open adoption. Whatever makes the birthparents most comfortable. 

  

We would just like to express in a time where it seems most people are selfish and unloving, it is good to know that there are people in this world that would sacrifice 9 months of their life only to give your child to a family that you beleive your child will get the love and opportunity that you would given different circumstances. We understand that you love your child and we would conduct the adoption in a fashion that gives you the most peace.  

  

If you are alone, scared or struggling financially or with the thought that you aren't able at this point in your life to provide for more than you, please feel free to contact us:    smb112269@yahoo.com 

Even if it's just to talk....I'll be here for you. Thank You for your time and God Bless you always!! 

 
September 29, 2005, 3:51 pm CDT

You CAN adopt or be a foster parent

Quote From: germanyj

 Dear Dr. Phil and Friends:

I'm a 32 year old female desparate to be a mom but can't have a baby.  All my life all I've ever wanted is to have a family and be a mom.  I wanted six kids, like my grandmother.  We couldn't walk by a stroller without me stopping to take a peak.  My husband and I have been together since I was 19 and started attempting to get pregnant right after college.  It wasn't until about three years ago that I started seeing an infertility specialist.  I had surgery two years ago and learned that I had severe endometriosis.  My right fallopian tube was completely mangled, and the left doesn't look too much better.  My uterus was attached to my bladder and I had a tremendous amount of scar tissue.  My doctor told me we could attempt IVF but he wasn't sure that we'd have too much success. He said we may have to do the procedures five or six times before ruling it out as a viable option.  Unfortunately I am not one of those women who can spend that kind of money on IVF treatments.  My husband and I don't have that type of money and insurance doesn't pay for the procedures.  I know Dr. Phil must receive a million requests from women wanting to have children who cannot conceive on their own.  But I honestly don't know where else to turn.  I am so desparate and feel that time is just slipping by.  My maternal instinct is so strong and I feel as if I'm a mother without a baby.  My husband and I are very option to adoption.  This is where our second hurdle comes in.  My husband got into trouble when he was 18 and is now a convicted felon. He got several DUI's including one after being declared a habitual offender which is a felony.  He was also caught with drugs and was charged with the intent to distribute, also a felony.  We are unable to adopt.  We can't even become foster parents.  My husband is now 35, has since graduated from college with a degree is psychology, and we now run our own business.  Yet he is still being punished for the foolish things he did when he was younger in life and preventing us from having the family we so desparately want and long for. 
I have a 21 year old brother who has all of these female friends getting pregnant and treating their babies as if they were some throw away dolls.  Most of them are being rasied by grandparents and other have had abortions.  It makes me so angry that all of these girls take for granted what God has given them and they don't appreciate the miracles they have.  Then you have others like me who would do anything to have what they have and can do nothing about it. 
I too have seen the show where Dr. Phil has brought pregnant teenage mothers to women unable to have children of their own. I saw how Dr. Phil helped other people have the family they so much wanted.  I hope Dr. Phil can help me as well.  Or maybe some pregnant teenager is out there reading this and would be willing to let me be the mom I know I am.  I feel as if I'm out of options here and this is my last resort.  Thanks for listening.

My husband and I just went through fostering and/or adoption classes in New Mexico.  In our State, a person can have a felony; just nothing against kids!  My husband had a felony but it won't go against him for fostering or adopting a child.... You need to check the rules for your State to see if the same is true there.  Usually the only rules against felons adopting or fostering would be if they did something to a child or had domestic violence...not drugs or anything like that.  If you let the adoption/foster agency know exactly why he was declared a felon and what he has done since then, I would bet they would look into it and let you adopt/foster a child. 

  

Good luck to you both! 

 
October 3, 2005, 11:12 am CDT

Take your time!

Quote From: feng456

k first i wanna say to those ppl writing on here to dr. phil that (as far as i know from what ive heard) he doesnt check these boards! write to him via letter and you'll have better luck. 

  

k i need some advice please. i dont think i wanna get married cuz i dont think i will meet the right person at least until im like 40 or 50 or even older. i've always really wanted to have kids though so having chlidren is a higher priority than getting married. 

  

so um do u think im crazy? is this a realistic future? ive heard adoption takes years and costs a lot of money. so if thats true, even if i do finally get to adopt wud i have any money left to give the child a happy childhood??? 

  

background info: im under 20, im a guy, im bi, im in university/college studying engineering first year, im volunteering for Big Brothers Big Sisters... 

  

please any advice would be good. thanks 

First, I think that it is great that you volunteer with Big Brothers, Big sisters. This will give you experience with children and help you make a "well-thought-out" decision later in life as to whether adoption is right  for you. Because you are still very young, it is difficult for you to predict when or if you will meet that special someone to marry. Please don't be in such a hurry in regard to your decisions about adopting. I have 6 adopted children and 2 birth children of my own so I speak from experience. Mine were all over 5 yrs old when they were adopted. Adoption is a wonderful experience IF you are prepared for it. My advice to you is to continue your studies and your volunteering and give yourself time to experience life. Only then will you be able to be the kind of parent a child deserves. Best of luck with your exciting future!
 
October 3, 2005, 7:10 pm CDT

I Want to Adopt

Quote From: deedles

First, I think that it is great that you volunteer with Big Brothers, Big sisters. This will give you experience with children and help you make a "well-thought-out" decision later in life as to whether adoption is right  for you. Because you are still very young, it is difficult for you to predict when or if you will meet that special someone to marry. Please don't be in such a hurry in regard to your decisions about adopting. I have 6 adopted children and 2 birth children of my own so I speak from experience. Mine were all over 5 yrs old when they were adopted. Adoption is a wonderful experience IF you are prepared for it. My advice to you is to continue your studies and your volunteering and give yourself time to experience life. Only then will you be able to be the kind of parent a child deserves. Best of luck with your exciting future!

how old were you when you had children and what do you define as "prepared"? and was it difficult and expensive for you to adopt? thanks! 

 
October 9, 2005, 11:45 am CDT

waiting ..

we are adopting thru the state, we are doing the foster to adopt, and we are waiting, we have 3 children right now, we are anxiously awaiting a child that will fit into our family and benefit all of us, the adopted child, the current children and us as parents. 

  

but this waiting is so irritating and hard to do.  I'm going in and out of "nesting" mode ..  

  

I just wish we could "get to the point" .. the journey.. is not half the fun on this one. 

  

we've had one failed adoption, and that had us shying away from the whole process for a time.. 

  

but we are back in the game..and back on the waiting list. 

  

good luck and best wishes to everyone out there through this experience. 

 
October 11, 2005, 11:09 pm CDT

I want to adopt

Quote From: barbmayer

My husband and I just went through fostering and/or adoption classes in New Mexico.  In our State, a person can have a felony; just nothing against kids!  My husband had a felony but it won't go against him for fostering or adopting a child.... You need to check the rules for your State to see if the same is true there.  Usually the only rules against felons adopting or fostering would be if they did something to a child or had domestic violence...not drugs or anything like that.  If you let the adoption/foster agency know exactly why he was declared a felon and what he has done since then, I would bet they would look into it and let you adopt/foster a child. 

  

Good luck to you both! 

I don't know what state you are in.  But, I'm in GA and there have been a couple of families in the county I live in who have become foster parents, even though they held a felony.  Not that anyone wanted them out of fostering, but we did inquire as to how this could be.  We were told that as long as there weren't any domestic charges or endangering kids, sex charges or murder.  If there have been drug charges in the past, they will make you submit to random drug testing for a while.  If there are any new charges after being approved as foster parents, they will close your home.  Maybe you should check at the state level and not just at your local county office.  This county is in despirate need of good homes.  There are about 1/2 the homes needed in this country.  I'm sure there is a lupe hole to get you in.  Don't give up, keep trying. 
 
October 13, 2005, 8:57 am CDT

Wanting to addopt

   We are a french couple from canada and we are wanting to adopt, 

but my husband his military and we moved and its hard because of the waiting list that takes years, so we have to start all over gain everytime we move. 

  

    I'm 35 now and our dream is slipping away we changed province last year and we are moving god knows were for next summer hubby is promoted, no place for him here .  

  

We want a children because we a have a void in our life, we have so much to give and show and teach, we miss the daily activy, like for example the first snow we think if we would have a child we would be so happy to go se him play in the snow and get him dress to go making a snow man whit her or him, and  making whit the child snow castle like at the beach in the summer and be proud all togheter of what we did, the first time to skates,the fisrt time on the bycle, the first  tooth ,the first lost thooth, the first day of school, the fisrt boyfreind or grild freind, the first everything we are missing, this is what I mean the void that missing in our life, we know about all the responsability and the sickness and the tantrums but we miss it so much and we are sads when we see other parents that are not gratefull for the life that was lended to them, we are sad when we see other couple whit a young child and dont take there responsibility and put the child need in the bottom of prioritys, we are sad when we see drug addict that neglect there kids, we are sad when we see children sick in an hospital and the parent complaint about the kid beeing sick all the time BECAUSE we wich we would have that chance and we think that some parent dont even deserve children, we love children so much, children are pain in the but sometimes but it is joyfull more ofthen and we beleeve that a normal healty child will alway be happy when parent love them and diciplin them and give them attention ( and WE KNOW  attention dont alway mean play time but disicpline too) we have so much to give. but no one to give too. 

  

I want to grow old and be a grand mother  but until then I have a neice we spoil and she's 12 years old and it make my heart melt everytime she call me to ask me for my advice or help when she's all by herself ( her parent are starting to leave her home for about an hour or two once a will),she even calls me for no reason just to chat because she's alone and we have our talk about life somethime and there are questions that are not easy . and when she was younger  I had to discipline her too and she know my limits too.she has her way whit everyone home but not me and even tough I'm the one she calls about 3 times a week when she need someone to talk too. 

So I realise the impact and the difrence I make in her days even tough she's 5 to 8 hour of drive away and it's has alway been like that since she was 2 years old. she know I'm there even tough I'm not realy there in her home I hope it will never change and I hope she will come to visit when she has her own grown up life and I think she will,I missed her fisrt days at school,but I was home for her fisrt theater show in kindergarten,I was not there to see her first ride on her  two wheel bycle,I was not there when she lost her tooth, but maybe I' ll be there  later when my hubby retire, me and my sisters are close and the rest of the familly too, aunts and grand parents my aunts were there for me and they are still, I'm  there for my unique and only niece but for my cousins too, my god child his having a baby in early january I never taught I would see he's child before mine. 

We wish we had one of own. 

  

 we wish we had our own child to make memorie of our own. and we find hard not to have a child sometimes. 

 
October 18, 2005, 10:02 am CDT

It is a a choice

Quote From: amytuori

 It really irks me when ppl say they are choosing to adopt when they can't have any kids.  Choosing to adopt is when you can have have kids but are unselfish and decide to adopt.  Ppl who can't have kids who adopt have no other chose but adoption. 

you sound very judgemental with that one little paragraph.  I have a biological son and 2 adopted daughters.  I could not have any other children and yes, "I DID CHOOSE TO ADOPT".  How can you know what is involved in the choices people make.  For us, we had the choice to not adopt and have 1 child, adopt and have more children, or try infertility treatments to have more biological children.  Your statement makes it sound like you think adoptive parents are selfish!  They are just like anyone else - they want children.  I adopted from China and most people tell me how much they admire me and how wonderful it was that we did this.  My response is that I adopted because I wanted a child just like everyone else.  I was not doing some heroic deed by giving a child a home.  If I was selfish I would take the credit they try to give me and run with it.  Watch how you phrase things without too much explanation.  Someday you may say that and a young adopted child or teen may hear you and start to think that maybe their parents would give them back if they got pregnant or had other options.  I can tell you that my adopted children are completely loved and wanted as much as my biological son.  The process and emotions we went through to have our daughters was so much larger and emotional than our son and just filled our hearts up with love for them all.
 
October 18, 2005, 1:14 pm CDT

I Want to Adopt

after having my first child i had complications and now am not able to have anymore.  i would love to adopt but i fear that when or if i do the child might not have much of a family but myself and my daughter cuz things with my husband arent what you would call a real marriage.  we married just because he joined the military and that was the only way to stay together and still be a family.  we both love each other but i am the type of person that never really did want to marry at all in life, i feel that i could have every thing that a married couple could have, a family, and a home together ect. ect.  all that i can say about my husband is that he's not the one for me but he's a wonderful father and i am so thankful for that.  to get to the point i dont see a lifetime together as a couple but i would love to have more children at least one more and i would have to adopt for that to happen and i dont want to, for lack of better words,  "short change" any child to a home without a live-in father.  my husband would like another child also but i know it'll eventually end up with dad living somewhere else, u know?   

our relationship isnt awful at all but being with him for 4 yrs now going on 5 hasnt made me or him feel complete.  its very complicated to explain.   

i would just like another point of view from maybe someone who has adopted and kinda knows how i feel or if i should even bother considering adoption.  i mean our house has love to give and wants to give dearly to another child but not the conventional way.  its so difficult to explain.  i dont even know how the adoption process calls for both a mother and father living together for a number of yrs.   

its just a thought for now.... 

 
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