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Topic : My Adoption Story

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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 12:24:13 pm
Author : dataimport
Share your stories of adopting and raising kids, or being adopted, with us.

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August 8, 2008, 12:29 pm CDT

To The Other Side Of Darkness

From the other side of life to the other side of darkness

 

My Story I want to share of a adoption reunion gone bad.

 

http://moruzzi.squarespace.com/one-mans-dream/

 
September 19, 2008, 11:09 pm CDT

Adoption

I love my family with all my heart. I was adopted from South Korea when I was five months old. My mom is my best friend and I don't know what I would do without her.
 
September 24, 2008, 11:13 am CDT

Two families and I love both

I was so grateful for the show today. These adoptive mother told the children from the start that they were adopted. This was so important. My husband was also adopted, however it was only his father. His mother was his real mother. His name is Bob and for 29 years he thought that he was named after his father. He was adopted at age 5, put has no memory of the adoption. His mother and adoptive father never told him that he had been adopted. In the next 10 years, Mom and Dad had 2 more children each 5 years apart. As Bob grew up, he started to feel different then his brothers. His mother was 5’5” and his father is about 5’7”. My husband is 6’3”. His brothers were like Mom and Dad. His looks were different then his mother, father, and brothers. He always felt poles apart from the other members of the family.

I met my husband when I was 17 years old and we dated on and off for the next 4 years and then we became engaged for on other year. Then, 5 years after we met, we were getting ready to be married. We went down to the record department to get our birth certificates in order to get our marriage license . He told me to go to the window first and I did. I was given an 8” by 11” paper that was stamped with the state seal and with all the signatures and my parents names on it. My husband went up next, but instead of getting a paper like I did, he received a business card stating his birthday and parents name. He asked the lady why he didn’t get the same thing that I did. All she said was that he had to ask his mother that question.

We were married a few months later, but the had a lot of problems. My husband was having some anger problems. It took the next 5 years to come to a head, but we had 2 children and I come to the decision that I have to leave the him until he got help. That day, he collapsed on the floor and (to shorten the story) ended up in the hospital for the next week. When he returned home, he was under the help of a psychologist . He went faithfully for the next year, but he wasn’t making any gains. His mother asked me why my husband was going to the psychologist. I told her that many children when they are teenagers get the idea that they most be adopted and as they grow up, change that thinking. For some reason, Bob still thinks he is adopted. She never said anything about this. Another year went by when I got a call from an aunt of my husband. She wanted to talk to me.

The next day I went to his aunts house and the story of my husband’s life was told to me by this aunt. She told me how my Mother-in-law had been married to another man (actually 3 men all total). The marriage didn’t work out, but she was already pregnant with her son when she was getting the divorce. When I husband was still a young baby, his mother remarried a man by the name of Raymond Ford. My mother-in-law named my husband after her brother (Robert) and the man in the second marriage (Raymond). So, at this time his name was Robert Raymond Remington. After divorcing this man, she met Robert Warren and married him. He was the right man for her, and she has been married to him ever since. He adopted my husband and raise him as his own. Roland Remington, Dad, was in the navy and could not be there for his son, so when Bob mother ask him to give us his rights and let Mr. Warren adopt his son, Roland agreed. It would mean no questions asked by the school or Bob’s friends and he would not be an outsider. I didn’t work. This aunt told me who Bob real father was and where he was.

I went home that nigh worried about telling my husband all this news. I fixed him his favorite dinner, had the children in bed early (before he came home), and made a peaceful and calm evening to tell his. That night, I might have told him it was raining out. He had no emotion. All he said was, “I knew it.”

We found out that his father was married and had 3 other children. We didn’t know if his wife knew that her husband had been married before and that he had a child from that marriage. For this reason, Bob was afraid to call this man. A year went by, and he was still in counseling. I can remember him picking up the phone 3 times to call this man, but he always backed off. One day, as he backed off once again. He left and went to the drug store. I picked up the phone and dialed the number. Mrs. Remington answered the phone. Roland was away on a hunting trip with his son, Guy. I told her that my husband had just found out that he was adopted and he knew that his last name had been Remington. He was now looking for his Dad. Did she know if her husband was ever married before. She said yes he had. I then asked if she knew if he had any children in that marriage. Her answer was yes. From here, I introduced myself as the wife of that child.

We talked on the phone for about an hour, and when my husband came home, I told him everything. Bob called Mrs. Remington back and talked to her for the next 2 ½ hours about his Dad and his family and why he had not called sooner. She asked to have some time to tell her husband that Bob had called finally. Roland had a bad heart and she didn’t want her getting too excited. She would call us when she had told him everything. Roland was due home a week later, so we didn’t expect a call for 2 weeks. However, one day after Roland was due home, we got the call Bob was waiting for.

Roland and Bob made arrangement to meet for the first time at our house on Thanksgiving Day. When that day came, Bob was a nervous wreck. He didn’t know what to call him, what to say to him first, should he hug or shake hands, etc. I told him not to work at it so hard. Just do what comes natural. If he wants to try a hug, do it. If he doesn’t want to, don’t. If he didn’t know what to call him, ask what he feels comfortable with.

We were watching for a car, and saw a car pull into the house across the street. A woman got out and went to the door of our neighbors house. She knew what was going on and told the woman by pointing and telling her where we lived. Bob and I saw her point and knew it was them. Bob started to pace the floor a bit, and wring his hands. I hugged him and told him to calm down. When the car stopped in our driveway, the woman got out. Bob was standing by the door and when she knocked, Bob answered it. Without a word, Mrs. Remington turned to the car and said, “It’s the right house, Roland.” Roland got out and we saw why Ceil never asked. Bob was a younger version of his Dad. The couple came in and we sat and talked about many time including how they had told each of there children that they had another brother out there somewhere as they turned teenagers. The only one that did not know about Bob was the youngest. She was 12. The meeting was a great meeting and will always remembered.

This all happened in 1977, and throughout the years we have had a wonderful relationship with the Remington’s. The Warren’s did not like the idea that Bob had found his real Dad and didn’t want to know anything about him. We respected this. However, our children knew both sets of grandparents and when my daughter got married, she wanted both of them at the wedding. Bob knew that the Warren would not be happy, but we felt that we did not owe anyone an explanation of who would be at the wedding to anyone. If they came to the wedding, it was for my daughter’s sake. We put Bob on Valium and sent invitations to both grandparents. We made arrangements to have one set of grandparents in one end of the hotel, and the other set in a different area of that hotel. We did not make any seating arrangements at the reception and as for the church, the Warren’s were in the first pew behind us, and the Remington’s were put in the next pew. The wedding went off with no problems, but the Bob mother was a little upset that we didn’t tell them in advance. I asked her if it would have made a difference, and she said no. All seemed well after that, however they still didn’t want us to talk about the Remington’s. That was 10 years ago.

In 1976 the Warren’s moved from Massachusetts to Myrtle Beach to start a business. In 1980, Bob’s company transferred us to Ohio. The Remington’s remained in Massachusetts. Once a year, Ceil Remington comes to visit us for a week. Bob’s sister moved to Hilton Head, SC and Ceil will visit them also. The Warren’s have not been back since the wedding; however, they had only visited 3 times in 30 years anyway. We go to Myrtle Beach to see them yearly.

Meeting the Remington’s has been great for all of us. Bob has no longer needed counseling. The memories about the adoption and other things in Bob past is very allusive, however he no longer has angry felling about it. Roland and Ceil Remington have excepted up and loved us and our children as if we had known them all our lives.

 
September 24, 2008, 4:26 pm CDT

Don't expect to much

 I was adopted at birth by two wonderful parents who daily expressed their love for each other and me. A truly unique situation. In my early fifties, after they had both passed, I became curious about my birth parents and searched for them. Imagine my surprise, raised as an only child, to find I had 7 siblings from the same parents. This was the beginning of the heartbreak. One sister had passed away from cancer, father passed away from heart attack after a couple years of sobriety and many years after their divorce, at least three other sisters were alcoholics, they all had difficult childhoods partially due to living in a small town and most of them had never been told of my existence. My only brother would not correspond with me because he was angry with his mother for not revealing my existance. To make matters worse I learned my biological parents were 15 and 21 when I was conceived, at the very least statutory rape. When my biological mother passed on the opportunity to make contact with me I could only assume the worst and that I was dredging up very unpleasant memories for her. As my contact turned out to be an intrusion with other negative results I have since broken off all contact and am left with only questions that will never be resolved and unhappy memories. So those of you who seek your biological families; DON'T EXPECT TO MUCH.
 
September 24, 2008, 10:01 pm CDT

Thank you

 Reuions can be hard or they can be a gift from above.

My reuion with my daughter was a gift. When I was sixteen I had to make the hardest decision of my life and her's, to raise her or let her go.I had to say good bye to her and say see you someday.

Well that someday happened last August, she is now 32 years old and a beautiful young women.

I prayed she was with a great family,which she was. The guilt I have felt over the last 32 years,always wondering if she is okay,it was hard. Now that we have found each other it has been great phone calls and tons of emails back and forth.

Thank you Dr. Phil

Talking about adoption it is very hard,I know that I am not theonly sixteen year who had to make that decision.Don't let the guilt stop you from finding that love one.

 
October 6, 2008, 12:37 am CDT

My Adoption Story

I'm adopted. I've known for about as long as I can remember, and rarely have a problem with it.  However now that I have moved away from home, and the course I'm taking talks a lot about adotpion, it really makes me wonder. All the feelings that I should have felt years ago, the abandonment, the curiosity - all of it, I'm feeling now. Does anyone have any advice on how to know when you're REALLY ready to find your birth parents?

 

Thanks,

kris.

 
October 8, 2008, 10:46 am CDT

Sold in a Bar for a bar tab!!!

I am 40 yrs old, born in Houston Texas, in 1967. In November 1968 my brother was born. Our parents were alcholics, there was a bar my father attended regularly. He had racked up a tab of 700.00. So he sold my brother and my self to the owners of the bar. They in turn sold my brother, they sold the bar an adopted me. I beleive the adoption was illigel. My adopted mother was very abusive from hitting, slapping and calling me bitch, whore and slut from the time I was 2 yrs of age. I became the primary care giver of the house from cooking and cleaning to getting my self up and to school. My parents were older and have now passed on. When I was 15 yrs of age having big dreams, my mother sold me to a child molester. Then they tried to drive me crazy and put me a way. But my faith kicked in and saved me. Although I have made bad mistakes in the past, I still felt as if my life had spun out of control from that moment on. I am proud of the fact that I never turned to drugs or acohol. i thought through all that my family had done to me something was so wrong with me. But in the last year God had showed me it was not me it was indeed them. I had a relationship with God since  I was very young and I can tell you it did not come from my family. But I beleived that God would make all the wrongs right one day.  I am now trying write a book to help encourage others.

I would although like to see if Dr. Phil would help find my brother. He is the only family I have other than my children.

Thank you,

Candy

 
October 22, 2008, 11:54 pm CDT

My Adoption Story

Well,  I guess I answered my own post. About 3 hours ago, I found my biological mother. Thank you, Facebook. It has been the most overwhelming thing in my life, but the most rewarding. This is just spectactular to be talking to her, learning about her. Everything.

Just though I'd share.

 
November 18, 2008, 9:31 pm CST

I'm a birthmother

Quote From: anna_boo

I'm adopted. I've known for about as long as I can remember, and rarely have a problem with it. However now that I have moved away from home, and the course I'm taking talks a lot about adotpion, it really makes me wonder. All the feelings that I should have felt years ago, the abandonment, the curiosity - all of it, I'm feeling now. Does anyone have any advice on how to know when you're REALLY ready to find your birth parents?

Thanks,

kris.

Honey...I don't know who you are, but I can assure you that your birth mom did what she felt was best for the situation she was in....I'm a birthmom myself and I promise you...it is hard.  I only pray that one day the child that I placed will give me the opportunity to share my story with him....maybe he will one day understand that it took more love for me to place him, than it did for me to have kept him and put him through all the things in my life that was going on at the time.  Should you not find your birth parents always remember this:  You are a very special person....you were loved enough by your birth parents to give you a life that they knew they possibly couldn't give you, and there was someone out there that chose to take you and love you as though you were their own flesh and blood.  I hope that this makes some sense to you...and I'm sorry if you don't understand what I'm trying to say.  Keep searching and ask the Lord above to take control...if it is in His plan...it will be in your future.

Sincerely,

Missy

 
November 18, 2008, 9:40 pm CST

I'm a birthmom searching....

I was 21 years old when I placed my first born for adoption.  This was one of the hardest, if not the hardest, thing I've ever done in my life.  I know that it was for the best and if I had it to do all over again and the situations were the same....I would do the very same thing.  There is nothing more in my life that I want than to meet this precious little boy.  I gave him the name of Gerry Wayne at birth, and I know that his adoptive parents changed it...which that is to be expected.  He is now 21 years old and I've tried to locate him ever since he was 18 years old.  I'm out of avenues to take....I've gone through the adoption agency, but they have told me that since he is over the age of 18 I would have to find him on my own.  When I placed him, the adoption laws were that it would have to be a mutual consent for a reunion.  His parents have written letters to me, but I just don't have a good feeling about some things....like the information that has been given to him, or better yet, the lack of information that has been given to him.  His mom told me that she and her husband just didn't feel like it was the time to "spring this on him"...speaking of me looking for him.  So, I guess that the letters and gifts that I have sent to him are just sitting up in a closet somewhere in the house...I don't really know.  I would just like to know who he is, where he is, and just try to be his friend, as I know....I cannot be his mom...he has one...at best all I can be is his friend.

 

I'm sorry, but I just had to vent a few things....I just would like to know if someone has any other avenues in trying to find a child.

 

Thanks,

missyakers@sbcglobal.net

 
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