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Topic : My Adoption Story

Number of Replies: 413
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 12:24:13 pm
Author : dataimport
Share your stories of adopting and raising kids, or being adopted, with us.

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December 2, 2005, 11:40 pm CST

Thank you

Quote From: luvmytally

 Hi, I just wanted to stress something.  While in the process of chosing to place my daughter for adoption I went through extensive couseling by a wonderful and intelligent lady with a wonderful adoption agency.  They taught me one thing that will always stick!  They taught to replace the words "give baby up" and "put child up for" and other harsh phrases with the phrase..."place child for" and "placed my baby".  I think that this is important because we aren't giving our babies to the first person in line, we aren't "putting" a child up for sale and things like that....we placed the babies into families that will love them.  We did a GREAT thing!  We should not use words that make it look like we did some sort of aweful thing because that isn't the case.  I wished more people would use this wording. I know that Dr. Phil does says "place" instead of "given up".  I am not quite sure where he learned that from but I was very impressed to see that he used the word "place" instead of "given up".

I just wanted to say thank you for that comment.  I am a birthmother also and too many times so many ppl want to argue with me when I say that.  My children were placed in their adoptive family when my son was 2 and my daughter was 11 months old.  They are 11 and 9 now and they couldn't be happier.  I used to have a lot of regrets, but now I now that is the best thing that I could've ever done for them.  More ppl should be more open minded to that phrase.  My e-mail is sweetnlow_47@ msn.com if you ever want to talk, from one birthmother to another. 

 
December 4, 2005, 4:46 am CST

was lost but now found

 hey every1. back in july i found my mum. ever since then my life has changed for the better. i have found out i have 4 other siblings. 1 brother and 3 sisters. when i found that out i was in shock, but in a good way. befor i found them i was chatting in the searching for birth perants section and just to let you all know it has gone amazingly. sure my siblings can be abit of a pain but i love them for it. thank you all for giving me the corage to go through with finding them
 
December 5, 2005, 6:12 pm CST

My Adoption Story

Quote From: simon_iow

 hey every1. back in july i found my mum. ever since then my life has changed for the better. i have found out i have 4 other siblings. 1 brother and 3 sisters. when i found that out i was in shock, but in a good way. befor i found them i was chatting in the searching for birth perants section and just to let you all know it has gone amazingly. sure my siblings can be abit of a pain but i love them for it. thank you all for giving me the corage to go through with finding them
 Simon, congratulations!  Kind of a surreal experience, isn't it?  I don't know if you've had any "down" moments yet, but they usually do come.  Reunion is a rollercoaster ride, but I wouldn't have missed it for the world!  It's been 3 1/2 years for me, and in some ways it seems like yesterday, and in some ways, it's like I've known them for years.

I never realized what was missing in my life before I met them!  The greatest joy for me has been the inclusion of my mom into my natural family.  The fact that they have never asked me to severe the ties to the woman who has been my mom all my life has really sweetened the deal!  I hope your reunion continues to go well.
 
December 5, 2005, 10:03 pm CST

My Reunion

 17 years ago I gave the gift of life to my child and my child to his adoptive parents. Just recently we reunited and when I got that call it was the best moment of that part of my life. We set up a date to get together and was thrilled with how I felt I knew these people forever and they recipricated the feeling. It was amazing.

The adoption decision was very hard for me. Very hard, but the right choice. In the end God gave me the peace that I was making the right choice. That my child was going to be OK. It was like a promise I held onto for all these years.

NOW it is like hard for me. Although I am still thrilled to be a part of their life, I feel that they have enabled A to be where A is now with A's life. That is not a good place in life. There are no skills that A has to function normally in society. I cannot go into much detail, as this is the internet and it would be devastating if they ran across this and were able to put me with it. In my eye's they enable A to be a irresponsible person. They give A everything and do not hold him accountable as parents should. They love A, but too much and in the wrong ways. I sometimes feel I could of done this or better. I could of messed up A's life and not gone through the pain of missing A for all these years. Shoot maybe A would of had a better chance with me. BUT I hold tightly to Gods promise to me, it may not reveal itself just yet but it will in his time.

A is a teenager in complete rebellion or one with no boundaries. I understand this. I just think that I should of been brought into A's life at a later age. A is a child and being in the position I am in all I can do is sit back and support the family. I feel I have no voice or say, which I don't believe I do or should, but to watch these things go on is very disrupting to my life and my family that I have now. I want to grab A up and take A to my home - there is still time for A to be redirected. OF course I know I cannot do this.

I really wish I knew of a support group. I am on a list for therapy in my town. Really that is how hard this has been and I do not have the life experience to pull me through it or the tools to draw from. I need support 100%. From families that have experienced this or could just relate.

I don't in anyway discourage anyone from the adoption process. We may enter into ourselves looking to adopt a child. It is a beautiful thing.

To adoptive Moms and Dads - Do right by the life you were given. Somebody loved their baby so much to give their baby to you, thinking you could do a better job than they could. Love your child and teach your child. Just don't be so happy to have a child that you lose sight of what a child really needs.
 
December 8, 2005, 10:25 am CST

adopted

Quote From: simon_iow

 hey every1. back in july i found my mum. ever since then my life has changed for the better. i have found out i have 4 other siblings. 1 brother and 3 sisters. when i found that out i was in shock, but in a good way. befor i found them i was chatting in the searching for birth perants section and just to let you all know it has gone amazingly. sure my siblings can be abit of a pain but i love them for it. thank you all for giving me the corage to go through with finding them

Hello... I am very new to this forum. I am 32yrs old and was adopted at 2 weeks old. I've looked before to find my real parent(s). For some reason I refuse to give up this time. My mom who adopted me tells me when I ask if shemight know of anything about birth mom ,, her replie is she may be dead. Well things are getting heated up because I refuse to believe she may be dead, she gave birth to me at 24.  

  

If anyone could tell me where to start this search I would love to hear from them .  

All the stories I have read here have hit my heart, I feel in alot of ways the very same. 

 
December 9, 2005, 5:48 am CST

My Adoption Story

Quote From: hotfrog73

Hello... I am very new to this forum. I am 32yrs old and was adopted at 2 weeks old. I've looked before to find my real parent(s). For some reason I refuse to give up this time. My mom who adopted me tells me when I ask if shemight know of anything about birth mom ,, her replie is she may be dead. Well things are getting heated up because I refuse to believe she may be dead, she gave birth to me at 24.  

  

If anyone could tell me where to start this search I would love to hear from them .  

All the stories I have read here have hit my heart, I feel in alot of ways the very same. 

 hey
the way i found my family was throught the adoption centre. im sure if you asked your mum where u were adoptid from and what adoption centre they went through... they should be able 2 find her for you, when they did for me was sent a letter to my grandperants and they passed it onto my mum, then she got in contact with the centre, so give that a go and u never know u might be in contact with her sooner than later =)
 
December 9, 2005, 4:29 pm CST

My Adoption Story

Quote From: s_a_h_mom

 17 years ago I gave the gift of life to my child and my child to his adoptive parents. Just recently we reunited and when I got that call it was the best moment of that part of my life. We set up a date to get together and was thrilled with how I felt I knew these people forever and they recipricated the feeling. It was amazing.

The adoption decision was very hard for me. Very hard, but the right choice. In the end God gave me the peace that I was making the right choice. That my child was going to be OK. It was like a promise I held onto for all these years.

NOW it is like hard for me. Although I am still thrilled to be a part of their life, I feel that they have enabled A to be where A is now with A's life. That is not a good place in life. There are no skills that A has to function normally in society. I cannot go into much detail, as this is the internet and it would be devastating if they ran across this and were able to put me with it. In my eye's they enable A to be a irresponsible person. They give A everything and do not hold him accountable as parents should. They love A, but too much and in the wrong ways. I sometimes feel I could of done this or better. I could of messed up A's life and not gone through the pain of missing A for all these years. Shoot maybe A would of had a better chance with me. BUT I hold tightly to Gods promise to me, it may not reveal itself just yet but it will in his time.

A is a teenager in complete rebellion or one with no boundaries. I understand this. I just think that I should of been brought into A's life at a later age. A is a child and being in the position I am in all I can do is sit back and support the family. I feel I have no voice or say, which I don't believe I do or should, but to watch these things go on is very disrupting to my life and my family that I have now. I want to grab A up and take A to my home - there is still time for A to be redirected. OF course I know I cannot do this.

I really wish I knew of a support group. I am on a list for therapy in my town. Really that is how hard this has been and I do not have the life experience to pull me through it or the tools to draw from. I need support 100%. From families that have experienced this or could just relate.

I don't in anyway discourage anyone from the adoption process. We may enter into ourselves looking to adopt a child. It is a beautiful thing.

To adoptive Moms and Dads - Do right by the life you were given. Somebody loved their baby so much to give their baby to you, thinking you could do a better job than they could. Love your child and teach your child. Just don't be so happy to have a child that you lose sight of what a child really needs.
 I'm so sorry to hear that your son is not doing too well.  Perhaps having a relationship with you will help him....

I think you have a powerful message.
 
December 9, 2005, 5:38 pm CST

Bravo Bravo!

Quote From: caydensmom

 I'm so sorry to hear that your son is not doing too well.  Perhaps having a relationship with you will help him....

I think you have a powerful message.

WOW! Have you ever thought  about adopting or even fostering? There is no doubt GOD has giving you the gift discernment. Do you now have more children? Your post was breath taking. I think your right about the adoptive parents they over compensated for finally having a child and  ended up spoiled A.  I understand but............We get off  track when our world evolves around our children we need to hold our children to be accountable and responsible and to teach good work ethic. Of course were to be there when they need us. 

I learned the hard way with my 20 year old .....I did everything for him and made a lazy boy at of him! lol Although he is joy . :o) Children......adults need to be taught to put others before themselves. My kids love to volunteer and they leave feeling fulfilled :o) 

Again......you sound like a lady that has a gift.......I'd love to see you use it. 

Cathe' Mommu to my 10 PRICELESS Jewels. Three birth & seven adopted. 

 
December 9, 2005, 8:42 pm CST

Thank you for your supportive words

 I do now have 2 boys. I may call A this weekend and discuss things with A as I was A's mother. Does that make sense. There are some issues A is going through and one that is very familiar to me and would devastate me to see A make the wrong choice. I wish I felt like I could go into more detail. Does anyone think that that is overstepping my boundaries? We are close and working on getting closer. I know A appreciates my opinion and advice, but do not want to sound like I am putting A down to A. I want A to know that A has had my love and always will. The love of a mother. I seriously have always had A in my heart as I love my own children.

If anyone is interested in discussing this further with me including details I do not want to go into on this board please leave me you email address.

Thanks and best wishes to everyone
 
December 10, 2005, 1:31 pm CST

What if it..............

Quote From: dougiesmom

You ask the question - "What if it doesn't work?"....There are no guarantee's in parenthood unfortunately.  None of these little gaffers are born with instructions and we can only do the best we can do at that moment i time.  I'm a Child Protection worker (Social worker) in Alberta and have fostered over 60 kids along with my  husband and we adopted our son 9 years ago. I have seen some very fortunate childreen who have been lucky enough to be adopted an dothers who have passed from foster  home to foster home and then people begin to question why these kids are so angry when they hit their teens. We also have 2 children each biologically....I defy anyone to figure out by our actions which one is adopted....and while he came with some questions about his prenaatal care and health everything has turned out wonderfully.

 

I often tell the story of when I was pregnant with my daughter who is now 22 years old.  I was very very sick during the pregnancy and ended up in hospital for the last two months before she was born - in fact they induced her some 6 weeks early as they were not sure if I could last that much longer to deliver her I was that ill.  At the same time I had a friend who sailed through a very "normal" pregnancy...I delivered a very tiny but healthy baby girl who has some minor learning disabilities around reading. but who graduated from College last year.  She delivered a little girl who has an extreme case of cerbral palsy who is not able to do anything really - fed through a G tube, has never sat up or walked on her own etc....My point being that even in giving birth to your own it might not "work out" the way you want it to but I believe a loving, structured environment with parents who are open to reading and learning all they can about everything can work miracles.

 

Good Luck

 

Cheryl

What if it goes well?
 
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