Topic : My Adoption Story

 I relinguished my son in 1975.We met in Oct.2000.He said at the time he  felt a bond between the 2 of us,but he wasn't sure what he wanted yet.We did meet afew times for about ayear,He met my parents one of my brothers &family.Shortly after that my son broke up with his girlfriend & he seems to have broken contact with me.I continue to send emails,letters through the postalservice,even called him leaving messages on answering machine.None of which he answers.I've even asked if I said or done anything to stop him from responding back.I told him if I did or said anything wrong ,to forgive me.Still no response.At one time when he was still talking to me he said he gets busy & can't aswer every email.That's understandable,cause I get busy also.But during 3years of me sending emails,letters etc,he could find a minute or two to respond.
I'm wondering if any of you who have contact with the child you placed,if youhave run into this.I don't know if I should stop emailing ,writing letters or calling him,but if he doesn't respond I don't know what to do.
His birthfathers family wants to meet him,I even asked him to set some time up to meet them,but he doesn't respond.
I'm lost.I don't want to give up on him,but I feel I  may not have a choice.
Debbie

I wanted to share one of my awesome adoption stories........ENJOY!!!!!!!!!! Grab a tissue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

http://www.wilsoncountynews.com/default.asp?sourceid=&smenu=475&twindow=&mad=No&sdetail=9785&wpage=&skeyword=&sidate=&ccat=&ccatm=&restate=&restatus=&reoption=&retype=&repmin=&repmax=&rebed=&rebath=&subname=&pform=&sc=1000&hn=wilsoncountynews&he=.com 

I was adopted at birth and finally, at age 50, found my birth family. I travelled to Michigan to meet them. Only my younger brother welcomed me. None of my other siblings, aunts, uncles or even my birth mother wanted to have anything to do with me. It hurt. My brother died a year after I met him at the age of 40 from a massive heart attack. It runs in my family. I needed to know that, but my adoptive family was always more important to me. I love my cousins, my aunts and uncles and they love me, even though I'm adopted. It never mattered to them.  

  

Your son is using "busy" as an excuse. He really doesn't want to correspond with you right now. He's probably like me with a family who loves and accepts him, and he doesn't want to hurt them. You need to understand that your son is probably confused, worried about hurting the only family he has known. Your son has a loyalty to his adoptive family. They raised him, they educated him, they loved him. He probably even has siblings he loves. He's all they've ever known. Don't feel hurt. Don't feel abandoned. Like you, he loves his family. I'm sure you love yours, and even though you think of him as your family, he's really not. He's just doing what he thinks is the right thing, and that is not hurting his adoptive family. 

  

I know you want to know him. After all, you gave birth to him. But, that's not what matters to him. What matters to him is the love he's received from his adoptive family. Try to understand that he's probably torn between you and his mom--the one that loved and raised him. Give him time. Boys are different from girls. They accept what they have and don't question much about where they came from. In all likelihood, he's very happy with what he has and isn't comfortable about knowing his birth mother. The reason I know this, is that I have two adopted sons, and neither one thinks about his birth family. It's just not important to them. It's a gender thing.  

  

I know it hurts, but let him go. He'll appreciate you for that. 

  

Linda 

 Debbie, I am so sorry for your pain!  I am an adoptee, and there have been times when I've been a little aloof with my natural family, too, but not for the past year or so.

Reunion can bring up a lot of emotions for an adoptee, and a lot of guys aren't comfortable with that much emotion.  He may need time away.  Granted, 3 years is a long time, but don't give up on him.  Drop him a quick note every now and then, just to leave the door open.  Hopefully, he will be ready soon.

My oldest brother has a very close, albeit rocky, relationship with his natural mother, so it can and does happen.  I also know several other natural mothers who's sons have been very standoffish in reunion, but many of them have come around eventually.

MY hubby and I are going to try to foster to adopt a child or 2 from our area, we both have mental issues that are currently being taken care of and are under control.  For those who have fostered and or adopted what do you think our chances are of being accepted.  I am so hopeful we will be accepted, bcz this is the only chance i will have to have a child of my own.  I cannot biologically have one.  I have to wonderful and beautiful step children whom i concider my own, but they do not live w/ us and we have limited time w/ them.  I love them to death, but I would like to have the pitter patter of small children in my own home all the time.   We have requested a boy between the ages of 3 and 6.  We also said we would accept a sibiling group up to 2 children as long as they are boys.  Does anyone have a opinion good or bad on this issue.  I don't want to get my hopes up to high, but most of our paper work is done, and we go to classes in 4 weeks.  So I just can't wait to find out and have a child placed in our home that we can show love and security to.    

  

Thank you for your time  

  

Sincerely, 

Shannon in Montana 

I am a reunited adoptee.  I was part of the REALITY OF REUNIONS show back in April 2004 and wanted to express my gratitude to those who gave advice and commented on our story.  I would love to hear from the others who were on that show as well to see how their progress is going.  I hope you'll post a note to let us know.  Thank you.

My story may be an unusual one & complicated. So please bear with me. My middle child whom I shall call Robert died at the age of 21 in 2001 but had 3 daughters at a young age. The first 2 have the same mother & though the oldest, who I will call Bree, (age 9) lives in Ohio & the next one I will call Dani(age 8) lives in California they know about each other. The youngest one I will call Ann (age 5) lives with her biological mother in Alaska where my son was living when he died. The mother of the 2 older girls I wll call Mel, lost custody & her mothers sister adopted  Bree at about 18 months old I think. When she was just a few months old her parents were basically screw-ups. When Dani came along 13 months after the Bree the kids left for California where Mel supposedly had family & they could get good jobs, etc. That didn't work out & they lost Dani to foster care where she was eventually adopted. My son would go to see Dani as often he could both before & after she was adopted. Both Bree's & Dani's parents have been in contact with each other. Here's where it gets complicated. Mel, the mother of the 2 older girls, went on to have 3 more ( a set of twin boy & girl & another boy...2 different fathers) Since Bree's was a family adoption she knows about these three. She also knows she was adopted. However Mel has also lost (at least temporary) custody of the other 3. Because of all this mess our oldest granddaughter doesn't know about her 1/2 sister in Alaska. I support her parents in this decision for now. Especially since Bree said she wants the last 3 to live with her. When her mom(adoptive)said they don't have room, and where would they put them,  this little girl said she would sleep in the attic! I guess she feels everyone should be happy like her. We do get to see Bree frequently & also talk once in awhile with Robert's former girlfriend in Alaska so that isn't a problem & Bree does have a great family now. Her aunt & uncle who adopted her have a son 4 months older than her & another daughter almost 7 another boy 2 & they are expecting again this spring.  We all just want what is best for the children.Giving these circumstances when & how would be the best to tell Bree about Ann. 

I have been to China 3 times to receive children. I am Norwegian and live in Norway. To adopt here you first have to go through some interviews with personnel from the local Authorities' Social Office, then a report - recommending adoption is sent to the State Authorities of Norway for approval. The adoption has to go through one of the 3 adoption organizations which are approved by the State! When you are approved by the Norwegian State Authorities you have these papers translated together with a several other papers - all sent to the Adoption Authorities in the country you adopt from! The child is chosen for you by the adoptive authorities in the country you adopt from.  

My first daughter was VERY small for her age when I received her - she was 13 months old and weighed less than 6 kg and was only 63 cm. During the first year I had her - she grew more than 20 cm and more than doubled her weight. Today she is normal and fit and strong! 

Each process takes about 1- 2 years. So I have been through this 3 times. I love my daughters. They are very special to me. I have carried my children in my heart - mentally pregnant - and my children are much wanted.  

Unfortunately, I am now divorced from their adoptive father - but that is another story of psychological violence. Now I am free to be the mother I want to be! and I love my children very much.  

NoraRuth 

Great stories people we should put a book together of them. LOL My parent's would hurt me if they found out I was doing this. They don't want to go on television. Anyway I found out at the age of 38 that the man that raised me was not my bio dad. But that he had adopted me at a very young age and raised me as his own till his death. He was a wonderful man and I believe that he along with our savior helped me find my real dad in the short amount of time that I did.  I found out memorial weekend by a younger brother that his dad was not my dad. At the age of 38 it is a huge blow and something you never even dream of happening to you. But it did happen to me and thank God it turned out the way it did. Let me go on because it gets even better. After contacting my mom who at the time lived 2000 miles away from us she verified that it was true he was not my dad. She gave me all the information that I asked for it took some time for her to remember because it had been 40 years since there last contact with each other. But it all came back to her in a matter of maybe a day it never took her long to think and remember. I am sure it brought back painful memories for her after all she was left alone and pregnant of all things. But she knew it had to come out eventually and I don't give up easily either. God had gave me the money to buy a subscrption to intellus People search. I searched the mans name first there are 250 men with the same name as my dad and gee I only wanted to find one of them. Then I got his birth information and I found him, We did a dna test and when we knew it was getting close my dad called the company that did the testing my dad told me that when he asked the guy's voice dropped and he said "you have a daughter" the results came out to be 99.9% he was my dad. In August he came to my house met us and took my family and I out to dinner. Then that weekend we went to meet the rest of my family in another town. During that same month my mom and newly found dad spent between an hour and two hours on the phone every other night. In September they met at my home for the first time in 40 years. It was a beautiful site I will tell you that. He went to her house in another state and spent the month there packing her stuff to move her across the state to his home. The Saturaday after Thanksgiving they were married for the first time. They both have said that when they first met again it was like they had never separated. Told you it got better : )  

   This is for those parents who adopt it greats that you are able to take in these children but take it from someone who knows what it's like to find out at any age that you have a parent or parents out there that made you and they should have some kind of rights to there children. If nothing else for medical reason's. I like the idea of open adoptions it says just that it's open for there decision to make  together instead of the adoptive parents making all the decision's.  Please remember you adults are not the only lives involved in this you have a child that deserves to know where he/she comes from and his/her background. I know when I was told all's I could say was why, I was hurt, angry, upset, I think I showed all emotions that day. I have to say during my search I did feel at peace with it all even though the hurt was there as well. Oh I have an older brother who I am told I have a mouth just like I say what is on the mind and if you don't like it to bad. I also have an older sister along with the younger sister and three younger brothers that I have and was raised with.  

  

God be with you all 

jasdws