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Topic : My Adoption Story

Number of Replies: 413
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 12:24:13 pm
Author : dataimport
Share your stories of adopting and raising kids, or being adopted, with us.

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January 19, 2006, 8:07 am CST

Why would birth families not want to meet child given up for adoption?

Hello, 

  

I recently hired a confidential intermediary to contact my birth mother.  Upon finding out she passed away, I then wanted her to contact my half-siblings (two brothers and one sister).  I have known about my half-siblings for 20+ years but chose not to contact, as I was told by a reliable source that my "Mother" had never spoken about me after the adoption, hence I did not want to cause her problems in the life she created after giving me up.  I have always wanted to meet my birth family but wanted them to contact me. 

  

My reasons for contact now were due to being diagnosed with a genetic illness, which is quite often diagnosed at autopsy.  I felt it was my duty to make sure my birth family knew about the illness, so that if they have it, it can be managed before it becomes life theatening. 

  

The response to the confidential intermediary  from my half-siblings was either "do not contact me" or "no reply".  The outcome of this is that I now feel rejected all over again, which I would not have had to go through if I had not felt the need to let them know. 

  

I wish Dr. Phil would do a show on the outcome of adoptees searching for birthfamilies - good or bad, as well as the need adoptees have to know where they came from.  Perhaps it would educate people that the majority of adoptees searching, are doing it for the right reasons and rejection is very painful.  These families could very well be missing out on some amazing relationships. 

  

  

  

   

 
January 22, 2006, 7:47 am CST

Adopted in 1966

Hi! My name is Mel , I was adopted as a newborn in 1966 from a Dallas Catholic adoption agency. My adoptive parents raised my older adopted brother and I knowing that we were adopted. Even though I'm aware my biological mother wasn't married and trying to earn a teaching degree , I still have this emptiness inside of me. I've tried getting info through the agency, but they say her end of the file has not been opened. I really don't want to intrude on her life, I can only imagine what it's like giving up your child . Part of me feels I have a sister out there , I've dreampt of her twice . The parents that raised us are special people the always told us we were special by being adopted , by someone wanting and loving us to take us in and raise us as their own. They did their best to make us feel loved and yet somehow we both ended up feeling regected. Logically we know all intentions are good, but there's still that void inside. Now I'm going on 40 with two children of my own you'd think I would get over all of it. 

  

 
January 22, 2006, 7:49 am CST

Adopted in 1966

Hi! My name is Mel , I was adopted as a newborn in 1966 from a Dallas Catholic adoption agency. My adoptive parents raised my older adopted brother and I knowing that we were adopted. Even though I'm aware my biological mother wasn't married and trying to earn a teaching degree , I still have this emptiness inside of me. I've tried getting info through the agency, but they say her end of the file has not been opened. I really don't want to intrude on her life, I can only imagine what it's like giving up your child . Part of me feels I have a sister out there , I've dreampt of her twice . The parents that raised us are special people the always told us we were special by being adopted , by someone wanting and loving us to take us in and raise us as their own. They did their best to make us feel loved and yet somehow we both ended up feeling regected. Logically we know all intentions are good, but there's still that void inside. Now I'm going on 40 with two children of my own you'd think I would get over all of it. 

  

 
January 22, 2006, 3:47 pm CST

Happy reunion

I have a 21yrs old daughter and at 18yrs old she made a decision to leave home. I tried talking her out of leaving but she left anyway. She actually vanished for almost 3 yrs. She made no contact with family or friends.I was on every opportunity looking for her due to her age law enforcement could not get involved.I was able to put in a missing person report on her.She was contacted by Reno Police Department in Feburay 2004, again due to her age she could not be forced to contact me. I was going out of my mind,spirit and getting depressed because I could not figure out why my daughter didn't want contact with me. I spent all the money I had to find her after Reno PD contacted her. I was on a road to find her. I prayed everyday. I didn't lose faith that I would find her.I just didn't know when the big day would be for me.When I would watch the news of these missing girls I felt the pain their familes felt.As one last shot I called Reno PD again. She contacted them just 5wks prior ot my call. They had her current information in terms of Phone and address. The Dectective that I called made a phone call to her and she called me within the hour after I talked to Dectective Dixon with Reno PD. I felt like I won the lottery when I heard her voice on the other end of the phone. I currently reside in Coral Springs FL and she reside in Reno,NV. We are making plans to visit. I will most likely visit her first. It's been 3yrs since I seen my daughter. Family is all we have and when we lose one it can brings us all down. I never want to lose contact with my daughter and now I realize how important it is to give your child the space they need. I learned a valuable lesson through this whole situation. I realize now as a parent we have to accept the decisions our children make. Respect is all they want.           Thank you for reading this letter.  alyssawme@yahoo.com
 
January 23, 2006, 7:00 am CST

You were a brave person

Quote From: jellybelly

i gave a child up fo adoption 26years ago.. this was the hardest thing i could ever do. the worst day of my life...... i gave her up so she could have a loving home. i was 16 when i found out i was expecting her i allready had one son that turned 1 the day i found out for sure i was pregant. i had trouble controling my anger. because i was so young .. this is something that i learned with age. so at this age i gave her up.... the people that raised her did a good job i guess.. she commented sucide at the age of 16... they did not let me know about it for 4 years.  then only gave me little info on her .  they did send me 1 picture and wrote me a letter telling me she wanted to find me and meet me when she turns 18. she did not make it  .  all the contacting was done thru the adoption agency. they sent me a paper that read like a funeral reading.  with a drawing of her on the back of the paper....  this was all they sent ...  they did not let me know where she was buried at .  i needed to go to her grave and talk to her .. i know that his isnt something that is easy for me to hear . so thru help of this computer i went to work.. i had to find her.  i had to tell her good buy and tell her i was so sorry.  if i had of not did what i did she might be here..  from what i was told she was helping a friend by talking him out of killing himself then went a did it herself .  the worst part he lived.... i did finialy find her . it was very emontally for me  the 2 nd... hardest thing i had to do .  it did take me years to do this but i did.  and i dont feel any better now that i did.. the only thing that keeps  me going is one day i will see her  .... i hope it is in heaven......  this is the only thing i can cling to to keep me sane......

I'm so sorry you have had to go through this. I was adopted at birth. When I was 12 I tried to kill myself , I thought it would take the burden of me off of everyone. Well, I 'm still here 27 years later and have 2 boys that need me. You said that the boy whom your daughter helped from killing himself was the worst part; in my eyes, your daughter saved his life and that says alot about what a wonderful, caring person she was. Life is truly overwhelming and it's really hard to know when someone is feeling suicidal or how to help them even if they had a clue. She was able to help her friend . When I told my mom of my attempt at suicide, she got up threw up her hands and left the room , so some people can't handle this issue at all. You did a very selfless act by trying to do what was best for your baby girl when you put her up fot adoption. Her suicide isn't your fault!  The way her adoptive parents handled things is obviously the only way they knew how. I hope that some day you can find peace in knowing she's with God. Take care. Oh yeah! My aunt used to call me Mellie pellie jelly belly,  I thought that was a little ironic .                  lvanimules@netscape.com 

  

 
January 24, 2006, 9:00 am CST

adoption agravation

I was adopted in 1969 and was placed with a family that was told they couldn't have anymore children. My adoptive parents had 1 son, four years older than myself. He was a wonderful 'brother' to me. Very caring and happy to have me around. Then came my sister 1 year after.  For the family, she was a gift. But not to me. When I was 6, my youngest sister was born.  

At the young age of 6, I was told about myself. I think that was too young, because now that I am 36 years old, I still find myself with issues over the adoption. For one, my first sister was very obnoxious, and even at the young age of 5 enjoyed making fun of me. Constantly telling me I don't belong, wasn't wanted, and various other hateful comments. Still to this day we do not get along.  

This mental abuse continued until I was 14 and had fully realized I would never be treated like the other siblings. I was beaten by my mom, and ignored by my dad. At 14 I was placed in a home for children, ran away so many times that they would not keep me any longer, and just feel like I have made a complete failure of this life.  

I have been searching fo years just to find my bio parents, but like so many others out there it is very difficult when the adoption was closed. Basically meaning they want no contact. I also feel if they wanted to do so, they could have searched as well. I don't think I would want to go through the courts just to have them contact my bio family to have them state they want nothing more than to have me disappear and never meet them. I want nothing more than to see and talk to them.  

There is so much more to this type of thing, I could go on for ever it feels like. Thanks for letting me vent. 

 
January 25, 2006, 3:42 pm CST

Adoption into family with children

Quote From: jthunder

I was adopted in 1969 and was placed with a family that was told they couldn't have anymore children. My adoptive parents had 1 son, four years older than myself. He was a wonderful 'brother' to me. Very caring and happy to have me around. Then came my sister 1 year after.  For the family, she was a gift. But not to me. When I was 6, my youngest sister was born.  

At the young age of 6, I was told about myself. I think that was too young, because now that I am 36 years old, I still find myself with issues over the adoption. For one, my first sister was very obnoxious, and even at the young age of 5 enjoyed making fun of me. Constantly telling me I don't belong, wasn't wanted, and various other hateful comments. Still to this day we do not get along.  

This mental abuse continued until I was 14 and had fully realized I would never be treated like the other siblings. I was beaten by my mom, and ignored by my dad. At 14 I was placed in a home for children, ran away so many times that they would not keep me any longer, and just feel like I have made a complete failure of this life.  

I have been searching fo years just to find my bio parents, but like so many others out there it is very difficult when the adoption was closed. Basically meaning they want no contact. I also feel if they wanted to do so, they could have searched as well. I don't think I would want to go through the courts just to have them contact my bio family to have them state they want nothing more than to have me disappear and never meet them. I want nothing more than to see and talk to them.  

There is so much more to this type of thing, I could go on for ever it feels like. Thanks for letting me vent. 

Im adoptee who's lived my life wondering why ? I was brought into a family who had 2 son's of their own before I came along. My Brothers where already 10 and 12 when I got there ..I was 5. 

I lived a life being very lonely and no one really understood me ..My brothers never accepted me into there life ...Im 38 years old now and still feel rejected by my adopted family. We talk but there isn't emotional feellings towards me or them . 

As I became older I wanted to find my birth mom ....ANd wow after many years of paperwork and lots of money and time !!         I found out my birthmom couldn't have anymore children and commited suicide at the age of 28...She had me at the age of 15.  I'm unable to find my father because I was concieved over a one night stand...I did manage to find some bio family members but wasn't happy with the response I got from them concerning my birthmom... 

I now have 2 children of my own ..girl 15 and son 17 ...Im very happy to have my own children because they have made life wonderful for me but I still will always go to sleep with questions unanswered... 

I put my effort into my children and don't worry about the past now and try to think about the future. 

I live in Ontario Canada but was adopted from Newfoundland. 

 
January 26, 2006, 9:53 am CST

Adopted in 1967 in Staunton Virginia

I just joined Dr. Phil's today. I was reading through and ran across this message board. I was given up for adoption in January 1967. My birth date is January 4, 1967. I was adopted by two wonderful parents that have provided a wonderful life. They are very loving parents. But I often wonder about my birthmother. I understand she was very young, 15 I believe. I get different stories from my  parents my father is willing to help me search but has no information to go on. My mother on the other hands says her family was friends with the girls family but I get mixed stories from her. I believe she is afraid to give me the information in fear I will establish a relationship with my birthmother. I would like to meet her just once. I would not want to interfer in her life. I would love her medical background. I have two wonderful children of my own. I could not imagine giving one of them up. I will be forever grateful that I was given to such a wonderful family.  

  

My mothers birth name is Kathy Marie Brentlinger, she was born in Kentucky. I do not have much to go on and have searched before. I recently discovered that the adoption was never legalized so now I am going by the name she gave me at birth which is Tammy, my adoptive parents named me Penny. I have to go to court and have all of this changed. I was told that since the adoption has never been legalized I can find her easily. I have no idea how to do this. Maybe by posting here someone can help me or something will read this that know or or something. 

  

Thanks so much for taking the time to read this. 

 
January 26, 2006, 2:47 pm CST

My Adoption Story

I was adopted when I was 3 months old and my parents are ok, they never beat me up or anything like that.  I get along very well with my sister.  

  

When I was 17 I gave my child for adoption, so it nearly destroyed me.  So I understand my birth mother and how hard it must have been for her.  I admire her very much. 

 
January 27, 2006, 6:19 pm CST

Adopted when I was 5

Well, here it goes.   When I was just over two, my sister and I were taken out of our parents home and placed in foster care.  The first set of foster parents were our Aunt and Uncle, my biological mom's sister and her husband.  When I was 3 and a half, my aunt died of ALS, and to this day, I blame myself, yeah I know, it it is not my fault, or people tell me it isn't.  

 

Again, we were both put in foster care, this time, seperate homes.  The last time I saw my siste was when I was almost 5, and I was officially adopted on my 5th birthday.  My parents are cool, wish my sister could have come here too.  She was never adopted, but still turned out just fine, she is married, has the most adorable baby that will be a year  old in March.  We finally saw each other again for the first time last May and then I spent a month with her and her family at the end of June.  She even asked me and my fiance to be Katherine's Godparents.  

 

Will to make this short, last night my sister called me and told me that our biological parents got back in touch with her and asked about me and said they want to meet me.  I don't want to, as i remember so much, like strange people coming in and out all hours of the night and even being touched in  my private area by two of their male friends.  Yeah, I was 2,  but the memories are still here.   

 

Help, I love my sister and told her, I just don't think I am ready to meet them, that I am very happy, so why can't they just leave me alone.   Thanks for letting me post this and if it is in the wrong place, tell me.  I just joined to today, so am new to this and don't want to screw this up.   

 

Thanks again,  

Candi 

 
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