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Topic : My Adoption Story

Number of Replies: 413
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 12:24:13 pm
Author : dataimport
Share your stories of adopting and raising kids, or being adopted, with us.

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February 1, 2006, 6:55 pm CST

To Find My Birth Parents

A few years ago I overheard a conversation between an old friend and my mother when the friend asked my mother "How is it going with the adopted children?"  My mother ask him to please keep quiet.  I was devistated, but never had the guts to ask my parents about this adoption because I recon if one of us were adopted they would've told us - like any other parent would.  Well nothing happend.  So about 1 year ago I was very angry with them and I just had to know, seeing that it was bothering me for such a long time.  So I asked my parents - my mum looked my in the eye and said no!!!!!!!  My dad looked at me and said yes that I was adopted.  I was heartbroken and relieved.  This burden I have carried with me for such a long time was over and in the open.  They explained to me that they couldn't have any children and that my dad went for all the tests.  Apparently my birth mother was very young and in those days it was not good if you were pregnant and not being married to the father of the child.  Ever since I was torn between must I look for my birth parents or just leave it alone.  After so many adoption movies and then again the Dr Phil show that is showing in Australia now, it was a sign for me to look for them.  I do not know much about my birth parents except that they stayed in Pretoria (South Africa) and I was born in Pietermaritzburg (South Africa) and was in an adoption house for a few weeks or it could even be months.  My parents then adopt me from this adoption house.  I don't want to ask my parents for any more info because they want to forget about everything.  We haven't talked about this since that day and they went home. They did a lot for me and I don't want to upset them by asking them for this information about my adoption, and I don't want them to know that I am looking for my birth parents because it might break their hearts and think that I don't love them anymore.  I don't know where to start looking for them or whom to contact.  I was born on 09/04/1974 in Pietermartizburg (South Africa).  I would realy like to get hold of them and just get to know my background a little more.
 
February 5, 2006, 12:58 am CST

Remarkeable

Quote From: noraruth

I have been to China 3 times to receive children. I am Norwegian and live in Norway. To adopt here you first have to go through some interviews with personnel from the local Authorities' Social Office, then a report - recommending adoption is sent to the State Authorities of Norway for approval. The adoption has to go through one of the 3 adoption organizations which are approved by the State! When you are approved by the Norwegian State Authorities you have these papers translated together with a several other papers - all sent to the Adoption Authorities in the country you adopt from! The child is chosen for you by the adoptive authorities in the country you adopt from.  

My first daughter was VERY small for her age when I received her - she was 13 months old and weighed less than 6 kg and was only 63 cm. During the first year I had her - she grew more than 20 cm and more than doubled her weight. Today she is normal and fit and strong! 

Each process takes about 1- 2 years. So I have been through this 3 times. I love my daughters. They are very special to me. I have carried my children in my heart - mentally pregnant - and my children are much wanted.  

Unfortunately, I am now divorced from their adoptive father - but that is another story of psychological violence. Now I am free to be the mother I want to be! and I love my children very much.  

NoraRuth 

I'm so touched by your story, it's so great to read something positive about adoption! You must be one very compassionate and caring women to go through such a process each time and after the state your first daughter was in to go back another two times in remarkeable! But i think the best part is when you said how after your divorce you can now be the mother you want to be! Good luck with everything now your a free women! and thankyou for showing me that in this dark world there is still hope!  

Aims 

 
February 14, 2006, 10:00 am CST

My Brother in-law and sis

Vic and Mir: Know around here as VicMir the name of their heating and air-conditioning company.  

  

Miraim was born with lousy gene's as most of us were RA and JRA, lupus and Crohen are biggies . Miriam had JRA and developed into RA and Lupus.  

She has been bed ridden and lifted in and out of bed by her husband. She has ad her hip replaced twic ant 54 and her knee and pelvic. She has lupus very bad, yet she gets up , with or without asistance. She right now last December adopted two more boy, now 7-8 yrs old. They were her adopted daughters children. They are so busy, so stimulated, so loved, and they are learning for two little guys that stood in a filthy toilet and flushed their feet for fun at 4-5 year old.  

  

At first they feared, someone would take them back to that terrbile place, VICMIR , made them feel safe and they have gone on in their lives. They are home school, faith base, but they have allot of cousin in the area they play with for social skill. They have field trips, one of the individual VICMIR took in is helping, she is special needs , but  extremely bright, able to help, she loves it, she has always wanted to teach school ,she speaks two lanuages. She is now in her late twenties, lives independantly and drives. All the others were give the top of the line opportunities, and all but one took advantage of those opportunities. They teaches in colleges, hgh school, are counsilors and are all partners in the family business.  

  

MIR had a fall down a stair well and cracked her head on a mahongy table at the both, she was rushed to the hopital, she was on tubes her brain was serevely damaged, one seisure after and other, the is a book on VICMIR called,"A Place of Healing, The Virgin Mary in Madjugorie,by John Dinolfo. It is better understood, with all the adoption this couple with stood the test of love.  

  

I recently wrote this for a young girl who was very lost about her Chronic illness and her 5 year live in  boy friend leaving once she was diagnosed. She blamed her self, talked about love loss. My heart went out to her. Most of us woman are willing to accept 1/8 of love rather than none, if we knew what love really was and how it is surpose to feel, we would throw those crumbs to the birds. I thought of my sister and her commitment to children and family, and her illness, what if Victor was selfish, these kids would not have had the chance too be happy and safe.  

                               

                                   Love is in The Heart 

Love does not desappear in the sight of illness, "no" it is the test of true love. 

  

Love has no limitations no selfish thoughts of me, love sees no boundaries, it uphold's even in the darkest of days.  

  

Love has a light that is never waviers in the wind of disaster,  in the waves disppear or lost of limb or physical function. 

  

Love is set deep in the recess of the heart,and is strengthen and protected by faith in God and His wisdom.  It stand strong with the hope, courage and the moral character with each that loves..  It never looks back on what was, but what is now and knowing well, that their love was not measured by this single loss or situation.   Love will never faulter for this one single lost.   If love was measured by this small scale it was not love. Love is much wider, deeper and longer and many miles it has traveled an gained wisdom and a strong foundation, if love is lost in this one brick or pebble, it is not love that was lost at all.  

  

My sister and her husband are special , yes, but it is because they choose the right route each other, not themselves. Shut off the me, and they turned on the we. I think when your heart is open and can love freely, you can open your lives for those that are waiting for parent. I just cannot even imagine another family again,but 50 is not old today.  

  

In thought of my sister Mir and Vic. 

Author ME 

Extreme206 

 
February 20, 2006, 7:31 pm CST

Just need to organize my thoughts...

  Down the hall sleeps my fifteen month old son.  Across the hall sleeps my husband and my high school sweetheart... the love of my life.  About two miles away is our 10 year old daughter.  We have an "open adoption" and we last visited the first week of January.  Things changed, meaning the relationship between my husband and I and her parents changed last summer when we moved so close.  Now mind you, we only lived about 13 miles away prior to the move but that's just to clarify that this is RI and the state is small.   I guess I'm just posting because everyone here has a personal connection to adoption.  I miss my baby girl... and I love the little lady she is today.   I don't know if the times we spend together now are worth it to her in the long run or if the three of us should allow her to spend these years in her family/with her family and wait till she's a little older before we "force" her into uncomfortable situations.  Believe me, I've been through every situation in my mind.  I guess my ultimate point is what brings me back to the whole point of placing her for adoption... I want her to be happy, at peace, not confused or conflicted.  What vexes me most is my presence in her life may cause the opposite of everything I tried to give her and it's like "here I am again screwing up her life."   There are no easy answers and the whole situation will never be perfect.  I guess it just is what it is.  Good night.
 
February 22, 2006, 1:28 pm CST

Did I do the right thing????

Don't get me wrong. I know that giving someone else a chance to raise baby when they cannot have their own is a wonderful thing but what happens when many years down the line you regret what you did? 

  

I was 19 when I found out I was pregnant. I was so young and the father did not want to be involved. My father had kicked me out of the house and I went to go live where they helped single mothers. Well when I was 6 months along we had a class about adoption and thought that would be a great thing to do because I could not raise the baby on my own. When I had called my father about this he was no sure this is something that I should do. He said that it would have a long term emotional problems. After about a week or so after my father called me and asked me to come home and we would talk about this. We talked it over and decided that we would look into it. So, we made appointment after appointment to met with families. After 2 months of this I found a family that I wanted. When I went to go tell my Adoption Counselor someone else snagged them up. So, then we went with the other family I was going to choose. They were great. They went to my final appointments with me and everything was great. So, we decided to do an Open Adoption.  

  

For the first 3 years things were great I was getting to see her every 3-4 months, they always sent pictures and it was amazing being able to watch her grow up and know she was being taken care of. Then when she turned 4 they decided to adopt again. They adopted another little girl. After this the visits went from maybe 2 a year for 2 more years. Then when she was 5 I got a phone call that the Adopted mother was pregnant. They were finally having one of their own. That would be the last time I say her. She will be 10 this year and I am luck to get pictures once a year. When they do write it is all negativity about how she is doing this or that wrong. They have her on meds because they say they cannot control her. The last picture I got was when she was 8 and it was a class picture and she was sitting in the back.  

  

I have not had any contact and not I have come to the point in my life that I regret what I did. Is this bad to feel this way. I miss he so very much and miss not getting to see her grown up. She will always be my little girl though.  

  

  

 
February 23, 2006, 11:39 pm CST

the pain of being adopted

Quote From: debbie32

A few years ago I overheard a conversation between an old friend and my mother when the friend asked my mother "How is it going with the adopted children?"  My mother ask him to please keep quiet.  I was devistated, but never had the guts to ask my parents about this adoption because I recon if one of us were adopted they would've told us - like any other parent would.  Well nothing happend.  So about 1 year ago I was very angry with them and I just had to know, seeing that it was bothering me for such a long time.  So I asked my parents - my mum looked my in the eye and said no!!!!!!!  My dad looked at me and said yes that I was adopted.  I was heartbroken and relieved.  This burden I have carried with me for such a long time was over and in the open.  They explained to me that they couldn't have any children and that my dad went for all the tests.  Apparently my birth mother was very young and in those days it was not good if you were pregnant and not being married to the father of the child.  Ever since I was torn between must I look for my birth parents or just leave it alone.  After so many adoption movies and then again the Dr Phil show that is showing in Australia now, it was a sign for me to look for them.  I do not know much about my birth parents except that they stayed in Pretoria (South Africa) and I was born in Pietermaritzburg (South Africa) and was in an adoption house for a few weeks or it could even be months.  My parents then adopt me from this adoption house.  I don't want to ask my parents for any more info because they want to forget about everything.  We haven't talked about this since that day and they went home. They did a lot for me and I don't want to upset them by asking them for this information about my adoption, and I don't want them to know that I am looking for my birth parents because it might break their hearts and think that I don't love them anymore.  I don't know where to start looking for them or whom to contact.  I was born on 09/04/1974 in Pietermartizburg (South Africa).  I would realy like to get hold of them and just get to know my background a little more.
Th  e Oprah show tonight got me online to Oprah and Dr. Phil to do a show about "us"....the kids who were adopted.  Unlike you, I always knew and they didn't have to tell me.  I'm just learning at almost 58 years old, the impact of that abandonment from the mom who carried us......the wound we just can't heal.  I, too, felt my adoptive parents would be upset, and I was wrong.    The story of the people in my "real life" and my adoptive life is good to know, but I'm just uncovering the unhealed wound of being adopted.  Keep looking...my God it was good to see someone who had the same nose, the same walk, even.  I felt so much more complete.
 
February 23, 2006, 11:48 pm CST

adoption search group?

Quote From: pruden2005

I just joined Dr. Phil's today. I was reading through and ran across this message board. I was given up for adoption in January 1967. My birth date is January 4, 1967. I was adopted by two wonderful parents that have provided a wonderful life. They are very loving parents. But I often wonder about my birthmother. I understand she was very young, 15 I believe. I get different stories from my  parents my father is willing to help me search but has no information to go on. My mother on the other hands says her family was friends with the girls family but I get mixed stories from her. I believe she is afraid to give me the information in fear I will establish a relationship with my birthmother. I would like to meet her just once. I would not want to interfer in her life. I would love her medical background. I have two wonderful children of my own. I could not imagine giving one of them up. I will be forever grateful that I was given to such a wonderful family.  

  

My mothers birth name is Kathy Marie Brentlinger, she was born in Kentucky. I do not have much to go on and have searched before. I recently discovered that the adoption was never legalized so now I am going by the name she gave me at birth which is Tammy, my adoptive parents named me Penny. I have to go to court and have all of this changed. I was told that since the adoption has never been legalized I can find her easily. I have no idea how to do this. Maybe by posting here someone can help me or something will read this that know or or something. 

  

Thanks so much for taking the time to read this. 

I live in Washington and there is a group that helps people search for their parents....maybe your state has a similar group?  I went to some meetings and realized I couldn't afford the help, but volunteered to help, so I learned how to search.  I found my mom, only because she recently got a drivers license.....if she hadn't done that, I doubt I would have ever found her. 

I needed to know.  My life has been structured around being adopted to elderly people as an only child.  I have 4 WONDERFUL kids....my youngest is 23 and I was single since she was 1.  I've been to Pennsylvania many times where my birth family is and that made me very angry that my dad, the youngest of 5 kids didn't give me to one of his siblings, so I could have been raised with my family. 

 
February 24, 2006, 9:32 am CST

my adoption story

hey guys, 

when i  was growing up in the 60's my parents never talked to me about sex. i just heard things off the streets and still was clueless as to what they were talking about. anyway, i got pregnant. i had the crazy notion that the responsible person and i would get married and raise this child and live happily ever after. well, reality set in when my parents woke me up on a Saturday morning and told me they were taking me to a home for unwed mothers. i had no idea what they were talking about. a home?that was in june of 1969. i was so shocked when i got there. i had to become totally anonymous,take a fictitious name,and stay at this place with lots of girls i didn't know for 5 months! 

i remember feeling all alone as my parents signed me in, (with my mother crying inconsolably) pinned a name tag on me , my parents told me good-bye and they left. just left me in a completely new world to which i had never been exposed. i was so scared. 

i did have a great roommate,and i remember our "town days" which consisted of loading up a van of pregnant girls and going to a mall. like guys would look at us!!(ha!) maybe from behind but when we turned around!!! whoa!   

anyway,i was adopted when i was 3 days old and i never felt any different from my siblings who were my parents biological children born 2 and 4 years after me, so when i came to my senses i knew in my heart of hearts the only real chance at a good life that i saw for my baby was to give him up for adoption.  

i went into labor late one evening and was taken to methodist hospital in san antonio. i was "prepped" for my delivery which included heavy sedation. i do remember climbing over the rails of the bed after i could not get any help to go to the restroom .,and then being restrained. the next thing i remember was waking up facing a wall of lockers and a doctor coming in and telling me i had a son and that "we"had a little trouble at the end,but things were o.k. then he walked off. o.k?? god ,please tell me more. 

i was wheeled to my room in a wheelchair that i could barely sit up in from being so sedated, and placed in bed. i kept asking about my baby. where was he ? i had signed papers saying that i wanted to see him. after all, i carried him inside of me for 9 months and he was a part of me. what seemed to be many hours passed and a nurse walked in with a bundle in her arms. my baby! he was the most beautiful baby i had ever seen. perfect. 10 fingers and 10 tiny toes,and looked like his father. i must tell you i loved his father very much so that just enhanced the feelings. i was in the hospital for 3 days and got to see him everyday. then it came time to leave. i got to go tot the nursery and say goodbye at least until adoption day. i cried my eyes out. 

i returned to the home and like everyone else shared my story. many asked if i was going to "do my adoption" which meant was i going to see my baby the day of. YES!  

that day came faster than lightning and the station wagon with the nurse and 3 babies lined up in the back seat arrived. i could hardly wait to hold me baby. hurry please ,give him to me. 

they did. i got to feed him, change a poopie diaper, and dress him in the little outfit that his new parents sent for his adoption day. i told him that i never wanted him to forget that i loved him and i would never forget him. i wanted him to have something i could not give him. a good life. i kissed him goodbye and gave him to the pastor to take to the chapel. i knew i had done the right thing. 

i went home several days later and nothing was ever said about it again,except between my father and me. we always remembered "sam's" birthday . 

birthdays, holidays, graduation,all the special moments never passed without a thought. in 1995 ,i got a call from the home in san antonio that my son was looking for me. we met face to face in december of of 1995. there is a great story to tell about the airport and if by some chance "sam",who's real name turned out to be kevin, would love to share it on the doctor phil show. 

this reunion has been a blessing and he thanks me every time we talk for giving him the best gift... a set of 2 parents that love him. you see he met his birth father too and his other siblings. he has 7 all together,and another sister with his adoptive parents . i got to meet this parents in september of 2003. how blessed am i?  

 i found my birth mother 2 weeks after kevin found me, unfortunately it has not worked out but that is o.k. both of my parents have passed now and i miss them terribly but they did get to meet kevin.  

i wish you all the best. 

 
February 27, 2006, 7:09 am CST

My Adoption Story

<a href="http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=52467181&blogID=91945284&MyToken=f2121b7c-7b3b-49b3-996a-36f875e0a935">Click here to read my story</a> 

  

My story posted above isn't complete and mind you this all happened over the course of the last three days. I'm still searching for my second older brother who was adopted. His name is Steven Lawrence and he was born in 1977. He should be somewhere near or in Indianapolis, IN.  

  

If anyone could recommend some websites or resources I could use to track him down, my family and I would be extremely appreciative. 

 
February 27, 2006, 7:14 am CST

My Adoption Story

Quote From: saikins

<a href="http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=52467181&blogID=91945284&MyToken=f2121b7c-7b3b-49b3-996a-36f875e0a935">Click here to read my story</a> 

  

My story posted above isn't complete and mind you this all happened over the course of the last three days. I'm still searching for my second older brother who was adopted. His name is Steven Lawrence and he was born in 1977. He should be somewhere near or in Indianapolis, IN.  

  

If anyone could recommend some websites or resources I could use to track him down, my family and I would be extremely appreciative. 

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=52467181&blogID=91945284&MyToken=f2121b7c-7b3b-49b3-996a-36f875e0a935 

  

Since the link didn't seem to work last time. 

 
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