Topic : My Adoption Story

Hi,

I hope you are able to get some professional help.

My hats off to you for adopting a child.  I'm sure you thought it would be a pleasant

experience, not one that causes anxiety.

I am quite sure your daughter can feel and sense your distance,

your dislike.  I cannot imagine how that must feel to an 8 year old child.

I wouldn't be surprised if she shows signs of resentment toward you

your sons because of a sense of distance.

It's not what you say, but what you don't say that hurts.

Please help yourself and your child; take the time to seek professional advice.

after year's of searching i have finally found my birth mom. i was born in england in 1970 and adopted to a couple from the united states. my birth mom was/is british. i knew her name and she also named me at birth. i was never close to my adopted mom and dad. they were very abusive both mentally and physically. so i never had any help from them in my search.  i managed to join every web site in england and a woman who i like to call my angel found her for me. we have managed to e mail eachother and send picture's.  i have a sister and a brother, they both knew all about me, and i also have 4 nephew's. i always knew in the back of my mind that she wanted me to find her. and in her e mails she assured me that there was never a day that she didn't think about me. i am so happy. i did write a post earlier about searching for my birth mom and now i just wanted to say i have found her. i live in the US and she is still in england so it may take sometime to see her face to face because of the expence. but anyway if anyone out there reads this and is searching,, don't ever give up.  thank you for letting me say this and good luck to all in there search..

sue gregory

sgregory35@comcast.net

Hello,  I also placed a baby for adoption.  I've remained in an open adoption situation, and have seen him fall apart over the years.  He sees me fairly regularly, but is really beginning to scare me because he is going down hill fast now that he's hit puberty.  His adoptive people have had a total of 6 kids.  He was the first.  And the last child of theirs is not between the two of them. However, they were married at the time.  He bounces back and forth between parents who are now separated, or divorced and the adoptive mom lives with a live in boyfriend whom she found at AA.  She's been strung out on prescription meds, all the while this boy has been allowed to make decisions for himself in many situations that should be monitored by parents.  They call me when he gets in these low areas because they claim he listens to me.  I don't know what to do for him at this point.  I'm afraid he's on the brink of moving down hill fast.  Sorry for your loss.  I think adoption isn't always what some crack it up to be. 

Have you tried contacting universities and law schools in New York and checking out their libraries to see if you can find photos of people who look like you in their yearbooks from around the time they would have attended?  It's worth a try. 

Judy

...

AMEN!  I totally agree with you, and I bet most adoptees feel the same.

I've often wondered what would happen if all adoptees (who feel as I do) and those who support us would just STOP putting up with this and all write to our congressmen and all the media we can think of, and just really get the word out.  We should have a national "We're Adoptees and We're Not Gonna Take It Anymore!" day.  We should just BLITZ the media to get the word out.  It's OUR information.  We are treated like second class citizens just because someone else decided they didn't want or couldn't keep us for whatever reason.  So why are we punished by having our records denied to us?  When I got a passport for a cruise, I had to answer all sorts of questions as to why my birth certificate was dated when I was 5 years old.  It was a "duplicate" that I got just before entering school.  I was told that the original was burned in a fire at vital records.

African-Americans didn't get rights by sitting on their butts and doing nothing.  Women didn't get the right to vote by just keeping up with the housework.  WE HAVE TO TAKE ACTION!  I'm not quite sure, though, about the what and how of it.  I just know that we adoptees have to do something, together as a group.

Those who know their identities and background can never understand how we feel. 

I had wonderful adoptive parents who gave me everything, maybe a little too much even, and I never doubted that they loved me.  However, their lie of omission was a biggie.  I remember being told as a child that no matter what I did, I'd never get into as much trouble if I told the truth.  "Just don't lie to me", my mother always said.  They died over 25 years ago, so I can't even vent to them. I still love them, even though they're no longer here, but it's stressful not being able to get medical information.  I have lymphedema, and if I had known it was in my medical history, I might have recognized it, or my doctor if he had known, and I might have been able to get treatment sooner and it wouldn't be as bad as it is now.  I don't want my children and grandchildren to have any medical surprises in life.  If there is anything they need to watch for, I want them to know in advance and perhaps be prepared. 

I'm 57 and just found out for sure, though I suspected since childhood that I was adopted.  My mother always denied it and got so upset and I didn't want her to think I was crazy, so I didn't bring it up much.  Guess I wasn't crazy after all.  It hurts that she lied to me, because I did ask her a few times, and she always denied it.  She should have trusted my love for her.  For both of them.

I don't have an abandonment problem.  I had no personality.  A baby was given up, and it wasn't personal against me.  It was just the circumstances.  My adoptive parents wanted me so much, and I was always loved.  I'm just a little ticked off that they never told me.  No problems with having been adopted, though.  I can't imagine having a better family than the one I grew up in.

Not knowing is stressful.  I feel that something is missing, and always have.  I feel I might have a twin.  (For the story, see the other adoption thread about searching.)

Judy

...

Maybe adoptive parents and birth parents were promised confidentiality-MAYBE- but siblings were NOT and I think I should be able to know who my siblings are.

I was born in Syracuse, NY 9/19/1949 to a 33 year old married woman who was separated from her husband. He had been in the service. I was adopted by a family from Utica who thought my mother was a "young girl". My birthparents actually had 6 children already, girls born 1935, 1936, and 1945, and boys born 1939, 1942, and 1946. I could have dated my brother and not even know it as my adoptive parents weren't told about the other kids. After me, I have a sister who is 15 MONTHS younger than me, born in December 1950. I was matched with my youngest sister, born in July 1954, through the NYS Adoption Information Registry.

What happened to all my siblings? Could a family this large just disappear? My birth mother had 4 brothers and 2 sisters who must have also had children. There must be at least 50 or more relatives of mine out there somewhere. Maybe they thought I died at birth. My adoptive parents were asked to adopt my next sister but declined. They never even told me. I found this out from former neighbors on separate occasions.

I know nothing about my birth family's medical history or ethnic background. I've been keep from siblings my entire life. Isn't it time that something changed so that I can find the people I am related to by blood?

I''ve registered on every adoption site I know, to no avail. Anyone have any suggestions?

Natalie

I have a friend who was adopted as a baby.  He, fortunately, had a

very good life with a great family.  He said that his family, and himself

also, forgets that he is even adopted.  He looks like

his family and they have never dwelled on it.

My point is that someone

who is happy might not want that "can of worms" opened. 

Something like this could really hurt good adoptive parents,

and the only siblings they've known since childhood.

Please make sure that BOTH PARTIES are interested.

 I came on here almost a year ago and told my story of how in 2002, I was munipulated and lied to give my son up for adoption. My sister was killed in May of 02 while I was pregnant, and shortly after, I had looked into giving my third child up for adoption due to depression. I wanted a private adoption and saw an advertisement in the newspaper for a couple that wanted to adopt a child. I called the number and spoke to a woman. After a few weeks of talking I decided to give my son up to them. She told me how they had really good jobs and a nice big house for my son to grow up in. It was a dream come true story for a small town girl.  My son would grow up better than I did. I won't go into great detail, but they flew me to California and I had the baby there. We agreed to an open adoption and we would keep in contact. A week after I came home from CA, I was hospitalized for major depression. I stayed there for several days and come to my sences and called the family to tell them I wanted my son back, and I was threatened that if I went get my son, they would put me in jail for adoption fraud. Like a dumbass, I believed them and signed my paperwork over to them. They then changed their number on me and I didn't have contact with them for almost a year. They told me how he was doing great, and how the adoption had went through. I cried.  They sent me a few pics of him and then I hardly ever heard from them anymore. They would never answer their phone of disconnect their phone. In July of last year, I got on here and told my story and got many responses of how I needed to look into my adoption more. I had never been to court or received any paperwork for the adoption. So I started by entering their address in the computer and a mobile home park came up. I called the number and spoke with their landlord, who told me many things about these people, including the fact that they had moved to NY state. I was very scarred and wanted to find out more. I called DSS in CA and requested a copy of his records, but there were none. My son had never been adopted!!  I got into contact with several attorney's and spoke with them about this matter, but things didn't look good for me. He had lived with them for so long that a judge would probably give them full custody. I gave up. Then one day I received a call from a FBI agent that had gotten a call from an anonomous caller saying these people were in the "Black Market" business. She asked me questions and I flew to NY to meet with her. Being they did not have any paperwork on my son I could file for custody on him. I did. The adoptive parents voluntarily placed him with the state untill we could figure all this out. I worked with the state, answered ALL their answers truthfully ( even if I thought they could potiently hurt me in the long run).  I flew to NY 5 times total for court dates. These people showed up once! No more after that appereance. They never called for my son, never went seen my son, nothing. Let him go into state custody with nothing more than what he had on his back. My son was malnutrient, had very long hair, the only word he could say was no, and had an adult diaper on. We thought at first he might of been autistic, but he's not. He had been neglected very badly by these people. We're not sure if he was abused or not. He can't tell us. The last court date I was granted sole custody of my son. I have to say, I am now the happiest woman on earth. I know most of you, hate the system, like I use to. But I have to say that it worked for me and I'm very please with everyone that had their hand in this case.  I met alot of friends in NY, and I will not forget them anytime soon. Thank You for believing in me and my son. No telling where my son would be had everything worked out the way it did. Everything happens for a reason, I am a firm believer. Don't ever give up, the fight is worth the victory. I now have all my kids home with me.

I'm the biological mother and reunited with my daughter 6 years ago.  She is in her late 20's.

The reunion has been nothing but positive except for one thing, her parents.  They will not accept that I am part of her life.  I speak to her almost everyday since we were reunited.  The big

dilemma that we face is that she will be getting married in a couple of months and her parents do not want me to attend the wedding. She stressed out cause she doesn't want to disappoint anyone but know that her parents may not even show up to the wedding and yet she wants both families there  What do we do ?