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Topic : Searching for Birth Parents

Number of Replies: 1017
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 12:25:10 pm
Author : dataimport

Are you adopted? Have you met your birth parents, or is searching for them important to you? Share your story.

 

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June 9, 2006, 9:40 am CDT

chin up

Quote From: dlanzillo

jbrook the  reason that I had so angery is because like many birth mothers the sperm donor that helped me to get pregnent was not their for me. I had to be strong for me and my boys. I had little money when I got back to Florida. The state did not what to help me in regards to money for dipers for my oldest son. The mith that people get so much from the state on welfare is a big fat lie, and child support is just another big head ach. Dealing with the state for any thing is not worth it. I have gotten help from my oldest son grandparnets. Like many girls in the U.S. I am ashamed to say that I didn't know who my oldest son's father was. We did a grandparnet test and the help me with him. I get his fathers ss checks, but I do know who J.T. father is and at the time that I got pregnent I knew. I lived with Chris and didn't have time with work and trying to get Patrick back from the state because of lies that was told on me. Chris was on drugs and other stuff and told me I was lieing about being pregenet. He later treaten me and that is why I left Missouri and I don't like the state.  

J.T. thank God looks like me. He is a minnie me and I thank god that their is not much of Chris in him look wise. My probles carrying J.T. is the Patrick had just turned one and it was to eary for me to get pregent with J.T. . The other reason why I am anger is the way I was treated by not only the angency but the adoptive parnets after I signed the papers. I was treated like my job was done and I had no rights to him and how dear I ask for any thing. I don't make a point of bothering them.When his birthday come I ask what he wants and get him a few things. Then I wait for the pictures of him. They only send two or three for a hole year. I know that I should be greatful that I get them, but I think they should send more pics. The mother is the only one that can't  have babys. The father has another child  from a marriage before. He is the one that I worry about. I worry about how he treats him. Like I said he can have kids and she can't. I know that she loves him and thinks of him like her own, but I don't trust him. I don't trust men at all. I got to spend a lot of time with the adoptive mother,but not with the father.I din't get the chance to ask the questions that I should have asked. I am also mad at my self for not being strong enough. I do have a question for all. When if he does come and ask me about his father  should I tell him the truth, or should  I lie and tell him that his sperm donor wanted him. I only put it like that because that is the only thing that he did for him and me. I don't want him to meet him, but I don't want J.T. to think that I am being selfish like his sperm donor. I just want to protect him from a boy ( he is 26 now) that never wanted him. Please don't think that I hate all men just Chris the boy who ran out on me and his son. I am not 27 about to turn 28 and still having problem with coming to terms with all this. I didn't get much countleng after the adoption and it has left me anger and depersed. I am on meds for the depersen. I just pray that J.T. will not hate me and understand why I had to do what I had to do. It also hurts that I know that he will never see me as his mother, but just as the person that gave birth to him. Please respond back. I would love to know from you as to how I should tell him about is birth father when he comes to look for me. I am the only peron besides Chris that know the whole story. The angency don't have the info on him. I am the only person that has Chris's phone nubers.Chris is J.T. Sperm donor and Patrick is my oldest son. 

  

God Bless to all 

Donna 

Mother to 

Joseph Thomas 

02-14-2003 

and 

Patrick Ryan 

07-06-2001 

  

your gonna tell him how it is. the truth. that you named him Joseph Thomas. and how you celebrated his b-day every year. (you can even start a collection of b-day cards and write in them what you did to celebrate his life...then when he sees this it be a good impact on his thoughts of you) and he will get to meet his brother Patric Ryan. Then that question will come. "But what about my dad?" You will respond with his name is Chris.... and he had to many issues back then to stick around or help out. as hard as it is to hold back all your anger and disgust with Chris, you will be calm and cool and collected and let J.T decide to call Chris.Then Chris will have to be a man and step up to the plate! you do not ever have to answer for someone elses actions! Just your own. Which is how your going to respond to that "?" "Why me?" You were not in the position of raising 2 kids and times were so bad for us that you, J.T. deserved a better life than what i could give. Explain you had nobody to turn to, no family,...but i cared enough about you that i carried you and love you. I thought about you everyday! 

How does patric feel about J.T. or does he even know?  

 
June 9, 2006, 10:07 am CDT

Searching for birth parents?

I just needed to post to anyone searching for birth parents that in many states there are agencies with private detectives that can help you find your birth parent/birth family information. It usually costs about $400 for this information, but it is money well spent for the peace of mind that can be achieved. My husband was curious about his birth parents for many, many years, and once we found an agency here in MA specializing in adoption searches, he got his answers within 2 days! He was told by the adoption agency that there was NO WAY he would be able to find his birth parents, but they were very wrong.
The next suggestion I have is very serious. I urge anyone searching for birth parents to get some counseling for yourself before you find or meet your biological parents, because you may have certain ideas or dreams of what they will be like, and you could be very disappointed. My husband was extremely disappointed, because when he contacted his birth mother, she refused to tell him who is father was, and she told him that he was a secret and she intended to keep it that way. It was a very harsh blow. But the agency that helped him contact her also has a support group for adoptees  and for birth parents to come together and receive support and advice. Although it was very difficult to hear that she didn’t want to know him or his family, he did get much needed medical information that has been very helpful. I urge anyone who feels strongly about finding their birth parents to do this, it helps to achieve closure.
 
June 9, 2006, 10:21 am CDT

sucky reunions

Quote From: jenoc99

I just needed to post to anyone searching for birth parents that in many states there are agencies with private detectives that can help you find your birth parent/birth family information. It usually costs about $400 for this information, but it is money well spent for the peace of mind that can be achieved. My husband was curious about his birth parents for many, many years, and once we found an agency here in MA specializing in adoption searches, he got his answers within 2 days! He was told by the adoption agency that there was NO WAY he would be able to find his birth parents, but they were very wrong.
The next suggestion I have is very serious. I urge anyone searching for birth parents to get some counseling for yourself before you find or meet your biological parents, because you may have certain ideas or dreams of what they will be like, and you could be very disappointed. My husband was extremely disappointed, because when he contacted his birth mother, she refused to tell him who is father was, and she told him that he was a secret and she intended to keep it that way. It was a very harsh blow. But the agency that helped him contact her also has a support group for adoptees  and for birth parents to come together and receive support and advice. Although it was very difficult to hear that she didn’t want to know him or his family, he did get much needed medical information that has been very helpful. I urge anyone who feels strongly about finding their birth parents to do this, it helps to achieve closure.
You know it really sucks to hear of bad reunions. If the birthparents don't want anything to do with the child that's fine but every adoptee has a right to know about their past. It is not right to withhold that information. The least the birthmothers could do is let the adopted child meet any siblings. My husband is adopted and we're looking for any birthfamily. His adoptive father said that the birthmother said she did not want contact with her son. I'm not sure if I believe that considering my husbands father is whacked. Anyway, it's something we have to consider. I think by now it would be better to find her and his roots and deal with not being wanted than to not know at all. Basically all my husband has left is me, the kids and my family. His adoptive mom passed away. But she didn't give him what he needed or deserved as he grew up.
 
June 9, 2006, 10:38 am CDT

I have both pics of both of my boys up

Quote From: jbrook

your gonna tell him how it is. the truth. that you named him Joseph Thomas. and how you celebrated his b-day every year. (you can even start a collection of b-day cards and write in them what you did to celebrate his life...then when he sees this it be a good impact on his thoughts of you) and he will get to meet his brother Patric Ryan. Then that question will come. "But what about my dad?" You will respond with his name is Chris.... and he had to many issues back then to stick around or help out. as hard as it is to hold back all your anger and disgust with Chris, you will be calm and cool and collected and let J.T decide to call Chris.Then Chris will have to be a man and step up to the plate! you do not ever have to answer for someone elses actions! Just your own. Which is how your going to respond to that "?" "Why me?" You were not in the position of raising 2 kids and times were so bad for us that you, J.T. deserved a better life than what i could give. Explain you had nobody to turn to, no family,...but i cared enough about you that i carried you and love you. I thought about you everyday! 

How does patric feel about J.T. or does he even know?  

 Patrick does know about his brother. I don't believe in hiding the truth or acting like he does not exects. I tell him about his brother. He dose not understand much, but dose know that J.T. is his brother and I would never hide that fact. It is hard when asked about how many kids I have, but I aways respond that I have two beautful boys. 

  

  

Donna 

mother of 

J.T. 

02-14-2003 

and 

Patrick Ryan 

07-06-2001 

  

 
June 9, 2006, 1:34 pm CDT

Looking for birth family

Hi. My name is Elizabeth Hughes. I was givin up for adoption when I was about 9 months old.My birth moms maiden name  was Suzanne Taylor. My birth fathers name is everett Thornton. I was born in Springfield,Massachusetts on December 20,1972. All I know is my mom is about 5' 10" and father is about 5'4" to 5'5". My birth mom was about 21 years old when she had me. I am 33years old now. I was born at baystate Hospital in springfield,Massachusetts. I am still living in the springfield area. If there is anyone out there who has any info or is a birth family member you can contact me at Nightcrawler@comcast.net. Thank you. I also would like to add that I was adopted by peter and Anne marie stone.  

   

   

                                     Forever grateful,   

   

   

                                               Elizabeth   

 
June 9, 2006, 4:00 pm CDT

Searching for Birth Parents

Quote From: 062979

 
June 11, 2006, 9:49 am CDT

will i ever find them?!?!?

i am 14 and i am despret to find my birth mom and the rest of my family. my friend and i are trying to find her. i am in canada and my mom  is in Guatemala. latey i have been missing her more,cause i want to know more about my family's background. also i have been getting allergic to lots of  things and  doctors always ask  me if in past history that my family has had bad allergeries. i really want to find them!!! and i miss them. i have a friend  that always as my back. i love her lots and she is the best kind of friend a person can have. thanks
 
June 12, 2006, 11:02 am CDT

Have questions for all adoptive parnets

  

 I have questions for all adoptive parnets. I am putting this on this board becuse I get more responce from this board. I am tring to write a letter to my child adoptive parnets. The situation between us is not good. I have talked to the mother, but I think the father dose not want to have anything to do with me. I am writing to ask for letters as to how he is and for more pictures than they send. In the picture contract it says that they have to send updates to his growth and development. They did this till he turned one and since have stopped. I don't want to cause any problems, but I would like to know how he is doing. I know that they are his parnets now, but I would like to know how he is. I have also writen in the letter about if they are going to tell him that he is adoptied when he is eighteen or older. I have written that I would like to be apart of that. If only in a letter. This is where adoptee come in. I want him to know that he was always wanted. I also want to tell him my story about give the info if he wants it about his b/f. I don't want to over step my place on this, but I would just like some pice of my son's life. I don't want them to see me as the emey or as a threat, but as a special friend. PLEASE ALL ADOPTEE'S AND ADOPTIVE PARNETS I NEED YOU ADIVCE ON THIS. 

  

Thank You 

And 

God Bless 

 
June 12, 2006, 12:19 pm CDT

re:finding

Quote From: eyesogreen

Hi. My name is Elizabeth Hughes. I was givin up for adoption when I was about 9 months old.My birth moms maiden name  was Suzanne Taylor. My birth fathers name is everett Thornton. I was born in Springfield,Massachusetts on December 20,1972. All I know is my mom is about 5' 10" and father is about 5'4" to 5'5". My birth mom was about 21 years old when she had me. I am 33years old now. I was born at baystate Hospital in springfield,Massachusetts. I am still living in the springfield area. If there is anyone out there who has any info or is a birth family member you can contact me at Nightcrawler@comcast.net. Thank you. I also would like to add that I was adopted by peter and Anne marie stone.  

   

   

                                     Forever grateful,   

   

   

                                               Elizabeth   

How long have you been looking? It's great that you have  the BF's name. I think it's easier to trace them than the BM. How did you come about this info? Do you have documents? I've been searching for my husbands birth family for years with no luck. If you need any help or advice then write back. 

  

Jen 

 
June 12, 2006, 5:29 pm CDT

dlanzillo

what did you think of what i suggessted? i hope it helped in some kind of hopeful way. your in a predictament  of the toughest choice! it is really different to see how it could be on the other side! i am the adoptee, if you forgot, i have always thought of both sides of the grass...neither one is green. respond back so i know how you are feeling..... 
 
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