Quote From: honey233I was adopted in 1957, Ottawa, Ontario, at the age of 5 days. It was a private adoption arranged through the family lawyer. In 1992 I registered with the Ontario Adoption Disclosure Agency, who perform searches for no fee. It would take 7 years for my name to get to the top of the list for searching. In 1995 I got the adoption file from my parent's lawyer with all of the birth parent information, and started my own search. It took me all of 3 months to locate both birth parents. The birth mother had married and had 2 sons and lived in Southern Ontario. I contacted her by phone and at first she was startled to hear her past reaching out to her. I told her that all I was looking for was medical information and that I was not wanting to intrude on her life, but hoping for a good outcome and perhaps some sort of arms length relationship. She was willing to give me some information and asked that I not contact her again. Her husband was not well, and it appeared that he had no knowledge that she had had a child almost 40 years previously. I promised her that I would not contact her and have kept my word.
I located the sister of the birth father who relayed my name and phone number to him. Within 4 days he had called me and told me not to contact him again, and that if I did he would be contacting the RCMP to report me for harrassment. That phone call left me feeling like someone had kicked me in the stomach. There are definately cruel, heartless people out there.
In 1999, the Ontario Adoption Disclosure Agency contacted me to let me know it was now my turn for them to search for my birth parents. I informed them that I had found them, but if they were willing to contact the birth mother and ask her if she was now willing to participate in contact between us. I wanted them to be sure to tell her that I had been registered for this search for 7 years and that I was still keeping my word to her not to contact her, but how could I let this opportunity slip by.
They did contact her, but she was still unwilling to have any contact.
In the end, I know that I was raised by 2 loving parents, who gave me everything I ever asked for. They were older, 50 & 47 at the time of my birth, and they both lived to be 90, sharing with me a wonderful extended family that stretches across this country.
At the same time, I feel like I'm someone's dirty little secret, to be hidden away and not discussed. How much these birth parents are missing, they will never know. I am a loving, caring, loyal person, who only asks for the same from those around me.
You will note that I never refer to these 2 people as "my" birthparents, but rather "the" birthparents. To me, they are just individuals who are having difficulty coming to terms with their past, and that has no reflection on me, nor do they belong to me, or me to them.
I will live with their decisions and know that I always got the better end of the deal.
My name is Donna and I am sorry that you didn't get the reponds that you were looking for. I know that not all birth parnets are like that. I do wish that I could raise my beatiful little boy, but I didn't have the money and had no job. I wanted a father for my son and the sperm donor that help to bring him into this world dose not care for him or me. I just want you to know that some do care and I don't think of him as a dirty little secret and when asked how many kids I have I always say two beatuiful little boys one is three and the other about to be five.
Thank you for letting me share with you my story.
Donna
