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Topic : Foster Parenting

Number of Replies: 242
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Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 12:27:01 pm
Author : dataimport
Are you a foster parent or interested in becoming one? Are you considering adopting your foster child? Share advice and support with others here.

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February 28, 2009, 12:15 am CST

foster help...

Quote From: snowthorn

Mate, do something for me...

 

TURN OFF THE BLOODY CAPS KEY OFF!!!!!!

Hi there,

    I have been a foster care provider for 2 years now.  I have a few questions...  My foster child is 6 1/2 years old now.  Her sister is now 2 1/2 years.  The parental termination is still in progress.  My foster child has been with out her mother, father and sister for the full length of 2 years.  (the father of my foster care child has been absent her entire life.)  Is my feeling of taking care of them both, enough if I move 100's of miles away best for the girls so they can have each other atleast?  I am the 6 1/2's aunt and the 2 1/2 year olds also.  The youngest sibling is being taken care of by the bio. father 's mother , her grandmother.  ( the girls both have seperate dads.)  The termination is set up for March.  I am trying to be objective for the kids.  I don't want to take the youngest from her grandmother, however I feel it's in the best intrest of the 2 kids to be together,

 

In need of advise,

 A loving aunt

 
February 28, 2009, 12:20 am CST

made a mistake

Quote From: auntyjen

Hi there,

    I have been a foster care provider for 2 years now.  I have a few questions...  My foster child is 6 1/2 years old now.  Her sister is now 2 1/2 years.  The parental termination is still in progress.  My foster child has been with out her mother, father and sister for the full length of 2 years.  (the father of my foster care child has been absent her entire life.)  Is my feeling of taking care of them both, enough if I move 100's of miles away best for the girls so they can have each other atleast?  I am the 6 1/2's aunt and the 2 1/2 year olds also.  The youngest sibling is being taken care of by the bio. father 's mother , her grandmother.  ( the girls both have seperate dads.)  The termination is set up for March.  I am trying to be objective for the kids.  I don't want to take the youngest from her grandmother, however I feel it's in the best intrest of the 2 kids to be together,

 

In need of advise,

 A loving aunt

I meant to say in a sentance or few ago:  If I foster them both I will be 100's of miles away from the mother and the 2nd childs father and grandmother.
 
March 22, 2009, 5:04 pm CDT

Baby Bruce stolen by DCS California

Quote From: cjbrowda

Hi, my name is Carole , I am a mom of 8 children, of which I fostered 3 , but adopted 5 of the 8 . I  was just reading about a lady who felt the system picks and choses who the want to license, oh how true that is. When my husband and I took on the 2 children that we adopted but didn't foster , we were their guardians, we were trying to get our license, in order to adopt them and 2 other simblings, when mom and dad did something wrong the county allowed the boys to stay with mike and I , for 2 weeks without pay, then they allowed dad and mom to take them back, shortly after another baby came along and we were still trying to get our license , as we really knew it would only be a matter of time before the parents did something again, and also we wanted to adopt the two we had and the county held off our license until these children were in a foster home secure enough time, that it wouldn't have been fair to move them , we got our license a few weeks before the foster parents to these 3 simblings to our children were adopted. The County we lived in never could explain why all of a sudden we were eligible for our foster license. So my daughter and son have lost their little brothers and sister forever, because you see the family who adopted them moved far away from us and the ties are severed forever. I have to see the worker everytime I go to the store or shopping anywhere in our town. My daughter , the oldest of this group of seperated kids graduates this year and said all she wants is to see her brothers and sister. They also have two sibblings , here in our town, of which one has no idea he is their brother, and they all go to school together. I just think people who adopt should think a little more of the childrens needs , than their own, no child wants to be seperated from their parents, but it makes it doubly bad to be disconnected from sisters and brothers. They other 3 children we fostered and then adopted , actually kind of have the same situation, except their siblings are 30 minutes away, and they can't see them, why would anyone want to seperate kids, family is security and bio-families lose out in this system.

I’m writing this letter in regards to my infant nephew Bruce Allan Mims III in the care of Children and family services in Santa Clara California. I’m a resident of the state of Idaho.

My infant great nephew was born on March 9th 2007. His mother was arrested at 5 months pregnant on meth. His father my nephew is a drug user as well. Upon his birth DCS (Department of Children Services) claimed custody in Santa Clara California. In June his Birth father Bruce was informed that he would not be regaining custody and did he have any family members able to adopt him. He gave them my sister’s name Marty Buss.

 

Marty was contacted by DCS and started the program here in Idaho to gain custody of Baby Bruce. Her first application was lost in the mail. The DCS office said that they didn’t receive it. This was towards the end of July. Marty than went into DCS office in Twin Falls Idaho personally picked up a second application. She filled it out and hand delivered it. She was awaiting their answer when her husband was diagnosed the end of August with Brain cancer. Surgery was preformed August 28-29. The doctor’s prognosis after surgery said the remaining tumors were inoperable and that her husband would require 24 hour care for the rest of his life. Marty notified the DCS office here in Idaho and California about this tragic turn of her life and that she wasn’t going to adopt Baby Bruce at this time. However she gave them my name.

 

DCS in California called me around the first of September regarding whether or not I would be willing to adopt Baby Bruce. I said yes of course. I informed them family is the most important and always comes first. I began the process the first part of September. I have gone thru the ICPC program in Idaho and became a licensed Foster Home November 20th. I was promised by both the DCS in Idaho and California once I was licensed he would be placed in my care. This did not happen. Once I was licensed and approved the foster family that he was placed with under the concurrent planning program filed a grievance to stop his placement with me. We have been fighting ever since. Our first grievance hearing was in November DCS sided in my favor. The foster family filled for Defacto parent’s rights and a grievance against the decision. The second grievance hearing was held December 31st. We were promised a decision within 1 week. We never received a decision. I contact Senator Corbits office for help the end of January 4 weeks later. Only because no one in DCS could give me answers they Kept stating “ Don’t worry he belongs with you” “He will be with you soon please JUST BE PATIENT”   I was contacted last week that the Head of DCS Norma DR Sparks wants another grievance hearing that they need more information. New hearing was February 6 2008. The outcome was that he remains with strangers. The second foster family instead of with his Biological FAMILY in Idaho.

 

Our family in Idaho is devastated!! Please help me bring my infant nephew home where he belongs. He is my great nephew, my father’s second great- great grandchild. My father has patiently awaited his arrival with each disappointment given by DCS. He missed 2 family weddings. He missed his first and second Thanksgiving and Christmas with his BIOLOGICAL family. PLEASE find it in your heart to help us. I feel like I have been treated unfairly by the DCS of Santa Clara County. They have ripped all of our hearts out with their careless decision. FAMILY should come first. I have traveled every weekend to bond with my nephew. California has footed the airline tickets and hotel expenses.  Why is it that they did this to all of us if their intentions where to place him with the foster family all along. PLEASE I’m begging you to help us bring him home where he belongs. We were granted a court order for him to be transferred to Idaho and than denied by DCS. Thousands of dollars have been spent and thousands more will be spent. Please help us.

                                                Sincerely Yours

Baby Bruce’s Loving, Caring and Devoted Great Aunt

 

                                                Mona K Weeks

 
April 2, 2009, 6:59 am CDT

Foster Parenting

Quote From: monakay

Im writing this letter in regards to my infant nephew Bruce Allan Mims III in the care of Children and family services in Santa Clara California. Im a resident of the state of Idaho.

My infant great nephew was born on March 9th 2007. His mother was arrested at 5 months pregnant on meth. His father my nephew is a drug user as well. Upon his birth DCS (Department of Children Services) claimed custody in Santa Clara California. In June his Birth father Bruce was informed that he would not be regaining custody and did he have any family members able to adopt him. He gave them my sisters name Marty Buss.

 

Marty was contacted by DCS and started the program here in Idaho to gain custody of Baby Bruce. Her first application was lost in the mail. The DCS office said that they didnt receive it. This was towards the end of July. Marty than went into DCS office in Twin Falls Idaho personally picked up a second application. She filled it out and hand delivered it. She was awaiting their answer when her husband was diagnosed the end of August with Brain cancer. Surgery was preformed August 28-29. The doctors prognosis after surgery said the remaining tumors were inoperable and that her husband would require 24 hour care for the rest of his life. Marty notified the DCS office here in Idaho and California about this tragic turn of her life and that she wasnt going to adopt Baby Bruce at this time. However she gave them my name.

 

DCS in California called me around the first of September regarding whether or not I would be willing to adopt Baby Bruce. I said yes of course. I informed them family is the most important and always comes first. I began the process the first part of September. I have gone thru the ICPC program in Idaho and became a licensed Foster Home November 20th. I was promised by both the DCS in Idaho and California once I was licensed he would be placed in my care. This did not happen. Once I was licensed and approved the foster family that he was placed with under the concurrent planning program filed a grievance to stop his placement with me. We have been fighting ever since. Our first grievance hearing was in November DCS sided in my favor. The foster family filled for Defacto parents rights and a grievance against the decision. The second grievance hearing was held December 31st. We were promised a decision within 1 week. We never received a decision. I contact Senator Corbits office for help the end of January 4 weeks later. Only because no one in DCS could give me answers they Kept stating Dont worry he belongs with you He will be with you soon please JUST BE PATIENT   I was contacted last week that the Head of DCS Norma DR Sparks wants another grievance hearing that they need more information. New hearing was February 6 2008. The outcome was that he remains with strangers. The second foster family instead of with his Biological FAMILY in Idaho.

 

Our family in Idaho is devastated!! Please help me bring my infant nephew home where he belongs. He is my great nephew, my fathers second great- great grandchild. My father has patiently awaited his arrival with each disappointment given by DCS. He missed 2 family weddings. He missed his first and second Thanksgiving and Christmas with his BIOLOGICAL family. PLEASE find it in your heart to help us. I feel like I have been treated unfairly by the DCS of Santa Clara County. They have ripped all of our hearts out with their careless decision. FAMILY should come first. I have traveled every weekend to bond with my nephew. California has footed the airline tickets and hotel expenses.  Why is it that they did this to all of us if their intentions where to place him with the foster family all along. PLEASE Im begging you to help us bring him home where he belongs. We were granted a court order for him to be transferred to Idaho and than denied by DCS. Thousands of dollars have been spent and thousands more will be spent. Please help us.

                                                Sincerely Yours

Baby Bruces Loving, Caring and Devoted Great Aunt

 

                                                Mona K Weeks

California Stole my Nephew.

June 12, 2008

For the better part of the past 22 months I have tired to gain custody of my great nephew, Bruce. I thought that I had won when a court order was issued giving me, the biological Aunt, the right to take him back to Idaho. The foster Family Ken and Margret Jones filed a grievance with Department of Social Service to stop his movement. According to Malaika Mukuyoma (California Caseworker), she had no idea what to do or how to proceed. Instead of following through with the court order issued December 13,2007 by Commissioner McCarthy , Malaika chose to ignore it and see what the office of DCS decided to do. .
           Since when did foster parents gain more rights than birth families, and since when did DCS have right to play with families hearts and souls as if they have no cares in the world.
           Since when did DCS become aplace for childless couples to gain free adoption of our children that have a loving biological family willing able and ready to raise them. 
This week a judge in Santa Clara County gave perfect strangers custody of an infant when there were blood relatives,approved by both states, that were willing to take him in and provide him with an extended, and happy family of people to whom he was related. The State of California has stolen a member of my family; going against the wishes of his parents.Please help me bring him home, I don’t know where else to turn. The legal system has failed me, and I have spent my savings fighting for him. Where can I go from here....

 
May 7, 2009, 7:17 pm CDT

Single foster parent

I've been a foster parent for almost 4 years now and have nothing but wonderful thing to say about my experience. I have since adopted two, they are sisters, one is 11 and one is 4. Has it been tough at times yes and have I questioned whether I've made a difference in thier lives and/or even the right choice, yes  but I know that God placed them in my home and me in thier lives for a reason.  Even through the struggles I know that my life is better because I have them and I hope their life is better too!

 

I'm in Dayton, OH and the county I foster for is outstanding. The workers are professional, supportive, dedicated, and fair.  The county offers as much support and assistance as they can.  I had my house closed for a while- because the adoption has been finalized for a little over a year now and I wanted the girls and myself to have that time for adjustment.  But I have recently opened my house again and look forward to helping another family. I wish all FP could have the support as  I feel my county has given me.

 
May 18, 2009, 5:34 pm CDT

I am an aunt who has gone through foster parenting to get my nephew back after my sister passed away

I lost my sister in Aug. 2008 to a year and a half battle with cancer. She left behind 3 sons. Their father came back right around the time she was dying to say that he would care for his boys and then abandoned them when their social security check came so that he could use it on drugs. I wasn't aware of it in time to save my sisters youngest son who is 8 from being abandoned by his father in a mental hospital because my nephew told people he wanted to die to go to heaven to see his mom. By the time we found all this out CYS was involved and we had to go through foster parenting classes while my little nephew was in a group home and then in a CRR foster home. He grew angrier and angrier and we weren't able to do anything about it because we had to become foster parents to save him from all of this. I am so upset that he couldn't just come to live with us. My sister even had a will written that said if the dad couldn't care for the boys I would. Which gave me guardianship of the middle son who was 16. The oldest one is 18 and on his own. Well now....it is 9 months later and my 8 year old nephew has been living with us since Dec. 23rd 2008. But we are still stuck as foster parents awaiting a custody hearing in Aug. To see if we even get custody. Their dad has shown up around Feb after receiving a letter from CYS saying we were going to take custody of my nephew because dad has made no efforts to reunite with him. I am so upset that dad can come back and possibly mess up our chance of getting custody. His dad was abusive with my sister and with the other boys. And he is a drug addict and an alcoholic that was in and out of their lives as long as I can remember. I don't understand how CYS can still try to reunify the family when he wasn't much of a dad ever and now my nephew is in a loving home. He is going through tons of anger and grief counseling because he has fits of rage because of his mom dying, his dad abandoning him, and all the abuse he grew up with. I'm trying to be patient with CYS and hoping that they see our side fairly and back us up at the court custody hearing. My nephew isn't tantruming as badly as he did before coming to live with us. I think he is finely feeling safe. And I love having him here. Even with all the work it requires with all of his anger. I am very frustrated waiting everything out. But can only hope for the best. The court did say at our last hearing that we were moved to #1 permanency plan above dad. So I hope that means something. Sometimes dealing with our social worker makes me wonder how we will ever be able to get custody over dad even if he has done all the bad stuff he did. So anyone reading this please say a prayer that we will be able to get custody in Aug. We love my nephew so much and he is such a part of our house now we would be lost without him.
 
May 25, 2009, 4:30 pm CDT

Foster Parenting

Quote From: tannorval

Could you please fill us in a bit more? How old are your children? CPS normally do a very thorough investigation before removing children. Has your situation improved since December? Maybe you could get them back now if you are settled. Do not lose faith. You have to fight for your kids, fight until your last dying breath, that will show your kids how much you love them, and it can undo alot of the damage being done now, or atleast allieviate it.
CPS investigations are a joke...they leave out the good stuff about the parents and only put negative stuff...sometimes twisting it so horribly that it is turned into a web of deceit and lies. Their investigations are jokes and most of the employees are not kept around very long because they are pawn and some cant stand the jobs from lies and the real abuse towards the families... Nothing can ever undo the damage done to these children...I fought like crazy...jumped the hoops...did more that was asked and there was no way I could hold down a steady job and do as they wanted...they know this,....finally the judge told CPS to make some significant progress and 2 visits which equals a month before court they finally gave me permission to take my child to a fast food restaurant across the road. Tear down CPS its a real shame and a joke.
 
May 25, 2009, 7:35 pm CDT

Iam in sc fighting DSS too.

We are in SC fighting DSS too. They took our kids not because of drugs but too many people in a house and told us once we got a place they would return them and guess what they didnt. Its been almost 6mths and our kids been gone. We wrote to our Governor and I encourge all the ppl fighting cps/ dss to write to the gov or the head over dss. Our governor got intouch with dss made them give us a court date and asked them what the hold up was. What dss likes to do is give the parents alot of programs to complete or find anything wrong with your child to hold against you. Such as parenting classes, drug tests, consueling, mental health eval, and they make you pay for it so they can see you finically unstable. The kids they suffer. They never ask them how they feel. They make the foster parents/ family suffer with the kids. The guardian edlitem never spoke to us. They done did a home study and we had to complete consueling for sinus medication, and also parenting classes. Dont let dss/cps drag ya down. KEEP FIGHTING FOR KIDS~
 
May 27, 2009, 8:37 am CDT

Foster Parenting

Quote From: cancer73

Hello,

My husband & I have been foster parents for 4 years. Within those four years i have had the same children.

They were returned to there mother & returned back to me.

I had this child since he was 12 months old. He was put in my care in 2006. He had visits w/ mom.He left with his mom after 13 months in my home. He returned back to me 3 weeks later he had been abused by moms boyfreind. I was told he is not returning to mom after this are you willing to adopt him. We said yes.

 

Mom has 2 other babies in the same year. Parental Rights have not been Terminated yet!

He was taken from my home this year just to be put in another foster home where he did not know anyone.

We cried for 2 weeks striaght. CASA worker never came to my home to meet him or us.

His At-Litum attorney never came to our  home not even once but drives 250 miles to go and see him before the court hearing to take a picture to show the court he is doing ok. CPS caseworker only came once to my home & that because my husband told her to come to our home so she can meet this child.

 

This are the people that make these desicions for this kids & they do not even know this kid. They tore up our family we are hurting .my own kids are hurting.my older child went into a depression.

I wrote the Govenor & the senator & my local congressmen & CPS no one did nothing.

 

When he was removed i stayed on the computer till 4-5 in morning researching. I read the entire handbook on CPS & the things i found out just blew my mind.

CPS will do anything it can for you not to get the children you are fight for back.

 

Another thing is that the agency that i am w/ now

 

They said it was in the best intrest for the child. They have no clue what the best intrest for the child is.

No one cares for this children like the foster parents who are there when they are sick or scared or crying wanting to know why is this happening to me? We know this children more than anybody else & the people who do not know them are the ones who make the last call.

 

 I hired an attorney to interven but was not granted.

I felt this attorney did not help me put at all because he & the ad-litum attorney were in the same office not even 2-3 feet away from each other. But he said we are not partnerswe work seperatly.

I paid this attorney a pretty penny for just 30 min un the intervention & my money that was not used he kept and did not return it to me. I hired another attorney we went to mediation & still CPS did not want to return him to me. So know we are going to court in front of a jury they will decide what is in the best intrest for this children. But know i am fighting to get his siblings as well.

I had 2 other children in my home & 1 month later were removed for an un known reason.

CPS worker calling the agency threating them trying to get info on me.That they will not give them no more children as long as i was a foster parent there. I was faslely accused of over medicating my FC ince he was removed i was investigated by the state and everthing came out clean.

Did some research only to find out the the Dr. Recommend by the agency had a prior record of prescribing mediation to him self, his family,his girlfriend. I do not under stand why there allowing him to treat FC.

They told me will his licence was not taken away. SO WHAT why are FC allowed to be treated by this man.

 

sorry so long but i just had to vent. Thanks for listening to me.

 

There are so many things that are wrong with the system & no one does nothing to fix it.

I went back to school because i want to become a case manager so i can be the eyes & voice for this children that are not being heard on what they want. I am also going to be a Volunteer for CASA because i want to make a change for this children. I hear so many stories & it just breaks my heart.

 

My husband and I have had 2 foster children. The 1st child was 18 months. DSS returned him to his father within 2 days from being incarcerated. We had the child for over a year. Our department gave us false hope that we would eventually be able to adopt him. The other child we had during the same time was only 5 months old when we got him. We had him over a year as well. We were the only parents he knew. We were there for his 1st's. Then DSS snatched him up from us . They placed him with a grandmother who kept him 5 weeks and said to DSS to come get him because she couldn't handle him. DSS put him back in a new foster home and not ours! When I found out I was mad! I called and questioned why he wasn't returned to me and my husband, the only parents he has known. They told us we had separation issues and they were no longer able to discuss the case with us because we were no longer a party to the case. ( that was not true. We had already discussed with the judge in court that if things didn't work out with the grandmother, he was to be returned to us) Our caseworker had a personal vendata against us. That was last year. Even though we have kept our license current, we have not been called upon in over a year to foster any more children. Then it burns me up to hear ads saying there are not enough foster homes. We have been vacant over a year and there is not much use to keep our foster home licensed if they don't intend on using us again. Things are bad within the system. Dss wants foster parents to remain heartless like them. They want you to treat the children like it's a "business venture" and not form attachments. That is hard to do since it's a human being we're talking about! We learn to love and care for these children. It is just sad when they leave. I feel like the voice of the foster parents are not heard. If we suggest any ideas to the caseworkers, they don't listen. They are playing God to these children's lives. If only they would listen to the reccomendations of the foster parents. We do know the children better than anyone else!
 
August 27, 2009, 2:27 pm CDT

Foster Parenting

Dr. Phil,

      I have never wrote to you or anyone about foster parenting.  After watching your show on the CASA program I felt the need to express my feelings.  I was very impressed and encouraged when listening about the program.  Every child needs an advocate and  I encourage anyone who feels the calling to pursue this program. The reason I am writing though is because I'm not sure that the show I watched gave foster parents the credit they deserve.  Yes some foster parents are in it for the money but I for one would love to share my story on all the hours I dedicated to children and the little compensation I received.Foster parenting is not for everone just like you know not all jobs are for many different occupations.  For myself because I did medically need kids I was not allowed to work another job.  Understandabale.  I would pick up babies right from the hospital that were born to addicted moms who were not able to care for their children.  Most babies had heart monitors, oxygen, pulse ox machines g-tubes, ect.  Within 1 week of placement it would not be unlikely to have 3 to 4  appointments.  Then comes speech therapy, occupational therary, physical therapy and whatever the child needed.  Compensation----$30.00 a day.  Am I complaining?  No!!!   I love children and that is what I enjoyed for 15 years. When I heard the woman on your show express her opinion of foster parents and how they do it for the money I wondered if  her job was 24-7 and she made $1.25 an hour.  Again I want to be clear that I loved what I was doing and if I wasn't paid I would have been more than willing to make an impact on a childs life.  I encourage you to please show the other side of foster parenting.  Like many things in life their are two side to many situations.  I think to do a show that provides information and real life stories of successful kids who made it through would encourage the right people to become foster parents.  My oldest son we had legal custody of is a freshman at Thaddeus Stevens College.  The next one is  at a vocational school called Sun Area Vo-Tech this year.  Each one has disabilities but I intend to continue to push them to be the best they can be.  Thank you and I pray you continue to help people that so desperately need  help.

                                                                  Robin Davis

 
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