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Topic : Foster Parenting

Number of Replies: 242
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 12:27:01 pm
Author : dataimport
Are you a foster parent or interested in becoming one? Are you considering adopting your foster child? Share advice and support with others here.

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October 6, 2005, 9:06 pm CDT

my kids in foster care

My kids have been in foster care since oct 2004. I never abused or neglected my kids. They where placed in care because i was in a abusive marriage. I am doing all my court orders but the system is so hard on parents, iam afraied i will never get my kids back.
 
October 7, 2005, 3:58 pm CDT

Foster Parenting & Adopting

My husband and myself were foster parents for 18 years. We basically retired three years ago at the time of the adoption of our two youngest children. In the 18 years, while raising our own four natural children, we cared for 57 other children, three of whom we did adopt. We took teens in the beginning, until our children hit their teens. Then we cared for children five and under who were special needs, medically needy or mentally needy. All of the kids need love and to know some one cared.  

Now that our youngest child has started kindergarten full time, I have been asked if we will go back to foster care again. I have to answer no to that question every time. I would not change a single moment of the time we spent being foster parents, but now it is my time. Also I babysit a grandson or two, one or two days a week while their parents work.  

Our oldest adopted son has an extremely rare syndrome and his parents actually asked me if my family would adopt him. He was 22 months old at the time of the adoption. He keeps me hopping to all of his doctors appointments. With his syndrome just about anything can happen without any warning so I have to be ready to go to him quickly if I am needed. Has anyone every heard of 18Q- Syndrome?  

Our younger two are natural siblings and bi-racial. By state standards they are considered special needs due to being a sibling group and what they call a 'minority'. I call them my son and daughter, who are both beautiful children and well behaved as a rule. They are only 10 months apart in age and were 2 years and 3 years old at their adoption in 2002.  

Anyone wanting to be a foster parent won't get rich in monetary matters, but you do get rich in many others. Things that you and your family take for granted, like roasting hot dogs and marshmallows over an open fire, some kids have never done. We had a 15 year old boy,  who had never blown bubbles outside in his life. My older children were in the yard blowing bubbles and he was fascinated by it. I had been cooking dinner at the time, so I turned off everything and went to the yard and sat with him for an hour blowing bubbles with him. He still talked about that just before his death in 2002, he was 32 at that time of his death. Some of the kids will stay in touch with you and others want to forget that they were ever foster kids, so you may never hear from them again. As a foster parent, you love, nuture and really care about the kids and mourn them when they leave. But for each child placed with you, you learn a little bit more about yourself and what you can do. You do your best and remember where you may have gone 'wrong'. I loved being a foster parent but just don't want to go back, I am too busy with the rest of my family now. I also need some time for me. As a stay at home mom all of these years, with kids around my almost all of our 32 years of marriage, whenever I get a day to myself I finally get to do some things that I have not had time to do before. However, I would not change a single moment of when we were foster parents. Good luck and have a bit of fun, to anyone who wishes to become a foster parent. 

 
October 18, 2005, 10:23 pm CDT

Foster Mother of 12 year old son system is broken

Quote From: aclark7777

I'm a single foster mom, of a beautiful  little girl , she is now 22 months old she was a month old when I brought her home from the hospital. .  We had court in July 05 my attorney got the judge to see that Kayleigh is better off with us(my daughter which is 15 years old and myself) and to change DSS plans to termination of parental rights and adoption,  I had every intention of adopting Kayleigh. But we  just got out of court today 10-3-05 and I was told that on November  5, 2005 I have to give her to her distant cousins that just came forward to get custody of her.  They have only seen her a few times.  I found out by my attorney there is nothing else I can do.  I'm concerned about how Kayleigh is go handle all of this, we have such a strong bond, she has a very strong bond with my daughter, and with my entire family, we are the only family Kayleigh has ever known.  Can Dr Phil tell my what kind of impact this is going to have on Kayleigh, can this really mess her up emotionally?  

I'm not giving up I'm praying for a miracle 

She came into our lifes a year after my husband passed away so Kayleigh has brought us both back to life, she is a bright, loving , sweet little girl. 

I'm the Foster Mother residing in Washington to a 12 year old boy who has a organic delay. Recently his Biological Mother came to visit, she totally broke the rules drinking, taking him to a motel instead of the approved location for overnight visitation.  

 

 

I was approached by his Social Worker about adoption or guardianship. I told her we would consider it but only if he would stay at the rate they have assigned. We are meeting on Thursday to discuss the situation, my greatest fear is that they will put the need to save money over the needs of this child?  

 

 

He has blended into our family and asked to stay with us instead of going to his Mom. I told the Social Worker that I will NOT LOWER THE standard of living he has grown accustomed to as a way of saving the State money. I 

 

t's not about the child any more its about the wallet? I think both of his Parents should pay child support to subsidize the cost of the state.  

 

 

They have a responsibility to this child that they failed his Mother was a me th user his Dad just simply couldn't deal with him. He has been in 6 different homes before coming to us. I will hold my ground when it comes to what he deserves.  

 

T 

The State of Washington has this strange rating system which determines reimbursement issues. ITS NOT ABOUT THE KIDS NEEDS ANYMORE. We work 24 seven with these kids for Penny's and yet the State feels we should do this for free?    

  

Outraged Parent 

 
October 19, 2005, 8:21 pm CDT

new to fostering

I am a new foster parent of 8months, We have had 3 girls once for 7 weeks and now have two little boys ages 20months and 9 months both drug addicted at birth, we have had them for almost 6 months.  they have been in 3 differnt forster homes,they are only 11 months apart and the other foster homes thought they were too difficult.  It makes me sick knowing that the state has given their biological mother 20 months, almost two years to get her act together, they ( the state) has paided for her to go to a  drug rehab  and she has left after only 3 or 5 days, she was to stay for 60 days, they offered it to her 7 times. They still give her the benifit of the doubt, it makes me sick that they just don't take away her rights after all this time and find them a loving home where they can bond and grow up normal. We have fallen for them and hope the state will make them quote"free" children soon.
 
October 22, 2005, 8:37 am CDT

Same sex aodption?

Does anyone have any opinion on same sex adoption regardless to what Dr Phil might say. I am doing a research paper and would like some opinions and facts or be directed to any Pros and Cons. Your advice will be greatly appreciated, please think clearly  as my report need factual and statistics and my interst is only the well being of the child. 

Thank You 

 
October 31, 2005, 1:14 pm CST

Have you tried CPS?

Quote From: earthangel

Please if anyone has an idea How I can find out or know who I should talk to find out if they were adopted?   My daughters birthday is coming up and she is going to be twelve ,  I know that is a critical age, where my daughter could testify who she wants to be with.  They forcibly took away my rights.        Help In Ohio?
If you call CPS they may tell you.  If your parental rights have been terminated, however, they do not, and should not tell you where she is.  I know it sounds harsh, but do you think it's best for her to see you?  Or is it just what you want? 
 
November 1, 2005, 2:35 pm CST

15 year old adopted son who can't see any thing wrong with lieing.

My husband and I adopted a foster child last year.  This young man is now 15 and has been in our home for 3 years.  Two years as a foster child. He is ADHD, ODD .  His mother gave him up for adoption and he gave her 2 trys to get her act together to be his mom but she choose drugs instead.  Our son was in the foster system and movied 7 times before he came to us.  He has told us many times that he has lied all his life so why should he change now.  How do we help this young man to understand that has long as he lies about everthing we will always have trouble trusting him. 
 
November 1, 2005, 2:40 pm CST

Foster Parenting

Quote From: bsread

I am a new foster parent of 8months, We have had 3 girls once for 7 weeks and now have two little boys ages 20months and 9 months both drug addicted at birth, we have had them for almost 6 months.  they have been in 3 differnt forster homes,they are only 11 months apart and the other foster homes thought they were too difficult.  It makes me sick knowing that the state has given their biological mother 20 months, almost two years to get her act together, they ( the state) has paided for her to go to a  drug rehab  and she has left after only 3 or 5 days, she was to stay for 60 days, they offered it to her 7 times. They still give her the benifit of the doubt, it makes me sick that they just don't take away her rights after all this time and find them a loving home where they can bond and grow up normal. We have fallen for them and hope the state will make them quote"free" children soon.
As a foster parent you will be come very upset with the system.  The system is there to unite the parent or parents with the child.  That is their main goal.  They will bend over backwards to do this.  They will exhaust all the avenues out there to get to his goal.  When it is very clear to the caseworker that getting the family back together is not going to work.  That is when the rights are terminated.  Have you home study done and get it updated so you are all set to go to start the adoption process. 
 
November 7, 2005, 3:42 pm CST

Older adoptions

Quote From: molly15

My husband and I adopted a foster child last year.  This young man is now 15 and has been in our home for 3 years.  Two years as a foster child. He is ADHD, ODD .  His mother gave him up for adoption and he gave her 2 trys to get her act together to be his mom but she choose drugs instead.  Our son was in the foster system and movied 7 times before he came to us.  He has told us many times that he has lied all his life so why should he change now.  How do we help this young man to understand that has long as he lies about everthing we will always have trouble trusting him. 

I give you a pat on the back and applaud you for adopting an older child!!!!  I grew up with foster children in our home.  It was the greatest experience ever.  From a child's point of view, I had a big family.  I knew of each of the children's back grounds (all were school age and adolescents) but neither of us received special treatment for being foster children or biological children.  I have seen older children go thru "the system" b/c no one wants to adopt a child b/c they have issues, set in their ways, won't bond etc... Everyone wants the infants and babies that don't know their past.  

Because my parents cared for older children from abandonment, neglect, abuse, drugs etc... I see the hard road that lies ahead with the state -especially siblings that want to stay together.  I would love to adopt an older child.  Teach them to trust and love.  They have a new beginning. You are willing to protect them and a permanent home and family.   

I tip my hat to you for embracing an adolescent.  

  

 
November 7, 2005, 3:50 pm CST

Foster Parenting

Quote From: mucholoca

My kids have been in foster care since oct 2004. I never abused or neglected my kids. They where placed in care because i was in a abusive marriage. I am doing all my court orders but the system is so hard on parents, iam afraied i will never get my kids back.

If you are in a repetative abusive situation, the state fears the children are put in danger.  At what point will the abuse turn towards the children.  Will the children be running and laughing causing a parent to get angry and go off the deep end?  Will they get a bad grade thus a punishment be considered cruel and unusual? 

The state takes the children away because the danger and threat is still apparent. Until the that threat is removed and you can prove you are protecting and have the children's safety and best interest in mind, the children will not be returned.  

I grew up with 2 foster sisters because the mother refused to leave the man who abused her children.  Someone had to leave and she wouldn't make him -thus the children were removed instead.     

Use this period to build up the strength to correct the abusive relationship.  If you want your children back, you have to get out.  

  

 
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