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Topic : Foster Parenting

Number of Replies: 242
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 12:27:01 pm
Author : dataimport
Are you a foster parent or interested in becoming one? Are you considering adopting your foster child? Share advice and support with others here.

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January 25, 2006, 11:39 am CST

my sister has lost her children

Hi everyone I'm glad I found this site. I'm 27 and my husband is active duty military and I have one child she is five. I'm a stay at home mom with my daughter and look after my grandpa also who lives with us he gets around ok but needs help from time to time. My husband and I where looking into maybe to adopt a child or become foster parents down the road. Until all this happen. My husband has a medical problem where he is not able to have his own children unless we have the surgery. I have a little sister a few years younger then myself. We have not really had anything to do with one another for years. My sister is in and out of jail all the time and so his her boyfriend of 9 years. My sister is on crack and has been for years and other drugs. She is in and out of mental hospitals from time to time. So here is what's going on my family and I have been trying to locate my sister and her children. We where not able to because we found out they where homeless and living from friends house to friends house. Children services took my sisters children in Nov-DEC and placed them in foster care. My sister got her children back. So last week my cousin and I went looking for my sister to see how the children are doing only to find out my sister was homeless again and in jail so was her boyfriend the children's father. We where able to track down the children and a mans house. My cousin called children services as soon as we found the children where they where staying. The house was dirty and had bugs all through it. It was my idea to call in children services because we wanted to go about this the right way. Children services picked up the children from this house and called me the next day. I told them I am willing to take the children and maybe even look into raising them until they are 18. My sisters son is 6 and her daughter is almost 3. I told children service we have been looking for my sister and the children before this but wasn't able to find them. To make a long story short children services would have got in touch with me about these children the first time if they would have known my sister had a sister. My sister has lied to them and for the most part told them her family was dead and the ones who where still alive are to bad on drugs to take care of her children. My sisters son has not started school yet and will be 7 this fall. Her little girl is going to be 3 in April and is still in diapers and doesn't speak yet. Children services told me her children where very neglected. Children services is filing their paper work this week for my husband and I to get these children and we are thinking of filing for full custody against my sister. I am hoping my sister would change and get off the drugs so she can have her children but no one seems to think this will happen. I sent her a letter in jail this week pleading with her to please go to rehab and get off the drugs. We found out a lot the last few days that my sisters boyfriend the children's father has been selling my sisters body for drugs. My sister has a number of clients and has been leaving her children for days at a time to weeks at a time with people she doesn't really know. To be honest what children services has told us it doesn't look like the children well be placed back with their mother and father. And my husband and I are scared if we don't step in now and try to get them we well lose them out of the family forever. They said they would try to keep the children together if they where not able to they would have to split them up and I don't want that to happen. I just need someone to talk to and I know where doing the right thing. I am a good mother and would take good care of my sisters children. We can give them a good life and attention and love. Where not rich by any means but we can at least give them what they need to be healthy and happy children. I'm just looking to talk to other people who have went through or is going through something like I am. Please email me at shellyandmike079@aol.com if you would like to talk. I am just a wreck and have been so upset that I'm praying we are able to get these children. I am having nights with not much sleep because my mind is on this all the time. Right now I am going for visits to get to know my sisters little girl because it's been so long sense I have seen them. So she can get used me and my family and not be at odd with us when they come her to live. I used to watch her a lot after she was born and I haven't seen her in over a year and a half. Plus are back ground checks where going through and filling the paper work and so forth. Sorry for the long book I tried to tell you all about what's going on the best I can. Thanks for reading
 
January 25, 2006, 12:41 pm CST

How to stop a 9 year old from stealing/lying

My sister is a foster mother to a 9 year old that have been with her for about 5 month.  She is a very nice little girl at times, but  the   problem she is having with her is that she can't stop taking other childrens toys, etc.  from  school or the after school care center.   When you ask her were she got it she lies.  She has done take-aways,  and  nothing  apears to be working.  HELP 

 
February 6, 2006, 6:37 pm CST

i totally understand

Quote From: tiffani23

I am a former foster youth i am still a young adult and i only have one thing to add to your wants to be a foster parent, society needs more people who would step up and give a child who is not as well off as your own a good home.you also need to evaluate yourselves and your family situations becausem you can end up doing more harm than good to that child that has already seen hell at a young age and is looking to you to be thier savior thier protecter and their safe place. So i say this to say if you are not willing to treat this child as your own then whats the point?Eventhough you may not be this childs biological family you may be the only definition of family they know so lets lead by example and let them what a real family should function like and make them proud to be apart of it and it doesnt have to end when they turn 18 did you all know that?
i used to be a foster kid and most of the homes i went ot hurt me more than helped me, foster kids need to feel wanted and like they belong somewhere, so if you dont think you can care for the child like you would your own then you shouldnt even consider fostering, a foster family  needs to be just that - a family,  kids will often blame themselves for being neglected and feel that somehow its their fault that they are not treated as well as the parents own kids. you cant just give them a bed to sleep in and food to eat and expect them to feel appreciative, unless you traet them just like your own in every way then they will just feel like they dont belong or fit in, youve got to remember that most foster kids come from broken homes and families were the parents are not suitable to be parents and we dont want these kids growing up and not knowing how to love or feel good about themselves so we all need to lead by example, kids learn what they grow up around and what they see.
 
February 6, 2006, 6:45 pm CST

Foster Parenting

Quote From: swilliam

My sister is a foster mother to a 9 year old that have been with her for about 5 month.  She is a very nice little girl at times, but  the   problem she is having with her is that she can't stop taking other childrens toys, etc.  from  school or the after school care center.   When you ask her were she got it she lies.  She has done take-aways,  and  nothing  apears to be working.  HELP 

dont forget this child may not of had nice things or anything at all before she came into your sisters care, it is common for foster kids to steal, your sister needs to teach this child the value of something that is given  to her for behaving well etc, it would be good idea for your sister to sit down with the girl and discuss with her about why it is wrong to steal and how stealing hurts the person you steal from, she also needs to explain that it is always better to tell the truth than to lie and end up getting punished. just stick with it and dont give up on her.
 
February 6, 2006, 7:14 pm CST

Foster Parenting

Quote From: terri7532

Back in October CPS took away my niece's 2 kids (boy 3 1/2 and girl 1 1/2). My husband and I offered to take them into our home. We have only been married since September and had started trying for a family of our own, but may have to put that off. We will have the kids for at least a year according to CPS. Then after a year if my niece doesn't do what she is suppose to, her rights will be terminated. 

  

The kids were taken away because of my niece's drug lifestyle and the condition of the house where she lives. The kids seem to be in fairly good health, but have never really been to the doctor. They are both a handful.  Neither of them will listen and have screaming fits that are uncontrollable. He is 3 1/2 and still not potty trained. I am 30 years old and have basic knowledge about how to raise a child, but no actual experience. According to CPS, we are not to physically discipline the children at all. We can sit them in time out, but no spanking. 

  

My husband and I are both at our wits end and don't know how to control these children. It has only been 3 1/2 weeks, but they are not getting any better and their Mother is not doing anything on her part to fix what is wrong so she can get them back. This makes me think that she really doesn't care and it may come down to where she loses her rights to them and they will be adopted out to someone. I want to say that my husband and I will be the ones to adopt them, but what if they don't get any better and we can't control them. Also, we can barely afford having them 2 and we want kids of our own. I feel horrible for saying that, but I just don't know what to do. I don't mind taking care of them, but I don't feel like I am helping. Yes, I give them food and a place to sleep, but I feel there is something else they are needing and that is why they act the way they do and I don't know what that is. Most people say it is because of the situation, but they acted like this before CPS took them away. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you. 

 i was a foster child and i now have 3 kids 2 are my step kids when i first meet them they were totally out of control, with time understanding and love they have become the most lovely kids, 

you could try spending more one on one time with them so they feel they can trust you, if they can trust they will respond better to you, i know its hard when there is more than one child but it does help, you could also try sitting with them and having family disscusions where nobody is allowed to yell or interupt when some one is talking, you can disscus topics such as what is right behaviour and what is wrong behaviour, i know it sounds silly but if you use examples they can understand then they will catch on, for example you could ask them if its right or wrong to hit and let them answer then ask them why its wrong, sticker charts are also good for encouraging good behaviour especially for younger children just dont take off stickers for bad behaviour or they may decide its not worth it, you can reward them when they finish each chart by having a family day out. 

stick with the time out as it does work putting them in a corner where there is nothing to do usually works faster than putting them in their rooms as they usually end up playing around rather than thinking about it. try to learn the warning signs before they go into a fit that way you can distract them from whatever is upsetting them, after placing them in time it helps to talk to them about what it was that upset them, which will help you learn their warning signs, you could try having nice play where you do something fun with them such as playdough where if one of them starts to play up you put them in time out and focuse all your attention on the one who is behaving that way they learn the bad behaviour doesnt get a response, wheres the good behaviuor does, and when they are being good it helps to tell them how good they are being and tell them how proud of them you are for their good behavoiur this usually works well as kids love to hear how good they are. 

 
February 8, 2006, 1:50 am CST

RADs

Quote From: caydensmom

 Can you speak to the child's pediatrician?  Perhaps they can recommend a therapist...
I am in the same problem right now with a foster son we took in almost a year and a half ago.  I am now realizing he has rads.  The biggest problem is he is now 15 and what do you do?  He is smart and basically a good kid at least I thought until now I realize how much he has lied and manuiplated.   We are at a total loss.
 
February 26, 2006, 5:11 pm CST

to bad the rich fell in love with money first

Quote From: shellyf

Hi everyone I'm glad I found this site. I'm 27 and my husband is active duty military and I have one child she is five. I'm a stay at home mom with my daughter and look after my grandpa also who lives with us he gets around ok but needs help from time to time. My husband and I where looking into maybe to adopt a child or become foster parents down the road. Until all this happen. My husband has a medical problem where he is not able to have his own children unless we have the surgery. I have a little sister a few years younger then myself. We have not really had anything to do with one another for years. My sister is in and out of jail all the time and so his her boyfriend of 9 years. My sister is on crack and has been for years and other drugs. She is in and out of mental hospitals from time to time. So here is what's going on my family and I have been trying to locate my sister and her children. We where not able to because we found out they where homeless and living from friends house to friends house. Children services took my sisters children in Nov-DEC and placed them in foster care. My sister got her children back. So last week my cousin and I went looking for my sister to see how the children are doing only to find out my sister was homeless again and in jail so was her boyfriend the children's father. We where able to track down the children and a mans house. My cousin called children services as soon as we found the children where they where staying. The house was dirty and had bugs all through it. It was my idea to call in children services because we wanted to go about this the right way. Children services picked up the children from this house and called me the next day. I told them I am willing to take the children and maybe even look into raising them until they are 18. My sisters son is 6 and her daughter is almost 3. I told children service we have been looking for my sister and the children before this but wasn't able to find them. To make a long story short children services would have got in touch with me about these children the first time if they would have known my sister had a sister. My sister has lied to them and for the most part told them her family was dead and the ones who where still alive are to bad on drugs to take care of her children. My sisters son has not started school yet and will be 7 this fall. Her little girl is going to be 3 in April and is still in diapers and doesn't speak yet. Children services told me her children where very neglected. Children services is filing their paper work this week for my husband and I to get these children and we are thinking of filing for full custody against my sister. I am hoping my sister would change and get off the drugs so she can have her children but no one seems to think this will happen. I sent her a letter in jail this week pleading with her to please go to rehab and get off the drugs. We found out a lot the last few days that my sisters boyfriend the children's father has been selling my sisters body for drugs. My sister has a number of clients and has been leaving her children for days at a time to weeks at a time with people she doesn't really know. To be honest what children services has told us it doesn't look like the children well be placed back with their mother and father. And my husband and I are scared if we don't step in now and try to get them we well lose them out of the family forever. They said they would try to keep the children together if they where not able to they would have to split them up and I don't want that to happen. I just need someone to talk to and I know where doing the right thing. I am a good mother and would take good care of my sisters children. We can give them a good life and attention and love. Where not rich by any means but we can at least give them what they need to be healthy and happy children. I'm just looking to talk to other people who have went through or is going through something like I am. Please email me at shellyandmike079@aol.com if you would like to talk. I am just a wreck and have been so upset that I'm praying we are able to get these children. I am having nights with not much sleep because my mind is on this all the time. Right now I am going for visits to get to know my sisters little girl because it's been so long sense I have seen them. So she can get used me and my family and not be at odd with us when they come her to live. I used to watch her a lot after she was born and I haven't seen her in over a year and a half. Plus are back ground checks where going through and filling the paper work and so forth. Sorry for the long book I tried to tell you all about what's going on the best I can. Thanks for reading
 what we need are more people like you. I have two children who don't give me the time of day, all because I'm disabled. they have time every christmas to come over for some reason, and yah dr. phil I know they wouldn't be doing it unless I was allowing it, so thats out of the way.
I also took in a 12 yrs old from my best friend, not because his mother was on drugs or poor, but because she decided to disown her third son at birth. so the father ended up with him after the divorce and then he had a massive heart attack just after another son hung himself. he felt responsible for not getting all 4 boys in the divorce to protect them from the drunken mother and new drunken father. these people have money as well. I raised him for 5 yrs now and he was planning to attend university this fall but his mother in all her wisdom just evicted us on may 31, one month before the lad finishes high school. BTW I pay the rent on this house so thats not it. they said in a straight face, we want to renovate it so  we can rent out the suite as well  as the upstairs. they didn't give him or I any other options. there also was no animosity between us from the beginning as it was her idea to buy the house for this purpose.
 so there's all kinds of animals out there who should have thier parenting licence forfieted, ohh yah they don't have one do they?
 
February 28, 2006, 8:12 pm CST

i too want to forster

Quote From: jdrabble

dont forget this child may not of had nice things or anything at all before she came into your sisters care, it is common for foster kids to steal, your sister needs to teach this child the value of something that is given  to her for behaving well etc, it would be good idea for your sister to sit down with the girl and discuss with her about why it is wrong to steal and how stealing hurts the person you steal from, she also needs to explain that it is always better to tell the truth than to lie and end up getting punished. just stick with it and dont give up on her.

i live ive in new york on staten island and have on kid of my own can you tell me where i too can froster i have a four bedroom home and lots of love and patiance. 

  

Thanks, 

Anna maria 

 
February 28, 2006, 8:29 pm CST

I only hope all read your letter

Quote From: tiffani23

I am a former foster youth i am still a young adult and i only have one thing to add to your wants to be a foster parent, society needs more people who would step up and give a child who is not as well off as your own a good home.you also need to evaluate yourselves and your family situations becausem you can end up doing more harm than good to that child that has already seen hell at a young age and is looking to you to be thier savior thier protecter and their safe place. So i say this to say if you are not willing to treat this child as your own then whats the point?Eventhough you may not be this childs biological family you may be the only definition of family they know so lets lead by example and let them what a real family should function like and make them proud to be apart of it and it doesnt have to end when they turn 18 did you all know that?

you are so right so many people think it is easy it is not,  i too was taken from the only family i knew and placed with my mother!  i felt less then perfect and even less loved even today at 46,  that is why i want to forster today so that i can show a child how a family should really be i hope i find a forster child soon,  i read some of these letters and i wonder if they think they haave puppy they are caring for kids are family and no matter what family do you always make them feel wanted neeeded loved not what should i do now a real mom always know how to care for a kid right? welll thats what i think sorry if i offend anyone. good luck kid. 

  

Anna Maria 

 
February 28, 2006, 8:29 pm CST

I only hope all read your letter

Quote From: tiffani23

I am a former foster youth i am still a young adult and i only have one thing to add to your wants to be a foster parent, society needs more people who would step up and give a child who is not as well off as your own a good home.you also need to evaluate yourselves and your family situations becausem you can end up doing more harm than good to that child that has already seen hell at a young age and is looking to you to be thier savior thier protecter and their safe place. So i say this to say if you are not willing to treat this child as your own then whats the point?Eventhough you may not be this childs biological family you may be the only definition of family they know so lets lead by example and let them what a real family should function like and make them proud to be apart of it and it doesnt have to end when they turn 18 did you all know that?

you are so right so many people think it is easy it is not,  i too was taken from the only family i knew and placed with my mother!  i felt less then perfect and even less loved even today at 46,  that is why i want to forster today so that i can show a child how a family should really be i hope i find a forster child soon,  i read some of these letters and i wonder if they think they haave puppy they are caring for kids are family and no matter what family do you always make them feel wanted neeeded loved not what should i do now a real mom always know how to care for a kid right? welll thats what i think sorry if i offend anyone. good luck kid. 

  

Anna Maria 

 
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