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Topic : Foster Parenting

Number of Replies: 242
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 12:27:01 pm
Author : dataimport
Are you a foster parent or interested in becoming one? Are you considering adopting your foster child? Share advice and support with others here.

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July 29, 2005, 4:43 pm CDT

Figure I woudl post this ..

Want to try an dmake the public aware of what Social Services really does to our families and children. The media needs to listen to us honest, loving and caring parents that did not deserve to be treated like criminals. Below is the link to my Complaint filed with the Chesterfiled Couty Court House in South Carolina. Below I will try to type in the answer from DSS's lawyer. Any help would be appreciated if someone can understand this lawyer. Complaint: http://www.candysinc.com/sclaws/complaint.html Lawyers Answer: For a first Defense 1. Each and every allegation not herein specifically admitted, qualified or explained is denied. 2. The allegations contained in Paragraph one of the first cause of action in the complaint are denied as worded. 3. The allegations contained in Paragraph one and two of the second cause of action in the complaint are denied as worded. 4. The allegations contained in Paragraph one and two of the third cause of action in the complaint are denied as worded. 5. The allegations contained in Paragraph one of the forth cause of action in the complaint are denied as worded. 6. Defendants are without sufficient information or knowledge to form an opinion or beleif as to the allegations contained in Paragraph two of the forth case of action in the complaint and therefore deny the same and demand strict proof therefore. 7. Defendants are unable to intelligently answer the allegations contained in paragraph One, Two and Three of the sixth cause of action contained in the complaint and therefore deny the same and demand strict proof therefore. 8. The allegations contained in Paragraph one of the seventh cause of action in the complaint are denied. 9. Defendants are without sufficient information or knowledge to form an opinion or beleif as to the allegations contained in Paragraph one of the eight case of action in the complaint and therefore deny the same and demand strict proof therefore. 10. All remaining allegations in the complaint are denied. For a Second Defense 11. Defendants reiterate the allegations contained in paragraphs 1 through 10 above as fully as if repeated verbatim herein. 12. This court lacks subject matter jurisdiction in so far as the only reasonable interpretation of the complaint leads to the inescapable conclusion that all matters complained of are within the exclusive jurisdiction of the Family Court. For a Third Defense 13. Defendants reiterate the allegations contained in paragraphs 1 through 12 above as fully as if repeated verbatim herein. 14. The complaint fails to state a cause of action For a Forth Defense 15. Defendants reiterate the allegations contained in paragraphs 1 through 14 above as fully as if repeated verbatim herein. 16. The complaint fails to state a cause of action upon which relief can be granted against these defendants. For a Fifth Defense 17. Defendants reiterate the allegations contained in paragraphs 1 through 16 above as fully as if repeated verbatim herein. 18. The applicable statue of limitations has expired in regards to any matter complained in the first, secind, third, sixth, Seventh, eighth cause of action, which is a complete bar to any recovery. For a Sixth Defense 19. Defendants reiterate the allegations contained in paragraphs 1 through 18 above as fully as if repeated verbatim herein. 20. There is no such entity as " Chesterfield County Department of Social Services " and therefore, this purported defendant should be stricken from the caption in the complaint. For a Seventh Defense 21. Defendants reiterate the allegations contained in paragraphs 1 through 20 above as fully as if repeated verbatim herein. 22. Defendants do hereby plead the defense of immunity. For a Eighth Defense 23. Defendants reiterate the allegations contained in paragraphs 1 through 22 above as fully as if repeated verbatim herein. 24. Defendants do hereby plead insufficiency of service of process For a Ninth Defense 25. Defendants reiterate the allegations contained in paragraphs 1 through 24 above as fully as if repeated verbatim herein. 26. Defendants do hereby plead insufficiency of process For a Tenth Defense 27. Defendants reiterate the allegations contained in paragraphs 1 through 26 above as fully as if repeated verbatim herein. 28. Defendants do hereby plead the doctrine of prosecutorial immunity for any actions taken in the investigation and institution of legal proceedings affecting the custody of the subject children and in carrying out the mandates of the court orders based upon and issued in accordance with such proceedings. For a Eleventh Defense 29. Defendants reiterate the allegations contained in paragraphs 1 through 28 above as fully as if repeated verbatim herein. 30. Defendants do hereby plead the doctrine of quasi-judicial immunity for any actions taken in the investigation and institution of legal proceedings affecting the custody of the subject children and in carrying out the mandates of the court orders based upon and issued in accordance with such proceedings. For a Twelfth Defense 31. Defendants reiterate the allegations contained in paragraphs 1 through 30 above as fully as if repeated verbatim herein. 32. The South Xarolina Department of Social Services does hereby plead SC Code Ann. 15-78-10 et seq., also known as the South Carolina Tort Claims Act as an affirmative defense to all causes of action against the defendants, including but not limit to sections: a) 15-78-20 b) 15-78-30 c) 15-78-50 d) 15-78-60 e) 15-78-70 f) 15-78-110 g) 15-78-120 h) 15-78-200 For a Thirteenth Defense 33. Defendants reiterate the allegations contained in paragraphs 1 through 32 above as fully as if repeated verbatim herein. 34. Defendants do hereby plead doctrine of res judicata as a total bar to this action. For a Fourteenth Defense 33. Defendants reiterate the allegations contained in paragraphs 1 through 34 above as fully as if repeated verbatim herein. 34. Defendants have done nothing which caused injury to plaintiffs under any concept of law nor have the defendants violated and common law, constitutional or statutory rights. This lawsuit against the defendants is frivolous and should be dismissed. ----------------------------- The lawyer made the typo on the numbers 33 and 34 incase someone is wondering. I wrote it how he has it. So anyone have any ideas here about what this insane lawyer is talking about ?? I am really confused on his third and forth defense as my complaint contains cuases of action. Oh one thing that has always got me upset with CPS is that they say " Nobody is not saying you dont love your children ". Yes we do love our children and care for them, feed them, house them, cloth them and do everything needed so why is DSS in everybody's lives ??? Thanks in advance James
 
August 25, 2005, 8:42 am CDT

Foster/adopting older children

We became foster parents a few years ago with the plan of adopting. All of the parents we attended training classes with were totally set on adopting children under the age of 5, or specifically adopting babies. We didn't have a preference, because we just knew we wanted to be able to help a child in need of a home.  

  

We adopted our youngest daughter at the age of 5 - she is now 10. We adopted our older daughter at the age of 11 - she is now 15. The youngest daughter is absolutely awesome - I couldn't have asked for a more well-behaved child!  

  

Our older daughter, on the other hand, has been a problem for the last couple of years. Drugs, alcohol, running away - all kinds of damaging behavior. I truly believe she has Reactive Attachment Disorder, and she has been diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder.  This child is not afraid of ANYTHING, and will do anything to please others. If you are considering adopting an older child, get EVERY detail about their childhood history, and read all you can about Reactive Attachment Disorder. These children needs lots of patience and understanding - and I mean ALOT. Our daughter recently ran away from a faith-based drug rehab center she had been in for 4 months.  She was missing for two weeks, until finally turning herself in to authorities.  While on the run, she did some horrific things that disgust me. We have her in an adolescent psych. facility for a few days of evaluating until she goes into a behavioral treatment facility for 6-9 months - IF she doesn't run away from there.  We are to the point where she can't be in our home right now until she comes to an end of herself.  My biggest concern is that my 10 year old is very impressionable, and I have a 16 year old son with ADHD who my older daughter has influenced as well.  

  

My husband and I caught the last 20 minutes of Brat Camp on TV last night, and I could see how my daughter would relate to some of those kids with all of her history of hurt and rejection.  This has defined who she is, and I've tried to tell her that her behavior is a choice and she has the power to change how she reacts.  She won't listen to me. Any thoughts or comments?  I'd love to hear them.  

 
August 29, 2005, 12:44 am CDT

The strain of child services on your ass is deadly!

Quote From: jb7ctx

I agree with what you said about DSS. My neice is fighting the system as well. Her children have been in 3 different foster homes in a period of 4 months. No one could handle her children (because her oldest (5 y/o) was acting out due to "separation anxiety" according to his counselor. DSS gave her her children back.  My neice did all the things required of DSS, counseling, drug test, parenting classes etc..when they gave her her kids back, but now again because of her ex friends making false accusations on her they want her kids. This time she got up and moved to another state. Our whole family cannot see her or her children. They are gone. BUT, get this, DSS knows she has left he state, but her ex friends have called in on her again making false accusations against her and they know she is not even in the state but DSS wants her again. What's wrong with this system? She has never abused her children or neglected them, but that is what they are going on is because that is what the ex friends keep saying. I know a site that can help you and give you some valuable information concerning your rights and childrens rights and how to fight the system. Type in: fighting cps on your web page and look for the link that says: fighting cps and false accusaitons. There is a message forum you can go to and get all the help you need. Or type in on your web browser: fighting cps message forum and you will find the message forum . That is where you want to go to look and get information. Good luck

Thank you for this information.    I will never have a decent life ever again because of how much glee the Alabama DHR swallowed and decided that rather than understanding that our internationally adopted children had severe attachment disorder that hadn't been treated or even given proper continuing diagnoses since we left northern Virginia and moved here in Apr 2001. 

  

The children were in control of the home, made all sorts of false allegations and did other nutty things, most of the allegations were against me, which is understandable when you examine their psychoses that came about from their neglectful and abusive background in Russia, but they did blame both of us. 

  

When we met them in the orphanage in Dec 1997, I told hubby that this was way more than we could handle (we hadn't even asked for a sibling group, we were looking for one child, but then the government did a bait and switch on us and no one gave us any advance warning about how the pseudo-parent (older sibling) wouldn't ever relent, and how they would gang up on the rest of the family all of the time.  He needed to be a dad so badly right there and then that he completely overruled my upset, claiming "I wasn't giving myself enough credit."  He is less equipped than I am to deal with emotional disturbance because he grew up in a very emotionally insulated home and their communication style was oblique at best. I never dreamed that I was marrying an ostrich when we took our vows....   a very controlling ostrich, that is. 

  

Anyway, the kids managed to get themselves ripped from our home for a very long time, and he hired his own lawyer to fight to get them back, saying to DHR that he was willing to "try" to continue raising them and it was clear to everyone that I didn't want them in my home and were glad they were gone.  He attends therapy sessions they order, etc., but there isn't going to be any improvement. I was totally left out of the family reunification plan!  The stupid caseworker told our older daughter, 15 at the time, that she was going to get 50% of the overall decision about what would end up happening with her life.   Well, she may have been physicallly 15, but is emotionally TWO according to the experts I have been working with.  So sad.....    I threw a major fit about the caseworker giving a mentally ill child that kind of power, and her only answer was that "she needs to learn to accept responsibility for some of her decisions"        whatever. 

  

Anyway, I was left to have to ask the court for an attorney to defend me and he was so clear that I needed to get the other 3 nutty members of my family out of my life that he scarcely did anything. I wasn't ever, ever allowed to say a word in court and he never came to any of the treatment meetings.  My husband was convinced by his zealot of an attorney to divorce me because getting me out from under the roof was the quickest way of getting DHR to go away. 

  

It doesn't look like it is going to get any more tolerable..  I have no idea when the divorce will be over. I am offering to surrender my parental rights and he still thinks he's going to get child support from me!!!   I am a 50% disabled veteran and I am having a hideous time of getting any employment. I can't get any solid support agreement set up in the meantime and I am living hand to mouth. 

  

All of this because I gave in to try and save my marriage, and then I threw away a brilliant career to stay at home and deal with all of their special services for the first 4-1/2 years they were in our home. My career won't ever recover and I am so hopeless..... 

Thank you for letting me vent, and I would really appreciate some further discussion on this topic. 

 
August 30, 2005, 3:30 pm CDT

Foster parent

How do I become a foster parent? 
 
September 7, 2005, 5:32 pm CDT

I almost have given up hope.

Please if anyone has an idea How I can find out or know who I should talk to find out if they were adopted?   My daughters birthday is coming up and she is going to be twelve ,  I know that is a critical age, where my daughter could testify who she wants to be with.  They forcibly took away my rights.        Help In Ohio?
 
September 9, 2005, 7:27 am CDT

Hi

Quote From: julibriggs

Thank you for this information.    I will never have a decent life ever again because of how much glee the Alabama DHR swallowed and decided that rather than understanding that our internationally adopted children had severe attachment disorder that hadn't been treated or even given proper continuing diagnoses since we left northern Virginia and moved here in Apr 2001. 

  

The children were in control of the home, made all sorts of false allegations and did other nutty things, most of the allegations were against me, which is understandable when you examine their psychoses that came about from their neglectful and abusive background in Russia, but they did blame both of us. 

  

When we met them in the orphanage in Dec 1997, I told hubby that this was way more than we could handle (we hadn't even asked for a sibling group, we were looking for one child, but then the government did a bait and switch on us and no one gave us any advance warning about how the pseudo-parent (older sibling) wouldn't ever relent, and how they would gang up on the rest of the family all of the time.  He needed to be a dad so badly right there and then that he completely overruled my upset, claiming "I wasn't giving myself enough credit."  He is less equipped than I am to deal with emotional disturbance because he grew up in a very emotionally insulated home and their communication style was oblique at best. I never dreamed that I was marrying an ostrich when we took our vows....   a very controlling ostrich, that is. 

  

Anyway, the kids managed to get themselves ripped from our home for a very long time, and he hired his own lawyer to fight to get them back, saying to DHR that he was willing to "try" to continue raising them and it was clear to everyone that I didn't want them in my home and were glad they were gone.  He attends therapy sessions they order, etc., but there isn't going to be any improvement. I was totally left out of the family reunification plan!  The stupid caseworker told our older daughter, 15 at the time, that she was going to get 50% of the overall decision about what would end up happening with her life.   Well, she may have been physicallly 15, but is emotionally TWO according to the experts I have been working with.  So sad.....    I threw a major fit about the caseworker giving a mentally ill child that kind of power, and her only answer was that "she needs to learn to accept responsibility for some of her decisions"        whatever. 

  

Anyway, I was left to have to ask the court for an attorney to defend me and he was so clear that I needed to get the other 3 nutty members of my family out of my life that he scarcely did anything. I wasn't ever, ever allowed to say a word in court and he never came to any of the treatment meetings.  My husband was convinced by his zealot of an attorney to divorce me because getting me out from under the roof was the quickest way of getting DHR to go away. 

  

It doesn't look like it is going to get any more tolerable..  I have no idea when the divorce will be over. I am offering to surrender my parental rights and he still thinks he's going to get child support from me!!!   I am a 50% disabled veteran and I am having a hideous time of getting any employment. I can't get any solid support agreement set up in the meantime and I am living hand to mouth. 

  

All of this because I gave in to try and save my marriage, and then I threw away a brilliant career to stay at home and deal with all of their special services for the first 4-1/2 years they were in our home. My career won't ever recover and I am so hopeless..... 

Thank you for letting me vent, and I would really appreciate some further discussion on this topic. 

Sorry it took so long to get back here, I've been having problems with my computer and lost my ISP, so now I have one that works. CPS is very difficult. It is bad that you had to go through all of that. I dont think your husband can get child support from you if you if sign away your rights. BUT, he has to be willing to let you sign them away. If he isnt williing, then I would fight it if you can. Did you check out the site: http://forum.fightcps.com ? Type this site address name on your browswer and it will take you right there. Go to "Investigations" and type your post there and someone will answere you. I am sure there is someone on there who can give you more information about how to deal with these situations. When children are taken away from their natural parents it is a big adjustment to them and they WILL act out because they want to be with their parents. Once false accusations are made on someone and it is reported to CPS you are in for a huge battle and in most cases, it is hard to win. You have to jump through hoops and loops all the time, and you end up losing everything you have to try and fight the system. I would highly reccomend that once you get your case closed with CPS/DHR that you get your name "expunged" off the list of registry. This site will also tell you how you can go about doing that too. I hope things are better for you. I am sorry you are getting a divorce because of this. Keep in touch and let me know how things are going for you. jb7ctx
 
September 9, 2005, 7:35 am CDT

earthangel

Quote From: earthangel

Please if anyone has an idea How I can find out or know who I should talk to find out if they were adopted?   My daughters birthday is coming up and she is going to be twelve ,  I know that is a critical age, where my daughter could testify who she wants to be with.  They forcibly took away my rights.        Help In Ohio?
Just wondering, who took away your rights? Were you involved with cps? I will see if I can find some information for you as to where you can start looking. If you had your rights taken away I dont know if they would still let your child make a decision to be with you. I'm not sure about this. There are alot of similar stories like yours on this website and maybe someone there can help you. Type in this link on your web browser and it will take you there. http://forum.fightcps.com Once you get there, go to "cps investigations", click on that and post your question and someone will help you. Good luck.
 
September 12, 2005, 7:04 pm CDT

I Need Ideas!

We now have a foster daughter that has gotten very comfortable with being a victim.  I need some ideas to help her stop placing herself in that victim place.  She's 14 years old and in the 8th grade.  My husband and I have actually seen her set herself up to be bullied.  What can we do to help her get out of that besides just telling her because that's not working.  I've tried giving her responses and talked with her about not getting into situations that set her up, but I feel like I'm not getting through.  Are there ways to help her not do that?  

   

Sunalott  

 
September 19, 2005, 7:47 pm CDT

to become a foster parent

Quote From: tresanbob

How do I become a foster parent? 
Hi, I'm an adoptive and foster parent.  How to become a foster parent depends on the state and county you live in.  First get into the phone book and call CPS (not the report child abuse number, the actual office).  If it's not listed try DSHS (Dept. of Social and Health Services).  In my phone book those numbers are in the local government pages.  Ask how to become a foster parnet, and your off.  They should send you information in the mail within a few weeks. Heads up though, If you pursue foster parenting you are in for an emotional roller coster ride.  To get approved is difficult.  There will be background checks, home studies, and lots of training classes with tons and tons of rules.  Once you are approved to foster and you get a "placement"  be prepared for the worst and hope for the best.  Remember these kids aren't "normal"  they have issues that will effect other children in your home.  It's a difficult road to travel, but it's worth it!!!!!!!!!!  I remember the first time I got through to our first foster child.  It was beautiful.  You will learn to love the "un-loveable" and fight battles you didn't know you had in you (not with the children, but with the legal system).  Also be prepared for when the children are moved from your home.  It is heart wrenching, especially if you disagree with the states decision (and many times you will).  I can honestly say that my experiences as a foster parent were filled with challenges and speed bumps, but I love every one of those children who were in my home, and I pray that I impacted their lives for the better.  It was hard, BUT WORTH IT!!  Good Luck!
 
October 3, 2005, 12:06 pm CDT

Foster Parenting

I'm a single foster mom, of a beautiful  little girl , she is now 22 months old she was a month old when I brought her home from the hospital. .  We had court in July 05 my attorney got the judge to see that Kayleigh is better off with us(my daughter which is 15 years old and myself) and to change DSS plans to termination of parental rights and adoption,  I had every intention of adopting Kayleigh. But we  just got out of court today 10-3-05 and I was told that on November  5, 2005 I have to give her to her distant cousins that just came forward to get custody of her.  They have only seen her a few times.  I found out by my attorney there is nothing else I can do.  I'm concerned about how Kayleigh is go handle all of this, we have such a strong bond, she has a very strong bond with my daughter, and with my entire family, we are the only family Kayleigh has ever known.  Can Dr Phil tell my what kind of impact this is going to have on Kayleigh, can this really mess her up emotionally?  

I'm not giving up I'm praying for a miracle 

She came into our lifes a year after my husband passed away so Kayleigh has brought us both back to life, she is a bright, loving , sweet little girl. 

 
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