Topic : Anorexia

Hello. First of all, I want to say I do understand what you are going through. I get soooo tired of fighitng I also find myself asking "is it worth it" all the time. To be honest, I haven't come to a conclusion yet. I am in treatment and yes it does cost an arm and a leg, and honestly my family and I cannot afford it, but I am only 19 and my parents haven't given up on me yet. I HATE how much treatment costs! Do you know how all the "experts" say that only rich people have anorexia, well no duh, the only people that can afford treatment are rich, so their only sample base is the rich people! My goodness, it is sssooo angering. I hate how residential is so expensive. My dream is to one day open an AFFORDABLE residential place for eating disorders. It is horrible and we are all dying. I feel like even thuogh I am not really practicing my ED really badly right now, I still die a little bit each day. It not only kills the body, but it kills the soul too. It is ssoo hard to keep fighting, and I am so proud of all your courage for continuing this fight, even though it would be so much simplier to give in and just let the ED take over. The only thing I have found to keep me fighting is find something, anything to hold on to. Something that keeps you going. Do you have kids? If not, find something like a dream to hold on to. I have spent so much time just wanting to crawl in a hole and die and now I am trying my damnest to hold on to my dream of helping others with anorexia someday; whatever helps you get through those toughest times is necassary. I am so sorry you are feeling so horribly. I wish there was something more any of us could say, but we all know there is not much you can say in this situation. All I want to really say is please hold on. Fear has pretty much taken over my life.....I am petrified to take the next step in this "recovery" process, but I've held on for so many years and I am still holding on. And you, my dear, have held on for many years also, you are a strong, couragous person, and please find something that motivates you to continue holding on because you are worth every bit of happiness that may come your way.  If you ever need to talk, know that I am here. I hope your day is going well :) (well, at least better than before) 

Julie 

Hi. I agree, it is horrible to not  be understood by those you care about. I am 19 and have had this for 6 years and the people around me are now just beginning to get it. I remember being younger and having my parents tell me "just eat" and all the other things that really HURT! I just wanted to say I understand what you are going through. Treatment is horribly expensive! It is honestly ridiculous! Maybe we should all contact Dr. Phil and get him to do a show on how expensive trying to get proper treatment for AN or BN is! It's crazy and it is not ok. So many of us are dying (well we are all dying when we are practicing our ED), and we are not able to get treatment because it is too damn expensive! So there's my rant for the day, lol. I am sorry things are so hard for you right now. Have the people around you been to any kind of family therapy? I know that's treatment, but some insurance companies will cover individual/family therapy for a certain number of visits. If you are lucky enough to find a good one it can be really helpful. That's not all there is to treatment though. Anyways, I'm sure you know how complicated and horrible anorexia is and all that matters is that you are hurting and it feels as if no one understands you. I know I understand where you are coming from and many of us on this board also do. Having people not understand does hurt; being misinterpreted is a horrible feelings and for that I am sorry. Please know that you can talk to us whenever you need to.  

Julie 

Hey there. First of all, I think I messed up when you added me on msn, I think I hit the wrong button, because your user name isn't on my contact list. Could you add me again?  

I just want you to know that you are cared about and I really am sorry you are having such a horrible time. Please know you are cared about.  

I know what you mean about not being able to wait to be able to crawl in bed, but also not being able to sleep. It down right is awful! During the day I just long to crawl in bed and curl up and cry or whatever; to me my bed feels safe; like no one can tell me to eat when I am safe in my bed. Is that weird?  

Please try and rest tonight. I know how exhausted you must feel right now; it feels like you probably just want to sleep forever. Please also know I am thinking about you and hoping your day is going a little better today. 

Julie 

try to allow yourself to tell someone now and get help now yiu don't want to get caught in this... i know ti is hard to tell bdut it is harder to live this way!!!   

I am a 20 year old college student that has been battling anrexia for over 8 years.  I have been to psychologists and nutritionist and have discovered alot but I have along ways to go.  I was told by a psychologist that I was OCD and it is obvious to me that she is right.  At first it was mild but I am feeling it becoming worse and worse.  I feel anxiety much more often as time goes on.  I feel stressed and tense all the time.  I am about to have surgery and recently thought to myself that it will be nice because I will be out of my own head for a while due to the anesthetic adn the pain medication for the surgery.  I think that is a problem.  I need a break from my own head.  I constantly feel so anxious that I want to scream or feel as if there is a huge amount of energy stuffed into a bottle wihch is my head.  Eventually it will explode but I don't know how to calm this storm.  The more anxous I get the harder it is to eat and the harder this lifelong battle becomes.  I have also previously had a problem with pill popping and self mutilation.  I am afraid that I will go back to this anytime because I may snap at any moment and fall apart.  Please, if anyone knows some strategies to fight this let me know. 

Hello. I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. I am a 19 year old college student who has been battling AN for 6 years........it is hell and I understand. First of all, I am sorry things are so rough for you right now. I know the feeling of just wanting to get out of your head. It's like the thoughts race and sooo much anxiety just builds up it has to go somewhere (I also use to self injure and it was when I got to that point, I just broke).  

Hmm....strategies to fight this. I am kind of at a point where I am still fighting but unsure of whether or not it is worth it. So far, I think it is worth it though. How do I fight the voices and the stress though.......I have just been beginning to pray when intrusive thoughts come into my head. I don't pray necassarily in a Christain sense but more of a spiritual sense. I'll give you the words I found that help me......... 

May the love, the light and the healing energies please come to me. 

May the love, the light and the healing energies please surround me 

May the love, the light and the healing energies please flow through me 

May the love, the light and the healing energies please heal all those around me. 

I found that on the internet and just loved it. I don't know, but right now when intrusive thoughts come into my head (I've also had a history with OCD) I have found that prayer to be helpful. Best of luck, and if you ever need to talk, we are all here for you :) 

Julie 

Hi Sarah. First of all, I am sorry you are having a rough time and I am sorry about that abusive relationship, those are never good for anybody. How long has this been going on for you? I mean the poor eating habits. If it hasn't been too long, please do anything to get yourself back on track. Anorexia is a living hell and anyone who is dealing with it would tell you that. I would not wish this on my worst enemy. This may mean confiding in someone you love because even if it has only been a few months it is still very very hard to do on your own. You will need professional help girl. Anorexia hurts, and I am sorry you are going through this. Please you may have to tell someone you love because trying to get back on track by yourself is really hard to do. Best of luck to you, and just remember we are always here if you need to talk. 

Julie