Topic : Anorexia

Hello. First of all, I want to say I do understand what you are going through. I get soooo tired of fighitng I also find myself asking "is it worth it" all the time. To be honest, I haven't come to a conclusion yet. I am in treatment and yes it does cost an arm and a leg, and honestly my family and I cannot afford it, but I am only 19 and my parents haven't given up on me yet. I HATE how much treatment costs! Do you know how all the "experts" say that only rich people have anorexia, well no duh, the only people that can afford treatment are rich, so their only sample base is the rich people! My goodness, it is sssooo angering. I hate how residential is so expensive. My dream is to one day open an AFFORDABLE residential place for eating disorders. It is horrible and we are all dying. I feel like even thuogh I am not really practicing my ED really badly right now, I still die a little bit each day. It not only kills the body, but it kills the soul too. It is ssoo hard to keep fighting, and I am so proud of all your courage for continuing this fight, even though it would be so much simplier to give in and just let the ED take over. The only thing I have found to keep me fighting is find something, anything to hold on to. Something that keeps you going. Do you have kids? If not, find something like a dream to hold on to. I have spent so much time just wanting to crawl in a hole and die and now I am trying my damnest to hold on to my dream of helping others with anorexia someday; whatever helps you get through those toughest times is necassary. I am so sorry you are feeling so horribly. I wish there was something more any of us could say, but we all know there is not much you can say in this situation. All I want to really say is please hold on. Fear has pretty much taken over my life.....I am petrified to take the next step in this "recovery" process, but I've held on for so many years and I am still holding on. And you, my dear, have held on for many years also, you are a strong, couragous person, and please find something that motivates you to continue holding on because you are worth every bit of happiness that may come your way.  If you ever need to talk, know that I am here. I hope your day is going well :) (well, at least better than before) 

Julie 

If there is anyone out there who has a sister with Anorexia I need your help. My sister is dying. She weighs 60lbs and is basically shutting down. She has had this disease for about five years now and it is destroying her. She is in denial of it all and refuses to get help.Her diet consists of mainly celery and a few other veggies. She has one glass of milk a day which is the only fat in her diet. She maybe gets 400 calories max a day but then walks it off.  

The problem is that this is destroying our family. I don't know how to deal with it because my heart is breaking and I know if I push she will shut me out of her life like she has to the rest of the world. How do I cope and still show unconditional love. She in my opinion is comitting slow suicide. Somebody please help me figure out what to do. I would love to have an intervention but I know it is in vain. 

Thankyou for your kind words. The problem that I failed to mention is that my sister is in her thirties and she somehow holds down a job. I don't know how she makes it through the day.Also my sister comes highly recognized by her co-workers for her job skills therefore her appearance is looked over. She looks so frail and has lost 50% of her hair. I would love for my mom to be able to get a court order to make the decisions but she is part of the reason my sister's disease has gotten out of hand. She tries to protect my sister therefore enabling her behavior to continue. They live together and my mom let's my sister control her in order to keep the peace. It is hard to be around them and not get frusterated. I am happily married with children of my own so it is hard because my kids love their Aunt. They I'm sure can feel the tention even though nothing is ever brought up when my kids are around. They do ask though why their Aunts hair is falling out, and my oldest asked me why her Aunt is so skinny but what can I say to that. I want to be truthful without being truthfull.The whole thing is a mess.What can I do ? 

I use to think that this wasn't going to be hard to get out of my life but after 5 years of trying and continuing to do this behind my husband and friends back it is time that I admit to myself that I may never be cured ..Sometimes I wish I was a Low down Drunk ..it would be easier to cure...To be a Friend of Bill W ..is Better than being a Anerexic alone ...You know for years I've told my friends and family that money can't buy happiness but I was wrong it can buy all the happiness that i want .  I want to wake up and not be afraid of food , I want to be able to look at it and think it doesn't want to hurt me. Julie I just wanted to say Thank You for writing to me and telling me to find a dream and hang on to it , you see you and I have something in common ...We want to live and help people with this Monster..I am 20 years older and more than that in Anerexic life and I hope you KICK THE DAYLIGHTS out of this MONSTER we have call our FRIEND for years , I am so happy to know that you are in treatment and getting help...I just wish I would have gotten the help I needed when first told " This is what you are"....An Anerexic...They told me I was slowly killing myself and too be very honest with you I Don't and Didn't understand how not eating and exercising  could kill me...They put me in a Mental Hospital with no one like me put me on pills and no one ever I feel ever dealt with a person like me before...But now many years later  like you said The Fear has now taken over my life ..One minute i'm ok and will seriously pick something out  to eat and then a few minutes later throwing out uneaten food and half the time i don't even cook it just threw it out, just trying to fool everyone. For years it was easy to be a anorexic why can't living with food be the same.  You know I wrote to Oprah a few months ago to see if she could ask her chef what scent triggers a hunger feeling and no reply I just figured she must talk to her chef while he cooks her meals I wasn't asking something i thought would interfer with her day, just asked a simple request and it just amases me that you sitting in treatment can reply so Julie again Thanks and Good Luck ..Remember it's not ONE DAY AT A TIME IT'S ONE MEAL AT A TIME, God Bless you through your Treatment and may Angels always guide you on this rough journey my friend.