Topic : Anorexia

sigh i am sooooooo confused!!!

Thank you both for all the kind words and support that you have given regarding our daughter.   I am going to call the hospital tomorrow and speak to  her therapist to see whats up.  Right now, I have no idea when she will be coming home.  I did have a talk with her last night for 5 minutes , this is all  

we are allowed while she is there, and vistation only 2 times weekly for 1 hour.  We could've visited her today but we don't want to cater to her while she is there.  Allt hese letters that i  discoverd when i ransacked her room last week said that she didn't want time with family and hated holidays so we feel we are giving her a break from us.  I did speak with the Nurse on Friday and  our daughter is trying to  rule everything there like she does at home.  She is going to have to learn she is not the boss of us and she can not be in control of us, we are the Parents here.   This ,  i'm not sure how long will take, i'll keep you posted..   

Thanks again for your support! 

  

For all the other people on here with Anorexia, I am so please    all is going well with you.  I will keep all of you in my prayers.  I've searched the web this weekend trying to find different articles on his terrible disease. Good luck to all of you.  I send my love to all of you! 

  

Love & hugs, 

Linda 

aka di sing 

  

I am 24 years old and a stranger in this body. I don't know who I am anymore. People say my name and it takes me sometime to respond because I don't know who that is? Whose name is that?!? 

I have taken 6 pills so far today, that being diet pills, and am shaking uncontrollably. I feel like I am ADHD because I cannot stop moving. I research books, desperate to find answers and I can't. i don't fit those profiles of people with eating disorders.  

I feel all alone. Nobody knows. Nobody cares. Nobody loves me. I am never good enough. What is wrong with me.
I need some pills 

I need some love 

I need to lose some weight 

someone hurt me 

someone please help me. 

I have been having problems most of my life. but they have gotten worse since feb. when my college professor sexually harassed me and the school did nothing about him hurting me. I can't stop hurting myself until the pain is gone. I keep punishing myself cause it feels like it is all my fault.  

I guess it is. 

it is hard to not see those things as our fault when they happen but they really aren't......  yeah i know all about the responding and not really being here thing......  i am also 24 and i to have no idea where i have gone who this person is all i know is i hate her!!  i want to disappear!!! i wish everything would go away!!!   

it isn't your fault it really isn't.... that is sad no one did anything about it.... i am sorry!! 

I agree with Rene.  It is not your fault!  And, as you know, diet pills can kill you.  I was addicted to them numerous times and even had to be hospitalized because of it.  And 6 is more than what the bottle says....so thats an OD.  I know what you are feeling now too....the side effects.  But they ruin your heart.....I am only 15 years old and I have an abnormal EKG....and as a result, I am at risk for a heart attack.....at 15!  Shows how quick the pills can ruin your life.  And I cannot even lead a normal life.  I had to quit cheerleading because the doctors said my heart would not be able to take the stress.  It sucks, so I really hope you can at least cut down slowely.  But I know how its something you feel you can control....thats why its so hard!  And lots of people with EDs feel they are not loved, important, or good enough.  Thats a symptom of an ED.  But really, I bet that is not the case.....I am sure you are loved and cared about and good enough to others.....we all are!  You sound like you do not love yourself and you are probably too critical about yourself.  But I think everyone hear on this bored has felt like that a lot.  And lots of ED sufferers have been ually assulted.  It is NOT YOUR FAULT!  He is a sick !  Sorry everyone, but I feel so strongly about that issue.  I have been ually harassed by my very own stepdad.  And my mom cared at first, but now she has "forgiven him" and everything is forgotten.  I did move out of my house because of him, but I am now back and its not fair.  Mom says in order to keep the family strong and in order, I must not tell anyone about it anymore....not even my own therapist.  It is so hard and I have to look at him everyday, but I learn to deal with it.  And I once did (and even still sometimes do) think it was all my fault....like I should have known better.  But it was not my fault!  And its pretty ty that the school did NOTHING!!!!  But usually, sad and sick enough, people don't do anything about it.  It took me a while to get it through people's heads what was going on.  But its tuff.  I really hope you will continue to post here and I want you to know that we are all here for ya, !!!  I really hope you start to do a little better.  And be careful!  Love, Ashley

***  sorry, the bored blocked out some of my words....lol.  Weird, but try to read it.  lol.  I hope you can understand wht I am tring to say.

Hello, I am new here. i am 28 years old. I have had various eating disorders for the last 13 years, beginning with a near deadly experience with anorexia. in the last 13 years I have only been free of any disorcer for only weeks at a time.  

I never knew what caused my ED until this year when memories of my past sexual abuse at the hands of my parents surfaced. I now know why i feel the need to hurt myself, or control SOMETHING as I can not control what has been done. 

Recently I have began to have problems with my eating. Although I am seeing a therapist, i always find daily talking about it helps it go away. so i thought i would come here. 

Does this ever go away? Does anyone actually recover? 

Hello. I just wanted to say welcome and I am glad you came here for support. We all need support and I am thankful you are reaching out. I know it took me years to reach out and actually talk about things also. I understand what you are saying about needing to control something and/or hurt yourself. I am like that too. It's like so many other things are out of control, but you always have your ED to turn to; always, for better or for worse. I am sorry to hear that this has been such a battle for so long for you. I have had anorexia for 6 years and I know how much living HELL an ED truly is. 13 years is a long time (I am sure you are aware of that, lol), but just know that I am sorry this has been going on for so long.  

To try and answer your questions now. I was actually talking about this with my therapist today. I was freaking out because I am afraid the anorexia is leaving me. She asked me "Is an alcoholic still an alcohilic even if he/she hasn't drank in 5 years? Is a diabetic still a diabetic even if they take their insulin?" That got me thinking, you can still have anorexia without having it be the sole thing in your life. So I believe recovery in a certain sense is 100% possible. I know how hard it is to see the light though. I have a friend in residential right now, and she said "Julie, there is light at the end of this tunnel, you just have to hold on and have hope." I believe it cannot hurt this bad forever, if it did no one would recover. I know how much it hurts. I know how much you just want it to go away. I know how incredably painful it is to simply wake every day. And please trust me when I say, it cannot always hurt this bad. I don't really know where I am at on this road of recovery, but I do know that there is light on the other side. You just have to hold on for dear life, because treatment is hell. You just have to remember that anorexia/any ED is not life. It is a life that is slowly killing you and you deserve so much better! You are better than your eating disorder. Just hold on......... 

Julie 

Hi, I just wanted to say that we are all here for you and I am sorry you are having such a difficult time right now. Please just hold on, it cannot always be this bad. 

Julie 

My knuckles are all cut up and calloused looking I think because of the purging. My stomach hurts so bad, but I can't stop. I weighed myself at my gym yesterday where I work. I had lost 8 lbs. since sat. and dropped my body fat percentage by 1.8%. That is only 4 days ago. I worked out anyway for 30 mins. which on the machines equals 90 mins. I took my heart rate for the minute and it was 186. That is WAY to high. But I can't stop. I am scared to death of dying and I know that I am slowly killing myself, but I can't stop. I don't want to face that fact that I am killing myself, but I don't know what to do.  

Nobody understands how good it felt to see the dramatic weight loss. I felt in control. I never feel in control.  

My adopted family made me eat dinner last night at Juan Pollo. I purged right after and saw how much easier it is becoming for me. I don't have to even try to hard anymore.  

I wrote Dr. Phil once awhile back, but I never sent the letter cause I was too scared. I didnt think he could help me so I gave up.
I am so hungry right now and I hate my body for doing this to me.
I wish I could be invisible.